by E. L. Todd
“That’s probably for the best.” She kissed my forehead then moved back to my father.
Dad continued to keep his eyes closed but he didn’t look like he was sleeping. It seemed like he was fighting off a large wave of pain. He was practically cringing and he was starting to sweat.
Unable to see him in agony, I left.
***
I lay in bed but I was unable to sleep. The one person I needed most was unavailable. Trinity and Slade were always around but it just wasn’t the same. I needed Cayson.
I needed my husband.
I grabbed my computer from the nightstand and opened it on the bedspread. It was a hopeless maneuver but I needed to talk to him. He probably didn’t have service or he was probably on the run but I had to try.
I didn’t get a response through Skype. Just when I was about to give up, Cayson took the call. He came onto the screen, looking like he belonged in the wilderness. He had a thick beard and his hair was longer than usual.
“Hey, baby.” He shifted the computer until it was in his lap. “I was just about to call you. We just settled for the night.”
I wanted to smile but I just couldn’t.
Cayson caught the frown. “I’m sorry I haven’t called in a while. I just didn’t have a chance.”
I nodded. “I understand.”
His eyes shifted back and forth while he examined me. “What’s wrong?”
My lip trembled just thinking about it. My heart hurt, physically and emotionally.
Alarm filled his eyes. “Baby, what happened?”
“My dad…he was stabbed.”
Cayson didn’t react for a moment. It seemed to take his brain a while to understand what I really said. “What?”
“He was trying to protect Roland and someone stabbed him…” Then I burst into tears. “He was in the hospital all week and he almost died. He just came home but he’s still in a lot of pain.” I wiped my tears away and sniffed.
“Oh shit.” He rubbed the lower part of his mouth like he was speechless. Then he abruptly turned to the left of the screen. “Laura, can I have the tent please?”
I forgot about her.
“Yeah.” Her voice came out deep and hypnotic. It was distinctly feminine. I had a feeling she was pretty. The last time I saw her she looked like a blur so I didn’t really catch anything. But she was skinny and had brown hair similar to mine.
Cayson turned back to me when he was alone. “Fuck, I’m so sorry…”
“Mom says he’s going to be okay but I hate seeing him like this. He’s in a wheelchair and he isn’t himself. He’s on pain medication but it doesn’t seem to be working.”
“He will be okay, Skye. They wouldn’t have released him from the hospital unless he was fit to leave. And for the pain…it’ll take him a while to recover from that. It sounds like a brutal attack.”
“It was…he didn’t deserve it.” I couldn’t stop crying no matter how hard I tried to remain calm.
Sadness filled his eyes. “I know I’m not next to you right now but I’m here. Talk to me.”
I told him every thought that came across my mind. All the pain and hurt moved through me like a wave. “The doctors said he wasn’t going to make it but he managed to pull through by a miracle…”
Cayson listened to me and kept his eyes glued to mine. His lips were pressed tightly together and he seemed distressed. “I can’t get on a plane right now, but I can in two days when we arrive at the next city.”
My heart stopped at his words.
“I’ll be there on Wednesday.”
“You’re coming home?”
Surprise moved into his eyes. “You need me, Skye. Why wouldn’t I come home?”
The gesture meant more to me than I would admit. “Cayson, you can’t come home right now…you need to finish what you’re doing.”
“When I said you were the most important thing in my life I meant it. I’ll always be there for you when you need me.”
This separation was killing me and I didn’t know how I would survive another two months of this agony. It would be so easy to just ask him to come home and say it was for my father. But I knew in my heart it was just for me. “I don’t want you to come home.” I had to force myself to say it.
“You don’t?”
“No. You need to stay there, Cayson. My father is okay and he’s going to recover. If he passed away…that would have been different.” The idea of my father leaving this earth was too painful to imagine. “You can’t come back. You need to finish your journey.”
He bowed his head and rubbed the back of his neck. “Are you sure? Because I’ll return the moment you ask.”
I shook my head. “No.”
He seemed disappointed, like he wanted me to ask him to come home. He was looking for an out but I wouldn’t give it to him.
“How are you?”
“Fine,” he said with a shrug.
“Nice beard.” I smiled slightly when I stopped crying.
He chuckled but it was weak. “I haven’t had access to a mirror or a bathroom for a while.”
“And your hair is long.”
“No barbers out here.”
“You still look very handsome.”
He smiled. “Well, thank you.” He examined me through the screen. “And you look beautiful, as always.”
My face was free of make up and my hair cascaded around my shoulders. I wore one of his t-shirts and it was a million times too big. “Thanks…”
“I like that shirt on you.”
“Thanks. I do too.”
He released a heavy sigh like the depression would burn him alive. He clearly missed me, and seeing me lay in our bed in the new house while wearing his t-shirt filled him with longing.
“We’ll be together again before you know it.”
He released another sigh like he didn’t believe me.
Now that I’d spoken to Cayson about my father I felt a little better. But I would prefer if it he were here. I wish he were lying next to me and would remain there until morning.
