Raising Attabury: A Contemporary Christian Epic-Novel (The Grace Series Book 5)

by Stallings, Staci

  “Let’s say you go out with your spouse for a nice dinner date. How many times during the date do one of you check your cell phone?”

  Eric shifted uncomfortably. He wasn’t sure which judgment hurt more—the not having been on a date in forever or the memory of all the nights he was on his cell phone and she was on her laptop.

  “If you’re in a meeting,” the pastor said, “do you go into the meeting with your cell phone on silent because you don’t want to miss an important call or text?”

  “But that’s…” Derek started.

  “I know,” the pastor said, holding up his hand. “We all do it. I do it, and until I watched that video, I’m not sure I even understood how distancing that can be with people.” He smirked. “Have you ever gotten a call when you were talking to someone, checked your phone, and then said, ‘It’s okay. I’ll call them back later’? Or worse, ‘Oh. I’ve got to take this’? What we’re saying is this new person is more important than you are. Now that might not be a bad thing once in a while. I mean, there are emergency situations. But how many ‘emergency situations’ do you have in a week?” He put finger quotes around the words and then tipped his hands up. “I’m not condemning any of you. Believe me. I’m telling you what God has been talking to me about, and it’s been a little disconcerting what I’ve learned about myself this week from watching how I use my technology.

  “The guy on the video said that the blink of connection on the cell phone when we get a text triggers… get this, dopamine in our brains. Dopamine is what is triggered when we drink alcohol or do drugs. It’s what gets us addicted to the coping mechanism, and that fires when we get a text or a call on our cell phones. So we literally get addicted to them. It’s like confirmation in our brains that ‘I’m important.’ It makes us feel good. And because we have a hunger for connection with other people, we get trapped in this grand illusion that this text or this call is fulfilling our need for connection, giving us a hit of dopamine and making us feel good because we’re important and connected. It’s an illusion of connection and importance.”

  “It’s like ratings,” Derek said, and the others looked over at him. “For a long time my whole life rose and fell on those numbers. Numbers up, I was happy and everything was right with the world. Down, and I could get about two seconds from being a drunk, depressed mess.”

  “I never knew that,” Caleb said in concerned surprise.

  “Oh, yeah.” Derek held onto his ankle that was crossed over his knee. “On the job I looked like nothing in the world was the matter, but after work, partying…” He glanced over at Greg and stopped.

  However, Greg saw and put up his hands. “Hey, no judgment from over here. You all know how bad I messed things up. I’m the last person who has the right to judge anybody.”

  The pastor nodded. “That’s one thing. I think we need to understand just how sacred this space is. Not just in this office, but between each of us. I was reading a book on networking some time ago, and it talked about building strong networks, not for business purposes, which is what most people think about when they talk about networking but relational networks. Coming together, sharing what’s really going on, building bonds.

  “In fact, that’s the other thing that video guy talked about, how we’ve lost the art of building bonds because of technology in a lot of cases. Instead of talking to the person next to us at the dinner table, we’re checking our email or the weather or the score of the game. We’ve lost the art of building relationships with people.”

  “Why do you think that is?” Greg asked. “I mean, I see it at work. When I first started, people at the office went out for drinks and we had parties and picnics together. Now everybody’s so busy, and even when we’re together, I don’t know most of the people who work under me. I know their job description and what they’re doing on a project, but I don’t really know anything about them—their family life, their dreams or goals or anything.” He sat forward. “In fact, I think a lot of times I don’t really bother to get to know them because I know they probably won’t even be there next year or in five years. It’s all so transitory now.”

  “I see it,” Luke said. “My grandparents grew up here, fell in love, built a house—where Sage and I live now ironically. They lived their whole lives not fifteen miles from where they were raised. Now, Sage and I are the only ones left here. My aunts and uncle all moved away. My sisters have all gotten married. Hannah’s the only one that even lives close, and she’s over in Greely. You know, growing up, we used to have Sunday dinner with the whole family every weekend at my grandparents’ house. Fried chicken.” He grinned. “I can still smell that kitchen. But now…”

  Eric cleared his throat, and the gazes all snapped to him. “I think… hm.” He had to clear his throat again because he so didn’t feel part of the group, someone who could offer anything truly meaningful to the others, but he had to say this so they would know. “I think you’re selling yourself a little short there.”

  “Oh, yeah? How’s that?” Luke asked.

  Glancing around at all of them, Eric prayed for the words. “Well, when Dani and I first came, you all didn’t know me from Adam. You didn’t know my background or nothing about me except I was Dani’s husband, and I’m guessing none of you really knew her either. But since we’ve been coming here, we’ve stayed in your homes, eaten supper at your tables, and been welcomed here by all of you like we were family. I’m not even sure any of you realized just how much that meant to me, to us, but it did. We were just homeowners, people you were working with. You didn’t have to offer us a place to stay or invite us to eat with you, but you did. All of you, and it was like the most natural thing in the world, like it wasn’t even a question or anything.”

  They all looked at each other for a moment before Caleb’s gaze slipped over to him. “It wasn’t.”

