Alluria woke with a start, not realizing what had disturbed her rest. Then she heard it again. Terrified cries emanated from the cell beside hers.
He has come, she thought as she shrank back in her cot. Knowing that cowering would accomplish nothing, she rose and threw on her robes. Swiftly and silently, she made her way across the darkened temple. At the northern entrance, she whispered the words to unseal the door—if only Sarell knew how many were aware of her spell—and ran down the corridor. After a frantic search, she reached Caol’nir’s chamber.
“He will help,” Alluria whispered as she soundlessly opened his door with her magic. “Caol’nir will help.”
Alluria eased the door shut, her hand remaining on it for an extra moment as she cast a simple charm; now, the door would only open for her and Caol’nir. As Alluria approached the bed, she saw his sleeping form and was grateful beyond reckoning that he was in his room alone. She knelt next to him and whispered his name, only to jump when his eyes snapped open and he sat straight up.
“What’s wrong?” he asked. “Alluria, you’re shaking.”
“He has come,” she whispered, her eyes wide with terror.
“For you?” Caol’nir asked, his voice betraying that his heart had fallen. He reached out to her then abruptly stopped; both knew that if she was now the god’s full mate he would never be able to touch her again.
“No. For another,” she replied softly. “I heard her scream.”
“If he is with another, why did you run?” Alluria did not answer him, preferring to study her hands. “I thought he only came to one woman each moon.”
“That is how it has always been,” she conceded, “but…” Alluria fell silent as she gathered both her thoughts and her courage. “Caol’nir, I don’t think it is Olluhm that visited the temple tonight.”
“Alluria, how can you know it is not Olluhm that honors your sister? He won’t be pleased if his priestess runs from him.”
She covered her face with her hands, her shoulders shaking. “It’s not him,” she whispered. “I don’t know how to explain it, but it’s not my god. I’ve asked Atreynha what it was like when Olluhm honored her. She said it was like a beautiful, loving light filled her with happiness. Before, when Olluhm attended one of us, we could all feel such contentment. Now, it’s as if a pall hangs over the temple, and not one of us welcomes his touch.” Caol’nir took her hands, but remained silent.
“I know you think I’m mistaken,” she murmured, having discerned Caol’nir’s thoughts from his pained expression. “I wish you could believe me.”
“It’s not that I don’t trust your word,” Caol’nir said. He brushed her chestnut waves back from her eyes; in her haste to reach him she had forgotten to tie back her hair. “Rihka, I do believe you, and I’m glad you came to me. You can always come to me.” Caol’nir fell silent, but Alluria already knew what he wanted to say.
“Caol’nir, I cannot go back to my cell.”
“It isn’t safe for you to be here,” he continued. “If you’d been seen leaving the temple, or entering my chamber, I fear for what your punishment would be. Even my father might not be able to intercede.” Caol’nir took her hand and stroked her wrist. “I must return you.”
“Please, don’t.” Alluria’s voice cracked as her tears fell anew. “Even if it is really Olluhm that has come, I don’t want to go back.”
“Alluria, you cannot hide from—”
“I don’t care if he’s displeased with me!” she said harshly. “I don’t want to bear his child! Nall, please hide me from him, whoever he is!”
Nall. The word halted Caol’nir as surely as a stone wall, and he gathered her beneath the sleeping furs, cradling her against his chest. “Hush, nalla,” Caol’nir soothed as he stroked her hair. “Don’t cry. Stay as long as you wish, and I’ll watch over you. No man or god will find you here.”
Alluria pressed her face against his chest and realized he was bare. She hesitantly moved her hand down his side and felt nothing but skin as she reached his hip. Caol’nir remembered his nakedness, and mumbled that he would rise and put something on.
“I don’t care about that,” she said as she gripped his arms, “just hold me.”
###
Caol’nir enfolded his arms around Alluria, murmuring that no one would harm her while she remained with him. He noticed how Alluria trembled, and he silently berated himself for attempting to return her to her cell. Whatever she had heard had frightened her enough to make her flee the temple in the dead of night.
