In the silence and darkness of the den, Brett pulled off his shirt and jeans and laid down on the couch in his boxer shorts. With one hand cocked up behind him, he looked at the ceiling fan and with the other hand, he ran his thumb over the bottom of his wedding ring. Why did he even have this damn thing on anymore? Snatching it off, he threw it across the room.
He truly felt like acting out - like tearing the walls down around him - but he was drained of even the energy to do that. All he knew was that the boy he had loved since the first day that he had laid eyes on him was not his; the woman he had loved unconditionally was never his, and the life that he had created around him was not real. The most painful part of the equation was that he had been too blind or too stupid to notice or suspect anything, which made him feel that he was to blame. Fool me once, shame on me. Fool me twice, then I must be an fucking retard, he thought to himself.
Cameron crossed his mind - his delicate little features seared into his brain forever. Brett had always thought that the boy had more characteristics from Amy’s parents, who were both brunettes. And while the boy didn’t look like him, he had loved him so much until he had never allowed a single thought to cross his mind about Cameron not being his.
Plus, Brett’s mother had died suddenly from a heart attack and was not there to tell him her thoughts on the matter. But his mom was always a very kind and tactful woman, unlike Amy. So unless there was undeniable proof that Cameron was not his, she would have never said anything anyway.
Conversely, he did love the boy, and there was no doubt about that. And Courtney was right. All they had was each other now.
“What kind of woman does this shit?” he asked aloud. The dark room did not respond. It could not. But being left in silence made him angrier by the moment. Hurt started to shield itself with the fuel of revenge. But who could he lash out at? Who was left to carry the burden with him?
Brett snickered to himself when he thought of Amy going down in flames. He imagined her on the plane headed to Japan with her I-pod in her ears, listening to Clint Black and making plans to start a new life with Jermaine when suddenly the pilot came over the intercom and told them to kiss their asses goodbye. He could see her looking around all scared and praying that she would be the only survivor with no thought about Cameron or the family that she left behind. He had even imagined that she might have even prayed to God for his help. But He wouldn’t help her. Reap what you sow and all that. He knew it was wrong to think in such a way, but he didn’t care at the moment. It was the only thought that seemed to soothe him as he began to drift off in troubled sleep.
Closing his eyes, he felt his breaths slow and his mind stop racing. Maybe he would get some rest after all.
***
At exactly two o’clock in the morning, Brett’s brilliant blue eyes flashed open with a fright. Sitting up, he wiped his face of the sweat pouring down it and looked around frantically. Another devilish nightmare. This time in his dream, he was in an ambush with his late friend and fallen Marine, Sergeant Allen. He could even feel the sand and heat on his skin and hear the snap of AK-47 bullets whiz past him as the green chasers continued to fly. The taste of blood was in his mouth from where he had bit down too hard on his lip and his trigger finger was sore from gripping his imaginary weapon. The mind was a powerful thing, and in his case, sometimes a powerful enemy.
He looked down at his hands, shaking and clammy and slowed his breathing. Wanting a drink, he stood up and wondered out into the dark hall towards the kitchen. He’d sneak a beer before four and drink down a few quarts of water in the morning just to take the edge off. Hopefully, it wouldn’t affect the company run later that day.
As he entered the spotless kitchen that smelled of bleach and Pine Sol, he saw Courtney sitting at the table reading her textbook under a small lamp. Pausing, he flipped on the light and looked her way.
“What are you doing up?” he asked gruffly.
Courtney looked up and put down her highlighter. “Couldn’t sleep. I figured I’d get some work done.” She watched him make his way to the refrigerator. Bending over as he opened it, he looked inside and grabbed a beer.
“I take it the tea didn’t help,” she said, turning off her lamp.
“Sorry. I didn’t even try it,” he said, popping the top to a chilled Miller Lite. He took a sip and sluggishly made his way back to the entryway.
Courtney opened her mouth and then quickly closed it shut. She didn’t want to pry. Sticking her nose into other people’s affairs had been one of her downfalls for many years. It was part of her Save the World Syndrome.
Nevertheless, Brett could feel her stare on his back. He turned slowly and titled his head.
“Say it,” he said, propping his bare foot up on the wall. He had been around women long enough to know when they had something on their mind. Rubbing a hand down his jaw, he scratched the stubble under his hand.
Courtney closed her book and sighed. “This isn’t your fault.”
“You sound like that movie, Good Will Hunting. Have you seen it?”
Courtney knew his guard was up. “I’m serious.”
Brett sighed. “I could tell myself that it isn’t my fault, but I’d be lying. And I fucking hate liars.” He clenched his jaw tight, and he could tell that his harsh language didn’t sit well with her. So, he tried to speak softer for her sake. “You’re a good girl, Cort. I don’t expect you to understand.”
“What is there not to understand? You were betrayed. It must hurt.” She looked down at the table. “It must tear you apart, but it always helps to have someone tell you the truth. And the truth is that you’re a good, decent man.” She looked back up at him, her eyes were full of sincerity. “And it’s not your fault.”
