When she emerged from the little stone building, Dani wasted not even a second. She clicked on the cell phone and found a flight to get her out of the country. Direct flights. Layovers. None of that really mattered. What mattered was getting out of here and on her way home.
It felt like she was heading back to her heart, and she couldn’t wait to get there. She had the flights booked before she even got to the hotel. There wasn’t really time to do much more than throw her things into the suitcases. Stuffing the diary into her carry-on, she felt her heart lift. Maybe Hazel had taught her something after all.
“I haven’t heard,” Eric said when Greg called ten minutes after the meeting broke up. “And I don’t want to call her. She sounded so…” His phone buzzed, and he yanked it from his ear. His heart jerked forward. He put it back up. “That’s Dani.”
“K. We’ll keep praying,” Greg said quickly. “Let us know.”
“I will. See ya.” He beeped off one call and answered the other. “Hello?”
“Eric?”
“Yeah.” He wasn’t at all sure what came next. All he knew was he was praying like mad. “What’s going on? Are you okay?”
“Well…” She paused and laughed, which sent his hand over his head and his heart into his shoes. “Um, the case is held over here ‘til April 23rd.”
Finally he took a breath. No wonder she had sounded so bummed. “Aw, babe. I’m so sorry. I know that wasn’t…”
“I quit.”
Body, soul and spirit, he slammed into those words, and all logical thought scrambled. “You… What do you mean you quit? You quit what? What’re you quitting?” What she might be saying twisted across his heart and gut so painfully he couldn’t even breathe. “Dani, please, can we talk about this? Look, I know things haven’t been…”
She laughed. “No. Eric.” Her laugh was becoming lighter even as his heart plunged further through the questions of what a divorce might mean for them.
Jaden.
Oh, Lord, no. Please no. Not now. Give us a chance. I’ll change. I have changed. Please don’t let her…
“I don’t mean I’m quitting us,” she said. “I mean, I quit… the job. My job with Drake Systems. I quit.”
Eric was having massive amounts of trouble getting the words into the right slots. “You… quit? You quit your job?”
“I did,” she said, and she took a breath. “I’m coming home.”
They talked a little more after she got Eric assured she really was coming home and not leaving him permanently. She should have thought through how to tell him a bit better, but then again, it was pretty big news, and any way she said it was going to feel like a nuclear blast. As she headed to the airport, she told him they would discuss everything when she got home. With that, he said he loved her, and she said she loved him back. It was the truth, she realized now. She did love him, more maybe than she had known for a while now.
This was a major life shift, she knew, but if only one thing could be at the center, she knew with no doubt now, she wanted that thing to be Eric and Jaden. Everything else was way down on the list. She thought about the minister as the cab passed the stone church with the soaring steeple. “Thank you.” Her gaze slipped up to the top of the steeple. “Thank You, Jesus. I think You just saved me from something I really didn’t want to be a part of.”
“I… I don’t really know.” Eric sat at his desk, glad to be able to sit down after the disturbing conversation with Dani. Greg was trying to make sense of it all as well.
“She didn’t say?”
“Not really. She just said she quit the job. She’s tired of Scotland, and she’ll be home tomorrow.”
Greg sighed. “Well, we’ll keep up the prayers here.”
“Thanks. I think we’re going to need every one of them.”
Dani started to settle down once she got to the airport and got her ticket in hand. It was only when she sat down at the departure gate which wouldn’t feature her flight for another four hours that she really took a breath and thought about what she had done. Her thoughts streamed through the tribunal to the little conference room. Quitting. That hadn’t been on her agenda for today when she got up. How had she come to that fork in the road?
Draping her arms over her carry-on, she let her gaze go out to the planes in the bright sunlight beyond. So many people, coming and going. No one even noticed her sitting here. She blinked into that understanding. She had always thought, corporate law. There she could make a name for herself, be somebody, somebody respected who worked for good, who fought for the good guys. Her thoughts spiraled. It wasn’t that Drake Systems was a bad guy by any stretch of the imagination. They were doing good work in the world. Researching and developing some of the technology on which the whole world would probably run in the coming years, and yet, there was an underbelly to it all, a clandestine world that was spoken of but rarely seen by the outside world. To be a player in that world, it was necessary to let go of this one.
She thought again about Taylor and Finch. They had probably been much like her twenty or thirty years ago. They had risen through the ranks to become what they were today. Successful by nearly anyone’s gauge. Multi-millionaires. Houses in places like Buenos Aires and the Florida Keys. Vacationing on Martha’s Vineyard and skiing the Alps. She’d always wanted those things too, for herself, yes, but for her family too. However, only now as she thought about it did she realize what their families looked like.
Several wives. Kids by different women. She didn’t know a lot, mostly what others talked about, but she knew their families were less than peaceful. A brood of vipers Tiffany had called them once. Dani’s thoughts slid from them to Eric and Jaden. Her life was so simple comparatively, and only now did she begin to think that might not be such a bad thing. What if she continued down the road they were on? Would Eric be her ‘first husband’ someday?
