I can't let that happen. I silently vow to myself to never let that happen. If I have to kill Matteo Esposito myself to save Jagger, I will.
Jagger finishes his cigarette, smashing the end in the ashtray on top of the dresser. "I’m going to try and get a hold of Matteo. Maybe I can reason with him. Maybe if I explain the whole thing, if I explain that Angelo and Damien can’t be trusted, he might stop looking for us. I'll have to give him back his money, but I’m not worried about that. There are always other ways to earn money and I made a decent living before this job, and I'll be able to make a decent one after."
Shaking my head because I already know the answer, I ask, "Do you think that might work? Do you think he'll actually let us go if you hand him over his money?"
Jagger stays focused on me. His devastatingly beautiful eyes are filled with skepticism and doubt, but then I watch his expression change as he masks his true feelings and lies to me. I can tell he's lying before the words even leave his lips. "Yes, twinkle toes. I think if we hand over the money we'll be able to go home and get back to our lives. Matteo can be a decent man and if we give him back his money he'll probably stop hunting us."
I smile at him weakly, unable to fake comfort at his words but hoping the smile across my face is enough for him to believe that I've bought what he's told me.
Jagger may know that we don't have a chance in hell, but now I know, too, so I can start plotting ways for us to somehow make it through this. I can start plotting ways to keep Jagger alive and breathing.
Chapter Fourteen
We decide to spend one more night at the motel before Jagger hunts down Matteo Esposito's cell number and gives him a call. Deep down I know Jagger wants to stay because once he makes that phone call he thinks we might get caught. I'm not sure about staying another night at first, but then I figure we're as safe here as we would be anywhere else.
We order take-out from a local barbeque place down the road and when Jagger comes back to the room with our food, the smell of barbeque ribs, coleslaw, and fries make my mouth water. All I've eaten today is an apple and a cereal bar.
I'm not worried about etiquette or how I may look as I dig into the ribs. My fingers are coated in barbeque sauce and I can feel traces of it on my lips and cheeks, but it's too good to stop eating. Jagger laughs from across the bed, smiling at me as I take another bite. His hands are coated in sauce, too, but he's somehow able to avoid getting it all over his face.
We both reach for the last rib, but he lets me take it and I eat the meat clean off the bone.
"You're a mess, twinkle toes."
"I was hungry," I mumble as I chew the last bite of meat.
"I never knew a woman as slim as you could eat so much. Where does it all go?"
"I'm blessed with a naturally fast metabolism." I grab the wet wipes that came with the meal and clean off my hands, wiping between each finger before grabbing another fresh one and wiping my face.
I'm clean and full. That meal will definitely hold me over until breakfast.
I stand up and clean up the dinner mess this time, since Jagger cleaned up dinner yesterday, and then we both get ready for bed. We take our turns in the shower and then brush our teeth with the toothbrush and paste Jagger was somehow able to convince the night manager of the motel to give us, since I forgot to get some at the store.
Slipping on a clean pair of panties and the black tank I bought at Target, I slide underneath the covers and wait for Jagger to join me. He puts the television on low as he flips through the channels. There isn't much on again beside some soft-core porn and the hard-core channel, but when Jagger comes across a comedian doing stand up I make him put the remote down. This is something I can stand watching, and the perfect distraction so we can both forget about the worries that will come tomorrow when Jagger makes the phone calls to find Matteo.
The comedian is funny, but I've seen a lot better, or maybe I'm just too distracted right now to enjoy any of it. My mind is running at a million thoughts per second.
My reasonable questions all have to do with the current situation Jagger and I are in. What if Matteo doesn't accept our deal? What if they find us here in the middle of the night? Where did Jagger hide the gun? Does Jagger have a plan B? Should I come up with a plan B?
Then there are the other questions roaming through my mind. Questions that, while important, can wait until all of this is over. What did last night mean between Jagger and me? What did today mean? Does Jagger have feelings for me? He said a few things that make me feel like he does, but he's so hard to read. He's been on his own for so long, in charge of his own well-being and happiness, and I don’t think he knows how to let people in.
Does he know that I love him? Does he know that my world has revolved around him since I was nine years old, even though we weren't in each other's lives regularly? Does he know that I would do anything for him, even kill for him, if it meant he gets to be the one to survive all of this and move on?
I turn on my right side to face him. He's lying on his back, his bare chest glowing from the light of the television. He has one hand drawn back behind his head and his other hand resting on his stomach as he laughs at something the comedian on the television says.
An outsider would take one look at him right now and see a relaxed man enjoying the evening, but I see what's hidden underneath. Jagger's scared, even if he doesn't want to admit it.
I slide my right hand underneath the side of my head and rest my temple against it. "Can we talk?"
He turns his head slightly so that he can see me. "About what?"
"About us. About what happened between us last night. About what happened between us five years ago."
"Twinkle toes, why rehash old wounds? We don’t need to talk about what happened five years ago," he sighs out.
"Yes we do, Jagger. I need to know why you left me that night."
"I told you before, I didn't want you hung up on me when you had your dancing to think about."
