Yeah, right.
Even he didn’t believe that shit.
Didn’t mean he wasn’t going to take his own advice though. All in all, it really was the best thing for everyone.
Ten
Three and a half weeks later
January 5th
“FUCK!” SEG ROARED, GRIPPING HIS stick, tempted to break the fucking thing over his knee. The only reason he didn’t was because that shit would get him in some serious fucking trouble.
Plus, it would hurt like fuck and he was already dealing with what was, quite possibly, a broken finger.
Rather than make matters worse, Seg exhaled roughly, skated to the sin bin, then planted his ass on the bench and grabbed a water bottle.
He was going to have to get his shit together. The ice was no place for him to be losing it. Coach wouldn’t give a shit that he was stoking this fucking flame of anger that had been burning inside him since the day he’d tried to call Roan only to get his voice mail. Three fucking weeks ago. Coach wouldn’t care that Seg had left at least five messages since then and not once—not one fucking time—had Roan returned his call or texted him back.
Sure, Seg had made plenty of excuses for Roan. After all, it had been the holidays. He’d figured Roan was busy celebrating Christmas and New Year’s with his family. That was the reason he hadn’t called him back.
Right.
Because there hadn’t been seventeen other fucking days within that time frame when Roan could dial the goddamn phone.
Fuck.
It was exactly as he’d feared. Roan hadn’t been interested in anything more than one night. A goddamn meaningless hookup. And though Seg had agreed to that the first time around, he damn sure hadn’t signed up for it the second. If he’d known…
Fuck that. Seg knew that if he’d known he would never see or hear from Roan again, he still would’ve let him come inside. He wanted Roan with a passion that rivaled anything he’d ever known. Even now as he fumed after that bullshit penalty he’d received.
Glancing up at the clock, he saw there were only thirty-five seconds left on the two minutes he’d been relegated to the box.
Grabbing the bottle again, he squirted water in his mouth, swallowed, then put it back. By the time the clock was at the ten-second mark, he was on his feet, waiting for the door to open. It wasn’t that he was looking forward to the ass reaming he was going to get from Coach, but sitting here thinking about Roan wasn’t going to change a damn thing.
He knew—just like with everything else he’d wanted in his life—if he really wanted Roan, he had to make it happen. He couldn’t sit around with his thumb up his ass and wait for shit to happen.
The door opened and Seg shot out onto the ice, heading for the bench as the Arrows crossed the blue line. Someone else would go out there this shift while he sat and fumed a little longer.
That was the way it worked.
“THAT WAS A GOOD GAME,” Cam said, although he didn’t sound quite so upbeat.
“Yeah, if by good you mean shitty,” Roan offered, following Cam down the row of seats to the aisle.
“Yeah, they lost, but still.”
“Still nothin’,” Roan argued. “They looked like shit. Something’s off with them.”
“They look better than last season,” Cam countered.
“Agree. But they aren’t meshing out there. It’s like their timing is off.”
This was the same conversation—although it went either way—that he and Cam had after most Arrows games. Didn’t matter if they were watching at home or if they’d come to the arena. They hadn’t been able to go to many games this season, so when Cam called and offered to take him while Gannon and Milly babysat, Roan had been hard-pressed not to say yes.
Once they made it up the steps to the concourse, Roan fell into step beside Cam. He glanced up to realize they weren’t walking toward the doors they’d come in from the parking lot.
“Where’re you goin’?” he asked, feeling suddenly nervous.
“Phoenix told me to stop by after the game. Said he had something for us.”
Roan narrowed his eyes. “Well, I’ll wait for you outside.”
“Bullshit,” Cam snapped. “No way are you gonna miss seeing the players again.”
“Yeah, I am,” he confirmed, making sure Cam heard the unwavering tone.
Cam kept walking, but for some stupid reason, Roan didn’t stop and turn around. He continued to follow Cam. Maybe if he was quiet, he could disappear into the background and no one would know he was there.
Right. Because that had worked so well last time.