  Eric let out a small laugh. “That’s what I mean. You talk about this relationship thing and how bad you all think you are at it, but honestly, it’s one of the reasons I even said about today. I watch you guys, and… well, I want whatever it is y’all have. I want to learn what you know and do what you do because it’s working for you guys.” He put up his hands. “I know, that sounds all weird and stuff, but it’s the truth. I want what you have.”

  “No, I get it,” Caleb said. He thought for a second and turned to the pastor. “When we talk, I get it, I think. And then, I go out there, and it’s like I’m trying to remember all the things you said.”

  The pastor nodded. “It’s the difference between the textbook and the experience. The textbook is good and nice in its place, but without the experience, you don’t really know how to use what you know.” The nod continued. “So, here’s my proposal for this week, we all make it a point to put the cell phones and technology away especially at home but also when we’re with other people. Like next week even when we come here, I’d like us all to leave our cell phones at the door—literally. Basically, I want us to practice being present to our present if that makes any sense.”

  Being present to our present. Eric let out a long breath and nodded. It wouldn’t be easy, but he was willing to try.

  “So,” Rachel said as she and Dani carefully wiped the stain on and then off of the enormous handrail out in the shop. It was unreal how big the thing was. It really hadn’t looked that big in the house. “Did you ever read any more of that diary we found?”

  “Oh, no. I never really had time. I’ve been super busy.” Dani looked underneath and wiped a spot with a little too much stain.

  “Yeah, I can imagine. You’re a lawyer, right?”

  “I am a lawyer. Corporate law.”

  “Corporate law? What’s that exactly?”

  “Well, I work for a corporation, and I’m the one in charge of making sure all of the paperwork for their projects is done, and we’re following all the laws we’re supposed to.” She dipped into the stain, wiped it on, let it sit and then wiped it back off. “It wouldn’t be too challenging
except we’re international, so it’s my job to know the laws of the country we’re working in and keep us in compliance there as well.”

  “Wow. You must be a genius.”

  “Huh.” Dani laughed. “Hardly. I did graduate third in my law class for what that’s worth.”

  “Third? Whoa. That’s amazing.”

  “Yeah, well…” She shrugged it off and went for more stain.

  For a moment she thought Rachel would find another topic; however, Dani felt the glance that was sent her way.

  “For somebody who should be on top of the world, awesome husband, adorable kid, a house, a vacation house, an amazing job, you don’t sound very excited about it.”

  Dani felt bad for that. She knew she should be happy. What she couldn’t really tell was why she wasn’t. “I don’t know. I guess I’ve just realized life is kind of life. I mean, for a long time I thought, ‘Once we get that, life will be awesome.’ The house, the cars, Jaden. And it was awesome for a little while, and then it’s just life again.” She sighed and got more stain. “I just wish I could go back to where you guys are and just have that love again.” Shaking her head that she was saying this out loud, she ducked so she wouldn’t see Rachel as she said it. “Eric in college. Man, he was to-die-for. Gorgeous. Handsome. Smart. Funny. He was a catch and a half. And then we got married, and things changed. He changed. He was going to work, and I was getting through law school. I kept thinking, ‘When we get over there, through this part, this month, this semester… When he gets that job…. Or I get out of school…’ But somehow, that life I always thought we were going for never really showed up.”

  The only sounds were from the day beyond for a very long time, and understanding that she should have kept her mouth shut about the whole thing snaked across Dani’s heart and twisted her spirit into a hard knot.

  “I guess I was kind of the opposite of that,” Rachel said, her stain-working slowing dramatically.

  “The opposite? What do you mean?”

  The smile that started on Rachel’s face never really materialized, and after a minute she shrugged and sniffed. “I always thought no matter what was happening now, something worse was coming.”

  Concerned confusion pushed into Dani. “Something worse?”

  “Yeah, you know. If today is okay, tomorrow will probably be worse so don’t let yourself get too happy about today. That just invites trouble.”

  Dani puzzled over that. Sure she had heard of pessimists, but she always thought they were just not strong. That didn’t fit with Rachel though. “You really believed that? That things were just going to be bad tomorrow if today was good?”

  The answer didn’t come immediately. “Yeah. That’s bad, huh?”

  “Honest,” Dani said softly. “I think it’s honest.”

  “I always wanted to be like you,” Rachel said after a few moments. “And Jaycee. Having things together. Being someone people can count on. Being strong.”

  The laugh was soft. “Being strong is highly over-rated, let me tell you. And always striving for the next thing gets really tiring.” Dani wiped down the bottom of the handrail. “I remember being at home, and I would get like a 95 on something. I’d bring it home to show Mom and Dad. Never failed, one of them would say, ‘What’d you do with the other five points?’ It was like whatever I did was never good enough.”

  “But you got a 95.”

  “Didn’t matter. It wasn’t a 100.”

  “What’s going on out here?” Jaycee asked, coming in, startling them both.

  “Just putting another coat of stain on this thing,” Rachel said. “You feeling better?”

  “Oh, yeah. I was just a little tired. Probably the thought of traveling again this next week.” Jaycee sat down between them. “How can I help?”

