“I’m sorry, Jean. I’d better go.” Even though it was his stated intention, it was the last thing he wanted to do. He refused to release her from his embrace, continuing to hold her body tightly against his as he stroked her hair and reveled in the sensation of warmth and contentment he experienced from just being with her.
“Perhaps that would be best.” Her emotions were torn in several directions. The last thing she really wanted was for him to leave, but her fear of what might happen if she allowed herself to give in to her desires won out. She already knew she was emotionally involved far more than she wanted to be. She was so confused about what to do—follow her desires or do what she knew would be the logical and responsible thing.
An unpleasant thought struck her, one she found very upsetting. A sinking feeling settled in the pit of her stomach. What about Ry? Did he think she was playing teasing games with him? She had to say something to let him know it wasn’t so. She looked up into the depths of his silver eyes—eyes that had clouded to a sensual smoky-gray.
Ry brushed his fingertips tenderly across her cheek. He saw the question in her eyes, but didn’t know what it was or why it was there. “Jean? Is there something bothering you? Are you upset with me? I hope not.”
She swallowed her nervousness and tried to sound confident. “No, I’m not upset with you. I was just concerned about you thinking I was…uh…” Embarrassment forced her to glance down at the floor, unable to hold the eye contact any longer. “Well, I was afraid you might think I was just leading you on…teasing you. That I was—”
He placed his fingertips against her lips to still her words. “No, that thought never crossed my mind and you should erase it from yours. I know you’re not that kind of woman.”
He continued to hold her as the moments passed, neither of them saying anything. It was a strange mixture of contentment and anxiety. He didn’t know where any of this was headed, but he knew it could not continue as it was. He could not allow her to slip away from his life again, but what was he willing to offer her to keep her from going? He didn’t know what to do or what to say about the future, about whether they even had a future together.
A few minutes later Ry reluctantly departed. He had been so torn about what to do. As much as he wanted to stay, even if they didn’t make love, he sensed how uneasy she was with the spot he had put her in. He had no business pushing her like that. She was not the type of woman who would engage in a short-term sexual affair with no strings attached. No matter how much he wanted her, he had to keep that fact in mind. He didn’t want a shallow relationship with her, something based on nothing more than how physically excited they were. He wanted something much deeper, much more important. But exactly how much more was still a mystery to him, a concept that had him confused.
He returned to his hotel suite and fell into an uneasy sleep. Images of Jean danced through his dreams, leaving him torn between his fears of commitment to a relationship and what life could be like with her.
Ry picked Jean up early Saturday morning and they took the ferry from Seattle to Bainbridge Island. They drove across the bridge at the back of the island to the Olympic Peninsula, around to Port Angeles and then to Olympic National Park for a picnic. It was a perfect autumn day with blue skies and bright sunshine.
They spread a blanket on the ground, then unpacked the picnic basket. They enjoyed a lunch of fried chicken, potato salad and fresh fruit. Following lunch Ry sat on the blanket, his back against a large rock. He snuggled Jean in between his outstretched legs with her back resting against his chest. He drew in a deep breath, held it for a moment, then exhaled with a sigh of contentment.
He draped his arms over her shoulders, inching up the bottom of her pullover shirt until he had it hiked up above her breasts. Everything about being with Jean felt so right, so comfortable, so perfect. She was very important to his life. He tickled his fingers along the edge of her lacy bra, surprised to find that it hooked in front. A moment later he had unfastened the hooks exposing her bare breasts to his hands.
The sensation of her bare skin, of her tautly puckered nipples pushing into the palm of his hands, sent a tingle of excitement through his body. He wanted to make love to her at that moment and at that spot with the fresh air and sunshine surrounding them, the sounds of birds and the leaves rustling in the breeze. The day was, indeed, perfect. But he was ever mindful of her words about rushing her. He wasn’t sure what to do, how to proceed.
“That was a great lunch you packed. I’m afraid I made a real pig of myself.” He bent forward and placed a tender kiss on the side of her neck, then rested his cheek against the top of her head. “Did I leave you enough to eat?” He reveled in the delight of her bare breasts nestled in his hands.
She responded to his words with a soft laugh and to his sensual touch with a tremor of delight. “Yes, you left plenty of food for me.”
She glanced up toward the treetops. The sunlight filtered through the leaves creating mottled patterns of light and shadow on the ground. The happiness she felt at that moment settled over her like a gossamer veil, her senses acutely aware of his touch and wanting more.
“This is idyllic. It would be marvelous if we could spend the rest of the day here.” She could not stop the thought telling her how exciting it would be for them to make love right there at that moment. But, of course, they couldn’t if for no other reason than they didn’t have the time. That evening was the rehearsal and the rehearsal dinner and they both needed to attend.
“Yes, it would…” He slid one of his hands down her stomach toward the top of her jeans, then hesitated for a moment. He ended up wrapping his arm around her waist. He scooted away from the rock until he was able to stretch out on the blanket. He pulled Jean down on top of him, then turned over until his body partially covered hers.
