“Normal?” he asked though he did have an idea what she meant.
Dani let out a long breath. “I’ve spent my whole life… rehearsing… for this. I knew all the lines. I thought this was what I wanted, everything I wanted, but now that I’m here, now that I have… everything… I don’t know. It just feels… empty, somehow.” Before he could respond, she spun and put up her hands. “Not you. I don’t mean you. I mean… this.”
It probably wasn’t what she thought would happen, but he laughed for all the joy in his heart. Gently he pulled her back to him and kissed her head. When he released her a tiny bit, he nodded and let out a breath. “I agree with you, and I think if we’re really honest, it hasn’t been working for a long time now.”
“I’m sorry,” she said, and the break in her voice broke his heart. “I should have…”
“No,” he said, cutting her off. “It’s not you.” Honest, he thought. You have to be honest. He let out a breath. Okay, God, You’re going to have to help me out here. Give me the right words. “It’s not just you. I think it’s both of us, and all of it. It’s like we’ve been going down the wrong road, hoping if we went far enough, it would turn into the right road.”
She shook her head. “You know all that thinking I did on the way home?”
He nodded.
“Well, I’ve come to the awful conclusion that I’m a miserable mess.” Her gaze came up to his, and in it, he could see that she expected him to either defend her or agree with her. Instead, he simply smiled and shrugged.
“Welcome to the club?” he said wryly. Never removing his gaze from hers, he let the smile dissipate. “I haven’t wanted to say anything because… well, because I didn’t want to make things worse, and I knew blaming you would only make it all worse.”
“I’m sorry,” she said.
“No,” he said quickly. “That’s just it. It’s not your fault. It’s…” He searched for words. “I think it’s how the whole thing was set up from the get-go.”
With a shake of her head, she narrowed her eyebrows. “I don’t understand.”
A moment and he let out a hard breath. “Okay. You know me. I’m not big on the whole psycho-dramatic-whatever-you-want-to-call-it stuff.”
She laughed. “Well, that’s a given.”
“Right. So this whole thing kind of took me off-guard.” His eyes lit to sparkling. “It started with Attabury and hanging out with Caleb and Greg and the other guys. I can’t explain it exactly, but they’re… different than most of the people I’ve ever hung out with. They’re… more real?” He laughed. “I’m not sure that’s even the right word, but it’s something like that. They talk about God like He’s their best friend, and they see things so different. Like…” He stopped and thought for a long second. “Like the preacher, he’s always talking about finding your calling and living bigger than just existing. Things like that.” When his gaze came down to hers, worry snaked into him at the look on her face. “What?”
Quickly she shook her head. “Nothing.” Excitement jumped into her eyes. “Keep going.”
“I mean like with this whole Scotland thing. I didn’t know how to do that, but they talked and they prayed, and when I’d get down or worried, they didn’t tell me to get over it. They listened and they prayed. They really cared about what was going on.”
She nodded. “Yeah, they were praying for me too.”
Shock and concern knifed into him. “How… how did you know that?”
Her laugh danced with joy. “Because they told me they were like every five minutes!”
More concern layered over the first. “They told you? How?”
Reaching into her pocket, she took out her phone, tapped it twice and handed it to him. As Eric scrolled through the texts, he began to see what he hadn’t before. His eyes came up to hers, wary because he thought she might take offense.
“I didn’t know they were texting you. I thought… Well, mine looks about just like that,” he said with a laugh as he handed it back to her. “I’d send out an S.O.S. and in minutes the thing would start going off like a smoke detector in a 5-alarm fire.”
She joined the laugh. “Mine too! I couldn’t figure out what was going on.” A second and her laugh fell into serenity. “But I liked it.” After tossing her phone to the end table, she snuggled back closer to him, under his arm once again. Her one hand came across her to take his that was around her, and her other one found his free hand on his thigh. She sighed and shook her head slowly. “I’m worried.”
That surprised him, and his gaze jumped down to her. “Worried? About what?”
For the longest minute of his life, she said nothing. She didn’t even really move, and his worry was starting to turn to panic.
“What are we teaching Jaden?” Dani finally asked, and after a breath her gaze came up and snagged on his.
A thought and he settled his arms back around her. “We’re teaching her the same thing our parents taught us. We’re teaching her what’s in our hearts.”
Laying her head into the soft muscle of his chest, she let out a breath. “What if I don’t want to teach her that?” When her head moved back and forth, he felt the pain that went with it. “What if that stuff is what’s killing us?”
“Killing…?” he asked, but couldn’t continue because he did understand, more than she probably realized.
“I’ve been reading and thinking,” she said before he could get his thoughts into a logical line. “I don’t want to give her what I was given, not all of it anyway. I’m starting to see that trying to be perfect enough for the world to love me was a one-way trip into hell, no matter how great it looked.”
Eric didn’t move or say anything to stop her. He wanted to hear this. No. He needed to hear this almost as much as she needed to say it.
