Right now, the loneliness was almost too much to bear. However, this was a different kind of loneliness. A void that would be there until Roan decided to do something about it.
“It’s time to do something about it.”
SEG HAD BEEN IN BED for all of five minutes when his phone rang. He glanced over at the screen. A smile instantly formed on his face and his stomach dropped.
He hit the talk button. “Hey.”
“Hey,” Roan said softly.
“What’s up?”
“I don’t know.”
Seg settled back against the pillows, pretending it wasn’t weird that he was stoked at the fact Roan had called him. Nearly two months had passed, and Seg had given up on ever hearing from Roan again. “You doing okay?”
“Yeah. Tired, I guess.”
Seg could hear it in Roan’s voice. He sounded exhausted. “You been working a lot?”
“No, actually. I’ve taken some time off. I … uh … just bought a house. Moved in a couple of days ago.”
“Well, that’s got to be stressful. No wonder you sound dead on your feet.”
There was silence for a moment and Seg stared at the muted television. For two guys who’d spent only one night together, it seemed as though they were having a regular conversation.
“I am. Though, technically, I’m not on my feet right now.”
“Where are you?”
There was a brief pause before Roan said, “In my bed.”
Something in the way he said it had Seg swallowing hard.
“What are you doin’?” Roan inquired.
“Just sitting here. Watching TV.” Seg smiled. “In bed.”
“Really? On a Saturday night?”
Seg chuckled. “I’m not much of a partier, despite what you might hear. I spend a lot of time at home. During the season, we’re on the road so much, when we’re at home, that’s where I want to be. My place. You know?”
“Makes sense, I guess.”
“What about you? It’s Saturday night. Why aren’t you out?” Seg asked.
“Not big on the party scene either.”
“No?”
“Nah. I’m too old for that shit.”
Seg realized he had no idea how old Roan was. “And that would make you…?”
A rough chuckle sounded in his ear. “Thirty-three. Soon to be thirty-four.”
“Ah.” Seg grinned. “That is old.”
“Yeah?”
This time Roan laughed. A real laugh. One that made Seg feel lighter, but he had no idea why that was.
“You’re what? Twenty-seven?” Roan teased.
“Soon to be twenty-eight,” Seg corrected.
“Six years… Nah. It won’t be long until you’re in need of a walker.”
Okay, Seg really liked this side of Roan. The lighthearted side. It was a part of him Seg hadn’t had the chance to see yet.
“Yeah, well. When I need a walker, we’ll get you one of those hov-around carts.”
Neither of them said anything when the laughter died down. Seg wanted to say so many things, but he’d spent the better part of two months chastising himself for coming on too strong with Roan. Since Roan had called him, he would let him lead the conversation this time.
“I … uh… I really don’t know why I called,” Roan said. “I don’t mean that in a bad way. I just wanted… Shit.”
“What?” Seg asked. He wanted Roan to finish that sentence. “You just wanted what?”
“I don’t know.”
“Sure you do,” he urged.
“I wanted to hear your voice, I guess.”
Okay, so it was a damn good thing Seg was sitting down. “Come over.”
“I can’t.”
“Let me come over there.”
“I can’t do that either.”
Again, Seg noticed a hint of disappointment in Roan’s tone. There was something the man wasn’t telling him. Hell, there were a million things he wasn’t telling him.
Why was he so adamant? Was there something wrong with his new place?
Oh, fuck. Was he married?
Damn it. That had never occurred to him before now. It made total sense, even when it didn’t.
Rather than call him on it, Seg said, “Okay. I get it.” He wouldn’t push.
“No, you don’t.”
“Sure. We can talk. On the phone.”
This time the silence stretched for a few too many seconds, and Seg figured Roan was going to let him go. He didn’t want him to, but he wasn’t going to do all the chasing here. As it was, he had no fucking clue what he wanted from Roan; he only knew he wanted to see him again. One night hadn’t been enough.
“Can I tell you something?” Roan asked.
“Anything.”
“Never mind.”
“Come on,” Seg said, keeping his tone light. “You can tell me anything. What?”
When Roan spoke again, his voice was lower, gruffer. “I want to do more than talk.”
Instant boner. Seg’s dick roared to life as though Roan had said, “I want to fuck you up against the wall.” However, Seg pretended to misunderstand. “You mean like dinner?”
“No.”
Okay. “Tell me.”
“I shouldn’t be doing this. We shouldn’t be doing this.”
“What?” Seg wanted Roan to say it.
“Shit. I’m sorry, Seg. I—”
“Don’t apologize,” Seg interrupted, keeping his tone gentle. “Take a breath. No one’s forcing you to do anything. Why don’t I let you go? And tomorrow, you can call me again. And the next day. I like hearing your voice, too.” It was the truth.
“Right.”
“I’m serious, Roan.” Seg swallowed hard. “Sure, I’d like to get you naked and under me again. I’d jump on that in a second, trust me. But this is good, too.”
Roan laughed, clearly not believing him. “You’re right. I should go.”
“Just promise me one thing,” Seg added before Roan could hang up.
“What’s that?”