  The rest of the day passed like a blink. Eric and the guys worked on the house, tearing out the walls to the studs in the parlor. By the time the women made it with lunch for everyone, it was time to start talking wall colors and trim. True to his word, Eric had left his cell phone in the SUV though honestly that felt akin to having a perpetual heart attack.

  The good thing was, with Dani right there, if the baby sitters needed them, they could get in touch with them. Still, his mind asked ridiculous questions like, what if something happened to his mom, and his siblings were trying to get ahold of him? Or what if work suddenly needed something? He was definitely beginning to understand what withdrawals must feel like by the time they headed back to Derek and Jaycee’s.

  He climbed in the driver’s seat and didn’t even put the keys in before he grabbed up the cell phone from its holder and checked it. One stupid random text from some company that kept sending him things for no reason. Nothing else. Not even a missed call. As crazy as that sounded, his heart dropped a little at the thought. Then, he realized with a start that his reaction was exactly what Pastor Steve had said it would be. With that thought, he pitched the thing back into the holder and reached for the starter. “So how was working out at the farm?”

  On her side, Dani swiped through her phone, and the understanding drove across Eric like an out-of-control Mack truck. How many conversations had they had just like this in the past year? How many had they had with both of them doing that same thing? Scroll. Scroll. Scroll. What were they looking for? What was so important that they could justify completely ignoring each other?

  “Fine,” she said as if she wasn’t even in the same zip code.

  “Did you work on the desk again?”

  This answer took forever to come. “No.”

  “Oh? What’d you work on?” He turned into the town, rolled to a stop sign, and stopped to wait for no one.

  “That handrail thing for up the stairs.”

  “Were you lacquering it?”

  It was completely unbelievable how long it took for her to answer, and each time, Eric thought he might not have the patience to wait for the answer.

  “Staining it.”

  The nod was for no reason other than to keep his anger from boiling over. He drove right back to the pastor’s house, and wished with everything in him he could have a nice long chat with the pastor about her right now. How was he ever going to survive this week without completely losing his cool over her ignoring him like that?

  As usual, Jane was super-sweet, and had Eric not been talking to Caleb, he would have thought how lucky the pastor was in the mate he had chosen. It’s not about her. It’s about you. Well, that was easy for Caleb and the pastor to say. They weren’t dealing with the Cell Phone Ice Queen.

  With a thanks for keeping her, he collected Jaden, and they headed out to the farm. Twice he glanced over, thinking of things he could ask her, but she was buried in her phone. The last thing he wanted to do was annoy her, so he trained his gaze out the window and let his spirit sink into the knowledge of how seriously off-track they had gotten.

  After Derek and Jaycee called it a night following a quick dinner, Eric really began to realize just how challenging this no cell phone or laptop thing was going to be. He seriously considered turning on the television, but he recognized that that too was a form of distraction. Seeing no other plausible thing to keep him entertained, he finally resorted to laying on the floor where Jaden was coloring.

  “So,” he said, lifting his chin to her artwork, “what’re we coloring?”

  “A flower.”

  “That sure is a pretty pink flower.”

  “Thank you.”

  Eric watched her for a long minute, realizing how hard it was to even keep a conversation going with Jaden. “So how was Jane’s today? Did you have fun with Rhett and… what’s her name?”

  “Natalie.”

  “Natalie,” he said with a nod. “Did you have fun with Rhett and Natalie?”

  “They’re nice.”

  “I’ll bet. What did you do all day?”

  The pink color went back and forth, back and forth very slowly. “We made cookies and ate peanut butter and jelly sandwiches.�
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  “Peanut butter and jelly? That sounds delicious.” He reached for a crayon. “You mind if I color this one?”

  Jaden shrugged one shoulder. Thinking he hadn’t colored anything since he was in second grade, Eric started his own project. Truthfully, it was kind of relaxing in a way he hadn’t expected. “So did you help Jane make the sandwiches?”

  From across the room, Dani half-watched them. Her gaze was on her laptop and what she was supposed to be reading for work Monday. But her mind was on him, laying on the floor coloring. Coloring of all things. That didn’t seem overly productive. She shook her head and put her gaze back on the website. However, in seconds it drifted back over to them. It must be nice to have that kind of time, to camp out with Jaden and just color.

  She cleared her throat and went back to the words that swam on the screen. Causeways and easements, ordinances and city zoning laws. It was enough to make a person hurl. Her mind slipped away from the reading and went back to Rachel out in the shop. Rachel. Beautiful, solid, wonderful Rachel. How could she think like she did? That things were bound to go wrong, and sooner rather than later?

  Dani wondered then about her own sanity in hiring her, but she beat that back. She had seen the work they did, right here in this very room if you wanted to know the real truth. They were amazing, and she trusted them completely. But underneath, Rachel was nothing like Dani had thought she would be. Fragile. That’s how she’d sounded today. Unsure of herself. Delicate.

  Those were not words Dani would ever have put to her before their conversation. Now it was all she could think about.

  “Wow. You’re really good at this,” Eric said to Jaden on the floor, and Dani very nearly smiled as she watched them. He was good with Jaden. She’d never heard him ask their daughter about those ‘other five points’ though she herself had more than once.