by Helen Lacey
She was suddenly paralyzed by the realization. It was impossible. She had no room in her heart for anyone. Not him. Not his children. “I have to go,” she said a moment later as she dropped her hand from his shoulder.
“I’ll drive you home,” he said quietly.
Callie stepped back, oblivious to the music, oblivious to everything other than Noah and her furiously beating heart. “I have my truck.”
“Then I’ll walk you to your truck.”
“That’s not necessary.”
“Yes, it is,” he said and continued to hold her hand.
By the time they’d left the dance floor their palms were pressed intimately together. Callie didn’t pull away. Deep down, in that place she’d switched off and never imagined she’d switch on again, she found she liked the sensation of his fingers linked with hers. She liked it a lot.
Her truck was parked midway down the car lot and the walk took a few minutes. It was dark and there were a few couples hanging by their vehicles. Callie spotted one pair kissing madly, another simply holding each other. The entire scene screamed of the kind of intimacy she hadn’t felt in a long time.
The kind of intimacy she suddenly craved.
She knew it was foolish to want it. She had nothing to offer him other than the fractured pieces of her heart. And for a man like Noah, she knew that would never be enough. He’d want the whole Callie. The Callie she’d been before her world had been shattered…before she’d been shattered.
And that woman simply didn’t exist anymore.
Once they reached her truck she twisted her fingers from his. “Well, good night,” she managed to say and shoved a hand into her small bag for her keys.
She found the keys, pulled them out and accidentally dropped them at her feet.
Noah quickly picked the keys up and pressed them into her palm. “Good night, Callie.”
She looked at him and saw desire burning in his eyes.
He wants to kiss me…
The power of him drew Callie closer, until they were barely a foot apart. She felt her lips part, felt herself move and felt her skin come alive with anticipation. He leaned in and kissed her cheek so softly all she really felt was breath.
Not enough …
Callie instinctively reached up, grasped his shoulders and pulled him toward her with all her strength. Driven by instinct, she planted her lips on his mouth and thrust her tongue against his. He tasted good. He felt good.
No…more than that. He tasted…divine. And her lips, denied for so long, acted intuitively. She felt her blood heat, felt her skin come alive, felt desire uncurl way down, igniting the female part of her that had lain dormant since forever.
Callie felt his rush of breath as he started to kiss her back. She got the barest touch of his mouth, the barest taste of his tongue. She waited for more. She longed for more. But then he stopped. He pulled away, kissed her cheek again and straightened. Callie released him and stepped back on unsteady feet.
Air crashed into her lungs, making her breathless. She looked at him, felt the burning red-hot gaze. I know he wants me…
She knew it, felt it and tasted it in the brevity of his kiss.
“Good night, Callie,” he said. “I’ll see you Sunday.”
Callie got into the truck and started the engine. She wasn’t sure how she drove home. All she could feel was the tingle on her lips, the heat in her blood. All she could think was how she had just kissed Noah Preston.
And how her life would never be the same.
Chapter Five
Noah was thinking.
About kisses. About perfect lips and sweet breath.
“What’s up with you?” Lily asked, shifting in her seat, looking incredibly young in riding breeches and a dark T-shirt.
Noah looked directly ahead. She’d become way too astute for his liking. “Nothing.”
“Yeah…right.” She crossed her arms. “I hope you’re not gonna hang around while I have my lesson.”
“I’ve got some work to do at the house.”
Lily turned her head. “Yeah—that’s right. Her place is a real dump.” She huffed. “I think you just want to see her again. I’m not a little kid, you know. I saw exactly how you were watching her last weekend.” Lily rolled her eyes wide. “And she’s not bad looking, I suppose, if you go for that type. She’s not like my mother.”
No one was like Margaret—thank God. But he wouldn’t be telling Lily that.
“Do you think you’ll ever get married again?”
That was a first. He looked at his daughter. She stared straight ahead, but Noah wasn’t fooled. She looked just a little afraid. And Lily never looked afraid.
Married? How could he explain his feelings to his daughter? Noah was pretty sure the younger kids would welcome a new mother into their life. And he…he truly wanted someone to share them with. He longed for a wife and a friend and a lover and all that corny stuff he knew made up a healthy marriage. He wanted what his parents had…years of trust and love. But it was a big deal, expecting a woman to take on four children. And he had no intention of bringing someone temporary into their lives. Noah didn’t want temporary. If he got involved again, he wanted permanence. He wanted…forever. He wanted promises that wouldn’t be broken. For the kids’ sake.
And mine.
His train-wreck marriage lingered like a bad taste he couldn’t get out of his mouth.
Is that why I didn’t kiss her back…when all I wanted to do was haul her into my arms?
The truth rocked Noah. He’d spent thirty-six hours wondering what kind of fool didn’t kiss a beautiful, desirable, passionate woman back when she’d made it so clear she wanted to be kissed. But he knew why. It wound up his spine. It filled his lungs. Fear. Fear that he’d want more. Oh, not sex…because he was pretty sure kissing Callie would quickly lead to making love to Callie. He wanted more of her. The more of her Noah suspected she wouldn’t want to give. To him. To anyone. He didn’t want to feel her, taste her and then have the door slammed in his face. He didn’t want to be rejected…left.
