“So,” Bernie said, “you decided to hide behind the sofa instead of coming to get us. That makes no sense at all.”
“I was scared,” Ralph explained.
Bernie pointed to herself and Libby. “Of us? You were scared of us?”
“I thought you might be my aunt’s murderer, coming back to look for something, and that if you saw me, you would kill me, too,” Ralph stammered out.
Bernie snorted. “Ralph, I’m disappointed by your lack of creativity. At least if you’re going to make up a story, make up a good one.”
“It’s the truth,” Ralph exclaimed. He held his hand up again. “I swear.”
“And you didn’t recognize our voices?” Bernie asked, shaking her head. “We’ve been calling for Susie for the past five minutes.”
“I told you. I thought you might be Susie’s killer,” Ralph told her, repeating his previous statement. “In fact,” he said, rallying, “how do I know you’re not?”
“Seriously?” Libby asked. She was beyond incredulous. “And why would you think that? What possible motive would we have?”
Ralph moved his head from side to side. Libby thought he looked even more miserable than usual. “I don’t know.” He readjusted his glasses and studied the carpet he was standing on. After a minute, he looked back up. “Okay,” he confessed. “I guess you could say I panicked.”
Libby echoed his words. “You guess, Ralph?”
“Okay, I panicked.”
“Because you’d just killed your aunt? That would certainly make me panic,” Libby observed in a kindly voice.
“No.” Ralph’s face flushed. He stamped his foot on the floor, like a child having a tantrum. “I didn’t say that.”
“Then what did you say?” Bernie asked, a look of concern on her face. She leaned in closer. “Tell me. I really want to know.”
Ralph waved his hands in the air. “I am telling you.”
Bernie gave him her best “You can trust me” smile. “Tell me again, Ralph, because I’m not getting what you’re saying.”
“What I’m saying,” Ralph said, his voice cracking in frustration, “is that I’ve never seen a dead person before, let alone one that’s been . . .”
“Murdered,” Bernie said, finishing Ralph’s sentence for him.
Ralph balled and unballed his hands. “I didn’t do this,” he cried, his tone alternating between fury and helplessness. “You’ve got to believe me. I’m telling the truth.”
Strangely enough, Libby thought he was, although if you had asked her why, she couldn’t have told you. “It’s not me you’re going to have to convince,” she told him.
“Or me,” Bernie added. “It’s the police, and I gotta tell you, it ain’t gonna be easy.”
Ralph took a step closer to Bernie and Libby. “That’s why you have to help me. You have to find out who did this. Otherwise, I’m a boiled duck.”
“Cooked goose,” Bernie said, absentmindedly correcting him.
Ralph put his hands out. “What are you talking about?”
Bernie explained. “The expression is ‘cooked goose.’ Otherwise, I’ll be a cooked goose.”
“I don’t care if I’m going to be a roasted squirrel,” Ralph cried.
Bernie was about to say she’d eaten squirrel several years ago, and she wouldn’t recommend it roasted or otherwise, when she thought she heard something. “Shush,” she said.
“Why?” Libby asked.
Bernie held up a finger. “Listen,” she said. “Don’t you hear it?”
Libby cocked her head. “Hear what?”
“The creak, Libby.”
Ralph nodded. “I do. It’s the front door opening. My aunt has been after me to oil it for weeks.”
Then they heard voices, followed by the thud of the front door closing and the sound of cats meowing.
Chapter 9
Libby, Bernie, and Ralph stood there listening while Boris rubbed up against their legs.
Someone called, “Susie, are you here?”
“It’s Allison,” Libby whispered as she picked up Boris and rubbed his ears. He began to purr.
Bernie nodded. “I know.”
“She’s probably in the study,” someone else suggested.
“And that’s Charlene,” Libby mouthed.
“Let’s look in the den first,” a third person said. “Sometimes Susie likes to stay in there.”
“Grace,” Ralph noted as Boris’s purring grew louder.
“She could be taking a nap,” a fourth person suggested.
