“Bullshit,” Madison said, picking up her gear. “I deserve all of you.” She walked past Elodie. “You just don’t want to give it to me.”
Elodie watched the woman walk off. Then, she went into her house through the back door, made her way to the kitchen, pulled out a bottle of wine, opened it, and dumped the liquid into the sink. She repeated the gesture for every bottle she had. She had done this to herself. She’d have to live in it; live with it. When she was done, she went into her bedroom, coiled up on top of the blanket, and cried until she was out of tears.
CHAPTER 23
“She kissed you and then, like, an hour later, said she didn’t want to be with you?” Candace asked from her spot on Larry’s futon.
“More than an hour, but not by much.”
“We’ll come back to the part about you not even telling me you were gay later,” Candace said, winking at her.
“I didn’t really tell anyone.”
“You didn’t think I’d care, did you?” Candace asked.
“No. There’s a lot more to it, but no, I knew you’d be fine with it.”
“Good. This Elodie woman; you really like her?”
“Yes, I do.” Madison sighed.
“She’s pretty,” Larry added as he re-entered the room and sat on the chair next to the futon.
“She’s gorgeous,” Madison corrected.
“Yeah?” Candace asked, looking over at Larry, who nodded. “And the kiss?”
“Was ridiculously good,” Madison said. “Like, the best kiss I’ve–” She stopped herself.
“Really?” Candace leaned over. “That good, huh?”
Madison thought back to her first kiss with Wiley. It had been experimental, at best. They hadn’t talked about what they were doing; what had been happening between them. Just one day, while they were lying in Wiley’s bed and staring at the ceiling, Madison had taken Wiley’s hand. Wiley had entwined their fingers. Then, she’d brought Madison’s hand to her lips and kissed it. Madison had turned then, probably with big, confused eyes. Wiley had rolled onto her side, and what followed was one of the best moments of her life.
It hadn’t been the perfect first kiss in the traditional sense, but it had been perfect. Their teeth had clattered. Their tongues hadn’t known what to do. Their lips even missed the other’s a few times. But then, they had laughed, and they’d kept going. They had found their rhythm, and Madison had known then that she only wanted to kiss girls for the rest of her life. Well, on that particular day, she’d only wanted to ever kiss one girl for the rest of her life.
“It was the best kiss I’ve ever had,” Madison answered Candace’s question and knew it was the truth.
She’d loved Wiley with her whole heart. She hadn’t allowed herself to even think about kissing someone else for the longest time. When she had, it hadn’t been good until Elodie. Elodie’s kiss was magical. Her hands on Madison’s back, pressing her into her body, made Madison feel safe and loved, and she missed it. She would miss it for a long time.
“So, what are you going to do about it?” Larry asked.
“What can I do? She’s made up her mind. I have to find a new coach, a new place to live, and try to get over my broken heart all at the same time.”
“You can stay here as long as you want,” Larry offered.
“That’s nice of you, but I really can’t. I shouldn’t even be taking this much time off, but I just can’t practice there, and I need to decide if I want to move to Colorado.”
“Colorado?” Candace asked.
“There’s a program I’ve been invited to join there. It’s a pretty big deal. Robin Forsyth is the one running it.”
“The Olympian?”
“Yeah, she’s in charge of the whole thing. She’s retiring from coaching and everything else just to focus on this.”
“And Elodie could only give you some of her time. I think this is a big step up,” Candace suggested.
“Elodie could only give me some of herself. That’s the problem.” Madison stood up. “I don’t want our whole time together to be about my issues. Let’s go out and have some fun. I want to know what’s going on with you two.”
Madison felt a little better being here with her friends. For the first time in a long time, she actually realized she had them. They caught up over drinks. Candace was enjoying the summer and her in-between job, as she called it, before she started graduate school. Larry was liking school enough, and he loved his new roommate-free apartment. Madison thought the place needed a woman’s touch, but it would work for the few nights she was staying there.
