by Devon Ashley
I began to feel numb. And a little sad. Robert hadn’t forgiven me yet…and I began to fear he never would.
The next day, there weren’t too many patrons in the bookstore. I wanted nothing more than to take a break and have some much needed girl talk with Sophie, but for some reason my phone was getting zip in terms of a signal. Which, of course, played hell on my nerves in terms of Robert. If he sent me any type of message today, I wasn’t gonna get it in real time.
I relieved Lindsey behind the register and sulked in the chair, waiting on the next sale to approach. I spotted Evan reading from within the coffee shop, but the day passed with nothing more than quiet glances between us. It was like he knew I needed to be left alone today.
Where the hell was Robert? Sitting in class? Swim practice? I tried to call him twice this morning before my signal went kaput, but his cell went straight to voicemail. Or he cut me off to send me straight to voice mail. I knew I screwed up and that he didn’t owe me anything, but still…I loved him. Even if I couldn’t get him to forgive me and give us another chance, he was still my best friend. All the way up there with Sophie, and part of me didn’t know how to go on without that. I wished I hadn’t gone to Penn State that day.
But part of me knew I would’ve never not checked on Evan. He’d always hold a special place in my heart, just like Robert, and there was no way I’d refuse either one of them in that situation. I wasn’t trying to lead Evan on. I wasn’t trying to get his memory to return. It broke my heart to lose him two years ago. Just like it’s killing me to lose Robert now.
And slowly but surely, I was coming to the realization that I was losing Robert. And by some weird cosmic force of nature, I was gaining Evan back. So I could only hope that one day the stars would realign and Robert would come back to me too.
Thursday passed without an Evan spotting, and I had to admit, it saddened me a little not to see him. I knew he was slowly wearing me down, and surprisingly, I didn’t feel the urge to keep fighting all that much. I’d only held out as long as I had in respect to Robert, but now my bleeding heart was beginning to catch on to what my head figured out awhile ago. Either Robert was aiming to earn the Guinness World Record for longest held grudge, or he was gonna move forward in life without me.
Friday was turning out to be a ho-hum super exciting day too, and regretfully, Evan-free again. Did I run him off? And why did I even care?! My insides were ridden with anxiety tingles, thinking I had successfully chased off two guys within a one month span. Just super, Jenna.
The phone rang beside me as I spun on the barstool behind the help desk, trying to dizzy myself into incomprehension. Hey, don’t judge – dizzy was better than all the other queasy feelings I had going on inside!
I paused for a moment, giving the vertigo a second to calm, then answered the phone. “A Light in the Attic. This is Jenna. How can I help you?”
“Jenna! It’s Sophie.”
“Hey!” I burst, then slyly looked around for Mr. Rockwell, who didn’t always appreciate personal phone calls. “What’s up?”
“Girl, I’ve been trying to call you since yesterday. That mean ass recording said your number no longer existed.”
“Uh, yeah. I sent you an email this morning about that. No more service. All I have now is a really expensive paper weight.” My finger tapped the hard rectangular object still residing in my jean pocket.
Sophie was quiet for a moment. “I was afraid that’s what happened, but I didn’t wanna actually ask Robert if he cut your phone plan.”
“Well, I’m not his responsibility anymore. Paying for a phone plan I never wanted isn’t really required of an ex. Still, would’ve been nice if he added that tidbit to the text he sent me.”
“He sent you something? What did it say?” she asked softly.
“That he’s still not sure he can take me back, and that I should’ve pushed Evan away.”
Poor Sophie. I’m not sure I would’ve known what to say either. “I wanna come see you this weekend. Are you off?”
“I am Sunday.” I swept the store visually again for my boss.
“Alright, well, my first class on Monday isn’t until four, so how about I come tomorrow night and go back Monday morning?”
“That’s fine. But I should tell you I live in a matchbox that’s definitely considered roughing it for you.”
Warily, she replied, “I’m sure it’s fine.”
