He might not believe it yet, but he's better than this trailer park, too, and when I'm old enough to leave it I'm taking him with me.
Chapter Three
One year later
It's another roasting summer in Arizona. I'm a year older, wiser, and my curves have started to fill out since I "became a woman" six months ago. A part of me is happy that I finally have small boobs and some hips to compete with the other girls at my school, but another part of me wishes I stayed flat chested and bony. It's the perfect ballet body.
This past year my time has been filled with school and dance. Every free moment I have I'm at the studio perfecting my craft. At night before bed is the only time I allow myself to spend pining after Jagger. I've only seen him in passing twice since he walked me home from the convenience store last summer, and each time I studied him like I was studying for an exam, wanting to remember every detailed inch of him, but I made sure he never saw me.
Today I'm hoping that will be different.
My dance studio has been shut down for the past four days and won't re-open for another week. Felicity, my dance teacher and owner of the studio, took Monique and the rest of her family on a ten-day cruise of the Caribbean. While they're sitting on the beach having fruity drinks and swimming in the ocean, I'm stuck here and trying to find ways for the time to pass quickly.
After pouring a glass of tap water, I grab my copy of Forever by Judy Blume and walk through the screen door of my trailer, sitting down on the wood steps and looking out at the other homes in the trailer park. The street is quiet with not much going on. Most people don't like to be out during the day in the summer heat.
I'm barefoot, wearing my sister's old white sundress that's cut low and highlights my pale skin. I've lathered my skin in SPF 50, like I do every day so my creamy white skin won't burn and more freckles won't appear. Whenever the sun hits my skin and it's unprotected, I swear ten new brown freckled spots appear.
Setting my glass of water down, my hands glide across my paperback and I open it to one of my favorite parts of the book. It's a dirty part, something I'm sure my mother would never let me read if she were still around, but I love the explicit parts of the books. It's why Forever is my favorite book and Judy Blume is my favorite author.
Sex and love are still relatively new topics for me, and I'm nowhere near ready to experience sex myself, but it's fun to read about what lies ahead for me.
Just as I start to get into it, my sister comes out of our trailer dressed for her shift at the diner. Her natural beauty shines in the sunlight and I'm jealous at how effortless she seems to make everything look.
"I'll be home late tonight, Ronnie. After work I have class until eleven." She comes up behind me and flicks a strand of my long red hair. The two of us could not be more opposite if we tried. "Aren't you hot with this mop hanging over your shoulders? You should pull you hair up."
Pearl walks past me down the steps and hops in her old black Honda that gets her wherever she needs to go–for now. It's only a matter of time until it breaks down on her for good.
My sister is gorgeous. Long brown hair, brown eyes, and tanned skin. She's of mixed ethnicity and it gives her a striking look. She's the perfect height and the perfect shape. It's hard to believe we're even sisters.
Pearl rolls down the manual window of her car. "Have fun with Judy Blume. Stay out of trouble and don't hang around with any kids on the block." She peels out of the driveway, smoke coming from the back pipe of her car and then she's gone.
No real rules or advice. I'm on my own. The only thing she ever tells me is not to hang out with the kids in the trailer park. It's like she's afraid they'll rub off on me or something.
She doesn't have to worry because most of the kids don't give me the time of day anyway.
A half hour later I'm immersed in my book when a shadow falls over me. I look up and see a boy from my school standing over my body. At least he used to go to my school, but now he goes to the local high school. He's decent looking in a white undershirt and jean shorts. His skin is tanned from the sun, including his scalp, which is shaved bald. He's looking at me mischievously with his dark brown eyes.
I think his name starts with a D, but I'm not sure.
"What are you reading, Ronnie?"
How does he know my name?
I fold the corner of the page I'm on and close my book before setting it down beside me and tucking my long hair behind my ears.
"Just a book." Judy Blume books have a reputation so I don't want him to figure out why I like reading it.