As they reached the area that led to the locker rooms, Cam slowed, his eyes scanning the crowd.
“Who’re you lookin’ for?”
“Mia,” Cam stated. “Phoenix and Tarik’s wife. Phoenix said she’d be here to take us back.”
“She’s short, man,” Roan said matter-of-factly. “You’re not gonna see her with all these people around.”
“Cam!”
Cam turned and cocked a brow at Roan, clearly telling him that he couldn’t possibly be more wrong.
“Hey,” Mia greeted with a smile. “You remember my husband Tarik?”
Behind Mia was her husband Tarik Marx. Roan had learned long ago, when you saw Phoenix, you generally saw Tarik, too. Apparently, the bodyguard/spokesman for the Austin Arrows was interchangeable when it came to which body he was guarding. It looked as though he was here for Mia’s protection tonight.
“Nice to see you again,” Cam said. “This is Roan Gregory. One of the marina owners and my closest friend.”
Mia shook Roan’s hand, then Tarik extended his. “Nice to meet you,” Roan said.
“Well, come on,” Mia said excitedly. “Phoenix put together some stuff that he thought you guys might like.”
“Stuff?” Roan glanced over at Cam.
Cam shrugged.
“You know, jerseys, pucks, sticks. Bunch of autographed stuff.” Mia shot them a grin over her shoulder. “He’s more than impressed by what Gannon’s doing.”
Cam nodded, but Roan simply stood there staring. When he didn’t inch forward, Cam looked at him.
“Gannon’s working with the children’s home. His company’s running a contest, and the kids are getting hands-on experience in developing video games. He thought it’d be cool to throw some hockey gear into the mix. He came up with the idea after they did a charitable event at Christmas.”
Roan had heard about Gannon’s company partnering with some local place, and he knew there were kids involved, but he hadn’t paid much attention past that. Gannon had always been involved with the community, especially when it came to kids.
“The Austin Arrows Foundation is thrilled to be contributing,” Mia continued, leading the way. “He said they had such a great time last year. Right now, he thinks the team needs something to take their minds off the game. Some sort of team builder, so he’s working to get them over to the home.”
Roan also knew about the Austin Arrows Foundation and all the charities they worked with, but he didn’t ask questions. He was secretly hoping they’d be able to slip out without anyone else seeing them. With all the commotion and people moving around, there was a possibility.
“He wants to get them over there ASAP,” Mia said, still walking. “He wants to get it on the calendar now. He gets antsy at this point in the year and he starts forgetting some things. He told me this was far too important to let slip by.”
Roan could understand that. With their current standings, the Arrows were well on their way to making it to the playoffs; however, they didn’t have much room for error, so they had to stay focused. With the new year well underway and the trade deadline coming up, it was easy to get caught up in other things. If they wanted it, they really did need to get on another hot streak. And soon.
Mia stopped in front of the doors to what appeared to be an office. Across the hall was the Arrows locker room. Or part of one. A set of double doors was o
pen and there were players wandering about, reporters with microphones rumbling question after question.
“Roan?”
Fuck.
Roan’s spine went instantly straight when he heard Seg’s voice. Knowing he couldn’t be rude, he managed to pivot around to face him. His smile wasn’t nearly as forced as he’d been planning. Seeing Seg was … better than good. In an effort to appear friendly, he offered a hand. “Hey. Good to see you again.”
Seg glared down at his hand, then met his eyes again. Rather than shaking his hand, Seg held up what appeared to be a bandaged finger. Roan instantly wondered if he was all right, but he didn’t ask questions. He sensed that Seg wasn’t in the mood to answer them.
“Yeah,” Seg said curtly. “Good to see you again.”
Roan had no idea what to think, except damn, the man looked good. He’d already changed out of his pads and skates, wearing an Arrows cap and a dark gray T-shirt stretched across his chest. He clearly wasn’t ready to leave, hence the lack of a suit. Roan knew the players left the arena in a suit.
“I need to talk to you for a second,” Seg said, surprising him. “Alone.”