"But that wasn't your choice," I say with a little bite to it. "Do you remember when we first met?"
"How could I forget?"
Ignoring him I continue. "I was nine years old, sad about my ballet slippers but also sad about life in general. I had no parents and my nineteen-year-old sister was raising me when she should have been out enjoying her life. You swooped in that night and saved me. You may have only been buying me a pair of ballet slippers, but to me you were buying me the world because dancing was my world. It was my escape from my screwed-up childhood and you made it possible for me to continue my adventures."
I pause, debating for a second if I should say what I'm about to say. Once I say it I can’t take it back and it could make tonight and tomorrow really awkward if he doesn’t understand where I am coming from. I don’t expect him to feel the same way. How could he? He can't begin to understand the way I feel about him, or the reasons why I feel the way I do, but I hope to make him understand a little tonight. I want him to know I would do anything for him.
"I fell in love with you that night, Jagger."
His eyes grow wide as he turns his body onto his left side. His hand on his stomach falls to rest against the sheet below us. "You were nine, twinkle toes. You couldn’t have fallen in love with me."
"But I did, and every time I saw you after that I fell deeper and deeper in love with you, but I knew I couldn’t have you. You were so much better than me and you could have any girl you wanted. That night at the party I saw you with Lola. I saw the way she hung all over your every word and I knew I couldn’t compete with her."
He moves his hand from the mattress and brings it up to my face to caress my cheek. "There was never a competition, twinkle toes. You wiped her, and any other girl, clear out of the water just by being at that party. You are better than all those girls combined."
"If I was better than all those girls you would have been chasing after me at that party instead of letting Lola lick you like a cat."
Jagger moves quic
kly and I roll over onto my back to accommodate our new position. His body is on top of mine as he looks down at me affectionately. His short hair falls forward and is tickling the skin on my forehead.
"If I remember correctly, I went home with you." He's quiet for a moment before continuing. "I used to watch you walk home all the time after you were dropped of from your dance classes, even before our first interaction when you dropped your ballet slippers in the puddle. I was only a kid but I knew there was something special about you, something that made you different from the rest of us kids in the trailer park. Just because you can't dance anymore and you aren't able to go to some fancy college, or dance as a principal in some dance company, it doesn't change the fact that you can have the world if you work for it."
The backs of his fingers move down my cheek before the pad of his thumb rubs against my bottom lip. "That's why I ignored you, twinkle toes. That's why I left you alone. And now I've fucked it all up for you anyway because you're in this mess with me and I haven't found a way to get you out of it yet."
"Jagger," I whisper against the pad of his thumb. His words are soothing me and make me realize his guilt is misplaced. He must have led a lonely life if he was pushing aside the people that loved him and wanted to take care of him.
"You're better than this, twinkle toes. You're better than this life. I've known it from the second I saw you. I also knew that if I became a part of your life, I'd ultimately be the reason you never got out of The Evergreen's."
I look up at him, hopeful. "What if I don't want better, Jagger? All I've ever wanted is to be loved and to be happy. You can give me both of those things."
"But at what cost, twinkle toes?"
"Why does it have to cost something? Why can't we just have this and let the rest come when it does?"
His eyes flicker to my lips and then his mouth is on mine as he gives me a slow and sensual kiss, sucking my bottom lip between his teeth and biting down before releasing me. "I've always wanted more for you, twinkle toes, but... I've also always wanted you. I know how you feel, because I feel it, too. You're the only woman I've ever felt this way about. While you were worried about the Lola's of this world, I was worried that those kinds of women were all that was meant for me. I never thought in my wildest dreams I could have you."
He kisses me again and this time I wrap my hands around him to hug his neck. My lips caress his, attempting to sooth away the negativity and doubt that's inside him. He hardens on top of me, his cock pushing against the V between my legs, right where I want him to be, but then he pulls away. We're no longer kissing as he looks back down at me in wonder.
"I... oh, shit. This is going to be a lot harder than I thought." He closes his eyes and I watch his Adam’s apple move as he swallows deeply before opening his eyes again. In the dark, with the glow of the television, I almost can't tell that he has two different colored eyes. His face is shadowed, hiding all the intricate details of his face I like so much. "I love you, too, twinkle toes. I think I always have, and now that you're here I'm not going to let anything bad happen to you. You're mine and I keep what's mine safe."
You're mine.
No two words have ever been truer. I've been his since I was nine years old. It only took him eleven years to realize it, too.
"What are you thinking, twinkle toes?"
I drag my nail softly up and down the back of his neck. "I'm not thinking about much, I'm just happy. I'm with you right now. Maybe everything at the bank happened for a reason. Maybe it was the Universe's way of keeping us together."
"Well, then the Universe is fucked up because it brought us together just to be torn apart. We have a lot of problems to deal with and none of them are going to be easy. We're not going to be flying over a rainbow riding a unicorn tomorrow. We're going to be dealing with some heavy shit."
"I know that, Jagger, and obviously our situation isn’t ideal, but it gave me you and I can’t be upset with that."