“That’s Marie,” Bernie and Libby said together as they heard a couple of meows coming from outside the study and the scribble scrabble of claws on the hardwood floor.
“She never sleeps in the daytime,” Grace responded.
Bernie put a finger under her nose to stop herself from sneezing. “Looks like the gang’s all here,” she observed. “Except for Mrs. Van Trumpet.”
“Which is interesting on several different levels,” Libby said as Boris turned around and tried to bite her. “Not fast enough,” she told him as she put him down on the floor. He waved his tail from side to side, jumped up on Susie’s desk, and began to groom himself.
“Is it interesting that Mrs. Van Trumpet isn’t here or that the others are?” Bernie asked her sister.
“Both,” Libby replied.
Ralph pointed to the hallway. “Shouldn’t we go out there and tell them what’s happened?” he asked.
“And call nine-one-one,” Libby added.
“I want to see their reactions first,” Bernie said.
Ralph chimed in with, “Seems like a good idea to me.”
Bernie pointed to a partially hidden alcove on the other side of the hallway. “We can hide in there.”
Libby shrugged her shoulders. “Fine.” She was too tired to argue. So Bernie, Libby, and Ralph stepped inside and settled down to listen. Charlene was the first to speak.
“Susie,” she called out a couple of moments later. “Why isn’t she answering?” she demanded when there was no answer. Libby decided her voice had a peevish quality to it.
“Maybe she has her headphones on and she can’t hear us,” Grace suggested.
“Some wedding this has turned out to be, not that one should dignify that word with this travesty,” Allison groused. “Speciesism at its worst. And after forcing us to attend this misbegotten thing, the least she could do is conduct herself like a proper hostess. Just because someone has money doesn’t make them less of a bozo.”
“She doesn’t talk to people. She talks to cats. Or have you forgotten?” Charlene shot back.
“Works for me,” Marie said. “The less I have to do with Her Majesty, the better.”
“I don’t think she means any harm,” Grace said.
“What do you mean? She filed an official complaint against me with the CFA, or have you forgotten?” Marie demanded of Grace.
“Yes, but you did it first,” Grace replied. “She told me so.”
Marie stood up straighter. “I may have brought up a few questions about your aunt’s cats’ lineage, but I certainly never made an official complaint.”
“That’s not what she said,” Grace told her.
Marie snorted. “Well, she was lying. First, she came to me and asked me to withdraw my Svetlana. She said she was giving me the chance out of the goodness of her heart!” Her voice quivered with outrage. “And then, when I said no, she went to the CFA. At which point I started doing research on Boris and Natasha.”
“Even if what you’re saying is true—and I’m not saying it’s not—I think it’s better to try to forgive, don’t you?” Grace told her.
Allison snorted. “You always were a mealymouthed hypocrite,” she told Grace, “and you always will be.”
“That is so unfair,” Grace squawked.
“Come talk to me after you’ve spent two months in jail,” Allison said. “Then talk to me about forgiving.”
“But you had to know Susie was g
oing to retaliate when you tried to free her cats.”
“Yeah, but I didn’t know old Judge Munson was in her pocket.”
For a moment there was silence, followed by the yowl of a cat, a muttered curse from Marie, and the sound of something breaking.
“Are you all right?” Charlene asked.
“Fine,” Marie muttered.
“Susie’s not going to like that,” noted Grace.
“Ask me if I care,” Marie retorted.
Libby was wondering what had broken when the quartet came into view.
“So where have you guys been?” she asked.
“Looking for the cats,” Charlene said. “Of course.”
“Of course,” Bernie echoed. “Together?”
Charlene laughed. “No. Of course not. We just happened to all get the same idea at the same time.”
Marie nodded. “I just figured that since I didn’t see you guys or Susie, you must have found the cats.”
Grace, Charlene, and Allison nodded.
“So, did you?” Grace asked.
“What?” Bernie asked.
“Find the cats,” Allison said.