Okay then. Roan turned back to see Cam staring at him. If he didn’t know better, he’d think there was a rueful smile on the man’s lips.
Rather than stand there and look like a dumb ass, Roan followed Seg down the hallway and closer to an exit door.
When they were out of earshot of the others standing around, Seg stopped but made sure his back was to the people down the hall.
“I tried to call you,” Seg said. Although his voice was pitched low, there was a distinct ring to it.
Roan could tell he was pissed and he was working pretty damn hard to hide it.
“I know,” he replied, trying to sound nonchalant. As though he didn’t give a shit that a previous hookup had tried to get in touch with him. Truth was, in every spare minute he had, he’d thought of nothing except for Seg.
“I’m coming by tomorrow,” Seg stated. It wasn’t a question; it was a flat-out statement. Almost like a threat. “I want to talk to you.”
“Can’t do that,” Roan told him, desperately trying to avoid his gaze.
“Tough shit.”
Roan met Seg’s eyes, holding them. He made sure Seg saw every ounce of defiance that had built up in him. No one was going to talk to him like that.
“I don’t want to see you,” he lied.
“Bullshit.” Seg’s voice dropped another octave. “But if that’s your stance, so be it. I’m still coming by so we can talk.”
Roan shook his head.
“It’s nonnegotiable, Roan.”
Roan took a step closer, getting right up in his face. “You want to play rough? You think you can threaten me? There’s a room full of people behind you who would be over the fucking moon to know a few things about you.”
Seg never moved; his gaze never wavered. “You want to threaten to out me? Fine. That doesn’t change a goddamn thing. You want to ruin my career? Have at it. That doesn’t mean I don’t have a few things to say to you.”
Shit. That threat didn’t work the way he’d hoped. It wasn’t like Roan would ever out the man anyway. That was his fear showing. Fear that Seg would find out things about him that he didn’t like, and Roan preferred that didn’t happen. He wanted his memories with the guy to remain untainted by anger or disappointment.
“See,” Roan grumbled, “that’s the reason I don’t answer your calls, Seg.” Roan peered behind Seg to ensure no one was listening. “I’m not gonna sign on to be anyone’s dirty little secret. Not now, not ever. You want to keep parading around with women so the tabloids will pick that shit up, that’s your business. But I’m not the man who will sit back and watch.”
That time his words did seem to surprise Seg.
And even though it was only a partial truth, Roan knew that was the excuse he was going to have to stick with.
Eleven
ALTHOUGH IT SOUNDED LIKE A legitimate reason for Roan to keep his distance, Seg didn’t buy it for a second.
Oh, sure. Maybe the guy wanted to live out and proud. Seg got that vibe from Roan. He got that vibe from all of Roan’s friends as well. They didn’t hide. They didn’t give a shit about what anyone thought of them. That was great and fine.
Unfortunately, it wasn’t that easy for everyone. Especially not for Seg.
Still, he wasn’t going to let it stop him.
“I’m still coming by,” he insisted. No way was he going to let Roan slip through his fingers one more time.
“Not an option,” Roan hissed. “I’m done, Seg. No more.”
With that, Roan brushed past him, bumping Seg’s shoulder as he did. It took everything in him not to put his fist through the wall. Considering it was made of concrete blocks, that would’ve been a tragic thing. Instead, Seg remained where he was, fuming. When he finally got some of his anger under control, he turned around to see Roan’s friend coming out of the office, carrying an armful of stuff. Seg watched Roan, who looked disinterested in anything that was going on.
Before the two of them turned to leave, Roan glanced once more down at Seg, and he held his stare. Seg was going to Roan’s place. Even if it meant he was going to piss Roan off. He deserved the chance to say something. And then, if Roan didn’t want to have anything to do with him. Fine. He’d go about his business.
Maybe if Roan would make it a little less clear that he wanted him, Seg might be able to buy his bullshit. But he’d seen it in Roan’s eyes. He’d seen the heat that flashed there. Roan wanted him. Whatever Roan was running from, Seg didn’t think it was entirely his fault.
