“I suppose so. I guess I wouldn’t know.” Carly looked down, tucked her hands into her back pockets and kicked at the dirt.
“Carly?” Luke waited for her to meet his gaze. “I know you decided to take Dustin on because you felt guilty that you hadn’t looked after Era, but did you do it, partly at least, because he’s the age our son would have been? Even has black hair and dark eyes like you?”
She shrugged. “Maybe, partly, but he needs a home, stability, especially now that his mother doesn’t want him. He’s a good kid, really. You should see him with Era. He’s very sweet.”
“So, he’s got that going for him, at least. Anyway, like I said, I’ll come over in the evenings and keep him...positively engaged so you can work out here.”
Carly turned away, hunching her shoulders for a moment before she straightened her back, squared her shoulders and said, “I appreciate everything you’ve done to help me with him, but I don’t think it’s a good idea for you to be here every evening...”
“My dad spooked you, didn’t he?”
Her lips drew into a grim line. “I was surprised to see him, that’s all.”
“I was surprised he came into your shop, but I knew he’d be around at some point. He can’t let go of any project, even one he’s told me is all mine.”
Carly rubbed the back of her hand across her forehead, leaving a streak of dirt behind. “I clearly recall he was very controlling.”
Luke pulled down his jacket sleeve to cover the heel of his hand and used it to wipe off the dirt. “I promise I’ll keep him away from you.” This time, he added silently.
She nodded. “Thank you.”
“Carly, I never really knew what he said to you before you left. I assumed it was the same thing he said to me, that I needed to marry someone who could do my career some good. That was never what I wanted, and he was just mad because we’d gotten married without telling him.”
“He always seemed to be mad, at least at me.” Carly shook her head. “No. I never really said what he told me, but it was pretty much the same thing, and it doesn’t matter now. At the time, you and I weren’t talking much. Then Gemma and Lisa came to see me, and I realized I wanted to go home, be with my parents. Gemma told me later, after she became a midwife, that my desire to get away was normal, that I had severe postpartum depression.” She looked up. “I came home because I needed to heal. I’d just lost a baby.”
“I know. I’d lost one, too.”
“True knot,” Carly said in a tone so low he could barely hear her. “Did you know that’s what it was called?”
Her throat was working as if the words were fighting to come out. His gut clenched and he fought down the sickness that rose in his throat. “Yes. I know. I did research on it...afterward. The baby twisted and turned so much in the womb that he tied a knot...”
“In the c-cord.” The word lurched from her. “He...never had a chance, but he moved so much, was so active... Do you think I could have stopped him? Calmed him down somehow?”
She looked at him with naked sorrow drenching her eyes. Her bottom lip trembled. The expression on her face was such an echo of the pain he’d caused her, his conscience kicked at him.
“I’ve seen other women do that—put their hands on their bellies and rub or pat their babies until they settle down. I tried that, but it didn’t work very well. He...he was always so active.”
“Oh, Carly, it wasn’t your fault,” he said, wishing he could take this pain from her, and from himself, to be finished with how sorry he was, how guilty he felt. But it was always with him, and now he knew it was always with her. Tenderly, he cradled her chin and closed the gap between them, covering her mouth with his.
He absorbed her soft gasp of surprise, then reveled in her warm response as she pressed her lips to his and lifted her hand to the back of his neck. Before he could put his arms around her, though, she pulled away, lowering her head, stepping back. “We...we can’t, Luke.”
“I’m sorry, Carly. I didn’t...plan that.”
She cleared her throat. “It’s okay,” she said, looking up. Her lips still trembled but she tried to smile. “At least you shaved this morning. It wasn’t like kissing a toothbrush.”
He laughed and the awkward moment passed. But the rattling storm of feelings remained.
* * *
PRESCHOOL MATH, DUSTIN THOUGHT, his disgust growing. He’d learned this stuff a year ago—more than a year ago—when one school, he couldn’t remember the name of it, had put him in beginning algebra as soon as that particular foster mom had enrolled him and he’d been tested. He wished they’d test him again. He liked the look of shock on their faces when he didn’t turn out to be stupid.
Stupid was what his new best enemy, Brando Poster, thought he was. Brando. What a dumb name. Where did that come from? Did his mom just chop the n off Brandon so her kid would sound cool?
The big kid with the mean eyes was anything but cool.
They’d been in three classes together today, and he knew the guy was going to grab him as soon as class was over. Brando had tried to get close enough to bully him at lunch, but the aide had spotted him and moved in so Brando couldn’t make a move. Dustin figured she’d seen how the guy worked.
Brando didn’t know he’d already spied a way out. When he’d been in the office this morning, the principal’s door was open and he’d seen another door beyond that one—a door he was sure would lead outside. He would use it. He could get past the secretary. Dismissal at any school was too busy for her to keep an eye on everyone who came into the office. If the door had an alarm on it, he’d run and if they caught him, he’d say sorry, that he got lost and was scared by the alarm.
