“You’re having a very human moment, Darcy. Don’t be so hard on yourself.” His response made me chuckle even harder.
“Don’t forget, I’m also a werewolf and part vampire!” Tears of a different kind now filled my eyes. “No wonder I’m a hot mess.”
“You’re doing okay.” When I threw a sharp look at him, Devlin added, “Fine, you still need a little help, but don’t discredit the good you’ve accomplished, either. It’ll all come together. I promise.”
“I don’t have time to wait, though. The Master and his war aren’t going to wait until I’ve sorted myself out. Mason needs me to be strong so we can both protect the Pack. He’s not the only one with responsibilities.”
Devlin nodded. “Then let’s go inside. Slowly. Do what you can. But don’t push yourself too far. Trust me, those are boundaries you don’t want to breach.”
He was giving me a chance to prove to him, to myself, that I could overcome this obstacle. While it wasn’t the most ideal of situations, it was still a learning experience, and one I was resolved to master.
“If it becomes too much, I’ll come back outside,” I assured him, already moving toward the front door.
Butterflies swirled in the pit of my stomach as nervous energy coursed through my body. It was one thing to adamantly declare myself ready, but another to put it into action. I needed to do this. I needed to know that I could hold my own in a world where weakness was viewed as a liability and hesitancy seen as cowardice.
“I’m right behind you.”
Nodding that I heard him, my hand resting on the brass door handle. I took a few extra seconds to ground myself before entering. Two things became immediately obvious—first, I shouldn’t have taken a deep breath; and second, there was nothing I could’ve done to prepare for the sight that greeted me.
If it hadn’t been for Devlin’s quick thinking, I would’ve dived for the first corpse I saw, whatever thread of willpower I possessed obliterated by the irresistible urge to feed. It was as if I was caught in the cross hairs of a Siren—her intoxicating voice teasing my senses until I willingly sacrificed my life against razor-sharp rocks.
Blood was everywhere—it was everything and more.
Tight hands painfully gripped my shoulders, pulling me backward, but my feet remained planted where I stood, my mouth unable to close because my fangs had fully descended. Even my wolf howled, frantically trying to grab my attention. None of it mattered.
Nothing ever would.
Only blood and my desperate need to drown in it.
“Darcy!” Devlin’s voice came at me from a distance and, even then, I couldn’t register why he sounded so alarmed.
A part of me wanted to whisper for him to let go, to join me in what promised to be a fulfilling feast. Why would he deny himself what was so freely offered? Why shouldn’t we give in to the nature that granted us such amazing power and freedom?
“Fight it, damn it!” Again, he yelled; but his words fell away, leaving me unaffected.
Never had blood so transfixed me. Yes, the rush that came from feeding had caught me unawares, but this paled in comparison. I didn’t have to walk too far before I knelt, my hand stretched out, the mangled corpse of some poor person before me.
I dipped my fingers into the cooling pool of blood; fascinated by the way it coated my skin red and slowly trickled over my palm and up my wrist. All the while, voices screamed in my head to indulge, to stop fighting and simply surrender.
“Darcy!” A new voice broke through . . . someone I knew. Vlad. “Stop her, Devlin.”
Devlin gestured for the younger vampire to be quiet before refocusing on me. “Love, fight the longing. Remember who you are.” His words made sense—were calming even—but they seemed to bounce off whatever held me captive.
“This is who I am,” I growled, not even sounding like myself.
“No, this is just a part of you—a very small part. Blood doesn’t control you, Darcy. You are its master.” Again, Devlin’s tone was low and patient.
“I can’t,” I whispered, knowing I was in very deep trouble. I’d been a fool to think I could walk into a room where people had been massacred and not fall apart.
“You can,” Devlin coached, never wavering.
“I don’t know how to turn it off.” It was difficult to admit that I’d been wrong in so many ways; and now I’d proven Mason right. It didn’t matter how good my initial intentions were—every road was paved with them; but, in my case, it was also lined with my pride.