“That you’ll call me again. Whenever you’re ready to talk some more.” Or do other things. He obviously wasn’t going to say that part aloud.
“I will,” Roan confirmed. “Later.”
Seg didn’t even get the chance to say good-bye before Roan had hung up. But that was okay. Roan would call him again, of that he was certain.
Reaching beneath the blankets, Seg stroked his erection, his mind wandering to that night with Roan.
Damn, that’d been the hottest fucking night of his life. He still remembered everything Roan had done, the way his mouth felt on him, his hands.
Gripping his cock, he firmly stroked, his breaths coming faster, the pleasure taking over. What he wouldn’t give to be with Roan right now. To have the man’s lips wrapped around the head of his cock.
Seg pushed the blankets down, watching as his fist moved up and down his shaft, his thumb swiping the bead of pre-cum pooling on the tip. This was exactly what happened whenever he thought about Roan. He wanted one more night with him.
No, that wasn’t true. He wanted many more nights with him.
“Oh, fuck,” he whispered, his eyes darting to the TV, then back to his dick. “Roan … I fucking need you.”
Closing his eyes, Seg gave himself over to his release, his heart pounding, his chest heaving as he came down from that temporary high. Damn. He wished he could’ve spent more time talking to Roan, getting to know him. They didn’t have to simply have sex. Seg would be content with more. Did Roan think like that? About him?
What he wasn’t sure of was how this would play out. More importantly, he wasn’t sure whether it even could.
But he damn sure wanted to see where it went. Even if it was only temporary.
It seemed Seg had spent his entire life chasing happiness that he never could get in his grasp. No matter how hard he tried, how many women he dated, he’d never once come close to feeling this strange euphoria he felt when he simply t
alked to Roan on the phone.
There was something about Roan that was different. Something other than the fact that he was a man. Seg knew that was more about his own hidden desires than anything else, but he wanted to see this through.
Mainly because he got the feeling it was the only way he’d ever know how to be happy in every sense of the word.
Six
ROAN ROLLED OVER, GRABBING FOR his pillow to pull it over his head.
What the hell was that noise and why wouldn’t it stop?
He reached out to hit his alarm clock, wanting the damn thing to shut up, but then the sound registered. It wasn’t his alarm he was trying to ignore, that was Liam crying.
“Shit.”
He bounded out of bed and made a beeline for the kitchen, popping the lid off the formula and grabbing one of the water-filled bottles. Liam was eating more these days. According to the doctor, he was gaining weight nicely, which was a relief considering how tiny he’d been when he was born. He dumped the appropriate number of scoops, screwed on the lid, and started shaking as he went to Liam’s room.
It only took him three minutes to get the baby changed and settled with his late-night snack while Roan relaxed in the rocking chair he’d picked up last week.
God, he was tired. It felt like he’d been awake for a year, and he knew he’d gone to bed not long after he got off the phone with Seg. In fact, he’d forced himself to go to sleep, hoping he could forget the man who seemed to be flooding his thoughts these days.
Good news was he hadn’t been dreaming about Seg. Bad news, he’d been dreaming about Cassie. About the day they’d found out she was pregnant.
Closing his eyes while he rocked Liam gently, Roan let the dream bring back the reality of that day.
His phone was ringing and he knew it wasn’t time to get up. Hell, it felt like he’d only been asleep for a few minutes. Peeking through one eye, he peered at the clock on the bedside table. One twenty-seven a.m.
What the hell? He had only been asleep for a few minutes. About twenty, in fact.
Thankfully, his phone stopped ringing and he rolled again, only to come up short when the damn thing started the high-pitched shrill thing. Then he remembered, that was the ringtone he’d assigned to his sister Cassie. It was a mind-numbing reminder of how she was wreaking so much fucking havoc on his world.
“Yeah?” he grumbled into the phone, turning his head to the side.
“Roan, I’m at the hospital. I need you to get over here now.”
Roan bolted upright in bed. “What’s wrong?” he asked even as he snagged his jeans from the floor where he’d dropped them.
“You just need to come up here. I came in with a backache and… Roan, if you give a fuck about me at all, just get your lazy fucking ass up here.”
Yep, that was Cassie. The sweet little sister he’d once known had been long ago consumed by the raging bitch drug addict who he now found himself trying to take care of.
“What hospital, Cassie?” he bit out, swiping his wallet off the dresser and tucking it into his pocket.
“Brackenridge.”
Roan stopped short. “What?” Brackenridge was in Austin. A good forty minutes away. Why the fuck was…? “Goddammit, Cassie.”
“Fuck you, too, Roan. I didn’t ask for this shit.”
He ground his molars together to keep from saying things he would later regret. His only mission in life right now was to survive. He’d made it this far, doing his best to take care of Cassie and keep her from… Keep her from what, he didn’t know anymore. No matter how fucking hard he tried to keep her off drugs, she refused his help and did as she damn well pleased anyway. But, he was the only one in his family who was trying to help her. She’d burned her last bridge with their father, their stepmother was more than upset by all of it, and of course, Eva believed that Cassie could quit if she wanted to.
“I’m on my way,” he ground out.