Brett felt uncomfortable. He put his foot down and looked up at the ceiling. The bottle of beer was clenched in his hand. Shaking his head, he smiled despite himself. “I loved her.”
“I know,” Courtney said in a soft, loving voice.
“But she was never good to me. Nothing I ever did was good enough.”
Courtney thought of her father. “Believe me. I understand.”
“Do you?” he asked quickly. He stared at her. “How do you understand?”
“My father,” she muttered. “He has never been happy with one decision that I have made by myself in my entire life. Just once, I wish he would be proud of me, you know.” Her voice trailed off, but she kept her eyes on him even though it was hard to look someone in the eye and admit such a thing.
Brett could see the pain in her eyes, and even in his own sorrow, he felt pity for her. “Who couldn’t be proud of you?” he asked sincerely. “Look at you. You’re amazing. I knew it the first time I laid eyes on you. Beautiful. Soft. Honest.” His voice grew husky. “You’re everything a man could ask for and more.” His eyes were deadlocked on her own. She couldn’t turn away if she wanted to now.
Courtney was unnerved. Her mouth parted in surprise; her heart skipped a beat and butterflies erupted. “It’s funny that you can see all of that in me and not see that we have all of that in common.”
“I don’t’ know about the beautiful and soft part.” Brett smirked and was about to take another sip of his beer but paused. His face hardened. “I have nightmares. I have…flashbacks. It’s hard for me to adjust. Being around people in large crowds or being around people that I don’t know puts me on edge. Sometimes, I drink too much, and I just want to be alone. That can go on for days…weeks. I assume that my anti-social behavior had a lot to do with Amy’s growing unhappiness in our relationship. But I couldn’t help it,” he said deflated. “People expect that just because you swear in, volunteer, and decide to stand a post that you’re also supposed to be able to face what the consequences are for doing so without flinching. You’re supposed to have this concrete resolution. But no one is ready for what they see over there.”
Courtney listened quietly. She could feel his loneliness and vulnerability. “PTSD doesn’t go away overnight.
In fact, I’m not sure that it ever goes away, but with treatment…”
He interrupted her. “Treatment would end my career, and I’ve worked too hard to end up on 100% disability with no other skill but killing on my resume. Plus, I’m trying to be a father to a child that isn’t mine…”
“Don’t say that. Don’t ever say that. He is yours,” she said defensively of Cameron. She frowned and leaned forward in her chair. Her gold necklace gleamed in the dull light. “Where would he be without you? He has no one else. Don’t ever let him hear you say that. It would kill him.” Her eyes watered. “And hasn’t he been through enough?”
Brett was moved by her protection over his son, and he knew that she was right. “I just had to say it once. I had to hear myself say it to know it. Just once,” he said with tears in his eyes. “I don’t want to…” He could feel his mouth quiver. “I don’t want to walk around like this didn’t happen too. Something has to be real, even if it’s really fucked up.”
Courtney stood up from her seat and walked over to him. Opening her arms, she felt him grab her tightly and bury his head into her neck. He wouldn’t cry. He was too stubborn for that, but he did empty himself emotionally into her.
Her arms wrapped around him. In a soft voice, she whispered, “It’s okay. I’m here for you.” A sad smile curled her lips.
Brett clenched his eyes tight and held her close to him. The warmth of her body radiated like pure sunlight onto his skin. The fresh, clean smell of her intoxicated him. Swiftly, his sorrow turned into gut-wrenching need.
Brushing his hand through her hair, he looked into her eyes and saw a vulnerability that made him suddenly fiercely possessive. A growl escaped him. Agog, he moved his large hand to her neck. The pulse of her heart pounded through his fingertips. He leaned in and pressed a kiss to her neck first then her chin and finally he kissed her pouty, full lips. Tasting the sweet nectar in her mouth again sent chills down his spine and without intending to, he picked her up and pinned her against the wall.
Courtney kissed back, lost in the moment. She ran her hands over his bulging biceps, amazed at his strength and aggression. She closed her eyes and felt his hands gripping her thighs, making their way up her legs. Her breaths began to quicken, her sex clenched tight.
His thick erection prodded in between her thighs pointing its rigid heat at the core of her.
She was suddenly confused. She wanted this. Oh, she wanted this, but it was too soon. He was vulnerable, not thinking clearly. Things could change for him in the morning when his thoughts were not fogged by more drama. But she would still want him. It would just be another tragedy to go down in the books.
Pulling away from his kiss reluctantly, she pushed her hands against his chest. “Brett,” she panted. “We shouldn’t.”
Brett face was red with heat. Gritting his teeth, his eyes wild with desire, he put his forehead on hers and slid her obediently down the wall. Removing his hands from inside her panties, he looked down at her and licked his wet lips.
“I know,” he said, getting his bearings. “But it’s just getting so hard to fight.”
