She shook her head. The guy she wasn’t interested in was all over her, and the one she wanted ignored her. She’d have to put an end to Devon’s interest, but she couldn’t use the you’re-an-employee line. After all, she wanted to pursue a relationship with Micah, and he was an employee too.
As she turned the mower back toward the lodge, Micah rounded the corner with an armful of backpacks. He balked when he saw her, then nodded in greeting as he continued on toward the barn.
Hanna watched him go and wondered again what was wrong. So much for building a relationship. It was going backward instead of forward. I could use a little help here, God.
Micah emerged from the barn, and she waited until he neared, then shut off the mower. “Micah.”
He turned, brows raised.
“Are you all right? Have I done something to upset you?”
His tucked his hands in his pockets. “No, not at all.”
“You seem, I don’t know, different.”
He shook his head. “I’m fine. Hey, do you know where the dehydrated meat is? I looked in the pantry, but it wasn’t there.”
Hanna’s spirits sank at the change of topics. “You might ask Mrs. Eddlestein.”
He continued toward the lodge, and Hanna mechanically turned over the key. For whatever reason, he’d decided to keep their relationship professional. She tried not to take it personally. She wasn’t successful. Was I wrong, Lord? Was this just my own silly thoughts? Before Micah, I didn’t even want to have a relationship with a man, much less be the pursuer. I’m no good at it, God. If this is what You want, please show it to Micah.
That night, after a dinner with Micah the Polite, she retired to her room for her quiet time. She was working her way through the Old Testament and was now in the book of Ruth. Ruth had lost her husband and had traveled to Moab with her mother-in-law, Naomi, who wanted to find a husband for her. Her instructions were clear:
“Wash and perfume yourself, and put on your best clothes. Then go down to the threshing floor, but don’t let him know you are there until he has finished eating and drinking. When he lies down, note the place where he is lying. Then go and uncover his feet and lie down. He will tell you what to do.”
“I will do whatever you say,” Ruth answered.
Hanna continued reading and saw that Ruth had indeed done the forward thing her mother-in-law had asked of her. When Boaz discovered Ruth lying at his feet, he asked who she was.
“I am your servant Ruth,” she said. “Spread the corner of your garment over me, since you are a kinsmen-redeemer.”
Hanna searched for the explanation of the verse at the bottom of the page. She knew a kinsman-redeemer was the closest male relative, who was responsible for marrying a widow. Her eyes found the answer to her question in the study notes.
Spread the corner of your garment over me. A request for marriage.
Wow. The woman literally asked Boaz to marry her. Goose flesh tightened the skin on Hanna’s arms, and her heart tripped. Micah came to mind, and she shoved the thought away.
Oh no. No way, God, I am not asking Micah to marry me. Please tell me You’re not asking that.
She reread the verses and closed her eyes, listening more than praying. Her heart had not stopped its rhythmic pounding since she’d read the verses. Anxiety had sucked the moisture from her mouth, and she sipped from the ice water on her nightstand.
The words of the verses stirred in her mind, not settling anywhere, just floating aimlessly around. There was meaning in the story, a meaning for her, but it couldn’t be what she’d originally thought. Okay, let’s think this through in a left-brained manner. Naomi knew what was supposed to happen, and she told Ruth what she needed to do. In Ruths case Naomi knew Ruth needed a husband. So, what do I know? I know I feel drawn to Micah, and I know he needs a friend. Her dream of their wedding day surfaced, but she shrugged it off.
She felt God wanted them together for some purpose. It’s a little hard to accomplish that, God, when only one of us is aware of it.
Bingo.
The thought hit her like a sledgehammer. That’s it. I’m aware of what God wants, but Micah isn’t.
The story pieces settled at last, though in a pattern she wasn’t entirely comfortable with. You want me to tell him? Oh, Lord, wouldn’t it just be easier if You told him?
She squirmed uncomfortably. People didn’t just go up to others and say, “We’re supposed to be together.” He’ll think I’m a fruit loop, Lord! A real nutso. People just don’t do that. The Bible story flashed like a neon sign in her mind. Well, they don’t do it anymore.
Hanna closed her Bible and lay back against her pillows. How could she just walk up to him and say that? And for goodness’ sake, not only did he show no signs of being attracted to her, he didn’t even want to be around her!
She looked grimly at her Bible as if the Book were at fault. If I agree to this, Lord, I’m going to need the courage of Ruth. And it would help if You’d maybe prepare his heart to be open to what I say. And speaking of what I’ll say … I guess I’m going to need some help there too.
She breathed a laugh. See, Lord, don’t You think it’d be easier to do it Yourself?
She should’ve done it herself. Hanna looked at the volleyball net, drew a deep breath, and sighed. The net sagged in the middle, and the poles poked outward from the ground like metal antennas. She fetched the volleyball from the barn, then came back and threw the ball into the net. It sank into the meshing and plopped onto the ground.
For all Devon’s ambition, he tended to do things halfway. She looked at the horizon and gauged she had about half an hour before it would be too dark to work. Time enough to get started.
After digging around in the barn, she came back with a shovel and pulled the poles from the ground. She went six inches beyond the tiny hole and began scooping dirt from the packed ground. She wanted the net to stretch tautly from pole to pole, and she wanted the poles upright and solidly in the ground.