“Yes, we did,” Bernie told her. “They’re all safe and sound.”
Grace clasped her hands together and looked heavenward. “Thank God for that.”
The expression “Butter would melt in her mouth” popped into Bernie’s head.
As Libby watched the women, she wondered where they’d been. Certainly, none of them looked as if they’d been crawling through the undergrowth or shimmying up trees. What had they been doing for the past three hours? Aside from killing Susie. Libby clicked her tongue against the roof of her mouth as she tried to decide.
“Is Susie in there?” Charlene asked Libby as Charlene headed towards the study door.
“In a manner of speaking,” Libby replied, which was more or less true.
Charlene snorted. “Listen, either she is or she isn’t. I am not in the mood. It’s been a tiring afternoon, and I have a few things, a few very important things, I have to discuss with her.”
“Don’t we all?” Libby replied, stirring the pot.
“At least all the babies are back,” Grace noted. “Thank God for that. I can’t imagine what would have happened if you didn’t find all the kitties.” She wrinkled her brow. “You did find them, didn’t you?”
Libby nodded. “My sister just said we did.”
Charlene snorted. “Remember, we saw them, Grace.”
“I’m just making sure, Charlene,” Grace replied as Allison brushed by Libby and went inside the study. Everyone else followed.
Ralph started to say something to her, but Bernie squeezed his arm and shook her head. Ralph swallowed his words and instinctively stepped behind Libby. Bernie glanced down at her watch, wondering how long it would take for the first scream. She figured a couple of minutes. She was wrong. It took less.
Chapter 10
Bernie watched Allison as she walked over to Susie. “Hey,” Allison said. Then she took one look at Susie and started to scream. The sound filled the room.
“What’s the matter?” Marie asked, running over to Allison. “Oh, my God, Susie’s dead,” she gasped out when she saw what Allison was looking at.
“Yup,” Bernie couldn’t resist saying. “She certainly is.”
“I don’t believe it,” Charlene said, while Grace moaned, “Oh no. It can’t be.”
Libby, on the other hand, didn’t say anything. She just stood by the door, folded her arms across her chest, and watched everyone’s reactions. Given the situation, everyone appeared to be appropriately shocked, but then again, Libby reflected, what had she expected? The murderer would have had time to prepare him- or herself.
The thing she found the most interesting was that Grace and Charlene had stayed far away from Susie, while Marie and Allison had run over to her. Maybe that meant nothing. Maybe it was as simple as Grace and Charlene were more squeamish. Or maybe it meant that one of them was guilty and didn’t want to get near the person they had killed. Or maybe Marie and Allison had run over to make sure they hadn’t left any incriminating evidence behind. Libby sighed and uncrossed her arms. Or maybe, and this was probably it, she was just trying to read things into the scene that weren’t there.
“Oh, my God,” Charlene said after a minute had gone by. Then she repeated herself about not believing it as her eyes darted this way and that. “I really can’t.”
“Me either,” Allison said, and she started to cry, big gut-wrenching sobs that filled the room and, given what she’d just said about Susie, struck Bernie and Libby as genuine as a three-dollar bill.
“Oh, do be quiet,” Charlene said to Allison after another minute had gone by. “You’re giving me a headache.”
“How can you be so heartless?” Allison demanded between sobs.
“Seriously, knock it off,” Charlene replied. “You hated her.”
“It’s true we had our differences, but I didn’t hate her.”
Charlene snorted and rolled her eyes. “Tell me another one.”
“And even if I did, which I didn’t,” Allison replied, “Susie was a human being. She didn’t deserve to die this way. No one does. Have some decency, for heaven’s sake.”
Charlene rolled her eyes again. “Will you please shut up!”
“There’s no need to speak to me like that,” Allison shot back. By now she’d stopped crying.
“Sorry,” Charlene replied, although judging from the expression on her face, she clearly wasn’t.
Allison sniffed bravely, took a tissue out of her bag, and dabbed at her eyes. “There,” she said. “Are you happy now?”