A knife sliced into her heart, jamming pain into her. They were already headed that direction, rolling down that hill to the inevitable. Thinking that through, she wondered if it was already too late. Had she gone so far that going back wasn’t an option anymore?
Her thoughts turned then to Attabury. What had she been thinking buying that place? What possible good could come of it? Then she remembered the diary, and checking her watch to find plenty of time left, she set the carry-on on the floor and dug in the side for the book. Sitting back, she rolled her shoulders and neck to loosen them up and opened the book.
August 1980
The passing of another birthday prods me to reflect on what my life has meant to this world, and I find, sadly, the answer to that is very little. Last night Olivia chased away some ner-do-well young people from the house yard. She says they were harmless. I find it difficult to believe that. Tony’s words when I first came about being careful of trusting the townsfolk for their jealousy of our life and station has never left my heart, and all these years later, it creeps into my soul when I am not guarding against it.
Thus I did not sleep well in the parlor last night, nor do I any night. The shadows in that room remind me of all who have been laid out in it over the years. Benjamin, Mother Attabury, Tony, and so many others before them. I have begun to see that death is the one thing life is really good at and not a thing to be proud of avoiding as it comes for all of us eventually no matter how long we thwart it.
I had thought my life would be used for some good in this world. Alas, now I see it will only be used to feed death one day. Whatever it might have been has long ago passed me by. So many things about my life here have gone even as my eyesight and health follow.
William wrote to say Louise’s health is equally precarious. She may well follow Melvin before the year is out. The dear boy was concerned about me being here without anyone, but I told him I have Olivia. Dear Olivia. I should not want to think what I would do if…
The passage ended right there, and Dani closed her eyes. I always thought my life would be used for some good in this world. Some good. What d
id that even mean? For she, herself, had thought the same thing. Unlike Hazel who had sat in her house, expecting or hoping life would come to her, Dani had gone out, chopped through the jungle of expectations and obstacles, and yet, here she had come, feeling just the same. Death is the one thing life is really good at.
Was that it? Did death win no matter what? Was death the one thing that lasted?
Opening her eyes, hoping for some miraculous resurrection ending to a story she knew wouldn’t have one.
Our Father, who art in Heaven.
Dani puzzled over the words but kept reading.
Hallowed be thy name. Thy kingdom come. Thy will be done
On earth as it is in Heaven. Give us today our daily bread.
Forgive us our debts as we forgive our debtors.
Lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil.
Amen.
Turning the page was the same prayer, written in basically the same hand though clearly less stable. She ran her fingers over the script. Hazel. Her mind calculated the woman’s life. 1900 to sometime after 1980. Eighty years. How long had she lived past that?
And then her fingers ran midway down the page.
Olivia did not come today. I do not know why.
Dani put her head down, knowing why and yet knowing she would not get confirmation of that fact. Her spirit felt the panic and disorientation Hazel must have felt that morning or that afternoon when her friend did not come, to care for her, to love her. The tears stung her eyes. Why suddenly did she care so much about a great-grandmother she had never met before but now desperately wanted to know? “Oh, Grandma, I’m so sorry for all the times I thought so badly of you.”
One more turn of the page brought her to the last entry.
Forgive us our debts. Forgive us our debts. forgive us forgive us forgive us
The pain she now understood underlying those simple words. When had Hazel written them? How long before? How long had she lived there before someone checked? How long in that lonely, frightening house? She had mentioned her eyesight going and sleeping in the parlor. How many hours and nights had she lain in that room, feeling the shadows? No wonder the house felt cold and lonely. That was practically all it had ever sheltered all those years. “What now, God?” Dani whispered. “What do we do with Attabury now?”
Chapter 25
As Eric headed back to the office with Jaden in the back chattering away about the gerbil, Mr. Whiskers that they had gotten in their classroom, he checked his phone and sighed. Still nothing from Dani. He had no idea of plane schedules or her trip details, and he really wished he did.
“I got to feed him some pumpkin seeds. Mrs. Bowen said he can live like eight years if we take care of him. Somebody’s going to have to take him home over Spring Break. I bet Shay is going to get to. Her mom says yes to everything.”
“I’m sure she does,” he said, preoccupied somewhere between traffic and Scotland.
When Dani got to Dublin, she found a comfortable spot since she would be there a full 14 hours. She should have checked that closer. Then again, what was her other option? Staying at the Edinburgh hotel with Joel the Creep down the hall? No, she decided as she got comfortable, this would be better. Digging her phone from her purse, she looked up at the clocks on the wall and realized he was probably still at work. Although she knew she shouldn’t bother him, their last call had been so strange, it would probably help him to know she hadn’t really plunged right off the deep end.
“Hello?” he asked, sounding distracted.
“Hey, babe,” she said, her heart falling into the safety of the timbre of his voice.
“Oh, hey.” The words were a breath of relief. “Are you still in Scotland?”
“Dublin.”
“Oh.”
“Yeah. I have a lovely 14-hour layover. Basically all night. I get on the plane in the morning around ten a.m.”
“Oh, wow. You sure you don’t want to try to get a place, a hotel room or something?”
“No. I’ll be fine here.” She righted her purse on her lap and checked her carry-on under her legs. “What’re you up to?”
