by Nicole Conn
“He didn’t touch me.” Elena’s eyes seared into Peyton’s. “He didn’t.”
Peyton felt her anxiety ease, and trembling with relief and desire, pulled Elena into her, kissing her as if they would never kiss again, picking her up enveloping her in her arms, owning this woman who belonged to her by a right that was stronger than any other.
They consumed one another, starved for each other after weeks of separation.
Finally, Elena tried to catch her breath, and pulling free she looked into Peyton’s eyes, and began to laugh from sheer giddiness.
“Oh Peyton…” and kissed her again. “I’ve missed you in a way I didn’t even know was possible.”
Peyton let her eyes linger on Elena’s beautiful faheebeautifce, then she broke out into a grin.
They smiled, then, both of them, and Elena, holding Peyton closer, said, “Oh, yes…” and began to move Peyton toward the bedroom.
*
Elena came, hard, intense, a tear escaping down her cheek.
Peyton looked at her, breathless as she witnessed the raw beauty of exposure, seeing Elena’s face as she probably looked ten years earlier, not a line upon her tender face, a youthfulness to her eyes, an elegant purity to her beauty that she had never seen before.
“My God...you are so beautiful.”
“You are...Peyton...” Elena could barely breathe from how deeply she felt her love for Peyton, almost a physical pain. “You are beautiful...”
*
As the Winters family sat at the dinner table, there was a tension in the air that everyone seemed to feel. They were picking at their meals, accompanied by very little conversation, which was unusual. Elena glanced at Nash, pale and turned inward.
“Are you okay, honey?”
He nodded yes.
“You look so pale, are you sure you feel well?”
Again a brief nod.
“You’ve barely touched your hamburger—”
“He’s just not hungry!” Tori snapped.
They all looked at her. And then Barry, frowning, asked her to pass the salt. “Come on buddy, you need to eat. Soccer practice tomorrow,” Barry added, handing the salt to his son.
“Look, I’m just not that hungry.” Nash tapped his fork against his plate. “Is that a federal crime or something?”
Everyone backed off.
“You know it was the Germans that first got the idea to soften meat.” Tori cleared her throat and attempted to ease the tension with the normalcy of one of her riffs. This was conversation they understood and could handle. “Sorta came to them when they noticed the Tartars, a nomadic breed, storing their meat under their saddles while riding—yeah, it just pounded the meat to smithereens. Talk about your tenderizing!”
“Great.” Nash shoved his plate aside. “Now I’ve lost what little of my appetite I had left.”
Elena glanced from her son. To Tori. To Barry. The s yoBarry. ilence was deafening.
*
Barry dashed into the house, looking for his wallet. He knew he had left it behind, had taken out the Blockbuster card for Nash the night before, and now had no idea where he’d left it. He glanced through the living room, tore through the kitchen, began rifling through Elena’s papers seeing if his wallet got stuck underneath the piles of papers she always kept in heap when she was paying bills.
He stopped suddenly. Heard something. But no one was supposed to be home.
There it was again.
He slowly looked around, began to stealthily make his way down the hall.
The sound came from Nash’s room. The door was closed. Barry leaned in, thought he heard jagged breathing. Now it sounded like bad porn.
Barry thrust open the door.
Nash jumped as if he’d seen a ghost. He quickly mashed the Lesbian Heat porn DVD under a pillow at the same time as he reached for but failed to slam his mother’s computer shut.
Barry almost smiled, but returned to the gravity of the situation and without a lot of tone demanded, “What are you doing home?”
But Nash was too busy blushing to respond. Barry walked to the bed, pulled out the DVD. Again he had to suppress a smile, had to concentrate hard to remain serious and reminded himself it was important for Nash to learn proper morals.
“Really! Couldn’t wait until school was out?”
“Didn’t feel well,” Nash mumbled, then jumped as he saw an e-mail from Peyton announce itself.
The ping stopped both of them.
“And what are you doing with your mom’s computer?”
Nash slammed the laptop shut. “I told you. I don’t feel well. Can you just—”
“Yeah, you look really sick, buddy.” Barry smirked. “What the heck is going on with you? You know better than to cut school. And for something like this?”
“Oh, is this the pot calling the kettle black, Father God Knows All?” Nash lashed back, then stood to confront his father. “And your hypocrisy about all things that keep you in good standing with that stupid church instead of paying attention to what’s going on around here?”
“What the hell does that mean?”
“Strike a nerve Dad? Do you even have a clue?”
“You will not talk to me this way.”
“Get out of my face!”
“I will not get out of your face. Whatever else I may be or do, I am still your father.” Barry was angry. “And since your mother’s gone half the goddamn time these days, you need someone in your face!”
Barry looked his son in the eye. Nash’s lips were tight, his eyes boldly challenging his dad. “I assume I don’t need to tell you—”
“Oh…what?” Nash mouthed the words You’re grounded.
“You’re damn right. You’re grounded. You can just stay in here and think about missing the ball game this weekend.”
“Whatever…” Nash slumped back on his bed as if nothing in the world mattered.
