Once again her words cut through directly to his deep-seated guilt. He placed his hands on her shoulders. His voice was filled with sincerity, his words soft. “Not at all. If you had accepted my dinner invitation I would have immediately rearranged my business schedule. Unfortunately, it’s now a little too late to do it.”
He framed her face with his hands, peered intently into her hazel eyes, then leaned forward and once again brushed his lips gently against hers, the kiss lingering a little longer than last time. “Have dinner with me tomorrow night. We’ll go to a nice restaurant overlooking the water.”
He saw the hesitation in her eyes and took steps to stop her before she could say no. “I’ll pick you up at six o’clock tomorrow evening. What’s your address?”
“No…I can’t agree to have dinner with you.”
“No? Why not?”
“Not until I know…” It was more than she had anticipated saying. She wished she hadn’t started any of this. The circumstances had moved like lightning until they were beyond what she had imagined and now it was too late to take any of it back. The trepidation welled inside her sending a nervous jitter through her body. She knew the arguments. It was stupid to still be carrying the emotional baggage of that teenage girl fifteen years later, especially with all the other unhappy twists and turns her life had taken since that time. It was ridiculous to allow it to linger in her consciousness and to dwell on it. But the pain and sense of betrayal had been so great that even after all these years it refused to go away.
She knew it would open old wounds and subject her to the hurt all over again, but she had to know what happened and why. Her throat went dry and her mouth felt as if it was stuffed with cotton. The shattered emotions of that sixteen-year-old girl tried to take control. She managed to force out the words, her voice not as firm and confident as she wanted it to be.
“I need to know, Ry. I need to know what happened fifteen years ago. Why did you lie to me about being sick? Why did you stand me up for the prom? Why would you do such a terrible, hurtful thing? Why would you purposely humiliate me like that?” She squirmed uncomfortably in her chair. He seemed to be staring at her, yet his eyes had the look of someone who was a million miles away.
Was he even listening to her? Was the entire event so insignificant and unimportant to him that he didn’t even remember it? A tremor of anxiety told her that perhaps she had been wrong in pressing him for an explanation. Each passing second of silence sent an additional ripple of trepidation through her consciousness.
Two
Ry’s silence left Jean uncomfortable. She felt compelled to say something—anything to break the ominous quiet. “You certainly led a charmed life back then—captain of the football team, senior class president, voted most popular boy in school. You had the world in the palm of your hand. You had it all.”
She quickly swallowed the sob that tried to force its way out of her throat. “With all of that, why did you feel that you needed to play such a cruel joke on me? Why?”
A quick look of despair flashed across his handsome features. Sarcasm filled his voice and surrounded his words. “Yeah, I had the world in the palm of my hand. I had all that and more, such as needing to be what people wanted me to be, having to fit in with their expectations of who I was…pretending to live each day as if I didn’t have a care in the world.” A bittersweet chuckle passed through his lips. “A truly charmed life.”
He furrowed his brow in momentary concentration as if trying to gather his thoughts. His words contained an undeniable emotion touched with a genuine sadness. “You were the only person I felt comfortable with, the only one where I could be myself and not hide behind a facade. You were the only one I could really talk to.”
His words caught her totally off guard. They were the last thing she expected to hear from him. Had she been so wrapped up in her own problems that she had failed to notice what had been happening with him back then? Had she failed to notice a friend who was quietly reaching out to her?
She forced down her apprehension and tried to keep her own pain out of her voice, but a small sob caught in her throat as she started to speak. “I have to know…fifteen years ago, Ry…what happened that night? I was thrilled when you asked me to the prom. I had never been happier in my entire life. I was floating on air from the moment you invited me. Then just an hour before you were supposed to pick me up you called and said you were sick. I was crushed, but I understood. Then two hours later I saw you at the grocery store looking perfectly healthy and fit. I started to speak to you, but you turned away from me and hurried out the door. I had never been so devastated in my life. I went from the highest of highs to the lowest of lows in just a few hours.”
Another sob formed in her throat and she fought to keep it out of her voice. “And then Monday at school you ignored me completely. It was as if you couldn’t get away from me fast enough. What happened, Ry? I thought we were friends. Was it your idea of a joke? If so, it was a horribly cruel one.”
The pain she had been desperately trying to keep at bay finally exploded inside her as fresh and penetrating as it had been that night fifteen years ago. “What could I possibly have done that caused you to treat me that way? Why did you betray me like that?”
Ry squirmed uncomfortably in the seat. Anger and hurt were emotions he understood thanks to his father. Even the experience of humiliation. But betrayal? That word cut through him like a sharp knife. It wasn’t a word he had expected her to say. He could no longer ignore the situation or keep his own pain and guilt buried in an attempt to pretend it didn’t exist. He had to bring it out into the open…to tell her the truth.
He took a calming breath. A touch of panic assaulted his consciousness. The easy charm he used so effectively had deserted him to be replaced by an uncertainty he had seldom experienced as an adult.