“Yes, I am,” Charlene told her, taking care to avert her gaze from Susie.
Allison placed her hand over her heart. “Don’t you care?” she asked Charlene, all quivery sincerity. “Don’t you care at all?”
“Of course I care,” Charlene responded. “Which is more than I can say for you.”
Allison drew herself up, outrage written across her face. “How can you say something like that?”
“Simple,” Charlene told her. “I just did. You called her white trash not more than five minutes ago. Or at least words to that effect.”
“But I didn’t mean it.”
“Then you shouldn’t have said it,” Charlene said.
“Like you never say anything bad about her,” Marie told Charlene.
Allison pointed to Susie’s body. “I knew this would happen. I knew it,” she said, changing the subject. “I told her that bad blood breeds bad blood. I told her about karma, but she wouldn’t listen.”
Then Allison turned to Ralph, who’d been standing with his back against the wall, looking as if he’d rather be anyplace but there, and pointed an accusing finger at him.
“He’s the one you should be blaming, Charlene,” Allison intoned. “My God, look at him. He’s covered in Susie’s blood.”
Ralph began to explain, but Allison cut him off before he said five words.
“Why did you do it?” she demanded, shaking a finger in his direction. “I know your aunt was a hard person to get along with, but still. Murder? You could always have left your job and gotten another one. There’s never any need for violence.”
Ralph’s head snapped up. He took a step toward her. “Don’t you try to palm this one off on me,” he said, Allison’s accusation seemingly energizing him.
“You’re covered in her blood,” Allison repeated. She shivered. “How do you explain that?”
Ralph gulped. Two red spots appeared on his cheeks. “I was trying to see if my aunt was alive.” He pointed to Libby and Bernie. “Ask them.”
“That’s ridiculous. How could she be alive with a letter opener stuck in her throat?” Marie demanded, joining in with Allison. “Tell me that.”
“Don’t answer that, Ralph,” Grace directed before turning to Marie and Allison. “You leave my brother alone,” she told them. “I’m damned if you’re goin
g to pin this thing on him.”
Allison put her hands on her hips. “So, what are you saying?”
Grace leaned forward. “You figure it out.”
Allison pointed to herself. “Are you saying, I did it?”
“If the shoe fits and all that,” Grace shot back.
“What about the blood on your brother’s shirt?” Allison asked, waving a hand in Ralph’s direction. “How do you explain that?”
“You heard what he said,” Grace responded. “He doesn’t have to repeat it. In fact, he doesn’t have to tell you anything.”
“You probably helped him,” Charlene said to Grace, jumping into the fray.
“What an awful thing to say,” Grace cried. “I did no such thing.”
“It makes sense to me,” Marie said. “After all, Susie made your life a living hell, too.”
“What about you?” Ralph said, pointing at Marie. Then he gestured at Charlene and Allison. “You all hated her. Don’t think we don’t know that. She told us. The only reason you’re here is that she threatened you. She said, ‘Jump,’ and you asked, ‘How high?’ ”
“No. That’s you, not us,” Marie spit out.
“Not true,” Grace said.
“Oh yeah?” Marie retorted. “Then why are you two wearing those ridiculous outfits?”
“Ha,” Marie said when Grace didn’t answer. “You have nothing to say, do you?” she demanded as she waved her hand in the air, as if she were batting at an irritating insect.
Ralph leaned forward. “Then, Miss High-and-Mighty, tell us where you were for the past three hours?” he asked.
“We were looking for the cats,” Marie told him.
“I didn’t see you,” Grace said. She gestured at the three women. “Any of you.”
“Maybe that’s because you and your brother weren’t there,” Allison retorted.
“Yeah we were. You didn’t look hard enough,” Grace told her.
“Yeah. I did,” Allison said. “And you guys weren’t there. You guys just disappeared.”
“Are you calling me a liar?” Grace demanded of Allison.
“Well, she’s not calling you the queen of the Nile,” Marie snapped.
A Catered Cat Wedding Page 6