Caol’nir shut his eyes as he buried his face in her hair. “You make me wish I wasn’t sworn to keep you chaste.” Alluria’s breath caught in her throat. “I’m sorry,” he said as he withdrew from her. “I shouldn’t say such things.” He walked a few paces from her in a futile attempt to clear his head as Alluria gathered the herbs into a sack. Wordlessly they walked to their horse; once Caol’nir had stowed the herbs, he turned to lift her onto the saddle.
“I need to teach you how to mount a horse,” he said as he put his hands on her waist.
“What’s wrong with mounting this way?” Alluria asked as she draped her arms around his neck. Caol’nir did not respond, and gently placed her upon the saddle. As he took his seat behind her, she settled her body against him.
“Caol’nir?”
“Mmm?”
“Thank you.” She didn’t elaborate, and Caol’nir didn’t ask what specifically she was thanking him for. Instead, he wrapped his arm about her as he coaxed the horse to a gentle trot.
“You are very welcome, rihka.”
###
Once they were within the palace walls, they swiftly made their way to Caol’nir’s chamber. It was by far the riskiest part of their outings, but it was as necessary as it was dangerous. Alluria could not keep the scullion’s dress and shoes in her cell, nor could she just appear in the temple with a bundle of freshly gathered herbs. Therefore, Caol’nir always kept the herbs and brought them to temple the next morning.
Alluria was thoughtful as she donned her sacred robes, her mind centered on her growing affection for Caol’nir. She had always assumed that he would eventually lose interest in her and move on to one he could openly love, but he was nothing if not loyal to his priestess. In fact, the only talk about the palace concerning Caol’nir and a woman was speculation as to which saffira he was constantly riding off with.
That news had made her heart light, so light that she had finally garnered enough courage to ask him why he bothered with her; when he replied, he made it seem as if she was doing Caol’nir the favor. Then he admitted his inner thoughts, and Alluria wondered if she had not acted so shocked if he would have gone on to say that he loved her…
She laughed silently, for here she was assuming that Caol’nir loved her when neither had spoken the word aloud. Yet she knew she loved him, and the notion filled her as much with sadness as happiness. Her frustration nearly got the better of her, and she had half a mind to leave her robes where they lay and throw herself at Caol’nir, to declare her love for him and demand that he claim her.
Caol’nir would never do that, she thought as she fastened her robe, he values his oath too highly. Alluria sighed, for his sense of honor was one of the aspects she loved best about him, and she resolved to remain silent. She cleared her throat, thus letting Caol’nir know that she was attired. He turned around as she pulled her hair back.
“Wait,” he said, “I have something for you.” He retreated to the rear of his chamber, and returned with a mirror he placed on the ledge above the hearth. “For your hair, when comb it,” he said by way of explanation.
“Thank you,” she said, “you’re very kind to me.” She beamed at him, for not only did he risk his very life for her, he always sought ways to make her happy. Caol’nir merely nodded as he retrieved her scullion’s dress.
“I’ll need to get you a warmer dress for the winter,” he said almost to himself, “and a woolen cloak.”
“I always wear your cloak.”
“Then what am I to wear?” he asked, and she laughed. “You’ll need boots, as well.” Caol’nir retrieved a knotted cord and a scrap of parchment, then he knelt on the floor and took one of Alluria’s bare feet in his lap. He proceeded to measure its length and width, then he wrapped the cord about her ankle and then her calf, all the while making careful notes on the parchment. She watched in mute fascination as he measured first one foot, and then picked up the other.
“Are boots so specific to their owners?” she asked, for she had assumed he would merely filch a pair as he had done with her dress.
“Good boots are,” he replied. “I’ll have these specially made for you.”
“Won’t that be costly?”
“I receive a stipend from the king,” he answered. “As do all of the con’dehr.”
“Caol’nir, no,” she protested, and he looked up from his task. “You’ve earned your coin; don’t waste it on me.”