Courtney was shivering all over. Her satin panties were wet from the silky milk that had already started to glisten between her thighs. She looked down at her feet and couldn’t help but notice his magnum-size erection. It only made her want him more.
Brett stepped away. Under heavy, lust filled eyes, he gazed at her, wanted her.
She looked up at him, embarrassed to have stopped him. “I don’t want this to be just another mistake that ends up effecting Cameron.”
His eye twitched. “I don’t want you to wake up and start to see me like Amy did.”
“I would never do that,” she said in a high pitch.
“And I would never not want you. I’ll want you tomorrow when I wake up, Cort.” He moved closer to her. “I’ll want you tomorrow evening when I come home and see you again, next month, the year after.” His voice was low and sexy. His eyes telling of his desire. He ran his hands through her hair and watched her eyes grow lazy.
Courtney couldn’t catch her breath. His masculinity invaded her. “And I will want the same,” she said swallowing hard. “So maybe this isn’t a good idea. Maybe I should go.”
“Oh, I’m not letting you go,” Brett said firmly. He shook his head and pushed against her. “I can’t.”
Courtney tried to fight him, but the feel of his fingers against her skin betrayed her mind. Flesh began to speak to flesh, and she was no longer in control.
“Brett, this is dangerous,” she warned.
“I’m a fucking United States Marine,” he answered simply before he picked her up in his arms. “What part of my life isn’t dangerous?”
“I want you so badly,” she whispered into his mouth.
Brett felt the same for Courtney. His erection was so rock hard until it literally began to hurt. A red-hot gaze of need blinded him. He carried her without a struggle through the house, but they could not make it to the bedroom.
Every kiss became more sensual, every touch became more erotic. He stopped at the steps that led up to the second floor and detoured into the living room. Laying her on the sofa, he snatched her kimono off to reveal soft, pink satin underwear. His large hands immediately went for her breasts. He couldn’t remember how many times he had thought of doing just what he was doing now, touching her, fondling her.
Courtney was half on the sofa, half on the floor, pinned against Brett with her legs wide open. Her hands found their way down his rock-hard chest, past his six-pack abdomen to the curly hair just above his eager manhood. She raked her nails there and made him growl.
He bent to her and bit her pebbled nipple through her bra, then quickly unhooked it to reveal her ripe, ample breasts. The look of her dark, ebony skin only made him harder. In the moonlight, he could see the contrast of their skin. His pale hand over her dark breast. His body in between her dark thighs.
Bending down, he suckled at her hungrily. His tongue was nimble. His hands explored every part of her. He tasted her nipples eagerly, lapping her up as he held her close. Hot breath hissed against her wet skin, and the sound of him licking and tasting her body made her arch her back.
She gasped aloud. The sensation sent zingers through her body as he softly bit her nipple. Slipping her hand down in between them, she stuck a single digit in between her thighs, releasing a flow of hot liquid as she racked over her clit.
He watched her with pure satisfaction. Snatching her panties off, he lifted her hips in his hands and buried his head between her thighs. Her head flew back, eyes closed, mouth open. It. Felt. Like. Heaven.
Brett picked her up and flung her legs over his wide shoulders. Kissing her shaved little secret, he opened her more as he kissed her there. She looked down in sheer agony. The want had grown so in her until her fire could only be put out by one thing.
Lust overtaking her, she grasped his capped shoulders. “Do you have a condom?” she asked, pulling his head up.
Brett rolled his eyes. He was a married man for most of his adult life. There was no use for a condom. Heaving a defeated sigh, he put his head on her abdomen. “No,” he groaned. His words vibrated against her skin.
“I do,” she said, biting her lip. “I always keep a couple in my personal things.”
“Can we go to your room?” he asked. His blue eyes shimmered in the darkness. A dimple showed in his right jaw.
“Yes, I’d love that,” Courtney said, trying to pull her kimono over her. Now that she had her wits about her, she realized that the last place she wanted to make love to him was in his living room on this very elegant but very uncomfortable sofa.
Brett pulled her hand away as she tried to cover herself. “Leave it off,” he ordered. His eyes swept her again. He had to get her upstairs before the mood changed.
***
Courtney could hear the latex as it slid on his lengthy penis. Turned away from her, Brett stood by the bed in the darkness and groaned while he prepa
red himself. It had been years since he had used a condom, though he probably should have never stopped.
While he was busy, Courtney had a chance to better admire all the muscles that made up his back and led down to his narrow waist. It only made her want him more. He looked amazing.
“What’s wrong?” she asked, laying in the bed waiting. Her fingers found themselves between her legs again.
He looked back at her quickly and then back down at himself. “This condom is for a little shaver,” he said grunting. “I’ll have to check and make sure that it doesn’t rip during the process.”
She bit her lip. “We’ll keep an eye on it. Does it hurt you?” She was eager to see what he looked like from the front.
Brett turned to see her lying naked on the bed and felt himself regain the inches he had lost in the struggle. “No, I’ll be fine,” he said, crawling between her legs.
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