There must be something in the temple; the question is what. Whatever it was had thrown her into a panicked state, making her hands shake and her breath ragged, and Caol’nir couldn’t fathom what had caused such terror.
But she came to me. Alluria should have gone to Atreynha, or even the High Priestess, with such fears, but she’d come to Caol’nir instead. The idea filled him with a sort of grim happiness. She cares for me, she must. She would only have risked so much if she cares for me, as I care for her.
Then, she had called him nall. Beloved. Alluria had called him that only once before, and Caol’nir hadn’t realized how desperately he’d wanted to hear it again. After the word had been spoken, it no longer mattered to him who or what was in the temple, only that his beloved needed him.
He wrapped the furs around her, nestling her against him. After a time, her shoulders ceased shaking and her breath came evenly, and he knew she was asleep. Caol’nir removed his arms from her now quiet form, pausing to stroke her cheek before he left the bed to pull on his clothes. He needed to think, and he could not do so while in bed with Alluria.
The fire had burned low, so he grabbed a poker and stabbed at the embers. Alluria’s words bothered him. I do not think it is Olluhm that visited the temple tonight. While he and Caol’non had verified that the temple entrances were secure and Sarelle assured them that she sealed the doors every night, he was not so naïve as to discount some sort of magical influence. Yet, he had no means to combat a foe who wielded sorcery. His whole purpose in life had been to ensure that only the god had access to the priestesses, and if they were somehow being violated, then the entire con’dehr had failed.
He turned in his chair and watched Alluria, peaceful as she slept in his bed. Caol’nir smiled as he looked upon her, content in her slumber, and he resolved to eradicate the source of her fear, whatever it was. His life had had a new purpose, one greater than anything the con’dehr or even the king could devise for him: that of keeping Alluria safe.
Caol’nir turned back to the fire; it had reduced itself to glowing coals, and he retrieved a fresh log. As flames licked the wood, he considered what Alluria had told him. The priestess who Olluhm honored had cried out, and no priestess now wanted to suffer the god’s presence. In times past, when Olluhm had come, there were no screams. In fact, when Caol’nir had seen the priestesses in question, they were invariably ecstatic from the experience, hoping that they carried the god’s child. Something must have changed if the coming of Olluhm was now heralded with fear rather than joy.
Caol’nir knew of the many gods that vied for Parthalan and wondered if one of those gods had somehow usurped Olluhm’s place in the Great Temple. Caol’nir rubbed his forehead, then jabbed his sword into the fire. If another god truly was the source of Alluria’s fears, he might as well walk away from Teg’urnan and never look back. He had no idea of how to fight a divine battle, but for Alluria he would.
###
Alluria woke in the twilight before first dawn, alone in the furs. She opened her eyes, fearful that Caol’nir had returned her to her cell while she slept. It would be for the best, she thought as her heart sank, I don’t want him punished for my actions. Then she recognized the wall of his chamber, the cheerful tapestry that hung near his bed, and relief washed over her.
“You woke quite early,” she said when she joined Caol’nir before the hearth.
“I didn’t sleep.” Caol’nir stared at the fire, his fingers pr
essed together beneath his chin. He did not shift his gaze as Alluria knelt before him.
“Whoever was in the temple didn’t find me,” Alluria said, gazing up at Caol’nir. “I knew you would protect me.” Caol’nir offered her a small smile, but said nothing as he stared into the flames.
“Forgive me,” she said, her eyes downcast, “I shouldn’t have come. It was foolish of me to risk leaving my cell.” She rose and moved to leave, but Caol’nir caught her wrist.
“I’m glad you came. I only wish you hadn’t felt the need.” He nodded to the chair opposite his, but Alluria knelt at his feet instead, just as a priestess would do when counseling a patron. Caol’nir shook his head and sat beside her on the floor.