“If I’ve earned it, I will spend it where I wish,” he replied as he stroked her ankle. “And, I can’t return you to temple with frostbitten toes.” She smiled, and Caol’nir resumed measuring her foot. Caol’nir remarked that her feet were cold, and mumbled that he would get the kindling, when Alluria raised her hand and uttered a few words. Before Caol’nir’s eyes, a fire sprang to life in the hearth.
“Is there no limit to your talents?” he asked.
“It’s not so hard,” Alluria replied. She always said that when she did something amazing. “I can teach you, if you’d like.”
“Then instead of gathering herbs we can sit before the fire and you will teach me spells,” he said as he resumed measuring her foot. “A pleasant way to spend the winter.”
“It will take all winter to teach a warrior the finer points of magic.”
Caol’nir grinned, then he gripped her ankle and tickled her foot.
“Stop!” she shouted as she tried to yank her foot away, but she was no match for Caol’nir’s strength. “Caol’nir, no more!” Finally, he heeded her words and ended her torment, but did not release her ankle.
“That will teach you to tease a warrior,” he said as he rubbed her sole. Alluria laughed again, her flushed cheeks scarlet in the firelight. He moved to measure her calf but his light touch made her jump.
“Try it again and you’ll be sorry,” she said as she jerked back her leg, but to no avail. Caol’nir pulled her toward him, sliding her across the smooth stone floor until he loomed over her.
“What will you do, tie me up in pretty ribbons?” he challenged, glowering down at her. Alluria’s elbow slipped but Caol’nir thrust his hand underneath her back, and she grabbed the front of his jerkin. Once Alluria realized she was steady, she let him guide her to a sitting position.
“Thank you, for catching me,” she said softly.
“I will never let any harm come to you,” he said as he squeezed her hand.
“Do you promise?” Alluria asked.
“I do,” he proclaimed as he pressed her fingers to his lips. “No one in Parthalan is as safe as you.” He reached out to embrace her, then let his hands fall to his sides.
“I need to return you to temple,” he said, getting to his feet. “we’ve stayed here too long.” Alluria nodded, and rose as well. Caol’nir carefully folded the parchment with her measurements and said he would speak with the cobbler later that day.
“Caol’nir, I’m serious,” she said. “I don’t want you to waste what you’ve earned on me.”
“You will need the boots, so it’s not a waste,” he said firmly. She crossed her arms over her chest and pursed her lips, and he knew she would not budge until she had her way. “Alluria, just let me do this for you,” he implored. “I only want you to be warm. Is that so wrong?”
“I suppose not,” she replied. She watched the emotions play across his face, and knew he wanted to do so much for her, so much more than their situation would allow. “Why do you always go out of your way for me?” she asked. Caol’nir stroked her cheek before he replied.
“I think you know why.”
###
The next morning Caol’nir arrived at the Great Temple shortly after the child sun rose, only staying long enough to hand over the bundle of herbs to Alluria. He made a point of apologizing for the small amount of plants, then flashed her that grin of his as he mentioned that he had found a new meadow that teemed with everything she sought.
Alluria hid her smile as she brought the herbs to the sorting table, remembering how Caol’nir had gently st
roked her hand, his arms about her as they lay together in the meadow. She knew that the entire temple wondered why she let him dote on her, but she no longer cared what her sister priestesses thought. Further, she had long since grown tired of the constant staring she had endured since she arrived at this wretched place, and hoped her sisters would grow weary of her presence and petition Sarelle to send her back to the east.
And Caol’nir would accompany me as my guard… She smiled as she carefully emptied the bundle onto the table and set about examining the plants, much as she had done the prior morning.
“Would you like some help?”
Alluria turned to see one of the younger priestesses, a shy girl called Keena, approach her. Alluria nodded, grateful for the companionship. As Keena set about sorting and organizing the plants, Alluria could not tear her eyes from her midsection.
“Do you know, yet?” Alluria asked, for Olluhm had honored Keena at the last dark moon. Yet another priestess honored within a few moons of being accepted, Alluria thought bitterly.
