by Susan Hatler
I put a hand over my heart, unable to speak for what felt like forever. “I’m trying to grasp everything you went through for your mom.”
Ryan squeezed my hand. “The least I could do.”
I laced my fingers through his, realizing he was not at all how he appeared to be. He seemed so cool and confident like nothing could bother him. But he had such a soft side, that he would quit a successful career to move close to his family when they needed him. Wow.
My mom couldn’t even get my dad to stay in the country for any length of time. Although, in all fairness, it seemed like my dad was trying.
He circled his thumb over the back of my hand. “Does it still bother you that I’m Managing Attorney?”
I sipped my wine, then took a deep breath. If Ryan could open up to me, then I owed him the same respect. “I slaved at the firm for five years. Five years. Yes, it still bothers me.”
He brought my hand to his lips, and placed a soft kiss over my pulse. “I’m sorry.”
My belly fluttered, and that kiss made it hard to talk. “I know you’re qualified, and you run the department beautifully. But, they gave you that position because you’re Jim’s nephew.”
“I’m more your boss in name only.” He gazed over at me. “The partners control your salary, and in case you haven’t noticed, you don’t need supervising around the office.”
I looked away. Talking about this was a moot point. On Friday, Madison would likely make me an offer. If it was good, I’d give notice, and the problem would be solved. It did leave the question as to what would happen between us though. The thought terrified me.
If Ryan wasn’t my boss, there would be no reason not to take our relationship to another level. I’d never put my feelings on the line before, not even with Aidan. The possibility of getting hurt scared me senseless. My heart raced, wondering if Ryan was feeling the same things I was.
He kept my hand on his lap. “I wish we could put it behind us.”
I sighed. “But it is awkward, you have to admit that.”
His brows came together. “Awkward can be okay. Look at how we handled lunch.”
I groaned. “Don’t remind me.”
He chuckled. “Your dad seems very nice. I hope things work out between him and your mom.”
“Me, too,” I said, shaking my head. “He had a successful job as an attorney and even made partner at his firm. Then one summer, he hiked Mt. Whitney, and he was hooked. One hiking trip after another. He stopped pulling his weight at the office, and the partners dissolved their company.”
He grimaced. “Ouch.”
“They have a mortgage on a house in the city, and he went into contract work because firms don’t like it when you take off for a month to hike in the Alps.” My heart ached, remembering my mom going to her day job, then picking up evening jobs too. She’d modeled exactly why I didn’t want to depend on a guy. “I don’t blame her for leaving. It’s just hard, you know?”
“I understand.” He slipped his arm around me, then played with the hair I’d been twisting around and around. His eyes connected with mine. “I’m glad you told me.”
“Me, too.” I gazed into his hazel eyes, then leaned forward, and pressed my mouth to his.
I’d opened up to Ryan, which should’ve felt good. But now I felt vulnerable, like I had that much more to lose. After he went home, I turned off my lamp, pulled the blanket up to my chin, and closed my eyes. My nerves were on edge, worried about all the things I couldn’t control, and I couldn’t fall asleep.
Beep! Beep!
My eyes popped open. What the . . .?
I groped for my cell on the nightstand, and found a message from Ryan: Still thinking of you. Sweet dreams, buttercup.
Sweet dreams. I typed back, then snuggled into my pillow, and drifted off to sleep.
Chapter Eleven
Friday morning, I arrived early to the office, since I was taking the afternoon off for an appointment. AKA: interview that could change my life. By mid-morning, I was deep into a new product liability case when my phone gave two cheerful beeps.
“Jill?” Ruth’s voice chirped out. “Stan would like to see you in the conference room.”
“Be right there.” I tapped my highlighter against my palm, wondering what he wanted since he’d never responded to my email. My eyes narrowed. There’s no chance he’d know about my interview with Madison since I hadn’t told anyone.
Rising to my feet, I tugged my blouse straight, and headed out of my office.
“Jill?” Sarah’s voice came from behind me.
