Worlds Apart

by Luke Loaghan

  “You know, Carlos, that’s always the story with you. Shoulda, coulda, woulda…besides there were chaperones, and I really didn’t want to do anything that I may regret in the future.”

  Carlos looked a little annoyed. “When are you going to live a little? You’re gonna graduate high school as a little prissy girl.” Sam laughed out loud.

  John shouted “Smoking pot and getting drunk doesn’t mean you’re living. Look at Eddie; I bet he thought he was really living.”

  Carlos continued, “And you sold out Eddie. Why didn’t you hide his stuff?”

  Sam mentioned that people in the school were saying that Maurice and I did nothing to help Eddie, or the students involved in the fight. “They are saying that you and Maurice were hiding in your rooms, on the floor, rolling around on top of each other,” Sam smirked.

  “I have bigger things like college to worry about. I didn’t need to get into a fight just months before graduation.” I was getting angry with the tone of the conversation. The reality was that no one else was there, and their judgment was based totally on hearsay.

  The table was quiet for a while.

  “So our boy Sam here has a new girlfriend and…carnal knowledge of her,” Carlos laughed.

  Sam explained that he had been intimate with his neighbor’s daughter. He said that she was good looking, her family was from Afghanistan, and they were trying to set them up for marriage.

  “Marriage?” I asked.

  “After college…. It’s common for Persians, Afghanis, and most people from the Middle East to marry at our age. I’m just getting as much action as I can.” Carlos jokingly punched him in the shoulder.

  “She goes to school here at Stanton,” Carlos said.

  “Who is she?” John inquired.

  Sam said he wasn’t telling. The four of us left for our next class.

  I was annoyed about the assertion that I was a coward. I wondered if other students at school were thinking the same thing or if Sam was just pushing my buttons again.

  When I left school at 5pm, I saw Maurice on my way out. I asked if he had heard about any rumors that we were cowards for not helping Eddie Lo. Maurice said he did not care what anyone thought of him, only what God thought of him. “Besides, no one will remember any of this after high school.” I asked if it was difficult to be the only religious Jew around.

  “Are you crazy? This is Brooklyn. There are more of us in Brooklyn than anywhere else outside of Israel.”

  “I meant at Stanton.”

  “To tell you the truth, I never even think about it. After all, Ehyeh asher ehyeh… I am what I am,” Maurice grinned.

  I told Maurice that he sounded like Popeye the Sailor. He said, “You’re kidding right?” and walked off.

  Maurice was right. No one would remember the ski trip in twenty years, or even in a year. Besides, there was only six months to go before graduation and I decided not to pay any more attention to the rumors about me at school. If I was a weaker person, the kind who placed enormous weight on the present and not the future, then I would need to make sure everyone knew that I was not a sellout. There was life after graduation, and I could not pay any more attention to an undeserved reputation.

  I went home to study for upcoming exams, but I was still thinking about what Maurice had said, and I pulled out the Life Plan from my wallet. I wrote in #19:

  I only care what God thinks of me, and not other people. I have to do what I know to be right in the future and not get carried away by allegiances or my sense of loyalty.

  I was not religious, but did believe in God controlling things here on earth, maybe not for everybody, but certainly for me. Perhaps I was more superstitious than religious.

  I called Delancey later that night. Her father picked up the phone, and asked me who I was.

  “Tell her it’s David.”

  “David who?”

  “David from school.”

  “From what school?”

  “From Stanton.”

  “What school?”

  “Stanton.”

  “Oh. Well what do you want?” Her father sounded frustrated.

  Delancey finally got on the phone, clearly annoyed with her father.

  “I just wanted to talk, but not about school or tests or anything like that,” I said.

  “That’s fine, I’m a little tired from all the studying as well,” she said.

  We made small talk for a little while until there was an awkward pause on the phone.

  “Delancey? Are you still there?”

  “I’m still here.”

  “Why are you so quiet?” I asked.

  “I don’t get it,” she said.

  “Get what?”

  “We’ve known each other for such a long time and we finally go out. I thought we had a great time, we danced together at the ski trip, and you don’t ask me out again. Am I missing something here?” She sounded dejected.

  I remained silent.

  “Are you still there?” she said.

  “I’m here,” I said, confused. “I thought that you made it clear that you did not want to date.”

  Another long silence.

  “Well, Delancey?”

  “Well, you shouldn’t take no for an answer. Maybe I’m more open-minded now than I was before.” I could feel the warmth of her smile on the other end of the phone. “Besides if you really like me, you would want to spend more time together whether it was dating or not. Now tell me the truth…how do you really feel about me?” she asked.

  “The truth is that I like you; I like you a lot. I’ve always liked you, and I think you are absolutely gorgeous, and for some reason whenever I’m around you, or I spend time with you, I can’t sleep. I stay up thinking about you. But I don’t know what to do. We are graduating in less than six months, and we are both going off to college, and I’m not sure about the long distance thing. I don’t know if I want to start something now and put us both through that. I think about you all the time. I wish we could really be together.” I sighed. This was a lot to get off my chest. I really did not like exposing myself like this. But I was so tired that I let my guard down.