“I carry no child,” Keena replied with a sigh of relief, which Alluria found odd. Normally, a priestess was saddened when Olluhm’s visit did not result in a child. Keena glanced up at Alluria, and asked, “May I speak freely to you, sister?”
“Of course.”
Keena looked about, ensuring that they were alone before she continued. “When he came…I do not think it was a god, but a man.”
“What?” Alluria demanded in a loud whisper. “Keena, if this has happened—”
“I know, I should have spoken sooner,” Keena said as she watched her hands, “but in truth I didn’t think anyone would believe me. I only know what we’ve been instructed, and Olluhm had never honored me before.”
“Why do you think it wasn’t the god?” Alluria asked.
“The cruel way he spoke to me…his voice was gruff, like an angry man, not at all how Olluhm should sound. He wouldn’t let me look at him, and he was…rougher than I expected.” Keena went on, and described in detail the night that left her in such pain she could hardly move from her bed. “In truth I’m glad my womb is still, for I don’t know if it would be the god’s child or a man’s that I bore,” she concluded as she stroked her flat belly.
Alluria managed a few words of comfort for Keena, then sent her to rest in her cell. Horrified that a man might have breached the sanctity of the Great Temple, Alluria left in a flurry, her bare feet slapping against the stone floor, to find the one person who would hear her.
She found Caol’nir soon enough, sparring with his twin in the practice field behind the sola. They were quite a sight, all flashing silver blades and a blur of wheat blond hair as they circled one another. Caol’non noticed her first, lowering his sword as he nodded to his brother. Caol’nir grinned at the sight of Alluria, and motioned for her to wait on a bench while he whispered something to his twin.
“In need of more herbs so soon, my lady?” he asked once he approached. “You shouldn’t be about unescorted.”
“The ones you brought are quite fine, as usual,” she replied, ignoring his reprimand while marveling at how easy it was for them to slip into their usual banter. “What is Caol’non doing?” He was a short distance away, busying himself with a great heap of practice swords.
“I asked him to stay near. It’s better if we’re not alone.” Alluria nodded, then pursed her lips.
Caol’nir saw her hands trembling her lap, and knelt before her. “Tell me,” he implored.
Alluria carefully relayed all that Keena had told her, expecting that Caol’nir would to leap to his feet and capture whoever had done harm to her sister priestess. Instead, Caol’nir all but dismissed her fears.
“Did you consider that Keena is an inexperienced girl, and was thus unprepared for the act of lying with another?” he asked gently.
“We are prepared!” Alluria said indignantly.
“How?” Caol’nir demanded.
“We are shown a statue of a man, and instructed on what to do,” she replied, her fury growing as Caol’nir tried not to laugh.
“Alluria, look at my hands,” Caol’nir implored as he held both out for her to examine. “My hands are quite different than those of a statue, are they not?”
“Yes,” she agreed, “but when I was at my temple in the east and I cared for the children, there were boys among them.” She would have continued, but had no desire to talk over his laughter.
“Again, my lady, I assure you that my body is quite different from that of a child’s.” Alluria felt her cheeks grow hot and she turned away, furious with both Caol’nir and herself.
“You are making me feel like a fool,” she said softly.
“No, no, that’s not my intent,” he said, taking her hands in his. “I don’t think you’re foolish. I think you’re a wonderful, compassionate soul who would do anything to ensure the safety of her temple and that of her sisters.” She glanced at his warm smile, and felt the redness fading from her cheeks. “I only want you to understand that there may be a simple explanation, and Keena may not have been prepared for what it is truly like to lie with another.”
“We think we are prepared,” she murmured. “We are taught that it is a beautiful, uplifting experience.”
“I’m sure it is,” he said, caressing her wrists with his thumbs. “Also, the doors to the temple are sealed every night, and can only be reopened by a priestess. What man could have entered?”
“I don’t know,” she answered, thoroughly exasperated and wishing she had not sought him. “But Keena said it was a man that took her, not a god! Surely even we inexperienced girls can tell the difference betwixt the two!”