“How’s it going with Slade and Trinity?”
“I love having them here.” It was hard to imagine living in this big house without them for company. “And Slade has been so helpful…he’s been there for me the entire time. When I was at the hospital, he held my hand…”
Gratitude moved into his eyes. “I need to bring him a big souvenir.”
“I’m pretty sure he doesn’t expect anything in return.”
He nodded in agreement.
“Are you going to sleep soon?”
“Yeah, I haven’t slept much this week…”
“Can you do something for me?”
His eyes widened in attention. “Anything, baby.”
“Can you leave the computer on so I can watch you sleep…until I fall asleep?”
“Sure,” he said immediately. “But it’ll drain my battery. I won’t be able to call you for a while before I can charge it again.”
I had to decide what I needed more, him now or later. “I can’t sleep…”
“Okay.” He adjusted his sleeping bag then laid his head on the pillow. He moved the laptop until it faced him. Then he watched me with tired eyes.
I got comfortable under the sheets and set up the computer. I watched him for a long time until he closed his eyes. I couldn’t sleep directly with him but this was the closest thing I could get.
Finally, I fell asleep.
***
At four in the morning, I woke up with a stomachache. They came and went more frequently but I wasn’t sure what caused it. I knew my body was stressed over my father’s health, and the fact Cayson was on the other side of the world didn’t help either. It was probably a combination of the two.
I headed to the bathroom and barely made it to the toilet before I threw up in the bowl. My throat burned as the acid moved up, and my chest heaved as I released everything inside me. After I was finished, I remained hunched over the bowl as I caught my br
eath. I felt better now that I’d thrown up.
After I flushed the toilet and cleaned up, I headed downstairs to look for some Pepto-Bismol. My stomach was still upset and I wouldn’t get any sleep if I remained uncomfortable.
I searched through all the cabinets but didn’t find anything. I depleted all the Tums so I didn’t even have that. I really didn’t want to go to the store but I couldn’t make it through the night unless I had something to relieve my stomachache.
“What are you doing?”
I jumped ten feet into the air. “Slade!” I gripped the counter as I caught my breath. “Don’t do that!”
“What?” he asked innocently. “I heard noises and I had to check it out. You girls are my responsibility.”
His protectiveness was sweet but also annoying. “I was just getting some Pepto-Bismol.”
He only wore his running shorts. Tattoos covered his torso and arms. The tattoo of Trinity was just below his chest. “Stomach hurts again?”
“I think I’m just stressed out.”
He looked through the cabinets. “Do we have any?”
“No, we’re out. I need to go to the store.”
“No.” He gave me an irritated look. “I’ll go.”
“You don’t have to do that…”
“You shouldn’t be out at this time of night.”
“Connecticut is pretty safe…”
“Head back to bed and I’ll pick it up for you.”
Slade and I had become a lot closer since Cayson left. I always knew he was a good person but I didn’t realize how big his heart was. Every day, he looked after me and made sure I was okay. Now I understood what it was like to be Trinity, and it didn’t surprise me that she fell in love with him. “Thank you…”
“No problem.” He grabbed his keys and wallet. “Are you sure there’s nothing wrong? Its just stress?”
“Yeah…I think my dad’s health and Cayson’s absence are really wearing me down.”
He nodded. “Do you want to talk about it?”
“I spoke to Cayson a few hours ago.”
“Good,” he said immediately. “I’m sure he made you feel better.”
“He did.” I took a deep breath and stilled my tears. “But I miss him even more now.”
Slade watched me with sad eyes. “I wish I could bring him back for you.”
I stared at the ground.
He came closer to me then embraced me with a warm hug. His large hand rubbed my back between my shoulder blades. “I know I’m not Cayson but…I’ll do the best I can to replace him—for the time being.”
I held onto him and felt a small amount of comfort. “You’re doing a great job, Slade. I wouldn’t know what to do without you and Trinity.”
He hugged me tighter. “You’ll never have to.”
Chapter Ten
Cayson
Sean almost died.
And I was here, in the middle of nowhere. My wife needed me but I wasn’t there for her. I was on the other side of the world taking care of other people. While what I was doing was noble and right, I wasn’t protecting the one person I professed to love.
It made me feel like shit.
In the end, Sean was okay so that made things better. But it was clear Skye was still shaken up over it. Sean had always been an unbreakable man. His back was always straight and he always projected an image of power. I’d never even seen him come down with the flu.
But now he could hardly walk.
I understood why Skye was so scared. It would scare anyone.
But she told me to stay. Secretly, I hoped she’d beg me to come home. I wanted to leave this place with a solid excuse. But she didn’t.
Damn, it was going to be a long two months.
***
I distributed the water apparatuses to a village that was comprised of mostly women and children. A lot of them had contracted malaria because they were drinking water that contained runoff from the land. Fortunately, my team had a supply of medication. We didn’t have a lot but we gave it to as many people as we could. If they took the dosage correctly, the disease would be removed.