“And I only have a twin bed and a bathroom that’s smaller than the one we had at Pennington. Oh, and the wall is this nasty yellowish color. I’m still trying to figure out if it’s an actual paint color, or just white that’s aged over the years.”
“You know, on second thought, why don’t I just check us into a hotel for the weekend?” I snickered quietly, knowing that would be too much for her. “I’ll swing by the bookstore when I get in.”
“Okay. I work twelve to nine every day. Oh, and Sophie?”
“Yeah?”
“Do me a favor and call after five from now on. Rockwell leaves at that time every night, so it’s usually just me and Lindsey or Joe hanging around.”
“Alright. See you tomorrow then.” I was just about to copy her see you when she soothingly added, “Hey. Are you doing okay with this whole Robert thing?”
I sighed, blowing out a large puff of air. Sorta drearily, I said, “Yeah, I’m okay. I mean, I can’t blame him. None of this was his fault. I just thought he’d talk it out a little more than a single text message, ya’ know? I thought if I could get him to talk to me, I could…”
“Yeah, I know. Just don’t give up on him yet. He loves you. There’s still a chance he’ll change his mind.”
But the longer it took, the less likely we’d get back together. I fought the tears, and when I didn’t reply, Sophie probably knew why. “Just breathe, Jenna.”
I forced myself to smile, even though I was hiding behind my hand. My throat swelling and my voice cracking, I told her, “Just come give me a girl’s weekend okay? Maybe do a little drinking to ease my mind for a few hours.”
“And you mocked me for getting you that fake ID. You got it, girl. Now get back to work before you get fired.”
I laughed and swept the stray tears as we said our good-byes. No wonder bosses didn’t want employees taking personal calls. If I was one to indulge in mascara, I’d probably resemble a rabid raccoon right now.
I hated sale days. The third Saturday of every month, the store always had a ten percent off sale, and for some weird reason, a flood of people would storm the place. It’s just ten percent, people! It barely covered the tax. Luckily, the majority of patrons that took advantage of this lovely deduction had already come and gone by two o’clock, so the last several hours were your typical, calmer book hours, save a few screaming kids in the juvenile section.
At four, that familiar boy nestled into one of the bistro tables beside the coffee shop. He caught my gaze, but I was sure he already knew I was here, and his lips curled softly into a lopsided grin. He winked and I swallowed hard, suddenly realizing I was probably standing in the middle of the stacks with that doe-in-the-headlights look.
I made a detour before my seven-thirty break, surprised that he’d done nothing more than sneak peeks at me for the past three and a half hours. There had been plenty of opportunities to catch me between customers and he hadn’t done it yet. Like a moth to a flame, curiosity sucked me in.
Of course he was incandescently happy that I took up the chair beside him, and the wicked glare accompanying his grin meant he’d been hoping I’d cave and be the one to come to him. It was like he’d been waiting me out or something.
“Why are you here?” I asked.
“Why are any of us here?” he toyed.
“Why aren’t you at school?”
He turned his book upside down and laid it down. “Have dinner with me and I’ll tell you.”
“Tell me and I’ll consider having dinner with you.”
His eyes narrowed, thinking over my p
roposal. “No. Dinner first.”
I threw up my hands in an oh, well manner and uprooted myself from his table. I had to give him credit. He didn’t back down or change his mind as I walked away. I didn’t dare turn to see, but I could feel his eyes following me until I turned down an aisle and out of view.
Business was light, so I took an extended break until eight, just to drive him nuts wondering if I skipped out early through the back. But I was the one whose heart skipped a beat when the coffee shop came back into view. My feet became affixed to the ground, and surely my jaw fell all the way to the floor. Sitting beside Evan, lost in full blown conversations was…Sophie!
Like an ESP wavelength smacking her in the face, Sophie’s attention turned to me. Her eyes lit up with her super happy expression and she waved wildly, drawing Evan’s gaze to me as well, lopsided grin and all. Me? I just kept staring at them like a dumbass with my mouth open wide enough to house birds.