Roan was tempted to call Cam and let him know what was going on, but the last thing he wanted to do was drag his friends into this shit. He’d managed by no small feat to keep them all out of it. To them it looked as though he was being the loner asshole he’d somehow managed to turn into recently—in no small part thanks to his sister. He wanted more than anything to confide in them, to get some help before he found himself too far under to dig himself out. Only they didn’t deserve the mountains of shit Cassie would rain down on them.
He knew there was only one fucking reason Cassie was at the hospital. Especially one in downtown Austin.
Vicodin.
The girl was looking for painkillers. She’d concocted this screwed-up scheme where she would walk into emergency rooms and complain of severe back pain. He didn’t even know what bullshit she fed the doctors, but every damn time, she seemed to score. Of course, she’d played Roan for a while, and he had filled the prescriptions for her, not making the connection. Then she’d done the same to their father until finally Roan caught on. Where she was getting the money to fill them now, he didn’t want to know.
After wrangling on a T-shirt, then pulling a ball cap on, Roan yanked on shoes and headed out to his truck. He estimated it would take a good half hour to get there with no traffic on a Tuesday morning. Which, unfortunately, would give him more than enough time to work up a good fucking mad.
He only hoped he didn’t lose his shit this time. Cassie knew exactly what buttons to push to get him dangerously close.
Forty-seven minutes later, after parking in a nearby garage and walking into the hospital, Roan was escorted back to one of the small, glass-enclosed rooms, where he could see Cassie sitting up in the bed.
She looked like hell. In the past year and a half, she’d dropped a significant amount of weight. Rather than buy clothes that fit her emaciated body, she continued to wear oversized T-shirts and shorts day in and day out.
“Hey,” he greeted when he stepped into the room.
As soon as she saw him, Cassie rolled her eyes. Roan knew she hated him. She’d made that abundantly clear on more than one occasion. She didn’t want him interfering in her life, so she did her damnedest to guilt trip him over every little thing. Her favorite was to let him know that he was a shitty brother because he’d been the one to cause their lunatic of a mother to turn tail and run because of Roan’s sexual orientation. According to Cassie, if he would just be normal and appreciate pussy, they wouldn’t have grown up without a mom.
The girl was ruthless.
Yet Roan still loved his little sister. He hated to see what the drugs had done to her. Hated who she’d become because of them. More than once, he’d considered telling her to figure her shit out on her own, that he was done. However, he’d never had the balls to come out and say it. It was bad enough that their sister, Eva, had written Cassie off. Eva had said that she did not want Cassie anywhere near her family, and by moving to Ohio, she’d made a point to ensure she never could be.
“What’s going on?” he asked, glancing at the machines she was hooked up to.
“I came in because of my back problems. I’m in a lot of pain. I was hoping they could figure out what’s wrong with me.”
He knew the bullshit was simply because there were nurses around. She didn’t have back pain.
“How’d you get here?”
“Cab.”
Roan didn’t buy it for a minute. “How’d you pay the cab driver?”
“Fuck you, Roan.”
More than likely, some fuckup she hung out with had dumped her at the hospital. Hell, the type of people she hung around with probably would’ve dumped her a couple of blocks away and told her to walk. But Cassie never bothered to tell him the truth. Roan heard every single lie for what it was.
“I knew I needed help. No one seems to know what’s wrong, but it hurts. I hurt all the time.” Cassie was laying it on thick because there was a nurse currently reviewing one of the machines by the head of the bed.
“They did some x-rays and some other tests,” Cassie con
tinued. “I thought they’d let me go with some meds by now, but then they asked if I had any family who could come up here to be with me.”
Roan frowned. That definitely didn’t sound like status quo for this situation. Glancing at the nurse, he saw that she was trying to make eye contact with him. When she nodded toward the glass door, he told Cassie he’d be right back and followed the older woman into the hall.
“Are you Cassie’s brother?”
Roan nodded.
“Your sister came in here earlier complaining of back pain. We’ve seen her in here before, a couple of years ago, for the same thing.” She peered back at the door. “It’s evident from her condition that…”
Roan didn’t say anything, not sure what the woman was getting at.
“We believe your sister’s addicted to prescription pain pills.”
Among other things, Roan thought. “And you had her call me here, why?”
“The doctor would like to speak with you. I’m going to page her and let her know you’re here.”
Now he felt like he was under scrutiny. “So, I’m here for a reason? Something other than my sister’s an addict and because she doesn’t want help, there’s little anyone can or will do to help us out? Because if the good doc wants to have a chat to let me know that my family should probably stage an intervention and get her some help, she can save her breath. I’ve heard it a million times. And we’ve done it twice that many times.”
The woman’s eyes softened, and Roan hoped she no longer thought his sister was living on the streets, strung out and ignored by her family. A lot of people assumed that, but it wasn’t the truth. Shit. Roan was practically paying her bills to ensure she had a place to live. The only thing more he could actually do would be to move in with her.
Heaven help him. He did not want to do that. Ever.
“Let me page the doctor. You really are going to want to hear what she has to say.”
Harmless (Pier 70 Book 4) Page 8