The translator there allowed me to explain how the device worked to the people, and we went around to different groups to help them work the apparatusses. I reached one woman who had her small baby in the sling of fabric across her body.
Her skin was dark and her braided hair sat on top of her head. She had large eyes, and when she took me in there seemed to be hesitance. I’d never seen a woman like her, and she obviously had never seen anyone like me.
She held the device in her hands, but judging the way she turned it upside down and looked at the bottom she didn’t understand how to use it. I spoke to her and my translator carried the conversation for both of us. “All you need to do is put this small pill inside.” I took it out of the small compartment then dropped it inside the bucket. “Then you fill it with water. After thirty minutes, the water will be drinkable.”
The woman listened to the translator then turned to me. Her eyes were even bigger than before. “Water? Clean water?”
“Yes,” I said with a nod. “You can drink it and it won’t make you sick.”
She held the device in her hands then examined it like a piece of fine gold. “I can drink?”
“Yeah.” I kept a straight face even though her reaction made me teary-eyed.
Her eyes watered as she held the apparatus close to her. “Clean water…”
She was killing me. “It will last you a long time.”
Tears fell down her face and she wiped them away. “Thank you so much…”
I bowed my head and averted my gaze because her reaction wounded me. Her gratitude stung my heart. I was so privileged that I never understood what it was like to be so desperate for clean water. All I had to do was turn on a faucet and it was there. I took so much for granted. “You’re welcome.”
She gripped the device like she was afraid I might take it away from her.
I missed my wife and it was so difficult not being with her. Not seeing my family was just as hard. I was traveling over rough terrain, and I spent most of my nights eating out of a can.
But it was all worth it.
***
I unrolled my sleeping bag and got ready for bed. The oddest thing about living in the wilderness was brushing my teeth without water. There were so many little things I had to cut back on. It made me realize how extravagant my life was back at home. I just bought a beach house with my wife, and we still had the penthouse in the city. Skye would be a billionaire in the next year, and I made a very competitive salary.
We were living in a fairytale.
Laura changed into her pajamas under her sleeping bag then turned on her lantern. She had a small journal she wrote in every night. She didn’t carry a computer because it was just extra weight.
I carried one because of Skye.
Laura made a few notes before she turned to me. “You seem down.” She was very blunt with her words. I’d never met someone so direct. She said exactly what she was thinking and when she was thinking it. Sometimes she reminded me of Slade—just without the quirkiness.
“I’ve been better.” I straightened my pillow then lay down.
“What’s on your mind?” Laura and I got along but I wouldn’t classify us as friends. I kept my guard up around her simply because she was a woman. The last thing I wanted her to think was that I was interested in her. Harassment seemed to be something she was used to and I didn’t want her to think I was a threat.
“My wife…her father was in a really bad accident and I feel terrible for not being there.”
She held the pen to her notebook before she put it down. Then she shut the book. “I’m sorry. Is he okay?”
“He survived but his recovery has been brutal. He’s in a lot of pain.”
She looked at me with eyes full of sympathy. “Don’t feel terrible for not being there. You’re making a difference here.”
“I understand tha
t,” I said. “But it doesn’t make me feel better knowing my wife is going through it alone.” I released a deep sigh and stared at the top of the tent.
“Did she ask you to go home?” Disapproval was obvious in her voice.
“No. But if she did, I would have returned.”
She didn’t say anything, but I knew she didn’t like that response. After a long pause she spoke again. “You did a great job today. I saw you with that woman…”
I knew what she was referring to. “Yeah…it was an experience I’ll never forget.”
“You’re really touching lives, Cayson. It’s an honor to work with you.” She didn’t give out compliments freely so I knew she meant it.
“Thanks…you’re great too. I wouldn’t know where to go without you guiding me.”
She smiled. “You’re smart, Cayson. I’m sure you would have figured it out.”
I kept my gaze on the ceiling.
“Do you think you’ll ever do this again?”
“Distribute water apparatuses?”
“Yeah.”
I shook my head. “No. I have too many responsibilities at the CDC. When I return, I’ll be the new director. I’ll be putting out fires all over the place. I won’t be allowed to step away from my desk for another three months.”
She nodded. “That’s understandable.”
“But I’ll make sure this program remains in effect. The supply will last them three months, so if we have a caravan deployed four times a year we should be able to keep the supply going indefinitely.”
“That sounds like a good plan.”
I put my hands behind my head. “I couldn’t imagine not having access to water. I take a shower every morning before work and every afternoon after the gym. I completely took it for granted. Now I feel like a dick for ever brushing my teeth while in the shower.”
“Don’t be so hard on yourself,” she said. “How can people understand how privileged they are unless they have an experience like this? You can’t hold it against them. All we can do is educate people as much as possible.”
My wedding band rested against the back of my neck. “You’d be good for the UN.”
She was quiet for a long time. “Thank you. I really think I could be a valuable member of the team.”