He finished in the locker room, spending the required ten minutes on the bike, followed by a few calisthenics, then on to the showers. By the time he was dressed in his suit, the reporters had dwindled and the guys were leaving.
Seg grabbed his bag and headed out to the parking lot.
It had taken a little effort, but Seg had Roan’s address. He knew where the man lived, but he hadn’t had the guts to go see him yet. He considered waiting until tomorrow, going to the marina instead. But that was Roan’s place of business, and Seg had no intention of causing the guy any problems. He merely wanted a chance to say how he felt.
“See you at practice tomorrow, Seg,” Kaufman called out as he headed down the hall.
“Yeah.”
He should probably go home and get some sleep so he wasn’t dead on his feet tomorrow, but he’d had enough. No more running from what he wanted. If the world found out about him, so be it.
His phone rang as soon as he got in the Range Rover. He hit the Bluetooth button to engage the call.
“Hey, Ma,” he greeted, trying to be cheerful but failing.
“You okay, Seggy? How’s your hand?”
He sometimes wondered how his mother noticed everything.
“It’s good,” he assured her. Yeah, his middle finger on his right hand was broken, but the trainer had wrapped it, which was the best he could do. Being that he was left-handed, it wouldn’t be nearly as difficult to deal with as it could’ve been.
“Is it broken?”
“Yeah, but it’s good, Ma. Promise.”
“I was thinking I’d come down and stay for a couple of weeks at the end of January. I didn’t get to see you enough at Christmas.”
“I’d like that,” he told her, and it was true. Although he’d managed to get home for two days at Christmas, he hadn’t seen her since late October when they’d had games in Ontario and Calgary. Seg always made a point to visit her when they were in Canada, and he always looked forward to the times she came to visit him.
“Good. Okay, then. If you need to talk, you know my phone number.”
Seg didn’t say anything for a minute. He wanted to talk to her now, but he wasn’t sure what he could say.
“Seggy? Are you really okay?”
“No, Ma. I’m not,” he admitted, still sitting in his SUV in the arena parking lot.
/> “Want to talk about it?”
“Not really.” It was the truth. He’d rather talk about anything else.
“Does it have to do with that woman you were seeing?”
Seg sighed. “No, Ma. I told you, the women I’ve dated … they’re only friends.”
“I get the feeling that’s true,” she said, her voice soft, understanding.
He wondered if she knew.
“But there is someone?” she probed.
“There is,” he admitted.
More silence followed, and Seg desperately wanted to get the courage to tell his mother, but he couldn’t seem to find the words.
“Seggy, do me a favor.”
“Sure.”
“Breathe.” Her voice was soft, soothing, the same way it’d been his entire life. “Stop for a moment and simply breathe. The choices that you need to make aren’t as difficult as you think. I’ve never been prouder of you in my life. You deserve happiness in every aspect of your life. And if your next decision is what makes you happy, honey, then I say go for it. Do what’s right for you, because you’re the only person who can make that choice. I’m here if you want to talk.”
Seg felt his chest constrict. His mother had always been his rock. Her support was steadfast, unwavering, and that was something that had never changed throughout his life. “Thanks, Ma.”
“I love you, Seggy.”
“Love you, too.”
When his mother disconnected, Seg sat in the parking lot and considered her words. He could do this. He would do this. Nothing was going to change until he decided to make that change.
And he was ready.
More than ready.
AFTER PICKING UP LIAM FROM Cam’s, Roan went straight home. He took the time to bathe his son, watching the little boy grin and coo in the warm water. Liam was picky when it came to baths. Sometimes he loved them, others not so much. Tonight was a good night, though, and now his son was clean, fed, and sleeping soundly in his bed.
Roan knew he should probably get some sleep, too, but he was too keyed up to close his eyes. He couldn’t stop thinking about Seg’s threat to come by. No way could the man just show up. Seg had no idea where Roan lived, but he still worried.
Harmless (Pier 70 Book 4) Page 11