Barry nabbed Elena’s computer, walked from the room, shut the door loudly enough for impact, but not so loud that Nash would think he’d really lost his temper. He stopped, opened up Elena’s laptop and saw her in-box, but nothing was on the screen. Barry shook his head, confused, trying to figure out why Nash would be using his mom’s computer instead of his own.
He thought about pulling up Elena’s e-mails. Then stopped, considering what that meant. He had to trust her. He had to. If he didn’t—and it was at that moment that he spotted his wallet beneath the folded newspaper he had been reading.
He closed Elena’s laptop, returned it to her little makeshift desk in the dining room, plugged in the power and walked from the house.
*
Elena walked into the house much later than she had intended. This wasn’t the first time she’d ended up coming home after everyone had gone to sleep. She knew she had to stop. Stop pushing the boundaries, but when she was with Peyton, the world ceased, and with Peyton she was happy. Not just happy, but blissfully alive. Being with her was such an intoxicant, Elena found herself strangling her schedule to figure every free moment she could squeeze out, knowing that as she did so, she was getting sloppy, missing appointments, cancelling things that were important. She shook her head. Every time she made mistakes like this, she promised herself she’d be more careful. She had to be. Being discovered was not an option, she declared to herself as she tried to get her bearings in the darkened room.
The light came on as she was stuck in this very thought.
Barry sat in the living room chair, and it appeared he had been sitting there for some time. Waiting.
Thunderstruck, Elena hoped that she looked herself, not like the sex-mussed adulterer she most certainly was.
“While yoare>“Whiu’ve been out finding yourself with your new BFF your son’s on his way to becoming completely unmanageable.”
“Barry—what are you doing up?”
“What were you doing out so late?” He stood up, walked to her.
“We went to a movie...then caught a bite after.”
“A bite? This late? Are you kidding me?”
“No…the movie was longer than we thought…I was starving…” She let her weak lie float between them as Barry, apparently contemplating how to handle this situation, opted for reasonable tones.
“I’ve always let you have a pretty free rein, El...but whatever’s going on, deal with it. Our son’s at a crossroads and I need you to get your head back in the game.”
He stared her down, but Elena had nothing to say.
“I’m going to bed.” He turned, left her in the room.
*
Elena paced quietly in the very early morning hours. She picked up the phone to call Peyton. Stopped and instead headed to her computer.
Peyton...I need some time to get things settled with Nash—I won’t be able to see you tomorrow afternoon…just know how much I love you…E
She sent it and then sat, stared out at the moonlight. But no answers came to her. Except one. She could not continue to do this indefinitely.
The next day Elena was furiously dashing through all the church bills in the church office when Diana popped her head in.
“I’m getting ready to head home, but I wonder if you have a moment.”
“Sure.” Elena put down her pen. “Everything okay?”
“I don’t know.” Diana looked at her strangely. “Is it?”
At that moment Millie walked by with several of her minions. Diana motioned for Elena to follow her. They poured themselves coffee, went down the hall, out of the church, and then headed to a table under a tree not far from the parking lot.
Elena and Diana sat not speaking for quite some moments. Elena felt stiff, totally unnatural and she had never been uncomfortable with Diana before now.
“I haven’t seen you and I...I feel like you’re keeping something from me.” Diana played with the Styrofoam on her cup.
p>Oh, Diana, I’ve just been really busy lately.”
“Elena, you’ve always been one of the busiest people I know. But something is going on. I can feel it.”
Elena’s jaw tightened.
“Look, I’m constantly badgering you with all my problems, complaining endlessly about Rich, and not being a very gracious friend,” Diana continued. “Heck—you know you can trust me, don’t you?”
Elena studied the woman before her for a long moment, glanced back at the church, uncertain.
“Elena, it’s me. We’ve known each other since Barry started here…what, over ten years now. Whatever it is, I am your friend and we’ll get through it.”
Diana put a hand over Elena’s, smiled at her with conviction and encouragement.
“Okay. Diana...I’ve—I’ve—” Elena suddenly realized this was not at all easy to share, but she wanted to hear herself say it to someone other than Tyler. “I’ve fallen in love.”
Diana almost fell from the bench, toppling the remainder of her coffee.
“Whaaat?” she screamed, tossing the cup on the ground. To hell with the spilled coffee.
Elena nodded sadly.
“Oh my gosh —I knew there was something wrong between you and Barry.” Elena could see Diana trying to put together all the pieces. “You’ve seemed so distant with one another and I know you’ve got your problems like Rich and I. But, Elena, you’ve been married for fifteen years. You’ve got the most wonderful son. You’re so well regarded in our community. You can’t let a crush on—”
Diana stopped. Looked straight at Elena, shaking her head. “It’s not Phil...no, it wouldn’t be someone at the church. Who is he? Where’dya meet him? Is he married?”
Elena shook her head furiously.
“No...no. It’s none of the above.”
“So he’s not from the church. Is it another town? Did you meet him while you were on your trip?”
“I...it’s not like that.”
“Oh, this is serious, isn’t it?” Diana said, clearly eager to hear more. “It’s okay, Elena. You’ve got to tell someone. It’s not good to keep it bottled up inside. And I suppose he’s taking advantage of the situation. No wait. Is he married too?”’