  “David…I like you as well. But I want you to know that I’m not girlfriend material. I’m not the kind of girl that’s going to follow you to college or wherever you go. I’m really focused on school, my eventual career, and making my family proud. But I can’t help but see that you have been reaching out to me, and I think that I’d like to know if we have something here,” she said.

  I breathed a sigh of relief. It felt magical, the way she said it, like we were in a dream or another realm of some sort. She spoke the truth, and I knew it when I heard it.

  “You’re in an entirely different league, when it comes to girls. And you are so beautiful, everything about you.” I could see her clear as day in my mind. I could feel her blushing, and pictured the dimples on her face, her smile at full crescendo. “You know, I don’t have a lot to offer you. You could go out with anybody at school.” My insecurities kicked in.

  “David, you have to live for the moment, and for the present. If we have six months to go, fine. If it continues then so be it. I’d rather have something now, than nothing forever. Besides, I’m not sure if this will even work out; my father will not approve.”

  “Look, I’m just a guy trying to make it out of high school. But if you want to start dating, I would really like that,” I said smiling.

  “Well… let’s just try hanging out more and see how that goes,” she said. “I’m not looking for a boyfriend. I have too much going on in my life to get involved with anyone seriously. I’m really afraid to get attached. And I’m not about to throw away my plans for the future for you or any other boy in high school.”

  “Fine. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

  I hung up the phone, and stared at the wall in front of me. I stayed up the entire night, unable to sleep. My exuberance was like caffeine.

  The next day at school, I walked into the caf
eteria, glancing at my usual table, and noticed Sam, Carlos, and John. I smiled and walked right by them, and sat next to Delancey at another table. She gave me a kiss on the cheek.

  Sam was boiling over in jealous rage. As we were leaving the cafeteria and heading to our next class, I saw Juan in the far distance in his usual black business suit. Juan was staring us down with sinister eyes. If looks could kill, I would be a dead man.

  Delancey and I planned to go out tomorrow after school, but she insisted that it was not a date. We were just hanging out, maybe as friends, maybe as something more than friends. For the rest of the day I was on cloud nine. I didn’t care about Juan or Sam. I did not care for anything. Being with Delancey was, as Sal would say, like an out of body experience.

  The next day, Delancey wore a worn and faded pair of denim jeans to our first non-date. She had a gray sweatshirt with “Haverford” in bold letters. She was a sight to behold that day, and it was obvious she tried to look ordinary and unpretentious. However, in my opinion, she had never looked better; and I have a photographic memory. Her extraordinary attempts to dress down made her look all the more radiant. Delancey’s worn out blue jeans didn’t hide the shape of her hips, or the curves of her thighs. The over-sized gray sweatshirt could not conceal the outline of her breasts or her tender shoulders. Her attempts to make this a non-date had the opposite effect on me.

  She smiled warmly, and asked me, “How do I look? I hope I’m not too dressed down for wherever we are going.”

  “Delancey, you’ve never looked better.” I laughed out loud. She feigned disappointment as we headed to the streets.

  We walked past the multicolored attached brownstone buildings, each a different shade of brown slab, each with newly windswept concrete front steps. The tree-lined Brooklyn streets were teeming with pedestrians heading home. I walked slower than usual, though not on purpose. Time seemed to slow down. The hurried pedestrians pushed past us on the way to their apartments. It was a cold January day, but when I grabbed her hand, I could feel her warmth through her mittens. She retracted her hand, reminding me that we were not dating.

  We arrived shortly on Fulton Street. A blue awning with white lettering revealed the name Academy Café. As we stepped inside, I held up two fingers to the owner, who placed us in a booth by the window. The waitress walked over to take our order, and I chose minestrone soup, while Delancey ordered the Pluto burger, which was the biggest meal on the menu. It was a hamburger the size of a small planet.

  “That’s another thing about me that you probably didn’t count on. I like to eat, and I’m not ashamed of it. I’m not dainty, and I’m not going to hide my un-girly appetite.” Delancey folded her arms and looked at me.

  “Fine,” I replied, holding back a grin. Her notions of eating were amusing. Why should I care how much she ate or didn’t eat?

  “And I’m not insecure about my weight either. I feel really good at this weight and I don’t care if you or anyone else think I need to lose 20 pounds.”

  “Fine. I think you look great.”

  “You know I’m not one of those ultra-skinny girls.”

  “I know.”

  “And don’t ask me to lose any weight.”

  “You really don’t need to.”

  Delancey then relaxed and we both stared out the window. She seemed to breathe a little easier now that this was out of the way. She remained silent, as did I, but not for much longer.

  “My mother and I will be going away for the winter break. We’re headed to London for a few days. Her sister, my aunt, lives in London, and I can’t wait.” Delancey spoke about how much she loved London for the next few minutes. The waitress brought over our order. She took a massive bite of her Pluto burger, which was so humungous it could barely fit on the plate. “Delicious!” she commented. Some of the melted cheese had dripped onto her lower lip, toward her chin, and I reached over and wiped it. Delancey beamed heartily, and her eyes lit up as if I had done something that had delighted her.