“I’ve lived my whole life trying to be somebody I’m not. I thought if I could just fake it long enough, it might become real. But it’s like you said, I kept going down the wrong road, hoping eventually it was going to turn into the right one.” She shook her head. “I hate to say it, but I kept thinking if I could just get everybody’s approval, then maybe I’d stop feeling so bad about myself. But I’m beginning to think now I was selling everything to buy the wrong field.”
“The wrong…?”
“It’s something the minister said in Scotland. About a field and a pearl, and what’s at the center of your heart?” She squinted into the thoughts. “I always thought if I could just get here, then everything would be wonderful. I’d have a husband, a kid, a job, a house, two cars, money in the bank, even a vacation home. But now that I’m here, I think I was going for the wrong thing the whole time.”
He couldn’t have said it better if he’d have tried though had she said it without his arms around her, he would’ve been panicking.
“I see my parents, how unhappy they both are. I mean, Dad, yeah, he looks happy, but I wonder how long that will last, you know? And I look at my mom, and she’s just a wreck all the time. Just like me, she thought she had it all—a husband who had everything, two kids, a house… all the stuff I’ve been trying to get, and look at her. She’s miserable. And it’s not just because it came crashing down around her either. She’s been miserable for a long, long time.” Dani shook her head. “I don’t want to end up like her. I don’t want you to be my first husband. I want you to be my only husband.” Turning with a small hopeful smile, she arched her lips up to his, and he complied, loving how she felt when she was like this.
When the kiss ended and he backed up to look at her, he wasn’t sure what came next.
“I don’t know how to do this,” she said softly, her honesty too heavy for her to keep her eyes up. “I don’t know how to be this. I’m afraid I’m going to get a lot of things wrong.”
He grinned and laughed. “Hey, like I said, ‘Welcome to the club.’” He bent and pecked her lips before backing up and shaking his head. “I’ll be honest with you, I’ve been doing this for a while now, and it seems lik
e I get it wrong every day. But I’m getting better at it, putting things in God’s hands, having faith that they’re going to work out, that He’s on my side and His plan is going to work.”
Hope slipped up into her eyes. “So you think He really does, huh?”
“Have a plan?” Eric asked.
“Yeah.”
He laughed and pulled her in tighter. “Oh, yeah. I know He does. One-hundred percent. No questions asked. He has a plan.”
Chapter 26
“This is not going to be fun,” Dani said the next morning as she put the dishes into the dishwasher.
Next to her, Eric leaned on the cabinet, drinking his coffee. The pause lasted only a breath. He put his cup down, turned her to him, and collected her into his arms. As crazy as it sounded, Dani almost liked the feeling of being taken care of. When he kissed her hair, she closed her eyes and drank in the feeling of him holding her. “Let’s just keep remembering that God’s got a plan.”
The closer she got to the hulking Drake Systems building, the tighter Dani’s stomach got until it was knotted so tight, she wasn’t sure it would ever let go. Taking her things from the SUV, she walked up to the security door and showed her badge. The security guard who normally gave her a smile and nod before punching the button to open the door never broke from the stone-faced frown.
Instead, he stood, said something to another guard who came from the back to take his place. Dani swallowed as panic snaked into her. The man who was at least seven inches taller than her even in her heels came out of the security door to open the one that led into the building.
“Come with me,” he said, and she had to take a hard breath to comply.
“God, please be with Dani today,” Eric said as he sat in traffic. He knew today wouldn’t be easy for her, and he knew she was worried about it. Beyond that, however, he wasn’t overly concerned.
“Ms. Richardson,” Anston Dawkins said when she was deposited into the conference room without having been afforded even a second in her office. He nodded to a chair and then to the guard who turned from just behind her to leave. “Please, have a seat.”
Fighting to control the shaking of her being, Dani did as she was told. The door closed behind her with a snap, and she helplessly watched the dark-haired man in the stark navy business suit stare out the huge window into the dusky morning sky.
“Joel sent me some very disturbing news,” Anston said, his voice skating just over a darker tone. He turned and lifted his chin so he was staring down now at her. “Would you mind illuminating on why you’ve made this sudden and very unexpected decision?”
Just managing to breathe was a challenge. “Well,” she said, folding her hands so he wouldn’t see them shaking, “as I said in my resignation letter, the time away from my family has been very difficult for me.”
“We all have families, Ms. Richardson.”
“Yes, I’m aware of that, Sir. I just hadn’t realized how much the job would take me away from mine.”
“You are not going to find another position like this one that won’t.”
She almost smiled. “You’re probably right about that. I’m just not sure I want another position like this one. The time away in Scotland gave me the time to really think about what I wanted and where I want to be in this life. I’m sure you would agree that Drake Systems deserves someone fully committed to their vision. While I wanted to be and while I thought I was, I’ve realized my heart is just not in it, not like it used to be and not like you need it to be.”
“Your heart.” He laughed a wicked, malevolent snort of a thing. “This isn’t about heart, Ms. Richardson. This is about making a name for yourself, taking what life doesn’t just hand out to everybody. You have drive, Ms. Richardson. Ambition. I like that in a woman. I would truly hate to see it wasted…” His gaze became much more menacing. “Or used against us.”