“You say you heard screams last night?” he asked, and she nodded. “Alluria, I need you to tell me everything, everything Atreynha told you about her encounters with Olluhm, everything you’ve been taught about being honored by him, and tell me again what happened to Keena.”
Alluria recounted as best she could, beginning with what every priestess learns about giving herself over to Olluhm, body and soul. Atreynha’s experiences closely matched this description, for the Mother Priestess claimed that each visit filled her with a loving presence that permeated her soul and left her in a dazed, ecstatic state. Keena’s experience was markedly different, having left her bloody and unable to leave her bed. Alluria’s voice faltered as she spoke of Keena’s nightmarish encounter, and she turned away, not wanting to weep again.
“Rihka, don’t be upset when I ask you this, but I need to know,” Caol’nir said gently as he stroked Alluria’s wrist. “How do you know it was not Olluhm that came to the temple last night?”
“It may have been a god, but it was not my god,” Alluria replied. “My god is of love and happiness, and would never hurt those sworn to him. If you had heard her last night, shrieking in terror…”
Caol’nir took her hands in his. “I don’t understand what could have breached the temple. Could it have been a sorcerer, or another god?”
“I don’t know,” she choked out. “I only know that whatever it is chills me to my soul.” Caol’nir wiped her cheek with his thumb, then took her hands.
“I will find out what is happening,” he vowed. “Whether this is a god or a man, I will not let it harm you. Rihka, you have my word.” Alluria smiled at the endearment; “beauty”, he had called her. Add that to the list of pet names he had for her: sweetheart, darling, and her favorite, my beloved. Since that first secret outing to gather herbs, whenever Alluria was distraught Caol’nir would call her affectionate names in the old language. It was one of the many ways Caol’nir sought to make her happy, and one of the many reasons she felt so strongly for him, why she looked forward to seeing him every day.
Alluria stared at her hands, noticing how small they seemed in Caol’nir’s, before raising her eyes to his face. His eyes were not their usual pale green, but had darkened to the color of pine boughs. Alluria reached out to touch his sandy hair, bound as always in a tight braid. While the texture was much rougher than hers, it was pleasant against her skin, much as Caol’nir appeared to be a hardened warrior but was truly a gentle soul. Alluria gazed into his eyes and put words to a choice she made long ago.
“Caol’nir,” she began, “I am going to break my vows, but before I do, I want you to know that it is not your fault. They are mine alone to break.” Caol’nir began speaking, but Alluria leaned forward and caught his lips with hers. At first, he remained still, then he wound his fingers into her hair as he kissed her back.
“I love you, Caol’nir,” Alluria whispered as she leaned her forehead against his cheek. “I know it is foolish of me to say so, for I’ve hardly spent a good deal of time with any man, save you. But I’ve met many men, and none pull at my heart as you do, or make me smile just to be in their presence, or make me feel as if the most horrible things in this land cannot harm me. If that is not love, then I don’t know what is.” Caol’nir remained silent. “And I don’t want you to concern yourself with my vows,” she continued hurriedly. “If they’re broken, they’re broken, and I won’t let you suffer for my actions.”
Caol’nir still had not spoken, and Alluria’s throat burned with unshed tears. He doesn’t love me, he is only protecting me because it’s his duty, and I’m a fool. Her back straightened as she gathered what pride she had left. Before she could pull away, Caol’nir drew her face to his, and kissed her so tenderly he took her breath away. He kissed her cheeks next, then her forehead, and gently brushed his lips against her eyelids before returning his mouth to hers.
“I’ve loved you long,” Caol’nir murmured. “I never thought you’d love me in return.” His lips traveled to her neck, edrawing forth her soft laughter. “Why tell me now?”
“I needed to, though I can’t say exactly why.” She leaned her head against his shoulder and toyed with the end of his braid. “I tried not to love you, believe me, I tried. I told myself that you weren’t worth breaking my vows, that my one mate was Olluhm and no other, but I cannot deny the hold you have over me. Even after I accepted that it was love, I still assumed that you would lose interest in me after a time, and that once you moved on from me, I would return to my quiet life in the temple.”