He reached out and took her hand becoming immediately aware of the way her muscles tensed, yet she did not pull away. He took a deep breath, then slowly exhaled as he tried to collect his thoughts.
“I’ve been carrying around a huge load of guilt about this for fifteen years, but I didn’t think I’d ever have to talk about it. I’m not even sure exactly how to explain it.” He paused for a moment to try to put things in some type of logical order before tackling what he hoped didn’t sound too stupid.
“Let me start with some of my background, some things that I’ve never shared with anyone.” He took another steadying breath. “My father, to put it politely, was a shiftless bum and a gambler who couldn’t be depended on for anything. His promises meant nothing. Whether he believed them when he made them, I don’t know. What I do know is that he never kept any of them. He couldn’t hold a job or properly provide for his family.”
A bittersweet chuckle escaped his throat. “I’m sure that’s where my compulsive drive for success came from.” Other memories invaded his mind, painful times from a lot longer ago than the fifteen years they were talking about. “I remember one particularly awful Christmas when I was eight years old. I wanted a train set. It was the only thing I wanted. One day about a week before Christmas I was in the apartment alone. I went snooping in the closets and found my Christmas present. There was only one gift with my name on it. I carefully unwrapped the package just enough to peek at the box inside. I was so excited when I saw that it was my train. I sealed the package shut and put it back where I’d found it. The excitement danced inside me to the point where it was all I could do to wait the one week until Christmas.
“On Christmas morning I rushed into the living room, but the package I had peeked at wasn’t under the tree. Instead, there was a small package that was poorly wrapped with a little tag on it bearing my name, written in my father’s handwriting. My beloved train set wasn’t there. I didn’t understand it that morning when I opened my one present and found underwear and two pairs of socks. I looked at my mother and saw the tears and sadness in her eyes even though she was trying to maintain an upbeat holiday spirit. All I saw
on my father’s face was indifference. It was yet another disappointment in a long line of many, but this one really hurt. It wasn’t a matter of something promised, but not delivered. The train had been there. I had seen it. But by Christmas morning it had disappeared.
“That night after I’d gone to bed I heard my mother and father arguing. My father had taken my train set back to the store for a refund and then had lost most of the money gambling. I remember crying myself to sleep that night.”
He shook the painful childhood memory from his mind. “Well, enough of the distant past. To return to your question about what happened the night of the prom. The reason I couldn’t go was simply that I didn’t have the money. What I’d saved to pay for my tux rental and to buy you a corsage all had to be used to help pay the rent that month. Dear ol’ Dad promised to get the money back to me so I could take you to the prom. I had hoped against hope that this time it would be the truth even though deep down inside I knew it wasn’t going to happen.”
He looked into the depths of her eyes in an attempt to find some acceptance for his explanation, some measure of comfort. “I guess that’s why I waited so long before I finally called to say I couldn’t go. I kept telling myself that this would be the one time things would work out and he’d come through for me.”
Ry allowed a sigh of resignation before continuing. “But, of course, Dad never came through with the money.” He took the last swallow of wine from his glass. All the disappointment he had experienced that night fifteen years ago flooded through him. He looked up at Jean.
“And that’s why I told you I was sick and couldn’t go. I was too ashamed to tell you the truth. And when I saw you at the grocery store later that Saturday evening and then on Monday at school…saw the hurt and bewilderment on your face…I couldn’t face it or you. I knew I had hurt you and I felt terrible and very guilty, but I didn’t know what to do about it.” He clenched his jaw into a hard line as he wrinkled his brow into a frown. “I swore that day that I’d never again allow myself to be in a position where I needed to depend on anyone else for anything.”
The anxiety churned inside him. He was accustomed to being in control of situations and certainly of his own emotions. It had been many years since he felt such a lack of control over what was happening and it was a feeling he didn’t like. He took Jean’s hand in his, hoping it would calm his inner turmoil. “That’s what happened fifteen years ago. I’m sure there must have been a better way of handling the situation, but at the time I just didn’t know what else to do.”
He placed his fingertips beneath her chin and lifted until he could look into her hazel eyes. “I never meant to hurt you. Please believe me. That was the last thing I wanted. I’m sorry I couldn’t tell you the truth then, but I was too ashamed and embarrassed. I didn’t want anyone to know what life was like for me at home. I know it’s asking a lot, especially after all these years, but will you please forgive me for treating you so badly?”
Jean sat in stunned silence for a moment before she could respond. What she had just heard was far removed from what she had anticipated. “I had no idea. In school you always seemed like you had everything—whatever you wanted seemed to automatically happen for you.”
“I worked hard to create that image. That’s why you were so important to me. You were the one person I felt comfortable around, the one person who I felt wasn’t judging me or holding me up to impossible standards—the one person who was capable of accepting me for who I was rather than who you wanted me to be. Your friendship was very special to me, it was the single most important thing from my high school days. That’s why I wanted to take you to the prom.”
A calm began to descend over her, replacing the anxiety that had been churning in the pit of her stomach. “Then why didn’t you tell me the truth so I would have known what happened?”
“I guess when you’re a confused teenager some things just don’t come out logically,” he said, shrugging his shoulders.