Her friends and the laughs they shared took her mind off of Elodie and the problems in her life that she needed to find solutions to. Robin had called her, offering her a slot if she wanted it. It didn’t have dorms like the academy. She’d have to find an apartment and move all over again. Madison was tired of moving. She felt like she’d been moving since she left college. She wanted a home already. Silly her for thinking she could find that with Elodie Booker, the most confusing and irritating woman in the world. She also happened to be the most beautiful and talented woman in the world.
“So, you won’t see her again until this weekend?” Larry asked later that night.
“Assuming she shows up at all.”
“You think she’d ditch you?”
“She did before.”
“But that was different, right? You said she was dealing with some stuff.”
“She’s dealing with new stuff now,” Madison replied. “God, I miss her.” She took a drink of her beer. “I, like, really miss her, Larry. I’m not even talking about the kissing.” She sighed. “I do miss that, too, but I’m talking about just being around her. I felt better around her.”
“You two never…” Larry asked, taking a drink from his own beer.
“Sex?” Madison asked. “No.”
“But, you want to?”
“Definitely.” She dropped her head to her chest. “I would love to have sex with that woman.”
Madison was tipsy. She was definitely more than tipsy, actually. Candace was asleep on the futon behind them. She and Larry were on the floor, talking over Candace’s light snores. She should go to bed, but she was enjoying being with her friends. Tomorrow, she would have to get up and fly to the Olympic qualifying event this weekend. After that, she’d have a decision to make, and she wasn’t ready to deal with that yet.
“Is it going to be hard seeing her this weekend?” Larry asked.
“It’s going to be torture. I’m going to be professional. She’ll be professional. I’ll be thinking about how much I want to kiss her, and she’ll be thinking about how much she just wants to crawl back into her law office and hide away, because that’s what she does best.” Madison finished her beer. “Larry, she’s amazing.” She looked over at him. “I just wish she could see it.”
“Sometimes people can’t see what makes them great,” he replied.
Madison thought about that. She’d known for a long time what made her great. She was a natural at her sport. She trained hard. She didn’t take anything in life for granted. She was a good person, or at least she hoped she was a good person. Elodie had been a great archer, but she’d lost that at the same time she had lost the most important person in her life. Madison pushed the thoughts of helping Elodie rediscover how amazing she was out of her mind, because Elodie had made her choice. She didn’t want Madison, or at least she didn’t want her enough. She didn’t want to coach. She didn’t want to be part of this community. Madison couldn’t and wouldn’t force her.
◆◆◆
Madison checked into the hotel and went straight to her room. She didn’t know if Elodie was here, and part of her didn’t want to risk sending a text to ask. If Elodie wasn’t coming, she’d prefer to delay that realization until the last possible moment. She ordered herself a large salad and added grilled chicken. She had a bottle of water instead of a bottle of beer. Now that her mini-vacation was over, it was time to g
et down to business. She had eight rounds to get through. If she won, she’d earn a spot on the national team. If she made it far enough, she could still earn points. Her last chance would be at the trials, but she was hoping not to have to use that chance if she could help it.
The following morning, she grabbed her gear and made her way to the grounds. She saw Elodie standing off to the side of a crowd of athletes, and she let out a sigh of relief. At least, she hadn’t ditched her. Elodie looked beautiful. Her hair was down, framing her face. Her eyes lit up when they met Madison’s, which made Madison a little weak in the knees. She resisted the urge to smile at her and put her head down instead.
“Hey,” Elodie greeted.
“Glad you could make it.”
“Did you think I wouldn’t come?” Elodie asked.
“I didn’t know, honestly.”
“Hey,” Elodie said, reaching for Madison’s chin and lifting it to look into Madison’s eyes. “I told you I’d be here. I’m sorry if things between us, being what they are, made you think I wouldn’t show up, but I’m here.”
Madison moved her face to disconnect Elodie’s hand from her chin and said, “I have the first round coming up. We should go.”