Of course, he’d have to watch out for the principal. He’d seen a lot of principals. They almost always were out of their offices at dismissal time, watching the kids, teachers, parents. Whether it was the principal or Brando, Dustin didn’t think he’d have any trouble getting away. He was smaller and quicker. He was supposed to meet Carly a couple of blocks away so she could take him to the hospital to see his grandma. Carly didn’t want to get stuck in the traffic jam at the parent pickup area so she had showed him where to meet her. He planned to be there.
As soon as the bell rang, he was out the door, but he hadn’t counted on his unfamiliarity with the hallways, and the increased traffic of kids, slowing him down. Apparently some of the high schoolers exited through the middle school. The sudden influx of kids meant he could barely move.
He got caught up in the crush and was pushed backward to where he’d started. Struggling to move, he made a wrong turn and came face-to-face with the one he was trying to avoid.
Brando grinned as he stepped out from the gap between two banks of lockers. He reached out, quicker than Dustin expected, and grabbed the front of his new shirt.
“Hey, new boy, where you goin’?” he asked, tightening his fist.
“None of your business. Let go of me and get outta my way.” Dustin tried to back up while peeling Brando’s fingers off his shirt, but there was a solid stream of bodies behind him. He couldn’t move or join the departing crowd with Brando holding him.
The bigger boy pulled him closer. “Uh-uh. We don’t like new guys around here.” He lifted his hand and made a fist. Dustin tried to duck away but felt himself pressed up against someone who placed a hand on his shoulder.
Before Dustin could even begin to deal with this new threat, Jay Morton said, “I don’t know what you think you’re doing, Brando, but it’d better stop. Let go of him.”
Brando looked up and his eyes widened as his hand opened. Dustin jerked back, trying to get away from Jay, even as he wished he could see what Brando was seeing. Brando was big, but Jay was a lot bigger.
“You picking on the new kid?”
Brando’s mouth turned down as he tried to lo
ok innocent. “Nah, Jay. Not me. I was just...saying hi.”
“I don’t think you were. I think you’re picking on the new kid, and I think it better stop.”
“Uh, yeah, Jay. Sure. I didn’t know he was a friend of yours.”
Jay didn’t answer. Brando scooted past them and fled.
Dustin couldn’t believe Jay had stood up for him. He whipped around to face him, but the older boy was already walking away. Didn’t even look back.
The anger Dustin had felt all day made a weird shift in his chest. After what he’d done to Jay, he’d expected revenge. He’d never thought Jay would actually have his back. Why’d he do that?
The question only added to the mix of confusion he felt. He wanted to lash out, but he didn’t know who to swing at. He frowned. Maybe he’d wanted to get into a fight with Brando to release some of his angry energy. Jay had robbed him of that chance, but also probably saved him from a beating.
Head down, he finally found the exit that took him to the street he would follow for two blocks to meet Carly. He’d go see his grandma. She was the only person in his life who didn’t confuse him.
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
THE LOW HUM and rhythmic thumping began on a windless afternoon a few days after Upcycle’s grand opening. Carly, accustomed to quiet, or the occasional passing of a car, straightened from picking the last of the pole beans. It took her a moment to realize what the noise was.
“They’re drilling,” she said aloud, whirling around to look at the rig. She’d known it would happen, but she hadn’t expected it so soon. Looking at the ground under her boots, she imagined the drill going down, cracking through the earth. She wished she could imagine the future as easily, to know what to expect.
Dismayed, and feeling helpless to protect her land, she loaded the beans into the truck and headed into town to stop by Upcycle, make deliveries and pick up Dustin for his visit with his grandmother. Dustin had insisted he was starving, so they’d stopped for hamburgers and didn’t arrive home until after dark.
As they stepped from the truck, Carly sniffed the air, recognizing the heavy stench of diesel fuel. Of course, she thought. Since the extraction plant was at a higher elevation, the fumes from the engines would drift over her property on a windless day and settle into the low places. She hadn’t considered that. How many more unpleasant surprises were headed her way? Maybe if she kept the windows closed, it wouldn’t be too bad inside the house.
Carly looked at Dustin’s heavy backpack and said, “I’m guessing you’ve got homework?”
Dustin nodded but before he could answer, he started coughing. When he could speak again, he said, “It smells like the place where my dad used to work.”
“You mean the oil field?”
“Yes.” He started into the house, but they both turned when they heard a truck approaching. It was Luke, who greeted them with a wave and joined them on the porch.
“I came to see if you’re ready for a game of chess,” he said. “But it looks like you just got home.”
“Yeah,” Dustin said. “And I’ve got home...home—” His eyes began to water and his nostrils flared as he gulped a wheezing breath and went into another coughing spasm.
Carly took his backpack from his shoulders as Luke supported him until he could take another struggling breath.
“Dustin, do you have asthma?” Carly asked.
He nodded. “But not...in a long time.”
“Do you have an inhaler?”
He shook his head and wheezed again, fighting for breath.
“Come on,” Luke said, scooping Dustin up. “We’re going to the emergency room. Thank God, the hospital is finally open.”
He rushed to the truck with Carly running ahead to open the door and buckle the limp boy into the seat. She climbed in beside him and held him upright while Luke jumped in behind the wheel and broke the speed limit getting him to the emergency room.