“The next day I heard some of the cheerleaders talking in the gym locker room…” Jean’s voice trailed off as once again the memory sent waves of humiliation crashing through her. “They were laughing and saying you had only invited me as a joke.”
She saw a flash of anger dart through his eyes as he clenched his jaw again. “I hope you didn’t believe what they said. They were a vain, empty-headed group of snobs and not one of them could measure up to you in intelligence, compassion and just being a real person. The entire group of them put together wouldn’t have made one worthwhile person who you would want as a friend.”
She believed him. It was as if a huge weight had been lifted from her shoulders. After all these years she finally knew what had happened. She saw a hint of apprehension in the depth of his eyes, an anxiety that clouded the silvery color to a soft gray. It was almost as if he desperately needed her verbal acceptance of his explanation.
She allowed a little bit of a smile to turn the corners of her mouth. “Thank you for sharing that with me. For fifteen years it’s been a twisting pain living inside me.”
“You haven’t said anything about forgiving me for my horrible behavior on prom night. I would really like for you to lift this mantle of guilt I’ve been wearing all these years.”
Jean looked up at him, at the emotion that turned his silver eyes to a cloudy gray, at the anxiety she found there. “Yes…I forgive the actions of a seventeen-year-old boy and I want to thank you for finally letting me know what really happened so I can put closure to that painful incident from my past.”
He squeezed her hand, then brought it to his lips as the relief washed through his body. After fifteen years he had found his dear friend from high school and had resolved the guilt that had been part of those final weeks of his senior year and lingered on for the ensuing fifteen years.
A broad smile covered Ry’s face. “Now, what about dinner tomorrow night? What’s your address? Where do I pick you up?”
She whispered her address and the pleasure welled inside him. She was giving him a chance to repair their long-ago relationship and it was a chance he wouldn’t waste. “I’ll see you tomorrow evening.” He glanced at his watch again. “Now I really need to take care of business.” He gave her hand another squeeze, then hurried toward the door pausing a moment to look over his shoulder and wink at her.
Ry walked down the hallway, then took the elevator up to his suite. Even as he grabbed his day planner to look for the phone number of his client, his thoughts were on Jean and what had just happened between them. What started as a traumatic experience had ended on an up note. He had finally been able to unburden himself, to explain to someone who was very important to him exactly what had happened so many years ago. The pleasure tugged at the corners of his mouth, turning them upward into a smile. His dear friend from high school, Sally Jean, had forgiven him. And tomorrow they would be having dinner together—their first real date.
Jean nervously stared at the clock as it grew closer and closer to the time of Ry’s arrival for their dinner date. She had dressed three times and each outfit had somehow seemed wrong. She finally settled on a royal blue knee-length chiffon cocktail dress. He had said they would be going somewhere nice and she wanted to make sure she was appropriately dressed.
The sound of the doorbell sent a wave of apprehension coursing through her. Even though she and Ry had settled the past, she was about to embark on a real date with her first love from her teenage years…an adult date, not an adolescent infatuation. It had been many years since she had been this nervous. She took a steadying breath, then a second one before rising from the chair.
She opened the door to a very handsome man wearing a charcoal-gray custom-tailored suit. Everything about him projected a sense of power and confidence. He looked rich, successful and incredibly desirable. She knew she should be saying or doing something, but all she could do was stare at the man who had been her fantasy for so many years.
“May I come in?”
Ry’s
words startled her out of her daze. “Oh…yes, of course.” She stepped aside and motioned him in.
He looked around the tastefully decorated living room, which had a fireplace. He peered beyond to the dining room and kitchen. Then he glanced toward the stairs that he assumed led up to the bedroom.
“This is a lovely condo and you’ve certainly decorated it nicely. Did you do it yourself?”
“Thank you. Yes, I had to do it myself. There’s no way I could have afforded a professional decorator.”
“Do you prefer living in a condominium to having a house?”
“Yes, for right now. There’s no yardwork with a condo and since I have a town house, I still have my own garage and can go directly from the garage to my kitchen without going outside. That’s very convenient when it’s raining.”
A hint of anxiety began to churn in the pit of her stomach as she engaged in awkward small talk. Did he feel the same tension in the air as she did? She attempted to shove the disconcerting sensation aside before it grew any more uncomfortable.
“You didn’t say where we were going for dinner so I wasn’t sure exactly what to wear.” She self-consciously glanced down at her dress. “I hope this will be okay.”
His silver eyes sparkled with pleasure as he looked her up and down, then flashed a smile that seemed to be a combination of gentlemanly response and lustful desire. “You look beautiful.” He took her hand in his and brought it to his lips, then continued to hold on to it. “I’ve made reservations for seven o’clock. Shall we go?”
The evening was everything Jean had fantasized it would be. Ry had eyes only for her. His witty conversation showed a great depth of knowledge as they discussed many different topics. They lingered over after-dinner coffee, then strolled hand in hand along the waterfront. The cool night air sent a shiver across her skin.
Their Child? Page 40