  It seemed as if she spoke without taking a breath for a while. But, she still seemed to have her guard up. I wanted to get to know the real Delancey.

  “Did your parents’ divorce really upset you?” I asked.

  She placed her cheeseburger down, and took a sip of coffee. Her magnificent eyes glanced out the restaurant window, and the sunlight softened her intensity, adding a celestial glow to her eyes and her face.

  “You know, David, it did not bother me for too long. I guess initially I blamed myself, thinking that if I had been a better child, a better daughter, it wouldn’t have happened. But right away, I noticed that my father was so much more pleasant to be around without my mother. And my mother was initially morose and somber, but a few months later she started dating Bruce, my stepfather, and she is much happier and easier to be around as well. I really have to say…I think the divorce was the best thing for them.

  They were such stark opposites of each other. My mother was definitely a child of the 60’s generation, and was proud of it. She was a Broadway actress. That’s how they met. She was starring in a play on Broadway and my father went to see the show and arranged to meet her afterwards. She always wanted to be a free spirit and a flower child. My father on the other hand was very controlling. I guess the question is, how does someone possessive, materialistic, and controlling, like my father, go about trying to control a free spirit, like my mother. I am as rebellious as I am because my father is so controlling.”

  Delancey continued to eat her cheeseburger, and we both remained silent. The subject of her parents’ divorce opened her up to real conversation, but at the same time she had less she wanted to talk about.

  “So, David, why do you want to go to a state college?”

  “A lot of it has to do with affordability. I really can’t afford a private school. And even if I could, I would feel bad about having to call my father and ask him for money. I will need to work through college, so I need to go to a school somewhere, where I’d have a good chance of finding a job. But you know…even if I had a scholarship, I’m not sure how it would be at a private school where I would have nothing in common with a lot of those kids. I don’t have a car. I’ve never really been around rich kids.” I was nervous to discuss this topic with her.

  “David, that being said, you did befriend me, and without sounding too full of myself, you know that I come from a wealthy family and you seem okay with it.”

  “I am trying to be comfortable with you. But it’s not like I’m surrounded at Stanton by wealthy kids, who are all going to Europe while I stay at home.” I glanced down, and could feel that the topic had stirred up some emotion. “I’m not the kind of guy that would want to be washing dishes at the college dining hall while everyone else is having dessert or going to a party.”

  “Rich people aren’t that bad; they don’t bite, you know. Well, just my father,” Delancey giggled. “Seriously David, a private college can offer you so much more. It’s smaller, more intimate, you get to know more people, the reputation is often better, the alumni associations are better, and there is financial aid.”

  “Delancey, I don’t want to be in debt for the next twenty years either. Besides, what could I learn in a private college that I couldn’t learn in a public college? I know that the brand name means something, but having money to pay tuition means even more. My goal is to not be poor, and having all the debt from a private college just seems to undermine that goal.”

  “David, you can be anything you want to be, and you can do anything you want to do. The sky is the limit, especially here in New York. But you only go to college once, as a true freshman. I checked out Haverford over last weekend. It’s so beautiful and quaint, and it seems so much better than what I’ve seen elsewhere.” Delancey pointed to her sweatshirt.

  “It’s easy for you to say. Sure, you can be anything you want, and do whatever you want, but my goal is to get a career and not end up poor for the rest of my life. Look, Delancey, I’ve already been poor, and
now I’d like to see the other side.”

  Her face motioned downward as she sipped her coffee, and her beaming eyes looked upwards at me. Her high cheekbones revealed a cordial smirk, and then she said, “See you on the other side.” She had a great sense of humor.

  “Don’t think I have it easy. There are so many expectations for me. There is so much pressure. From everyone, even my grandparents. Everyone pulls at me from different directions.” Then she suggested that I talk to her father about money, careers, and colleges.

  “Doesn’t he hate me?” I asked.

  “Oh…don’t be so insecure. Once he knows you, then he’ll hate you.” Delancey’s devilish grin appeared once more. The waitress brought the check, and I pulled out my wallet.

  “No, you don’t,” she said. “It’s my turn; remember, it’s not a date.” She paid the check and we walked to back to Stanton. Her father was picking her up today, and they were going to a Broadway show.

  “Which one?” I asked.

  “Cats. It’s my favorite,” Delancey beamed. “What’s your favorite?”

  “I’ll get back to you on that one.” I smiled, hands in pockets and shrugged my shoulders. I had never seen a Broadway show.

  A fancy black car was stopped in front of the school, and Delancey tapped on its window. Her father was in the back seat, and the driver came around and opened the door for her. The car pulled away, and I walked to the subway, trying my best not to get mugged.

  The next day at school, Delancey and I agreed that I would walk her home every day after school, as much as possible. It was a good way to spend time together, since I worked Saturdays and Sundays. This agreement came with much argument; after all, we were not dating, and she didn’t want me to cramp her freedom or independence.

  We took the subway to the upper west side, and stopped off for hot chocolate at a café near the subway station. Her smoldering eyes were drawing me in deeper and deeper. Delancey couldn’t stop smiling, and neither could I. There was such a genuine innocence in her character; no malevolence toward anyone, and not an ill word from her mouth on any subject at all.