“Look at me, Darcy, and only me.” Obeying Devlin’s command, I dragged my gaze away from my glistening red fingers and ignored the almost deafening need to lick the tips. “Good girl. I know this is hard, but breathe through your mouth.”
While it didn’t stop the scent of blood from dancing across my senses, it did take the edge off.
“Now what?” The strain from resisting my vampire nature sent convulsions through me. I was so out of my depth.
“Remember who you are. Think about how you feel . . . with Mason, your Pack, your friends. Capture those emotions . . . the ones that make you smile, proud, complete. Recall your accomplishments—those moments that made you laugh. What it feels like to run as your wolf. Childhood memories. Focus on each instance that left you feeling alive and grateful.”
It was hard at first, but eventually snippets began playing through my mind like homemade movies. Flashes of recognition followed as I realized the person I saw wasn’t some stranger, but me.
A happy me.
A strong me.
A version of myself who was more than mere hunger.
Scrunching my eyes closed, I battled to maintain those images. They represented everything I was.
“When you’re ready, stand up and walk to me,” Devlin counseled. And sure enough, when I opened my eyes, he stood there waiting, confidence lighting across his face.
That initial step was by far the most difficult. But with each staggered tread, it became easier. I didn’t stop, however, when I reached him. I kept going until I was outside, the fresh air surrounding me as I gulped in cleansing breaths.
“You okay?” Vlad squinted, looking me in the eye, searching.
“I don’t know,” I replied, shakily.
Devlin pulled me into his embrace, his own arms revealing just how unsettled he was. His muscles quivered beneath his shirt as he held me. “Don’t you ever scare me like that again,” he scolded. “Promise me you’ll listen when I tell you you’re not ready.”
I deserved his rebuke and more. “I’m sorry I didn’t listen. I thought I could handle it.”
“The truth is no one is immune to that, Darcy.” Asher added, still keeping his distance. “It’s not about being able to walk in there and be indifferent. It’s about having a healthy respect for your limits.”
“I made a mistake.”
There was no sugar coating or mincing words with Asher. “You did; and it could’ve cost you your life and those around you.”
“It’s not about being brave.” Vlad’s handsome features filled my vision as he leaned in. “It’s not about proving you can do something difficult.”
Embarrassment swept through me, flooding my emotions with shame. I’d foolishly ignored their warning—thinking I knew better than those who’d faced similar experiences—those who did this on a daily basis.
“I’m so sorry.” I couldn’t say it enough.
“We’ll work more on your control,” Devlin said, rubbing his hand over my arm before squeezing me to him. “Of course, we’ll take baby steps.”
The idea terrified me. “I don’t want to do this ever again.”
Vlad shook his head, his bleached blond strands remaining perfectly in place. “You were right to want to face it, Darcy . . . to test yourself. That’s not what this is about, though. You can still earn that confidence you’re seeking, safely. It might take a little longer, but it won’t put you, or anyone else, in jeopardy.”
“Is that what you did?�
�� Hope infused my voice.
“It’s what we’ve all had to do,” Devlin answered. “We all have horror stories.”
The sound of someone coming from inside the house stirred my anxiety. “Promise me you won’t tell Mason about this . . . any of you.”
“He needs to know, love. You’re his mate and he’ll want to help you.” While I understood Devlin’s reasoning, it didn’t quell the sudden fear in my heart.
“I’ll tell him, just not right now. He already has a lot going on. He doesn’t need this on his plate, as well.” Glancing between the three vampires, I wouldn’t let it go until they agreed.
“He deserves to know, Darcy,” Vlad continued. For the first time in a while, I realized Vlad looked completely normal, his usual choice of more costume-ish clothing replaced by more modest attire.
“I know, and I don’t want to hide anything from him.” As footsteps drew closer, I identified the familiar energy of wolves. That meant Mason was still somewhere in the house, alone. “Please, let me figure this out and I’ll tell him.”