“Just about back to the office from getting Jaden. Here, let me let you talk to her. She has news.”
When Jaden came on, Dani couldn’t keep the smile or tears from her heart. The excitement of something so simple as getting to feed a small rodent amazed her. As she listened, she began to ask herself if she remembered having that kind of excitement when she was younger. In it, she heard echoes of Hazel’s first entry—at Christmas time, being so enamored with a book of blank pages. Blank pages that would ultimately record the story of her life and would survive even after her death to tell others of a life that would otherwise have been lost forever.
Jaden talked about going to Ridgemount the coming weekend, how Ms. Jane was teaching her to embroider, and Sage had promised to help her learn to sew and upscale a purse or pencil holder. It was truly unbelievable how enthusiastic her daughter sounded.
“That’s great, sweetie.”
It was then that her daughter grew quiet, and Dani began to worry over what came next.
“I told them you were coming back,” Jaden finally said. “I told Ms. Jane you would be coming home. Are you?”
In the simple words, Dani heard the longing of the child, the worry and fear that had taken up residence in her sweet heart. “Yes, honey. Mommy’s coming home.”
When Jaden was in bed, fed and homework done, Eric called Dani again. He needed to do laundry again, and he knew the house needed some actual attention before she got home. How so much could get away from him so fast, he didn’t know. Still, he thought, after the craziness of the day, they needed to talk, though just how the conversation would go was anybody’s guess.
“Hey, babe,” he said softly, not knowing how she would be by now.
“Hey,” she said equally softly.
His prayer whispered through his heart for her. “How’s it going?”
On the other side, Dani sighed. “Gonna be a long night.”
“You sure you’re safe?”
“From people? Yeah. From myself? Not so sure.”
Worry careened across his nerves. “What does that mean?”
She sighed again, harder this time. “What’re we doing, Eric? What is the point of all of this?”
He’d been asking that same question for more weeks than he could count now. “With work?”
“With everything? With us? With Jaden? What are we doing?” This sigh was softer. “I’m sorry about today, about quitting. I should’ve at least talked to you about it first.”
“Dan…”
“It’s just that everything… I couldn’t do it anymore, you know? Being away from Ja, from you…”
Strangely that lifted his heart. “It’s really…”
“But I know, the house and Attabury. We barely have any savings left, and now…”
“Dani,” he said more commandingly.
“Two mortgages. How are we going to do this? How are we going to do two mortgages?”
Although Eric could easily have joined her on the emotional merry-go-round, he found himself in the midst of a strange amount of peace. “Hold up there, girl. Just hold on for a minute.”
Her end went silent.
“Now, first of all, if your heart was saying quit, then you did the right thing no matter what the rest of this looks like.”
“But quitting? I’ve never been a quitter. What is my mom going to say? What is my dad going to say?”
Solid knowing settled into his heart. “First of all, you are not a quitter. You quit something that wasn’t right for you. That’s not a bad thing. That’s being smart. Second of all, I think your mom should worry about her own stuff and let you make your own decisions in this life. You are not a little kid anymore, Dani. You’re a grown woman with a family who loves you and needs you. As for your dad, he’s made enough bad decisions to take him out of running the Criticism Train for the rest of his
life if you ask me.”
She fell even more silent so he could hardly hear her breathing.
“Now, listen to me,” he said, ratcheting the lecturing tone down, “I’ve been reading my Bible, and there’s a verse that says we walk by faith, not by sight. That means we’re going on God’s provision, not on ours. I don’t know how this is all going to work out. I don’t know how we’re going to make it work, but God says He’s in this thing with us, and we’ve got to find a way to have faith that He’s working stuff out we can’t see.”
A second and she laughed softly. “You sound like a preacher.”
His laugh followed. “Just learning that everything really does go back to God and that when I let Him take control, even in the middle of ‘you’ve got to be kidding me!’ I know He’s got a plan.” Eric took a moment before turning the conversation. “Oh, man, babe, I can’t wait ‘til you see Attabury.”
Half a world away, Dani’s thoughts went to Hazel and the dark parlor room with the shadows on the ceiling. Teenagers stalking around outside. Fear and loneliness snaking around inside. Dani put her hand on her arm and rubbed there as yet another flight was called over the speaker.
“All the trees are gone,” Eric said, the excitement in his voice growing with each passing second. “And the outhouse too. The windows are amazing. The siding will probably all be up by the time we go this weekend. And inside. Rachel has refinished all the doorways to that stain you wanted. You are not going to even believe it’s even the same place.”
Tired melted over her, dragging her down with it. “So you’re thinking about going this weekend?”
“Of course. Why wouldn’t we?”
Dani didn’t really know how to tell him she’d lost interest in the project. The pallor of Hazel’s sad life there made Dani wonder why she’d ever thought the place worth saving. Taking revenge on the woman didn’t sound nearly as satisfying as it had when they had started. Maybe they should have just left well enough alone. “I don’t know. I just wanted to spend a little time at home I guess.”
Raising Attabury: A Contemporary Christian Epic-Novel (The Grace Series Book 5) Page 37