He brings a hand up to pinch the bridge of his nose. "You're crazy and delusional. Do you know that?"
"Yes, but you love me so what does that say about you?"
"That I'm crazy and delusional, too. It's a volatile combination."
"Jagger?"
"Yeah?"
"What about my sister, and your sister and nephew? Will Matteo go after them to get to us? Should they go into hiding until we get this all figured out?"
"Matteo is a family man. That's one area he doesn't mess with. It's part of this unspoken code he has. Everyone else in his world doesn't have any boundaries they won't cross, but Matteo does. He never goes after innocent family members, no matter how desperate he is to find who he's looking for. He won't go after your sister. She's safe."
I sigh a breath of relief knowing that Pearl won't be messed with. I'll need to call her soon so that she knows I'm okay, but it'll be easy to sleep well tonight knowing that one of the biggest criminal organizations in North America isn't after her.
I lower my hands down Jagger's back, dragging my nails into his flesh until I meet the band of his boxer briefs. I slide my hands inside and squeeze, his back and ass flexing as he grinds his erection into me.
"I think we've done enough talking for one night," I pant across his lips. He doesn't answer me with words. He kisses the corner of my mouth as his hand slips between us and under my panties until his fingertips meet my clit. My lips part as I groan out in pleasure and then I'm kissing him eagerly.
While talking can be nice, in moments like this it's overrated, so I let our bodies do all the talking for us as Jagger slowly removes our undergarments and makes love to me for the first time.
Chapter Fifteen
"Were you able to get in contact with your sister?"
"No. She must already be at the hospital doing rounds, but I left her a message letting her know that I'm fine and that I'll call her again soon. I also told her to be safe."
Jagger smiles over at me, but he's remorseful for the situation he's put me in. I don't say anything. It's a pointless argument to get into because he can blame himself all he wants, but I'm the one who agreed to do the job. I'm the one who said yes.
I sit at the foot of the bed and put on a pair of clean socks followed by the gym shoes I bought myself at Target. My ankle is still a little tender, but it feels better than it did yesterday.
"Are you going to tell me how it went with Matteo this morning? You've been quiet ever since you made your phone calls." When I woke up this morning Jagger was already on the phone, calling around until he could find someone who could get him in direct contact with Matteo Esposito. I left him alone to make the calls, taking a shower and packing our things up while he stepped outside to talk.
When he came back I was hoping his face would give something away. I was hoping I would be able to read the situation through his expression, but it was impossible. His face was blank and he was quiet, only telling me to call my sister and let her know I was okay.
Standing up from the bed I walk over to him, slipping my hands in the front pockets of my jeans so I have somewhere to put them and I'm not fidgeting in front of him. I look pretty basic today in jeans and the gray t-shirt. It's exactly the way Jagger wants us to dress so we don't draw attention to ourselves.
"I was able to set up a meeting with him in Albuquerque for tonight," he says as he moves around me and grabs the duffle bag full of cash out from under the bed, placing it on the mattress. He unzips it to look inside before zipping it back up. "He says he'll come alone."
"And you believe him?"
"I don't have much of a choice, Ronnie. This may be our only chance to explain ourselves."
I walk over and stand next to him, resting my palm against his lower back. "You called me Ronnie. Are you mad at me?"
Turning to face me, he slips a hand in my hair and tangles it in my untamed waves. "I'm not mad at you, twinkle toes. I just like to use your name sometimes. It's a reminder to me of just how much we fit together. Another way fate brought
us together."
"What do you mean?" I ask, confused on how my name is a reminder of this.
"Have you ever wondered why I was named Jagger? And why my sister's were named Charlie and Richie? It's because my dad was a huge Rolling Stones fan. He lived for their music and when my mom started popping out kids he named each of us after a member."
He stares off at the wall behind me before shaking his head and continuing. "My dad loved The Rolling Stones more than he loved us kids, but he loved my mom even more. When she died, I think drinking was the only way he could cope. He'd lock himself in his bedroom for days with a twenty-four pack of beer and a bottle of whiskey, the Stones playing in the background.
"His favorites were Miss You and Sympathy for the Devil. He would play those two songs over and over again on repeat. I won't bore you with how fucked up my dad was after my mom's death, but he was a huge Stones fan and taught us kids to love them, too. That's why when I found out the little ballerina who walked to her trailer every day after dance's name was Ronnie, I knew my Dad had somehow brought you into my life.
"I'm not saying the man is in heaven and has some kind of pull, in fact I'm pretty sure my old man is rotting in hell somewhere, but I wonder if he got to ask God for one thing before he was sent into the fiery pits. Like maybe he asked him to send a girl named Ronnie into my life to make up for all the shit he put me through."
He throws the duffle bag over his shoulder and starts to walk towards the door to leave. "Why would he ask for me? What's the significance of Ronnie?"
Keeping his back to me he turns his head slightly to speak over his empty shoulder. "Ronnie Wood, twinkle toes. He's been a member of the Stones since the seventies. He wasn't an original member of the band, but now he's part of the family just like you. You weren't an original part of my family, but now you are a member. Fate brought us together."
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