Startled, I put a hand over my chest, and spun around toward Sarah’s cubicle. “Hey, I’m actually in a hurry.”
“I won’t keep you,” she said, quickly. “Just making sure we’re still on for drinks tonight.”
“Definitely.” Truthfully, I had the urge for drink right now. “Ginger’s coming, too.”
“Did you hear her friend Kaitlin got engaged?” She spun in her chair, turning back to her computer. “Apparently, her fiancé owns the Geoffries hotel. And I, for one, think she should be getting us a discount on drinks there.”
“You tell her that.” I laughed, then hurried down the hall. When I arrived at the conference room, the door was closed. Odd. I took a deep breath, turned the handle, and pulled the heavy mahogany door open. All three partners sat at the conference table. Ryan was seated next to them.
Slivers of dread raced through me. Oh, no. This did not bode well.
“Please shut the door, Jill.” Roger Gray gestured from his chair. “And have a seat.”
“Certainly.” I did as instructed, sliding into the empty chair at the end of the table, and crossing my legs slowly. When I glanced at Ryan, I forced a smile.
Roger and Jim were seated on one side, with Stan and Ryan on the other. They’d closed me in like a lawyer sandwich. I wondered if they’d coordinated on purpose as some kind of obscure tactic.
The three partners were silent, and Ryan held my gaze.
They had asked me to this meeting. Why did I have to speak first? I kept my expression blank as if we were going to discuss a new case. “You wanted to see me?”
“Yes, we did.” Stan Corbett put on a look of concern. “Jill, are you happy here?”
“Sure.” Blatant lie. But I doubted it would fly if I called him a backstabbing traitor, now would it?
“We received some disturbing news today.” Jim Shaw played with his silver pen as he spoke. “About you.”
“I see.” My nerves were raw, but I kept my poker face in place.
Roger slid a piece of paper across the desk. “Ed Haugan faxed this over to us today.”
I recognized the font immediately. It was indeed my résumé. Thanks a lot, Ed. I took it he wasn’t as excited as Madison about bringing me aboard.
“We were quite surprised by this.” Stan took a handkerchief from his front pocket, and dabbed at the beads of sweat on his forehead.
Tearing my eyes from Stan, I glanced at the others. Roger sat forward in his seat, watching me intently. Jim’s mouth was working as he tapped that silver pen against his opposite palm. I almost smiled at the realization. The partners were nervous. Guess they’d finally figured out how much I contributed to this firm.
Well, it was about freaking time. Yay, me!
“I wish you would’ve come to me first.” Stan managed a betrayed look, and the partners appeared panicked at losing their asset.
I gained confidence, knowing they wanted to keep their hard working golden goose (moi). Straightening in my chair, I tilted my head. “Stan, I sent you an email, asking if we could schedule an important meeting. But I never heard back from you.”
Roger and Jim turned toward Stan, who had the decency to flush. “Er, I’ll have Wendy look into that.”
Lame move, blaming his assistant, and I wanted to shake my head.
“We realize it’s been an adjustment having Ryan take Charles’ place.” Jim tapped his pen on the table now. “But you’re
not finding Ryan difficult to work for, are you?”
I met Ryan’s gaze. Apparently he was getting the blame for my (hopefully) leaving. This was the perfect opportunity to make him pay for snatching my promotion from me. And a week ago, I might have taken that opportunity. But not now.
I took a deep breath. “This has nothing to do with Ryan.”
Jim looked noticeably relieved, but Ryan’s expression didn’t change. He wore a blank, unreadable look. Impressive.
Folding my hands in my lap, I decided to start negotiation. “It’s not that I’m unhappy here, it’s that I’m looking for advancement. More responsibility. A higher salary,” I drawled out the last part, making sure they knew that was their ticket.
Roger smiled warmly at me. “We’re very happy with your work here, Jill. We’d like to keep you at Corbett, Gray, and Shaw.”
Stan nodded. “There have been a lot of changes in the department this past month, yet your work is still top quality.”