He captured her mouth with a demanding kiss, but not more demanding than she was willing to return. Tremors of excitement coursed through her veins. Her body tingled with anticipation. Her ragged breathing shoved her bare breasts against his chest. His hand slid across the bare skin of her back, coming to rest just inside the top of her jeans.
With a great deal of reluctance, Jean reached behind and placed her hand on top of his to stop him from moving his hand any lower. She broke off the delicious kiss and fought to bring her breathing under control. “Ry, this isn’t the right time or place.”
His breathing was as labored as hers as he rose up on one elbow. “It feels right to me.” He lowered his head and teased her nipple with the tip of his tongue, then drew it into his mouth.
A quick gasp followed by a wave of sensual delight told Jean just how much she wanted Ry to make love to her. But she knew things had already gone much further than she should have allowed. She finally managed a bit of control of her desires. “We…we need to start back to Seattle so we can get ready for tonight.”
Ry allowed the delicious treat to slip from his mouth. He placed a tender kiss on her breast, then reluctantly sat up. “Yes, you’re right.” The disappointment burrowed into his consciousness, but was tempered by the knowledge that he knew she had made the logical decision for the circumstances.
Jean sat upright. She experienced an immediate sense of loss when he withdrew the warmth of his touch. She quickly hooked her bra and lowered the hem of her shirt.
Ry pulled her into his arms and placed a tender kiss on her lips. “Thank you for spending the day with me.”
She wrapped her arms around his waist. “I had a marvelous time today. A picnic was a great idea. I only wish we didn’t have to rush back to town—”
The full impact of the words hit her. “Oh, I didn’t mean that the way it sounded. I certainly didn’t mean to imply that I didn’t want to go to the rehearsal—”
Ry placed his fingertips against her lips as a soft chuckle escaped his throat. “I know what you mean and I agree. I wish we didn’t have to rush back right away, either.”
He lowered his head and captured her mouth with
a kiss that once again sent tremors of delight through her body—a toe curling kiss that left her weak in the knees. Every time he kissed her she felt herself being drawn further and further into an emotional whirlwind that centered around Ry Collier. She could still feel the heat of his touch on her skin, his hands cupping her bare breasts, his mouth on her nipple. Was it infatuation or physical desire? Or was she actually falling in love with him? She didn’t know, but the possibilities frightened her.
Jean reluctantly broke off the kiss. “I think we’d better get going. If we run into too much traffic at the ferry dock, we could be delayed waiting for the next ferry to Seattle.”
He brushed another quick kiss across her lips. “You’re right. It wouldn’t do to be late for the rehearsal.”
“Since we’re running so short on time I think you should drop me off at my place and go on ahead. I’ll shower, change clothes and meet you at the rehearsal.”
She returned the items to the picnic basket while Ry shook out the blanket and folded it. He took the basket from her and put everything in the trunk of his car. They got in the car and he started the drive back to town.
Ry reached over and took her hand while driving. He may have said the words, but it was a far cry from what he felt and what he wanted. Even though Bill Todd was his best friend and it was a privilege to serve as Bill’s best man, he wanted to spend all his time with Jean…just the two of them. He had wanted to make love to her under the trees with the sun shining on their bare skin.
An odd emptiness combined with the emotional tug that invaded his reality whenever they were apart. He could still feel the sensation of her silky skin, of her breasts in the palms of his hands and the taste of her puckered nipple. A little shudder of apprehension made its way through his body. The emotional part of that equation left him uneasy. He didn’t need or want a relationship. The word relationship smacked of commitment and it was the one thing that truly terrified him more than anything else. He glanced over at Jean. Her head rested against the back of the seat and her eyes were closed. He gave her hand a little squeeze.
“Are you asleep?”
She opened her eyes and offered him a smile. Her words were soft, almost introspective. “No. I was just thinking about everything that’s happened this past week, of the strange turn of events that brought us here today. Just a week and a day ago I wouldn’t have believed a painful experience from fifteen years ago could turn out like this.”
They arrived at the dock on Bainbridge Island and were able to board the next ferry for downtown Seattle. As soon as their car was parked on the vehicle level, they went upstairs and out on the deck. They stood next to the railing, his arm around her shoulder, watching the Seattle skyline growing closer. It had been several minutes since any words had been spoken. Words seemed unnecessary.
It was finally Ry who broke the silence. His voice was soft, his words heartfelt as he pulled her into his arms. “Thank you for spending a perfect day with me.”
The breeze ruffled through her hair, the cool air from the ocean reminding her that the delights of the Indian summer would soon be gone and winter would be approaching. She snuggled into his embrace, reveling in the warmth and closeness. “It was my pleasure. I enjoyed it very much.”
He caressed her back and held her closer. “Are you cold? Do you want me to get your sweater from the car?”
“No, I’m fine.” As long as she was in his arms nothing could be wrong. Again the silence pervaded. Only the sounds of the seagulls and the ferry boat moving through the water broke the silence. A feeling of peace settled over her, filling her with the type of contentment she had never before known.
And a second later his mouth was on hers.