And she’d left before, hadn’t she? She’d moved across an ocean to change her life—to get away. From what, he didn’t know. What if she wanted to change it back? Noah wasn’t going to put his kids or himself through the risk of being wreckage in her wake.
It was best that he hadn’t kissed her back. Best that he stopped thinking about kissing her at all.
“So, would you?”
Lily again. Noah got his thoughts back on track. Marriage. Right. “Maybe one day.”
She scowled and harrumphed. “Do we have any say in it?” she asked, using the collective, but Noah sensed she was asking about herself. “I mean, if you’re going to shack up with someone, shouldn’t we at least be able to have an opinion about it?”
“Marriage is a little more than shacking up, Lily.”
She shrugged, looked straight ahead and remained quiet for about twenty seconds. Lily had something on her mind. “Did you know that fifty percent of all second marriages fail?”
He almost choked. Where the hell did she come up with this stuff? “That’s an interesting statistic, Lily. Where did you get it?”
“Social Studies,” she replied. “We’re studying human relationships this semester. There’s a boy in my grade who’s had two stepfathers—can you imagine? And Maddy told me that when her stepdad moved out last year it really sucked. She liked him a lot.”
Noah got his daughter’s point, delivered with all the subtlety of a sledgehammer. “I have no intention of jumping into anything, Lily,” he told her.
“But if you do get married again, how do you know she won’t run out like my mother did?”
I don’t.
And Callie…she
seemed as fragile and unpredictable as the wind.
Lily didn’t say anything else, and when they arrived at Sandhills Farm she jumped out of the truck. It took him about ten seconds to find Callie. She stood near the house, in jeans and a flame-red T-shirt, one hand on her hip and the other held a cell phone to her ear.
She spun on her heels and looked at him. His heart pounded behind his ribs. That kiss…how did he forget about it? How could he not want to feel that again? Noah took a long breath and headed toward her. Lily reached her first and jumped around on impatient toes while Callie continued her telephone conversation.
She was frowning and clearly not happy with the caller. When she disconnected a few moments later he pushed aside his lingering thoughts about kissing her and immediately asked what was wrong.
“Just another irresponsible horse owner getting away with neglect,” she said hotly.
He frowned. “What?”
“I volunteer with an organization that saves abused and neglected horses,” she explained. “A couple of weeks ago I got word that there are three horses somewhere on the other side of town that are stuck in a bare paddock and need veterinary care. We’ve only had sketchy reports on their whereabouts so far. The owner moves them around to avoid impoundment.”
“That’s terrible. What can you do?” Lily asked in a shrill voice.
“Seize them, hopefully.”
His ever-astute daughter picked up on the obvious. “Isn’t that stealing?”
“Not when the owners are breaking animal protection laws.”
Lily nodded. “If you need any help, I’ll—”
“Leave it to the experts,” Noah said. “I’m sure Callie has it under control.”
“Your dad’s right,” Callie assured Lily. “But you can help me nurse them back to health when we finally find them. Joe’s saddled Samson for you,” she said as she pointed toward the sand arena.
Once Lily headed off, Callie turned to face him. Her eyes were blue and luminous. “I have a list,” she said quickly. She pulled a small piece of paper from her pocket and held it toward him. “Of things for you to do.” She made a dismissive gesture. “Of course, if you’ve changed your mind I’ll—”
“We had a deal,” he said, sensing she was mentally backing out from talking to him as fast as she could. She half shrugged and took a breath, trying to look causal, but Noah wasn’t fooled. The tiny pulse at the base of her throat beat like a wild thing. And the promises he’d made to himself only minutes before vanished. All he wanted to do was take her in his arms and kiss her…properly.
“It’s only small stuff,” she said. “A couple of windows that won’t lock right and the back fence—”
“No problem,” he said quietly and took the list.
“I’ll be about an hour with Lily,” she said and pivoted on her heels.
Noah watched her walk into the arena, back rigid, arms held tight to her side. He lingered for a few minutes and observed Callie’s interaction with his daughter. Lily looked unusually cheerful and he knew she was excited to finally be in the saddle. The lesson started with Callie laying down a firm set of rules and Lily agreeing to every single one.
Lily respected Callie. Somehow, Callie understood what Lily needed.
Noah experienced a strange pang in his chest, dismissed it and headed for his truck to unload the toolbox. He had a lot of work to do.
Callie was wound like a spring. She’d barely slept the night before and had struggled to concentrate during a lesson earlier that morning with Maddy Spears, her newest student.
She knew she had to concentrate on Lily…and ignore the fact that Noah was only a couple of hundred meters away.
I kissed him. And he didn’t exactly kiss me back.
She wasn’t sure whether she should feel relieved or insulted.