Top quality? Wasn’t he the guy who bought Frank Wilson’s complaints that I didn’t want to settle? As if.
Stan cleared his throat. “We’re going to give you a fifteen percent raise.”
Cha-ching! I kept my expression level as I calculated the number in my head. Knowing they’d never bump me back to the partner track with Jim’s relative in the way, I figured a higher salary was a decent consolation prize. My gaze traveled over each partner. “I need twenty-five percent.”
Stan’s face puckered. “Your annual review is in six months. We’ll consider an additional raise then.”
“Honestly, Stan?” I loved this feeling of power over my life, and seized it. “If you feel you can promote one of the junior attorneys, or bring someone in from the outside to handle my position better—”
“Your request sounds reasonable.” Roger turned to Jim. “Don’t you think?”
Jim nodded in assent.
“We’re in agreement then.” Stan stood on his short legs and held a hand out to me. “And you’ll stay with us?”
I gripped Stan’s sweaty palm firmly, taking pleasure in the physical evidence that I’d made him squirm. “My future career’s not set in stone, Stan. But I’m content for now.”
Ryan stood first. “I guess we’d better get back to work then.”
I shook the other partners’ hands before heading out the door.
****
On cloud nine, I dropped into my office chair, wearing an uncontrollable grin.
Ryan sailed through the doorway a minute later, and shut the door behind him.
I leaned back in the chair, kicked my feet up on the desk, and smiled triumphantly. “That was fun.”
“I’m impressed.” His admiration was apparent in his expression. “You work well under pressure.”
“That almost makes up for them handing my position to you.” I smiled, amazed that I felt comfortable saying that to him.
The corner of his mouth lifted. “Does that mean we’re finally even?”
I shook my head. “Don’t think you’re getting out of our agreement for lifetime sushi.”
He stepped toward me. “Lifetime, huh?”
My heart pounded as I stared into his eyes. “You didn’t look nervous in there. How did you know I wouldn’t sell you out?”
He reached for my hand, then pulled me to my feet. “Because I know you, buttercup. You’d never do that to me.”
Remembering what Kristen had told me, I frowned. “Would you ever betray me?”
He flinched, as if I’d hurt him. “Of course not.”
I swallowed, deciding to come clean on my worries. “It’s obvious you’re not a one-woman guy, and that’s fine. I just wish you’d admit it.”
He stepped back, raising his hands. “What’s obvious is that you don’t trust me. You’ve never seen me with another woman. So what gives?”
I crossed my arms, wondering how he got off having an attitude. “Well, it’s not like we’re together, together. How do I know how many women you’re seeing?”
His hazel eyes darkened. “Because if you’d gotten to know me at all, you’d know my character. I have never cheated on a girlfriend, and I never would. That I’ve dated only means I haven’t found the right person and had enough respect not to waste either of our time on something that wasn’t headed in the right direction.”
I scoffed. “Then why haven’t I heard that rendition? I’m a big girl. I can handle the truth if you’d fess up.”
He turned his head, then gave me a side-glance. “The truth is that if you believed in me, like I believe in you, then you wouldn’t have doubts.”
A lump moved up my throat. I wanted to believe him. But I’d believed my dad, and every other man who’d come and gone in my life. And all of them had let me down. “You’re asking too much of me.”
“Your trust isn’t something I should have to ask for. You either trust me, or you don’t.” His face clouded, and he shook his head. “And you obviously don’t.”
Knock! Knock! Knock!
The door to my office clicked open, and Sarah’s face peered around the door. She looked up at Ryan, then over to me. “Sorry.” She grimaced. “I thought you were just on the phone.”
Swallowing the lump in my throat, I waved her in. Better to end things now than have my heart splattered to smithereens. “That’s all right. We were finished anyway.”
With one last look at me, Ryan turned, and slipped out of my office.
“Just checking to see if you want to have lunch.” She came in slowly. “But I obviously interrupted something. Do you need more time to, uh, finish up?”