“If I was a god and sought to lie with a woman, I would take the form of a man,” Caol’nir pointed out. Alluria looked away, unsure if she was angry with herself for overreacting, or with Caol’nir for so quickly denouncing her fears.
Caol’nir glanced over his shoulder, noting that Caol’non’s back was to them, then he sat next to her on the bench, one hand holding hers while the other went to the nape of her neck.
“I will say this: if any man has violated Keena, I will kill him myself.” Alluria’s eyes widened, but he continued. “And if anyone so much as lays a finger on you, I’ll kill him as well.”
“Anyone, save you?” she asked, a hint of a smile returning to her face.
“Anyone, save me,” he repeated. “Mea nalla, you have my word.” He realized what he’d said too late, but Alluria had already heard.
“What did you call me?” she asked as Caol’nir dropped his gaze from hers.
“Something I should not,” he mumbled as he tried withdrawing his hand, but she held on to him.
“I know what the words mean,” she said, now speaking in the old language for he had called her his beloved in ahm’ri. “Why did you call me that?”
“Because I’m a fool, because when I’m near you I cannot control what comes out of my mouth,” he muttered. Alluria ducked her head so she could see his eyes, and once again her gentle gaze drew the truth from him. “Because I can think of no better words to describe you. Forgive me, my lady.”
“You are not forgiven, warrior,” she said firmly.
Caol’nir bent his head, and tried explaining himself. “Alluria, please don’t be angry with me,” Caol’nir said. “I mean you no disrespect, and I truly want nothing more than to guard you and your vows…” His voice trailed off at Alluria’s gentle laugh.
“You are to call me that often, do you understand?” she said as she pushed a stray piece of hair from his brow. Caol’nir smiled, one of his wide, unpretentious grins that Alluria adored.
“Your mate won’t strike me dead for speaking of you in such a way?”
“He didn’t a moment ago,” she replied. “If I thought he would, I wouldn’t be sitting next to you.”
“Mea nalla, mea nalla, mea nalla,” he said as she laughed. He studied her slender fingers nestled in his palm when he continued. “Nalla, am I right in
thinking that Olluhm has not honored you?”
“He has not,” Alluria said softly; if anyone else had dared to ask about such a private matter she would have stalked off, as much to save her pride as hide her shame. It was unusual for a priestess of her years to not be visited by the god, so much so that Alluria worried that she had somehow displeased him. Atreynha had tried calming her time and again, but those assurances hardly placated her. Until the god claimed her, Alluria was not truly his mate.
As the thought crossed her mind she glanced up at Caol’nir, his face split by a grin, and realized that he also knew she wasn’t the god’s full mate. Caol’nir didn’t try hiding that he was glad she remained unclaimed, and, for the first time, Alluria wondered if her status meant that she could choose another.
“It pleases you that my god has overlooked me?” Alluria asked.
“Your happiness is what pleases me,” Caol’nir replied as he squeezed her hand.
“It seems my destiny is to wander this land unclaimed by god or man,” she said harshly, no longer trying for the appearance of a complacent priestess. “Alluria: the child no one wanted, grown to a woman no one wants.”
“Nalla, don’t think that,” he said as his hand returned to her neck, “not for a moment. You’re beautiful, and kind, and… and any man would be a fool to not want you.”
“Do you mean that?” she asked without raising her head. He murmured that he did, and she made a soft, frustrated sound that was intended to be a laugh. “Sometimes, I wish I was free to choose my mate the way others do.”
Caol’nir shut his eyes, and asked. “What sort of man would you choose?”
“A warrior,” she said softly, “with kind eyes and callused hands, who took needless risks to make me smile.” Alluria rubbed the calluses that marred Caol’nir’s palm, not daring to look at his face. “I would choose him in a heartbeat, if I thought he wanted me.”
Caol’nir stroked her wrist with one hand while the other drew her face close to his. “You know I want things to be different.” He leaned his forehead against hers. “Alluria, there is so much I want to—”
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