The three of them reluctantly nodded at the same time that Wade and Moses arrived. Judging by the limp, and his beaten appearance, Wade hadn’t come through the attack unscathed.
“Where’s Mason?” I asked, peering around them. It pained me to not rush inside and go find him. I felt trapped by my vampiric weakness, one I silently vowed to overcome.
“He’ll be here in a moment. He’s helping those we found and thought some privacy might help them accept him as Alpha.” Wade began describing what had happened and how the Master had tortured those who refused to submit to him, killing many Silver Canyon wolves in the process.
“What can I do?” I asked, forgetting my own problems and inadequacies. There was a bigger picture in action—people who had endured trauma.
“We need to get them to safety. In fact . . .” Moses paused briefly, glancing over his shoulder as a small group of weary pack members emerged from the house. “I can start taking them to the Mansion, if that’s okay?”
I couldn’t pull my gaze away from them, their wounds already beginning to mend and heal. I wanted to rush over and hug them, telling them everything would be okay and that they were safe, but there would be plenty of time for that later. Right now, getting them away from here was more important.
“Was this all you found?” Counting heads, there were six.
Wade shook his head. “No, there are two more. They’re still with Mason.”
Despite my major error in judgment earlier, I was still the Alpha’s mate. “Return to him, Wade, and see if he needs help. I’ll go to Zane’s with our new Pack members.” I didn’t like leaving Mason without seeing he was okay, but responsibility trumped that need.
“Are you sure?” He frowned and I nodded.
“Go. Moses and I will be careful. We’ll get them settled.” As each second passed, I felt it even more strongly. We couldn’t wait any longer. The quiet group had already begun fidgeting and looking about nervously.
Hugging him briefly, I trusted in his ability to protect his Alpha at all cost. Mason would be fine. Giving one last glance at Devlin, Asher, and Vlad, I mouthed, “Thank you.”
“You want me to tag along?” Vlad asked, watching as Moses slowly helped the tired wolves into the truck. Three chose to ride in the back, lying down on the truck bed.
“It might be best if you didn’t. I don’t know how trusting they are of vampires.” It was on the tip of my tongue to mention that that might also include me.
“Call me if you run into any trouble.” Devlin nodded, his look telling me we still had a lot to discuss.
“I promise.”
Moses honked the horn, reminding me that time was of the essence. Leaving the three of them standing in the yard, waiting for my mate and his own Enforcer, I didn’t look back as we drove away.
I’d arrived at the Silver Canyon Wolves home a naïve fool wearing rose-colored glasses. While I regretted my actions, the much-needed lesson hadn’t been wasted.
I’d let my pride cloud my judgment and it had been an epic fail.
There was no way I could afford another repeat performance.
I just couldn’t.
Chapter Eleven
Mason
She looked peaceful standing in the doorway of the ballroom that served as a makeshift home for so many of the Pack. Some had trickled through the mansion and accepted the guest rooms offered, but many, especially those we’d just rescued, didn’t like being separated from the others they knew.
So far, we were all co-habiting in relative harmony. It was the new members I worried most about. While my own were used to the coming and goings of Enforcers and vampires, I wasn’t quite sure with Michael’s wolves.
Mine. I inwardly corrected. It was the nature of being an Alpha. Things constantly changed. A Pack grew and dwindled according to the strength of its leader. There should’ve been a lot more wolves in this room. Hopefully some were in hiding and would join the others, soon.
Those who hadn’t shifted their loyalty to the Master required funerals. It was a senseless loss of life—a blatant disrespect to our ways.
The faint light from the above fixture casted a soft glow across Darcy’s face—showcasing the beauty I’d fallen so deeply in love with. She was everything a man could want in a mate and more. Seeing her always stirred something primal within me, a need to satiate myself in her supple body; but she was much more than that.