Suddenly she understood what she hadn’t before. “I have no intention of using what I know against Drake.”
“Intentions don’t carry much weight around here because when you walk out that door, you take your intentions with you, leaving us with nothing.”
“I could be mistaken, but did I not sign a non-disclosure when I became employed?”
“Ah.” He lifted his chin again. “But since that time, you have moved on to, shall we say, more delicate matters.”
She knew he was referring to the Scotland deal. “Then why don’t you have someone draw up another one outlining what you want contained? I’ll look it over, and if we have an agreement, I’ll sign it.”
Eric texted Dani to see how things were going. When he didn’t hear back, that same pit of worry that had been taking up residence in his stomach off and on for the last couple of months showed up again. He hated putting out an alert if everything was fine, but something just didn’t feel right. Please pray for Dani, he typed to Caleb and Greg. Don’t alert everyone, and don’t send anything to her. Just pray!
It wasn’t two heartbeats before he got return texts.
Praying.
Will do.
He said his own prayer and went back to work.
It took three tries for Dani to be satisfied that the document protected her as well as Drake, but finally she signed it and slid it across the table to Anston. “There you go.” She watched as he read over it. “Is that all? Am I free to go now?”
His dark eyes pierced into hers. “Just so you know, Ms. Richardson. We will be making sure this is upheld.” He held up the paper, the sunlight behind him making him and it appear nearly black.
She nodded. “I’m sure you will. Am I free to go now?”
Reaching down, he buzzed the intercom to the outside. “Send security in. Ms. Richardson is ready to leave.”
Dani really didn’t see the point of having an escort, but she didn’t argue. She considered thanking Anston, but from the moment the second the security guard opened the door, she knew her time here was over. On her way out, she glanced back once more to find him again staring out at the skyline as if he owned the world. Without moving it, she shook her head. There had been a time in her life she would have buckled under the importance of the man. Now, she was simply glad to be free of him.
As she walked with the guard through the office space she had come to love, she noticed with a falling heart how intentional everyone there was to avert their eyes from her. It was like taking the final walk to the electric chair. Only once did anyone even look her way. Tiffany’s gaze snagged on hers for one breath before falling away, and with that, Dani knew she was yesterday’s news.
With her box of office mementos under one arm, Dani walked out. She didn’t even have her laptop anymore, which felt quite strange.
“Ms. Richardson,” the guard said when she got to the door of the parking garage.
“Yes?”
“Your badge.”
The nod hurt more than she had realized it would. Ten years and she literally would leave with nothing but the memories. Sweeping it off from around her neck, she handed it to him. He didn’t even bother to say good-bye, just took it, turned back for his office, and made as if he was watching the monitors rather than her. She let out a short breath and walked through the heavy metal door, out of Drake and into whatever came next.
The second the phone on his desk beeped at nearly 11, Eric had it in hand and on. “Boy, am I glad to hear from you.”
“Well, I’m glad too,” she said. “You got time for lunch.”
He checked the clock. “Can you give me thirty minutes?”
“I can give you all day. It’s not like I have anywhere to be.”
Dani sat at the little table in The Metro, a little diner that had always been out-of-the-question for them to meet at because it was far closer to his job than to hers. The reality of quitting was starting to hit her along with what in the world she was going to do now.
When Eric showed up at nearly noon, she checked her watch, a sarcastic quip ready to sling; however, she pulled it back, realiz
ing it would sound petty and ridiculous. He was working. She wasn’t. She needed to keep her ego in check.
“So, tough morning?” he asked when he slid into the other side of the booth.
“I’ve had better.” She shifted, hating how this felt.
“You want to talk about it?”
Remembering Anston’s final comment, she shook her head. “Not really.”
Worry knitted across his face as he nodded, but before he could say more, the waitress stepped up and took their orders. When she was gone, Eric looked at Dani.
“So, what now?”
She shook her head very slowly. “I have no idea.”
Letting out a breath, he put his hand across the table to cover hers. “It’s going to be okay. I promise you, it is.”
Out of other options, she laid her other hand on top of his. “I sure hope so.”
As Eric watched her, he saw how much she was struggling, and he knew it was time to start considering things that he had only dared allowed himself to think in the quiet whispers of the night. “Tell you what. Why don’t we make the trip to Ridgemount on Thursday instead of waiting?”
“Thursday? But Jaden’s in school.”
He shrugged. “She can miss one day. That’s not going to kill her. Besides, we need some time off, call it a short vacation.”
“But we can’t… what about your job?”
Lowering his gaze at her, he shook his head. “There’s got to be more to life than working all the time. We haven’t had a vacation in four years, not together anyway. It’s one extra day. Is that really so much to ask?”
Dani felt silly for it, but the thought of taking Jaden out of school, of him missing work. It went against everything she believed in.
“Besides,” he said before she got that out, “Caleb called and said they need like all kinds of stand-ups for Attabury. I think we’d be better off spreading that over two days rather than trying to cram them all into one. I get hives just thinking about it.”
Raising Attabury: A Contemporary Christian Epic-Novel (The Grace Series Book 5) Page 39