Ry’s passion infused her with a heated desire that sent a tingling excitement coursing through her body, very similar to the sensation she experienced when he took her nipple into his mouth. Certainly physical desire. But mere infatuation? No matter how much she denied it, things had moved far beyond infatuation. In her heart she truly suspected she might be falling in love with him regardless of how much she didn’t want it to be true. Once again she was losing her heart to someone in spite of her intentions to never do it again. One bad marriage plus a very painful affair had been more than enough involvement for one lifetime. Then all her thoughts stopped and she gave herself over to the exhilaration building inside her.
Ry tightened his hold on her as the kiss deepened. The hum and thump of the ferry engines reverberated through his body, feeding into the sensual desires coursing through his veins. She was everything he wanted. She was exactly what he wanted. But commitment to a relationship? Just the thought sent a jolt of panic through his consciousness. He broke off the kiss and cradled her head against his shoulder. For a brief moment he wished they could stay in that spot just as they were, forever in each other’s arms.
The announcement over the loudspeaker intruded into their reverie. Car passengers were instructed to return to their vehicles in preparation for arrival at the ferry dock in downtown Seattle. The tender moment between them had been broken.
One thing kept circulating through the back of Jean’s mind. What would happen following the rehearsal dinner? She had managed to curb her desires so far and hold off Ry, but how much longer could she keep that up? That afternoon had been the most severe test of her resolve. Ry had been very gracious in the way he had deferred to her wishes. The uncertainty of the situation finally disappeared as the conscious thought crystallized in her mind. She had made her decision. Tonight, following the rehearsal dinner…
She allowed a little frown to wrinkle across her brow. The decision to make love with him would take them down an unknown path, one that could lead to love or disaster. An uneasiness tried to replace the positive feeling. She shoved it aside. If she was falling for Ry Collier—
If…that was a laugh. She knew in her heart that it had gone beyond the if stage. She was far too involved to turn back now. But would it be something she would live to regret?
Four
Everyone was in a festive mood as Jean and Ry entered the banquet room at the hotel following the rehearsal at the church. When all the participants had been seated and champagne poured, Ry stood and offered a toast to the bride and groom. Excitement ran high and the champagne continued to flow into the night even after all the dinner dishes had been cleared away.
Tomorrow was the big day, the culmination of all the many preparations. The next afternoon, following the wedding reception, Susan and Bill would be off to Paris for their honeymoon. It had been a week filled with fun as well as the emotional togetherness of close friends. Susan had wanted a large traditional wedding and Jean had helped her plan it. She had been so happy for her friend. The depth of Susan’s and Bill’s love was so obvious. She could see it every time they looked at each other.
A moment of sadness swept over Jean. Would she ever know that kind of love? To love and be loved in return with such devotion? She shook away the negative thought. This was a time for happiness, not intrusive doubts.
Ry leaned over to Jean, took her hand in his and whispered in her ear. “Half the guests have already gone. I think it would be all right if we said our goodbyes and left. Why don’t we sneak away and go someplace else where we can have a quiet drink…just the two of us?”
Her voice was hesitant as her common sense did battle with her desires and her euphoric mood. “I don’t know.” In spite of her earlier decision to make love with him, now that the moment was at hand the panic welled inside her, producing doubts. “It’s late and we’ve both consumed a lot of champagne, at least I know I’ve had more than my share. I’ve already decided to take a cab home and leave my car here in the parking garage.” It was the truth, as far as it went. But an even greater truth was the way her desires tore down her resistance and eroded her resolve.
His breath tickled across her cheek sending little shivers of delight across her skin, then his lips nibbled at her earlobe. “You’re right. So let’s
stay here. We can go up to my suite and have a quiet drink before calling it an evening. I’ll personally put you in a cab for a safe trip home as soon as you want to leave.”
The shivers of delight turned to tremors of excitement. It had been a fantastic week filled with more fun and happiness than she had ever known. It had also been filled with an intense sexual chemistry that she could not deny even if she wanted to. She succumbed to the desires coursing through her veins, desires that were as much emotional as they were physical.
She returned his smile. “I’d like that.”
After thanking their host and hostess, they slipped quietly out of the banquet room and walked hand in hand toward the elevator. A few minutes later Jean kicked off her shoes and Ry took off his suit coat, loosened his tie and unfastened the top button of his shirt. He turned on the stereo, then pulled her into his arms and held her as they swayed to the soft music without actually dancing.
She was everything any man could want and he definitely wanted her. He wasn’t sure exactly what had been happening between them, but it left him both apprehensive and enthralled. She felt good in his arms and he knew she would feel even better in his bed. He caressed her shoulders as he pulled her body closer to his. A rush of lustful desire swirled around inside him becoming entwined with emotions he didn’t want to acknowledge. His breathing quickened.
He kissed the side of her neck, then slid his mouth across to hers. His heart pounded in his chest. With slightly trembling fingers he slowly lowered the zipper down the back of her dress.
Jean had anticipated the moment with an almost out of control excitement. She quickly shoved away the fears and apprehensions that tried to pull at her. There was no doubt in her mind that making love with Ryland Collier would be something very special—at the very least a memory to live inside her for the rest of her life.
Their Child? Page 43