I’d been graced with a woman who was as fearless as she was compassionate, as gracious as she was opinionated. Each day brought a new awareness of her gifts—the variety of talents she brought to our marriage and relationship. She made us both stronger, better.
And right now, she was troubled.
I’d sensed the turmoil she was experiencing back at the Silver Canyon’s compound. I’d known the precise second her hunger for blood had reared its ugly head and taken over—the gnawing, insatiable thirst had shot like a bullet through our connection with all the finesse of a bull in a china shop.
I’d almost turned back and rushed to her side, but patience had dictated otherwise. Rescuing her from the impending danger of her own bloodlust had felt right—something that was ingrained in my DNA—but I knew, deep down, that she needed to do this on her own. Plus, Devlin was there. It had felt painfully foreign to do nothing but focus on the task I’d come for.
Yes, the wolves had needed their Alpha; but damn it, she had needed me, too.
One of the hardest lessons I’d ever had to learn was the ability to correctly discern a situation before reacting. Yes, my presence would’ve helped her, but I hadn’t been able to quiet that small, still voice that whispered she needed to conquer her struggle herself—that I could trust her care in the hands of her uncle, Devlin.
She didn’t know I’d been aware, however.
Even now, her body revealed the tension she carried, her shoulders bunched, because in her mind, she felt like she’d failed.
While I’d expected to find her pissed off that I’d not taken her with me inside the house, she was busy wrestling with her conscience.
Wrapping my arms around her waist and inhaling her intoxicating scent slowly, she stiffened before relaxing into me. “Penny for your thoughts?”
Usually she would turn around, lifting her pretty mouth so I could kiss it. Instead, she pulled my arms around her tighter, as though somehow I could keep her warm and safe. “Just thinking,” she murmured.
She wasn’t going to open up as easily as I’d hoped. Changing tactics, I nodded toward the sleeping forms under the blankets. “You did a wonderful job bringing them here. For the most part, things look like they’re running smoothly. Any problems?”
Darcy’s fingers brushed back and forth over the skin of my hand. “It was a little touch and go, at first. They recognized me as your mate, but they could also sense I wasn’t completely werewolf. Moses did his best to soothe their agitation, but he’s not their Alpha.”
&nbs
p; I’d been worried over the same thing. “But they came around . . . obviously.”
A small smile emerged and I kissed the side of it. “They just needed time. Once they saw there was no threat, they lowered their guard. It also helped having some of our Pack members come in and aide in the transition.”
Pride filled my chest. Despite her own struggles and challenges, Darcy had placed them aside and been an instrument of comfort. I had no doubt the situation was the way it was because of her ability to soothe people with her kindness.
It was on the tip of my tongue to ask how she was doing with all this when she steered the conversation elsewhere. “He’s the one who tortured you, isn’t he?” I didn’t need to follow her gaze to know she was referring to the now sleeping Ross. “He gave you those scars.”
“He is.”
“And you let him live?” Darcy asked, clearly surprised.
I nodded. “He’s young.”
“But still. He knew who you were and still chose to injure an Alpha. That’s a crime punishable by death.” Normally Darcy leaned toward leniency when it came to certain cases within Pack law. She’d even received mercy at the hands of Moses after she attacked him.
“I know it’s within my right,” I answered simply.
“So, why is he here?”
This wasn’t about her questioning my decisions. She simply needed to understand. “When I saw who he was, revenge was my initial thought. I could’ve taken care of it then and there; but how many times did you make a mistake in judgment when you were his age?”
Gradually, Darcy turned so she could study my features. “He’s not a child, Mason. He knew what he was doing when he chose to serve Helena and the Master. He doesn’t have the innocence of youth as an excuse.”
“No, but something in the way he looked at me, the remorse I found when I touched his wolfish energy with mine. He deserved a second chance, an opportunity to correct his mistakes.”
Last Wolf Standing (#7, The Mystic Wolves) Page 10