Madison’s first two rounds were easy. She had only really needed a few tens to get the wins, and she had shot better than that. The third round was a bit more difficult, but she had won by two points, giving her the final set and the victory.
“You had time. You rushed your last shot,” Elodie told her. “Don’t do that this round, okay? Take all the time on the clock before you fire the shots in the first set or two.”
“What? Why?”
“You’re going against Heaven again. You beat her last time, but barely. This will throw her off, make her think you’re not as confident as you are.”
“Okay,” Madison agreed. “Who names their kid Heaven, anyway?”
They walked out, shook hands, and waited for the start. Heaven went first, fired a nine, and stepped back. Madison waited until the time was about to be out. Then, she fired a nine herself.
“Three miles straight ahead. Let it fly next time,” Elodie said. “Don’t aim. Just release.”
It went on like that for the first set, which Heaven won by three points. Madison took the second set by two points, and the third one by the same margin. She lost the fourth set by one point. They were tied.
“I think she knows I’m not confident now,” Madison whispered to Elodie.
“You’re still confident, Madison. You can take her any day of the week. You’re just coming back from a week off. You’re a little rusty. Just go out there and be Madison.” Elodie smiled at her. “You don’t need me whispering things in your ear.”
“El, I want…” Madison sighed. “Never mind.”
She turned back around, watched Heaven shoot a nine, fired a ten herself, and then fired two more. The round was over. Madison was moving on.
CHAPTER 24
“Robin, I’m a lawyer now,” Elodie said.
“And an archery coach. Your star just won her last round of the day.”
“She’s amazing, but that’s all her. Besides, I think she’s going to your program.” Elodie lowered her iced tea to the table.
“Which I would be thrilled about, but I’ve invited you, too, El. You clearly know how to coach.”
“Madison is special.”
“Obviously.”
“No, Robin. I mean, she’s special to me,” Elodie said.
Robin leaned over the small table and asked, “In what way, exactly?”
“We’ve known each other for a long time.”
“Yes, we have.” Robin leaned back. “What’s going on?”
Elodie bit her lower lip and said, “I like her.”
“So do I. I only spent ten minutes on the phone with her–”
“Robin, I mean, I really like her. I might actually be in love with her.”
“What?” Robin’s eyes went wide. “You two are a thing?”
“No.” Elodie held up her hand. “We’re not. I’m her coach.”
“So, it’s one-sided?”
“No, she likes me, too.”
“You said love, El.”
“I did. And, I don’t know… I might be. She was staying with friends this week, and my life was just empty, Robin. I went to work, I helped my clients, and then there was just nothing else. I’m used to her being around now. I’m not just used to it. I love having her around. We click.”
“And?”
“And, nothing. I’m her coach.”
“Not if she joins my program.”
“Which I want her to, because I think it’s great.”
“You can come, too. I can always assign you to other archers.”
“It wouldn’t work.” Elodie shrugged.
“Why not?”
“Because she’s a star on the rise, and I’ve already died.”
“Elodie, you’re still young. If you wanted to get back into it, you–”
“I don’t.” She paused. “I love the sport, but I don’t want to compete anymore. Madison was the one that got me to pick up a bow after all this time. Losing Rod broke me.”
“Sounds like Madison might be helping to fix you.”
Elodie smiled and said, “She’s a remarkable woman. She’s been through some stuff, too. And to watch her get here and then to be able to see her make the Olympic team, is one of the best things in the world to me.”
Robin leaned back in and asked, “But how will you see it, if you’re not around to?”
Elodie thought for a moment and said, “She’s better off without me.”