“How’s this?” Lily asked Callie, interrupting her reverie.
Callie focused her attention on the teenager. She was impressed with Lily. The girl had a natural seat and good hands. Once the lesson had concluded she eased on the long reining lead and called Samson to a halt in front of her.
“That was good. Well done.”
Lily raised her brows. “Do I get to ride off the lunge rein next week?”
Callie unclipped the lead. “No.”
Lily dismounted and landed on her heels. “Why not?”
“Balance,” Callie replied and handed the reins to her.
Lily frowned. “Huh?”
Callie began walking from the arena. “Every rider needs to start with balance. Once I know you’ve aced it, the lead comes off.”
Lily clicked the horse forward and followed. “And what if I don’t?”
“You will,” Callie said. “You have a good seat and soft hands, essential for a successful rider. Take Samson to the wash-bay and Joe will help you strap him down.”
Lily buried her face into the animal’s neck and smiled. “I can do it by myself.”
Callie raised her brows. “What was rule number five?”
Lily exhaled heavily. “Don’t question the four other rules.”
“Exactly. Go and get Samson sorted. I’ll see you when you’re done.”
When Lily was out of sight Callie considered her options. Hang around the ménage or show some guts and see what he was up to. Her boots made their way across the yard until she reached the house. She stood at the bottom of the steps. Noah had his back to her and she watched him maneuver an old window off its track, make a few adjustments and then replace it. Her heart raced. No man should look that good in jeans. He raised his arms and she got a quick glimpse of smooth skin beneath the hem of his T-shirt. Oh, sweet heaven. Suddenly, he stopped what he was doing, turned and looked at her.
“How was it?” he asked.
She gulped. “Huh?”
“Lily—how’d she do?”
Callie put the image of skin out of her mind. “Very good. She’s a natural.”
He smiled at her and she felt the power of it through her entire body.
“Are you okay?”
It’s just skin. I’ve seen skin before. “Yes,” she replied and swallowed. “I’m fine.”
He stepped away from the door. “She behaved herself?”
“She did,” Callie replied. “She’s quite sweet, actually.”
He grinned. “Well, I’m pleased the two of you are getting along.” He leaned back against the balustrade. “Seeing as that’s out the way, are we going to talk about us now?”
Callie took a quick breath. Here we go. “There’s nothing to talk about.”
“Yeah, there is.”
“It was just a kiss,” she said, and the moment she’d said the word kiss, she regretted it immediately.
“It wasn’t just anything, Callie.”
He was right. Callie felt it down through to her bones. “Okay,” she admitted. “It wasn’t.”
“So, what shall we do about it?”
Her heart raced. Do? “I don’t know if we…I don’t think we should do anything.” She took a deep breath and inhaled a burst of bravado. “We just won’t kiss again.”
There’s that word again… When the word should probably be bliss. Because she suspected that’s what really being kissed by Noah would feel like.
He smiled and came down the steps. “I don’t think I can make that promise to you, Callie.”
Stupidly, she smiled back for a second. “You didn’t kiss me back.” The words popped out of her mouth. “I figured you weren’t interested.”
He took another step toward her. “Would you like me to prove to you that I am?”
Callie almost swallowed her tongue. He is interested…he wants me. “Right here?” she asked, wondering what kind of mad
ness had taken hold of her.
He shrugged. “Why not?”
Callie took a step backward. He wouldn’t, would he? Kiss her out in the open, where anyone could see? Possibly in front of his daughter? She warmed from head to toe. But no…she looked at him and saw he was smiling. “Are you teasing me?”
“Just a bit.”
Callie didn’t quite know how to react. Teasing and flirting were almost an alien concept to her. Craig had never teased, never flirted. It was always business, always work, always pushing toward being better, being the best. Only now, years later, did Callie realize how little laughter there’d been in their relationship. But Noah had a relaxed sense of humor, a relaxed sense of self. She was sure he worked hard—but he didn’t live to work. He lived for other things. Like his kids. It would be hard alone, raising four children single-handedly.
Craig hadn’t wanted one child.
In the end Craig hadn’t lived to see his son born. And Callie had buried them both within days of one another—her tiny son and the man who was supposed to have loved her but instead betrayed her.
The worst week of her life. Excruciating. Soul-destroying. Heartbreaking.
“Where are the rest of your kids today?” she asked, shifting her thoughts from Ryan. And, for some reason, she wanted to know where his children were and who was caring for them.
“With Evie,” he replied. “I didn’t think you’d want them underfoot while you’re working.”
“You’re right, I don’t,” she said quickly. Too quickly.
He’d heard the tremor in her voice because his brows slanted together for a brief second. “You don’t like kids?”
You don’t like my kids…that’s what his question sounded like.
Callie shrugged again. I adore kids, she wanted to say. If I had my way I’d have a dozen of my own and love them with every fiber inside me.
But that was a pipe dream. Ryan was the only child she would ever have. And I can’t replace him. I won’t let myself love like that again.