With slower, more determined waves and a head nod, Sophie beckoned me to join them.
Uh…hell no! What the hell was she thinking? Instead, my feet shuffled over to the help desk and I collapsed on the metal barstool. All I had to do was turn my head sideways and I could’ve seen them, but I didn’t dare.
Nope.
I didn’t see that.
My best friend and my former dream lover were not just sitting together at that table. They’d never even said hello to one another before.
So it was not possible.
I could see her image approaching through the corner of my eye, her winter wool coat a vivid blob of turquoise, and my head was shaking with disbelief long before she stood before me. “Sophie?” I asked, drawing out her name so she understood what I was really implying was what the hell were you just doing with Evan?
“Oh, come on, Jenna. Did you really think I wouldn’t notice him the moment I scanned the store? If you recall, I said he was a hottie the first time I saw him.” She placed her elbows on the ledge of my help desk and leaned towards me, filling the air around me with the sweet scent of rose petals. Her smooth, pink lips twisted and her blue eyes narrowed, and she secretly whispered, “You didn’t tell me Evan followed you all the way back to Rutland.”
“Who says he did?”
“Duh, Jenna! Whatever the reasons for him being here are, you’re one of them.” She glanced back toward Evan, flashing him a cool, innocent smile, which he returned before finishing off the rest of his coffee. She chuckled wickedly as Evan stood and tossed his cup away, shrugged on his heavy jacket, collected his book and headed in our direction. Keeping her lips slightly apart in a wicked smile, she mumbled, “Oh, Jenna. You’ve been keeping secrets from me.”
I would have denied, denied, denied, but he was too close to even squeeze in a whisper without him overhearing. He was looking at me while he approached but his gaze quickly shifted to Sophie.
“You ready?” he asked.
“Yep.” Sophie hitched her Gucci purse strap over her shoulder and threw me a tantalizing smile. Dumbfounded, all I could do was mutter a few incoherent syllables, totally lost for words. All smiles, she added, “Evan and I are gonna go down the street to that deli bistro and grab a soup for dinner and hang out until you get off. Want me to bring you back something?”
“Uh, yeah. My best friend’s sanity would be nice,” I snapped a little too hotly.
I wasn’t sure if he was amused or embarrassed, but Evan silently took his leave and motioned to Sophie that he’d be waiting outside. Then he waved me a friendly goodbye, draping his scarf around his neck. I knew he had gone once I heard the familiar squeak of the door.
“Sophie,” I practically berated. “What are you doing?”
“What you haven’t. You’ve got another hour to work so I’m gonna go to dinner and pick his brain for you. Anything in particular you want answered?”
I huffed, still a little flustered that my best friend was gonna go to dinner with the guy that used to play the lead role for all my dreamy romantic rendezvous.
“Don’t worry, Jenna. You close up shop and I’ll get the skinny on your coma boy lover.” Before she stepped out of earshot, she added, “Oh, and by ‘close up shop’, I literally mean the shop and not your girly parts, okay?”
Heat rushed my cheeks, panicking over whether or not anyone heard that. I quickly threw one of the small white rectangular notepads we kept stocked at the desk. It hit her on the back of the shoulder and a few of the pages fluttered as it plummeted to the ground. I twisted on the barstool so my glare could follow her all the way out, and of course she winked as she joined Evan out front. My heart sank a little as they passed the four floor-to-ceiling windows and disappeared out of sight. I knew nothing romantic was intended, it was just weird not being the one walking alongside him.
That last hour couldn’t have gone any slower. I swear the clock on the wall had to have dying batteries. Not to mention a straggler that took her sweet time making her way to the front after closing. Seeing as how her books were aimed for the sexually curious, I went out on a limb and figured she was too embarrassed to let anyone but me see her buy them. I kept my eyes down and the conversation minimal, as she pretended to read something on her phone anyway. Joe left after her and I locked the door behind them, then proceeded to count the money from the register.