“I can’t believe that, and I don’t think you do, either. You’re scared, El. It happens to all of us. I’ve been there. Love is terrifying. Love coming from someone you didn’t expect it to, is even worse, but it’s also the most amazing thing that exists on this planet, in my opinion. If you think you could love Madison, despite the issues and the obstacles, you need to talk to her. You need to try. If you don’t, you will regret it. If she’s meant to be with you, and you don’t tell her how you feel and go for it, she won’t be better off. She’ll be miserable. Gold medals are nice. I have a few of them myself, but they just sit on a shelf or in a drawer. It’s the person you love who holds you at night, walks beside you, and makes winning those medals worth it. If she feels the same way about you, and she wins a medal one day, it won’t be worth much if you’re not there next to her.”
◆◆◆
Elodie paced her hotel room for over an hour. She’d gone to dinner because Robin wanted to catch up and ask her to take the job again, but she had also gone to dinner because she needed a distraction. Madison was in the adjoining room, and it was too much for Elodie to sit on her plush bed, eating a meal alone, thinking about Madison either doing the same in the next room or out with people and not eating alone after all. Elodie paced until she couldn’t pace anymore. She stared at the door that stood between her and the only thing she had wanted since she’d left the sport and her old life behind; the only thing that made her want more out of her life; that made her want to have a life.
“Yeah?” Madison said as she pulled open the door between their rooms after Elodie knocked for a solid minute. “I’m watching film. That’s what you told me to do tonight. And I ate salmon for dinner with broccoli, which I hate because you–”
“Maddie, do you still want me?” Elodie interrupted softly.
“What?” Madison asked, her expression changing to one Elodie couldn’t read.
“Do you still want me?”
“Be specific here, El,” Madison said, holding out her hand, palm up, facing Elodie. “You’ve done the whole push-pull thing too many times. Tell me what you’re really asking.”
“I miss you,” Elodie replied, taking a step closer, though not yet invited into Madison’s room. “I really, really missed you this week; and I’m not talking about as your coach, Maddie. I missed holding your hand. I missed talk
ing and laughing with you.” Madison took a step back, but Elodie continued, stepping into her space and closing the door to her own room behind her. “I missed lying on the couch with you and rubbing your legs. I can’t stop thinking about how I wanted to touch you the whole drive to the tournament last weekend. I just wanted to feel your skin against my own.”
“Then, why–”
“Because I’m scared. I am so scared, Maddie. I left a lot of things behind; you know that. But it’s not just that.” She took Madison’s hands in her own. “Maddie, I’ve never been in love before. I’m thirty-three years old. And I’ve had a couple of relationships, if you can call them that, but I never gave anyone my whole heart.” She entwined their fingers. “Before, there was archery. It consumed me. I had one goal, and that was it.”
“And after?” Madison asked, and Elodie watched her swallow.
“I was lost. I tried with a few women, but I wasn’t ready to give myself to someone else like that. I couldn’t risk losing another person I cared about, so I pushed them away.”
“Like you did to me?” Madison asked, looking down at their hands.
“You scare me.”
“Why, babe?” Madison asked, dropping Elodie’s hand and cupping Elodie’s cheek.
“Because you’re the real deal, Maddie. You’re someone I could fall in love with. And I just was not prepared for that when you showed up.”
“Are you prepared now?” Madison gave her a small smile.
“No,” Elodie replied, smiling back. “But I can’t be without you, either. It’s worse when you’re not around.”
“I feel the same way about you,” Madison said. “Before I left to go to Larry’s, I ran into Bree at the gas station. She told me I should come to her softball game this week and asked if I wanted to go out for drinks after.”
“She did what?” Elodie asked, pulling back a little.
“Well, hello there, jealous,” Madison chuckled. “I said no, in case you’re curious. I just couldn’t think of being with any other woman. I never thought I’d see anyone how I saw Wiley. And then I was at Larry’s, and I called her phone to hear her voice again, and for the first time, it didn’t sound right to me.” Madison swallowed. “It sounded like a kid’s voice, I think; like a seventeen-year-old girl whose parents just bought her a new cell phone.” She looked into Elodie’s eyes. “I’m not seventeen anymore.”
A Shot at Gold Page 16