My stomach clenched, and my legs felt weak. I dropped down into my chair. “No, I’m pretty sure I just ended things with Ryan.”
Sarah looked crestfallen. “Why?”
I threw her a look. “Aren’t you the one who told me he was a player?”
She thrust her hands to her chest. “Did you break up with him because of me?”
My stomach rolled. “It’s not like we were even together.”
“You’re confusing me.” She shook her head. “There had to have been something going on between you two, in order for you to put a stop to it.”
“There you go being logical again.” I steepled my hands, bringing them against my mouth. “It just didn’t feel right.”
Although, the way things stood, now felt much worse. . . .
Sarah stepped all the way into the office, and shut the door behind her. “What was the meeting with the partners about? I heard through the grapevine.”
“I’m interviewing for a position with McKenzie of McKenzie, Atkins, Haugan, & Hall this afternoon, and Ed Haugan faxed our partners a copy of my résumé.” I still couldn’t believe Ed had the nerve to do that to me. Why would he go behind Madison’s back like that?
Sarah’s mouth dropped open. “How awful. Are you still going to the interview?”
I played with my bottom lip, then held up my hand. “I should call Madison to confirm we’re still on but, as far as I’m concerned, yes.”
Sarah’s eyes perked open with interest. “Did the partners freak? Serves them right for not promoting you in the first place.”
“Actually,” I started packing up my briefcase, “they offered me a raise.”
Sarah brought her hands to her chest. “What’d you say?”
I smiled, but the satisfaction had faded. “I accepted, but didn’t promise them how long I’d stay.”
Sarah stuck her bottom lip out. “I’d be sad if you left, but I completely support you.”
“I appreciate that.” I finished packing my briefcase, then clipped it shut. “I’d better call Madison to touch base before I head to their office.”
“Good luck.” She popped to her feet, then pulled the door shut as she left.
My office was quiet, but the energy around me spun, making me dizzy. My plan had been Madison McKenzie’s office, but already one of the partners had betrayed me. After my new raise, was it worth the e
ffort to start over at a new firm? Where was Kristen when I needed her?
On the Italian Riviera, I guessed. . . .
Sucking in a breath, I dialed Madison’s number. In less than five minutes, I’d explained the situation, she assured me she’d handle Ed, then she insisted that I come for the interview.
Feeling unsure about everything in my life, I went.
****
I strode into the Geoffries hotel Friday night, heels clicking across the marble lobby. I’d dressed up for girls’ night out, wearing my black pants, and a silky blue top. I’d gotten a raise, I’d been offered a managerial position at McKenzie, Atkins, Haugan, & Hall. My life was finally back on the partner track.
And I’d never been more miserable.
Determined not to ruin the night for my friends, I pasted on a smile, and entered the lounge. I spotted Ginger and Sarah on an elegant couch, and they waved when they saw me. Giving each of them a quick hug, I searched around for a menu. “Has the server been over?”
Ginger and Sarah exchanged a look, then Ginger said, “Our drinks are on the way, but they aren’t coming from the server.”
I blinked several times. “You lost me.”
Sarah twisted her lips to the side. “I ran into Scott Broderick as I was leaving work, and he invited me out for drinks.”
“Really?” My brows shot up since neither of them had ever shown interest in the other.
She waved a hand. “Not like that. Anyway, without thinking I invited him to the lounge.”
We had a man invading girls’ night, but whatever. Not like I’d be much fun, so maybe he would be entertaining, which would take the heat off me. “That’s fine.”
Sarah made a face like she was in pain. “He brought a friend.”
Understanding settled over me, and my eyes widened. “Which friend?”
“Hey, Jill.” Scott passed by me, then sat in the plush chair by Ginger’s end of the couch, and handed her a drink.
When a Mojito appeared in front of me, my lashes lifted to see who’d delivered it.
Ryan’s eyes sparkled as he set my drink down on the table, then kissed me on the cheek. “Hi, buttercup. You look beautiful, as always.”