He kicks the bottom step below me with his camel-colored work boots while looking up at the sky. His eyes then trail back down and focus on me. "Aren't you hot out here?"
"I'm okay," I respond, just as sweat trickles behind my ear. My sister was right about my hair. I should have put it up.
"Well, if you get too hot you could come hang out with me. A bunch of us are just chilling the rest of the afternoon and the trailer has AC."
I don't know him at all, but the thought of air conditioning right now is too enticing to pass up. I can blame the stupid decision on my age and always being left alone.
All of the predator warnings I learned in school flash through my head. I feel like a kid being lured away by a stranger with candy, but in Arizona air conditioning is a much better offer than sugar.
"Who will all be there?" I ask, standing up from my spot on the step.
"Not sure yet. Probably Angelo and Lola. Jagger, because it's his trailer, maybe Leah and a couple of her friends, and Ky because he's always with Jagger."
He wants me to come with him to Jagger's trailer. The thought of seeing Jagger has my pulse racing with excitement. If any part of me was apprehensive before, it's not anymore. I grab my empty glass and book and walk into my trailer without saying a word to him, placing the items on the counter before returning back outside. I don't lock up because there's not much inside to really steal.
"I'll come."
"Great," he says, smiling. "I'm Dougy, by the way."
As we walk down my street and over to Jagger's street I ask, "Why are you being so nice to me?"
He hesitates for a second before answering. "You never hang out with anyone and we all kind of figured you like it that way. I saw you today, by yourself, and thought I'd just go for it and ask."
They all kind of figured... who's they all?
"Oh, well... thanks for inviting me. It's not that I never want to hang out with anyone, it's just that no one has ever really asked me to hang out before and I'm not home a lot."
"Because you're at that dance place."
"Right." I nod my head, still shocked that he knows anything about me.
We approach Jagger's doublewide and I follow Dougy up the porch and then we walk right in. I'm immediately hit with the cool air and my skin tingles as little bumps cover my skin. It's heaven.
The front room is a large living area with two worn sofas and a coffee table. Walls with doors surround the room and the kitchen is to my immediate right. There are kids taking up most of the seats in the living room and a few sitting on the checkered carpet. The only person I recognize is Lola, but when she sees Dougy and I walk in she rolls her eyes. Speaking loud enough for me to hear she asks, "Who invited RBI?"
Her words ring in my ears and I'm suddenly aware of how much I don't belong here. I don't fit it.
I'm just about to bolt when Jagger walks into the room from the kitchen. His eyes meet mine and grow wide with surprise before he asks the same question Lola asked, but a lot nicer. "Who invited twinkle toes?"
Walking over to where Dougy and I are standing, Jagger looks me over and I look down shyly at my bare feet.
"I found her on my way over here. She was bored so I thought she could hang with us." I look up at Dougy just as he suggestively wiggles his eyebrows at Jagger.
"She's too young, man. She can't play with us," Jagger responds. Then he directs his next words to me. "It's nothing against yo
u, twinkle toes. You're cool, but this... party is a little advanced for you. If you were a couple years older it would be different."
I step forward defiantly. "I'm not too young."
Smirking he raises his hands in defeat and responds, "Okay, twinkle toes. It’s your reputation at stake."
It's then that I see exactly what Jagger was trying to warn me about. Behind him is a girl, who can't be much older than me. She grips an empty beer bottle and places it on its side on top of a piece of cardboard. Her wrist twists and then the bottle spins before landing on a boy two seats away from her.
The boy, with dark brown hair and tan skin, stands up. The girl gets up as well and then he grabs her hand and they both go off behind one of the doors to my left.
"What are they playing?" I ask innocently but already know the answer.
"Seven minutes in heaven," Jagger answers me. "That was my boy, Jose, and the girl is Leah. When they're finished in the room it's someone else's turn."
Dougy steps up behind me and leans in. "Don't worry, RBI, I'll be gentle."