Sophie scared the crap out of me ten minutes later, knocking loudly on the glass window nearest me. Letting her in, I quickly said, “Dish,” and headed back to the counter to finish closing.
She chuckled sweetly, enjoying my angst and agony. “He’s sweet. Had you never dated Robert, I would’ve told you to snatch him up faster than a pair of Jimmy Choo’s fifty percent off.”
“What do you mean, he’s a keeper?”
“He’s nice. Easy to talk to. Gorgeous to look at. Quite honestly, I’m a little surprised he’s even single.”
“Easy to talk to, huh?” I put the cash and receipts into the money bag and zipped it closed. I waved for Sophie to follow me to the back office to put the money in the safe.
“Doesn’t seem to have a problem talking with me, but let’s face it, my bubbly personality makes it easy for all to love.” She said it with an air of pretentiousness, but I knew Sophie well enough to know her words were just a tease.
“So do I wanna know what the two of you talked about?”
“Hmm…I’m sorry to say I didn’t get a lot of useful information. He has a gift of getting the conversation off himself. And once I took off my gloves and he asked about the engagement ring, I went all crazy wedding lady on him and couldn’t shut up about Jhett, the wedding, and yada yada yada.” I shook my head as the smile grew across my face. “Don’t you shake your head at me. You know I’m a fool in that department.”
I grabbed my bag out of my employee locker and guided her back to the front. “Not a fool, Soph. Just happy in love. I wish we all were.”
Sophie checked us into the same hotel Robert took me to for his birthday weekend getaway in high school. My insides soured and groaned, especially when memories involving the tub and bed started circling my head, but I didn’t have the heart to say anything. She was trying so hard to give me a cheerful visit, so I forced a smile and let her treat me to a spa day. The massage was awesome, and so were the hot stones they laid across my backside, but I just didn’t dig the mud baths, seaweed wraps, what-zits and who-zits and such. But it made Sophie incredibly happy, and I was hoping her aura would stretch its veil a little and cover me as well.
“Have you talked to your cousin yet about helping with all these maid of honor responsibilities?” I asked, breaking the silence in the steam room we were sharing.
“Yeah, she’s totally in. She did it for her best friend already so she knows exactly what to do.”
“She doesn’t mind taking on the work without the title?”
Sophie waved me off. “Pftt! Dana doesn’t care. She’s one of those overeager, the bride-better-watch-out-’cause-she’ll-totally-take-over kind of girls.”
>
“You do realize you’re the bride in that scenario, right?”
She giggled and replied, “Don’t worry. I’ll keep her in line. Nothing will happen at this wedding without my say-so, and I’ll make sure whatever she does for you is good too.”
Feeling a little better about bailing on those lovely responsibilities, I lay down completely on the bench and took in a deep, steamy breath. I would’ve thought the air in here would choke me, but it was surprisingly soothing as it passed through my lungs, like honey on a sore throat. I could just feel the tension melting away and leaking through my pores. “Sorry about that, Soph. I honestly have no idea what to do. I’ve never even been to a wedding, so having me do all those things…I’m freakin’ clueless and I don’t wanna mess up your wedding.”
“That’s alright. You can make it up to me by not going out with Evan.”
My head jerked upright, barely seeing her shaded form through the steam. “What?”
Her head turned in my direction, but her features remained a blur. “He’s in to you, Jenna. Big time. I could see it in his eyes, hear it in his voice whenever you were the topic of conversation. And I know he’s here to get you back, but you can’t let him in. If there’s even a chance Robert will take you back, and you’ve been with Evan…”
I sat all the way up and took a moment to myself. I had already been debating that before Sophie even arrived. Slowly, but surely, Evan had been breaking down my defenses, but a part of me still feared opening that door beyond that crack.
“Trust me, it’s occurred to me already. He asked me out and I said no, but he’s been hanging around ever since. I feel like he’s waiting me out or something.”
“Probably is. And the way he asked me about you and Robert…he’s definitely interested.”