Nathan Smith was on duty and, after examining Dustin, he administered an epinephrine shot. When he saw that it was making Dustin’s breathing easier, he signaled for Carly and Luke to follow him into the hallway.
“Do you have any idea what triggered this attack?” he asked. “Any change in atmosphere, exposure to an allergen?”
“No. I don’t know.” Carly shook her head and tears filled her eyes. “I didn’t even know he had asthma. What kind of mother doesn’t know her kid has asthma?”
“Don’t beat yourself up, Carly,” Luke said. “You’re new at this.”
She didn’t need the reminder and she wiped tears from her eyes as she tried to think. “When we got home, the diesel fumes were hanging over the place. He said it smelled like the oil field where his dad used to work.”
Nathan frowned. “Diesel?”
“We’re testing out the engines that will drive the drill,” Luke said.
“That’s probably it. I’ll prescribe an inhaler for him. We’ll show you how to use it as soon as he feels his throat or chest begin to tighten. You can take him home tonight but you might want to keep him home from school tomorrow.” Nathan turned away. “I’ve got to check on another patient. I’ll be back.”
Carly turned on Luke and spoke in low tones. “Diesel fumes? He was a perfectly healthy boy until tonight. How am I going to keep him well if he’s breathing diesel fumes every day?”
“When there’s wind, it won’t be so bad.”
“No, they’ll blow onto some other lucky family’s land.”
Luke’s face tightened. “Carly, I—”
“You what?” she asked, throwing her hands wide. “You can’t tell me what’s going on, you can’t give me a heads-up or any kind of warning that you’re going to be poisoning the air?”
“I’ll fix this,” Luke insisted, taking out his cell phone. “I’ll tell the crew to shut down the engines for tonight—”
“So they can start bright and early in the morning.” Angry and frustrated, she stepped away, ready to return to Dustin.
Luke started walking in the other direction. “I said I’ll fix this. Let me know when you’re ready to go home.”
“I don’t want any help from you. I’ll call Gemma to take us home.” Her hand sliced the air. “Just stay away from us so I can...figure this out.”
Carly could hear him stalking away as she returned to Dustin, who was breathing more easily but was restless, ready to go home. She called Gemma, who took them back to the house, checked to make sure they knew how to use his new inhaler, then returned to her own home.
A breeze had kicked up, clearing the air, and Carly could no longer hear the engines, but she double-checked the window in Dustin’s room to make sure it was tightly shut. He was twisting in his bed, shoving off the covers then pulling them up again. Gemma had warned her that the epinephrine shot would stimulate him, make it hard for him to sleep.
“I’m glad that stink is gone,” he said, turning on his side. “The whole place where we lived smelled like that. We moved after Dad...”
“Do you remember how old you were when you had your first asthma attack?” Cautiously, Carly picked up the desk chair and set it beside the bed. The light from the hallway sent a warm slash of brightness into the room.
“Nah. I was just a little kid.” He yawned. “Mom and Dad would fight sometimes, ’specially if Mom was gone when Dad got home. Mom liked to go out.”
Shocked, she stared at him. “You mean, she left you alone?”
Dustin yawned again. “Yeah, but it was okay. I watched TV or played video games until Dad got home.”
“How old were you?”
“Six, seven, eight. I was eight when Dad got killed.” His eyes drifted shut. “I hate that smell,” he murmured as he drifted off to sleep.
Carly leaned forward and dropped her face into her palms, letting the tea
rs flow but stifling any sobs that might wake him once again.
Poor Joey Salyer had picked a real winner for a wife, she thought, a woman who would leave a small child with asthma alone at home so she could go out partying. Era must have known and that would have added to her reasons not to tell the authorities that Dustin was with her.
Carly had to protect him, but she felt helpless. The effects of Luke’s extraction site were out of her hands. Wiping her eyes, she stood, replaced the chair and headed for bed. There had to be a way.
* * *
LUKE KNEW HE was the last person Carly would want to see, but he pulled into her driveway the next morning anyway. It had been like a knife through the heart to see Dustin struggling for breath. Knowing he was responsible made it even worse. Hurting Carly, yet again, was the last thing he had intended. He doubted he could make her see that, but he had to try.
As soon as he stopped his truck, she emerged from one of the greenhouses, fists clenched, arms pumping as she strode toward him.
“I’m going to find an attorney who will help me stop you,” she said. “This can’t go on and I’m not going to risk Dustin’s health.”
“The diesel engines are gone,” he said, holding up his hands. “I’m replacing them with natural gas ones so there’s less risk.”
“But there’s still risk, right?”
“Very little.” When she made a sound of disgust and looked away, he said, “I’m sorry. We didn’t consider any other type of engine, just went with what looked to be the most cost-efficient at the time.”
“I think there are many things you didn’t consider.”
“I never intended to harm Dustin or you.” He stopped and took a deep breath. “How is he today?”
She looked as if she didn’t want to answer but she finally said, “Better. He insisted on going to school.”
“Quite a change from last week.”
“He likes showing off how smart he is.” Her lips quirked. “In spite of all he’s been through, he does focus on school. Era said she talked to him about how important it is to get an education.”
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