I gulp, not sure I want to play this game with them and wishing I would have listened to Jagger when I had the chance. If I leave now I'll look like a wuss.
"Cut it out, Thirty-D," Jagger shouts before hitting Dougy on the side of the head. "Don't scare the girl."
Jagger looks down at me sweetly. His once long brown hair is shorter now, but he's still able to tuck it behind his ears. "You don't have to play, twinkle toes. You can just watch if you want."
I look up into his reassuring eyes. "I'll play."
"Awesome," Dougy says from beside me and then he grabs my hand and walks us over to the circle that is formed on the carpet. The other kids move to give us room, but they're all staring at me like I have a third eye or something. Jagger comes over now, too, and takes a seat next to Lola in the circle. Dougy is on my right and a boy I've never met before is on my left, but I’ve seen him around with Jagger.
"Hey, I'm Ky," he says, introducing himself and reaching out his hand. I take it in a friendly handshake.
"I'm Ronnie."
"Ronnie... huh." He looks over at Jagger curiously, but Jagger's in a hushed conversation with Lola. Their heads are crouched together and the moment looks intimate. As I watch the two of them interact I'm filled with jealousy. Lola talks and flirts with him so easily. I don't know how to be that natural around him.
The door behind me eventually opens and out walks Jose and Leah. Her face is flushed and her clothing is rumpled, while Jose has a dirty grin plastered across his face.
"Who's next?" Dougy asks eagerly while peeking over at me.
"It's Ace's turn," Ky says from the other side of me and when I look over at Ky he's glaring at Dougy. I thought they were all friends but by the way Ky is looking at Dougy, there must be something else going on.
Jagger kneels over the cardboard and places his hand on the bottle before giving it a good spin. Lola sits up eagerly with anticipation as the bottle spins over and over again.
Part of me wants it, needs it, to land on me. Another part of me is terrified at the possibility. I'm terrified to be alone with Jagger for seven minutes. I know he's experienced and I'm not.
The bottle slows down and then suddenly stops with the open neck pointing directly at me.
Despite the air conditioning my body starts to slowly overheat. Jagger doesn't miss a beat as he stands up and walks to my part of the circle. He reaches out his hand and I take it, slowly getting up from the carpet and following him out of the room and behind the door that Jose and Leah were in just a few minutes before.
I can hear Ky and a couple of the other boys cheering and whistling us on.
Jagger shuts the door and I look around the room. The walls are navy blue and covered with posters of half naked women. Some are on muscle cars; others are posed provocatively and covered with soap and water. Most of them have fake boobs and big butts. There's a full-size bed that takes up a large part of the room. He has no books, but there is a CD player playing Death Cab for Cutie's I will follow you into the Dark, and a stack of compact discs sit next to it. I walk over and grab the first CD on top of the stack–The Who. I grab the next one and it's Metallica, followed by Jimmy Hendrix, then The Rolling Stones.
"Are you done touching my shit?"
I'm startled and quickly place the CDs down before turning around to face him. "Sorry."
Jagger walks over to his bed and then sits down on top of the black comforter. I watch his every move but I don't say anything. I stay completely still. I’m not sure what he's expecting from me during the next seven minutes.
He must be good at reading people because he says, "Come sit down, twinkle toes. We're just going to talk. I'm not going to defile you."
I trust him so I walk over to the bed and sit down next to him, tucking my bare feet under my butt.
"What do you want to talk about?" I ask nervously.
"I don't know." He taps his hands against his thighs, drumming out a beat to go with the music. He's wearing jeans and a black t-shirt, and on his feet are black boots. I realize his wardrobe is filled with a lot of the same colors, and I've only ever seen boots on his feet. "How's dance going?"
"Good," I respond, wishing I had a longer answer to fill the unease in the room.
"Why aren't you there now?"
"The studio is closed for the week."
We both go silent again, neither of us knowing what to talk about. I realize that's probably because we have very little in common.