“No...it’s—”
“Oh, well at least that’s a silver lining. What does he do? Where is he from? How diakifrom? Hd you meet him?”
“It...it’s not a man.”
Diana simply could not register what her friend was saying.
“I’ve fallen in love with a...woman.”
Diana’s face turned crimson. She began fanning herself with her hand, shaking her head, then stopped, glanced at her friend as if to see if she was pulling her leg.
“No…Elena, no.” Diana kept shaking her head. “You must be mistaken…”
The mistake was in telling Diana. Elena knew immediately she had made a huge error in judgment.
“Oh, Elena...I am so...sorry.” Diana’s voice descended from surprised to calm and pragmatic. “No, no no...you cannot do this. You cannot do this to your marriage.”
Elena wilted as Diana’s voice got stronger and her countenance more certain—virtually becoming a new woman, the woman Elena wished Diana could be with her husband when he hounded her endlessly for more children.
“It’s against everything we believe in.” Diana stopped, smiled sympathetically. “Look, Elena I don’t mean to sound pedantic, and I’m not crazy like Millie—you know that. I have an uncle who is gay, but this...this, Elena, is wrong. Dead wrong. This isn’t you. Your life. Your world will not fit into their world. Not to mention, you owe Barry, your marriage and your family the benefit of not acting out on what most certainly must be a...crisis in faith. You must learn from it. Don’t make it any worse.”
“Diana, it is not that simple.”
“No, what you mean is that it’s not easy. But it is very simple. What you are doing is wrong. A sin and you know it.”
“But I lo—”
“Stop it!” Diana’s voice was more stern than Elena had ever heard it. “Elena. You’re not seventeen. You do have control over your actions. And you’re certainly old enough to know the difference between right and wrong. Whatever has happened is over. I’ll help you. I’ll be there every step of the way. But you must stop it now. Right away.”
*
Elena came up from behind Peyton who was working, having let herself in. She put her hands over Peyton’s shoulder, down to her breasts, let them linger there, and began to kiss Peyton’s neck.
Peyton turned, pushed Elena from her.
“I’m only here for a few moments…I only have time to kiss you.” Elena took Peyton’s face in her hands.
Peyton stood then="bn stood, grabbed Elena to her, began to kiss her deeply, assertively.
Elena tried to catch her breath as Peyton’s aggressiveness was as seductive as it was frustrating. “I’ve got to go…”
“Where you headed?”
But before Elena could answer, Peyton pushed her up against the wall, pinning her, and began to kiss her, even more aggressively.
“Peyton, I don’t have time—”
But Peyton didn’t hear, or if she did, didn’t care, grabbing Elena by her wrist, yanking her down on the couch, and toppling above her, her knee thrust between Elena’s legs, her hands pinning her down.
Peyton wrestled Elena and kissed her even more demandingly. It was the only time Elena had ever felt resistant, and holding back did not last long because as Peyton continued to overpower her, every fiber in Elena’s being answered back, even when she did not care for Peyton’s aggression, she could not deny how much she wanted her and wanted Peyton to take her, Peyton’s manipulation finally overwhelmed her. Between Peyton’s mouth on her and Peyton’s fingers inside her, Elena felt herself beginning to come, and nothing was going to stop it.
She screamed Peyton’s name, Peyton fucked her a moment longer and then breathless, withdrew, fell to the side of her. They both lay there momentarily looking at the ceiling.
“Was that for me...or for you?”
“I don’t want him to...touch you.�
�
“So was that your way of marking your territory?”
Elena began to rearrange her clothing, adjusted her hair and began to get up.
“Well, it is your anniversary tonight, isn’t it?”
*
“So that’s how you attempt to put a rein on your feelin’s?” Wave asked, half soused. “By fuckin’ the lady like a bloody hound dog?”
Peyton too was getting soused, flanked by Emily and Wave, the three of them drinking lemon drop shots for hours at a local bar in Silverlake.
“I…I was just trying to see if there was anything that would help.”
“Well, that, my love, kind of sounded like bungee jumping without a bungee. Like holding back the Red Sea, like—what was I sayin’…” Wave meandered off in the middle of her sentence.
“...and how in the hell do I know if they’re not fucking right this minute? I mean really, how could they not on their anniversary? It’s like…FUCK!” Peyton moaned mk tton moaore than shouted, having felt the inevitability of this night for so long now.
“You are soooo shit-faced, my dear friend,” Wave replied.
“Yes, Wave, I am. It’s the only way I can get through tonight.”
“Well, maybe you shouldn’t jump to—”
“This isn’t a conclusion…it’s a denouement…” Peyton was going somewhere with her literary logic, but she was damned if she knew where.
“I hate to say it, Peyton, but I’m not at all certain that you have the right to be jealous,” Emily countered.
“Jealousy will not be inhibited by rights...trust me on this one,” Wave pointed out.
“I really thought I could do this,” Peyton sighed. “You know, just make it about awesome unforgettable sex. I can do my life, my work, find a baby and she could do hers. Meet in the middle because I know she’s never going to leave him...”
“Well, as a matter of fact, you don’t know that,” Emily countered.