“How could I lose interest in you?” Caol’nir asked.
“You’re so young, Caol’nir, hardly more than a boy,” Alluria replied. “Someone like you should be with one he can love openly, not one he needs to sneak out of the palace just to hold her hand.”
Caol’nir chuckled at her assessment. “I may be young, and foolish,” he began, pausing to silence her with a kiss, “but my heart wants you alone. Besides, our little outings were fun.”
“Caol’nir, my selfish needs could have gotten you killed!”
“A risk I gladly took, and I would take a thousand more just to see you smile. Dea comora, I’ve always been happy just to be in your presence. I would have warded you until the end of time, never having felt your touch, and it would have been enough. I’ll never forsake you.”
“I know that now,” Alluria said, smiling at her warrior. “I daresay, I’ve known for some time.”
Caol’nir tucked her head against his neck, much as he had during that first morning at the meadow. “I need to ask you something,” Alluria said after a time.
“Ask me anything.”
“Why do you always have your hair in this braid? I’ve never seen men with such braids, save you, your brothers and the Prelate.” She ran her fingers over the length of it, marveling that it was woven as tight as a rope.
“It’s an old legend,” he replied. Alluria unwound the leather thong that tied off the end of his braid, noting how he watched her hands. “It says that a warrior’s strength in battle can be measured by the length of his hair.”
“And you believe that?”
“My father believes it, so my brothers and I have always worn our hair long.” He watched her slender fingers unraveling the braid. “What are you doing?”
“I’ve never seen your hair loose,” she replied, “and I think it will be lovely, long and pale as it is.”
Caol’nir stayed her hand. “The legend also says that a warrior’s hair is unbound for only one act.”
“What act is that? Bathing?”
“Well, that, and another we’re not likely to engage in.”
Alluria smiled tightly, for he had reminded her that as long as she remained Olluhm’s unclaimed mate she could not truly be his. “Well, now you know not to place such faith in stories.” His hair now unbound, she ran her fingers through the long strands. “What will happen when we leave this room?”
Caol’nir smoothed back her hair and drew her against his chest. “I will escort you to the temple.”
“You mean you will walk two paces behind me, and I may only touch you on pain of death,” Alluria said bitterly. Caol’nir tightened his embrace but said nothing, while she imagined a life of clandestine meetings and stolen kisses. “Do yo
u remember the day I found you in the arena?”
“Of course I do.”
“What…what were you really going to say?” When he pursed his lips, she added, “You can tell me, now.”
Caol’nir was silent for long moments, and Alluria did not prompt him. She understood that it was no easy task to bare one’s heart. “I asked you what kind of man you would take as a mate, and you described me,” he began. “At least, I hoped you described me.” He caressed her cheek, bringing her face close to his. “I want things to be different; I wish I had never sworn this accursed oath that keeps me from you… Say the words, nalla, and I will leave the con’dehr behind and bind myself to you.”
“You would do that?” she asked incredulously. “But your father, and brothers… What would they do if you left?”
“They would undestand,” he said, though she didn’t believe that for a moment. “If I’m with you that’s all that matters.”
Alluria nearly wept as he said the words; all her life she had wanted to be mated, to have someone to wake up with, share her thoughts with, watch the suns rise and set. She realized that she was wrong to take her vows as a priestess, for Olluhm wasn’t her true mate, he never had been.
But, she had taken those vows.
“Nall, I would still be a priestess,” she pointed out. “Another’s mate.”
“Another’s mate,” he repeated. A god’s mate. Caol’nir kissed her forehead and said nothing, for he had long ago accepted that she would never be his.
“What if I left the Great Temple?” Alluria asked.
“Where would you go?” he asked. “Would you return to your temple in the east?”
“I would stay with you.” She placed her hands against his cheeks, and looked deeply into his eyes. “By leave, I mean renounce my vows.”
“Can that even be done?”
“There must be a way,” she replied. “I’ve been trying to learn how to leave for some time now.”
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