"Your house is nice."
He turns on the bed to face me so I do the same. My legs are still tucked underneath me but Jagger has one leg on the bed and his other leg hangs down the side, his foot touching the floor.
"It's a run-down piece of shit, twinkle toes, but it's all I can afford right now."
All he can afford? He's only fourteen. He can't be paying for this place by himself.
"Well, it's a lot nicer than mine and you have air conditioning. I'd do anything for AC."
"Anything?" he asks, raising his right eyebrow.
I bite my lip to stop my cheeks from flushing with embarrassment. “You know what I mean."
We go quiet again but this time the air is filled with something... different. Something I've never experienced before. There's some form of electricity trying to bring the two of us together.
Jagger leans in close to me and I stop breathing as I focus on the way his body moves. I watch his lips as he takes in staggered breaths.
"Have you ever been kissed, twinkle toes?"
I let out a shaky breath. "No."
Jagger's palms graze my bare knees before placing his hands on each side of the bed so my thighs are trapped between them.
He leans in closer. "Do you want that to change? Do you want me to kiss you?"
I can't speak. I can barely move, as the very thing I've dreamt about these past three years is finally about to come true. Jagger is asking me if I want him to kiss me. Somehow in my state of shock, as my blood begins to boil from anticipation and his lips proximity to mine, I'm able to nod my head yes.
He hovers above me as I look up into his eyes. His lips are just inches from mine. A million thoughts are racing through my head and I can’t seem to think straight. I want to remember every second of what's about to happen, but instead, just as his lips are about to brush against mine, I whisper, "Why did Ky call you Ace?"
He grins down at me, his gaze flickering to my lips before he looks back up into my green eyes. "Because I'm good at everything."
I don't have time to process his answer. My eyes flutter closed as his lips connect with mine. I don't move and my lips stay firmly shut as he kisses me. I feel hot... everywhere. My face is flushed, my lips are tingling and I don't want this kiss to end.
Jagger pulls away slightly. One of his hands comes up to my face and he places a finger on my lower lip. "Loosen up, twinkle toes. Part your lips and just go with it. I want to see what you taste like."
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His finger slides away from my mouth and then his lips meet mine again. This time we move together, our lips fitting perfectly with each other. His kiss is soft and I feel his tongue graze my bottom lip before tracing my top lip. I open my mouth allowing his tongue to tangle with mine, and it's everything I imagined it would be.
He doesn't take it any further. The only parts of our bodies that touch are our mouths and when the kiss is over I know I'll never be the same.
Jagger's sparked something inside me that can only be tamed by him.
It was the best first kiss in the history of all first kisses and I know I'm going to crave more.
Chapter Four
Two years later
I run down to the mailbox to greet the mailman at his vehicle. I've been doing this for the last three weeks, but so far it hasn't come.
"Got anything for me today, Henry?"
He doesn't answer and hands me two small pieces of mail. One's the water bill and the other is Pearl's cell phone bill. I'm disappointed that I still haven’t heard anything yet, but I smile at Henry. "Thanks anyway. See you tomorrow."
I start to walk away when Henry says, "Oh, I forgot this."
In his hand is a legal size manila envelope. He smiles and hands it over. It's addressed to me and the return address is the Performing Arts school I applied to. It's the same high school Monique goes to and Felicity gave me a terrific letter of recommendation. I performed for them a month ago and have been waiting for this letter from them ever since.
What's in this envelope will either lead to the start of my dancing future, or crush my dreams of ever making it in this industry.
Henry wishes me luck and then drives to the next house, but I stay standing at the end of my small driveway, staring at the envelope.
I've been dying for this to come the past several weeks, needing an answer, but now that it's in my hands I'm afraid to open it.
I don't know how long I stand there like a statue, but when the envelope is ripped out of my hands I look up and am assaulted by the most beautiful eyes I've ever seen. Eyes I haven't seen in a long time.
The Con Page 3