Hanna had plenty of time yesterday to think about Micah and how to approach him. Only problem was, she hadn’t come to an answer about what to say. How did one go about this sort of thing? He would probably think her message had nothing to do with God, that it was some fantasy of her own making.
Her skin heated, and she knew it was the thought, not the exercise, that was causing it. He’d think she was enamored with him and had some illusion about it being God’s plan. How could she convince him that it was not something she’d even wanted? That she, personally, had no desire for a relationship with him?
She stopped herself. Okay, maybe there was an attraction, but she certainly hadn’t dreamed up this notion of a relationship with him. Actually, it scared her to death. What if she wasn’t ready for a relationship? What if she couldn’t bear to be touched?
The memory of Micah holding her in the tent skittered across her mind. She hadn’t minded it then. Is that what this is all about, God? Getting me over this fear of men?
And, her feelings aside, how was she going to convince Micah? He might have a girlfriend, for all she knew. He’d never mentioned one, but there was that woman in the sporting-goods store. She’d definitely seemed proprietary toward him. And there was that Thursday night appointment he never missed. How dumb would she sound with her announcement if he had a girlfriend?
You are taking care of all this, God, right?
She leaned against the shovel for a breather. How in the world am I supposed to pass this information on to him?
Micah, we’re meant to be together.
Micah, God has plans for us.
Micah, spread the corner of your garment over me.
She laughed and covered her face, embarrassed at the thought. She could just see herself huddling at the foot of his bed, saying those words. In today’s culture they’d have a very different connotation. Maybe she wouldn’t have to say anything to him. After all, if God really wanted her to do this Ruth thing, wouldn’t He provide the opportunity? Micah had
been as scarce as a snow flurry in July.
“What’s wrong?” Micah’s unmistakable voice pierced her thoughts—her very embarrassing thoughts.
She uncovered her face, exposing the blush that was surely there. “Nothing. I’m just trying to get these poles in the ground.”
“Your grandma said you needed some help.” His reluctance to be there was evident in the evasive gaze.
Good ol’ Gram, undoubtedly with an ulterior motive.
He held out his hand for the shovel. “Want me to dig?”
She straightened her spine and opened her mouth.
He held his hand as if to ward off her words. “I know you’re perfectly capable, but it’s getting dark, and we can get it done faster if we work together.”
He had a point. She relinquished the shovel and went to the barn for the rusty one. His presence, even if reluctant, did something to her insides. She wished for the camaraderie they’d shared on the climb. If only he would relax again, and they could become friends in a natural way. As opposed to flinging myself at him. Are You listening God?
Hanna plucked the other pole from the ground and began shoveling. They worked in silence until he called her over to steady the pole while he packed the dirt around it. She was conscious of the sweat trickling down her neck. He didn’t even seem flushed, much less sweaty.
He packed in the last of the dirt with his feet and tested the pole. It didn’t budge. They moved to the other hole, and he finished digging while she watched him work under the veil of her lashes. Was now the time for the conversation she’d been dreading? Had God sent him out here for just that reason?
Twilight was falling like a sheer curtain, giving a sense of anonymity she found comforting. Wouldn’t she rather confront him about it now when he could barely see her than in the stark light of day?
“I’ve been wanting to talk to you about something.” Oh, boy, there’s no turning back now.
He continued to dig. “What’s that?”
The moment was here, and she didn’t know what to say. Words flew frantically around her mind.
The odd silence drew his attention.
Help me, God.
He quirked a brow.
“I have a feeling about us.”
He waited.
She took a deep breath. “It might sound strange. In fact, I know it’ll sound strange, but … look, you’re a Christian, too, so I’m just going to say it outright. God has impressed on me that He wants us together for some … purpose.”
He stiffened, then thrust the shovel into the ground and left it standing upright. “You’re mistaken.”
Hanna let out the breath she’d been holding. She’d expected him to laugh. To roll his eyes. To tell her she was nuts. Anything but this. “I thought so, too, at first but—”
“It’s a bad idea.” He stabbed the pole into the ground.
“If you’re already involved with someone—”
“There’s no one else. I’m just not interested.” His bass voice vibrated through the night air.
Hanna’s face heated, and she was grateful for the cloak of dusk. Well. He couldn’t have been any plainer than that. She kicked dirt around the pole, more to cover her mortification than to fill the hole.
“Look, I didn’t mean it that way.”
Sure he didn’t. What am I supposed to do now, God? I’ve done what You asked, and what good has it done? It’s done nothing but humiliate—
“You’re my employer.”
She let silence be her answer.
“You don’t even know me, my past.”
“That can be changed.”
“You wouldn’t like what you found.”
“I’m willing to take that chance.”
He impaled her with a steely look that penetrated the murky air. “I’m not.” He stomped on the dirt twice more, then walked away.
Micah shut his door behind him and leaned against it. Fear. He could taste it in his mouth, the sour, biting taste he’d thought he’d conquered. It left him feeling weak and vulnerable, two emotions he’d sworn he was through with. He sat on the sofa, not bothering to turn on a light.
Hanna. The words she’d said nearly knocked him backward. They’d sent shivers up his spine and uncoiled a length of fear in his gut. He was afraid to listen to her words, afraid to acknowledge the truth in them, afraid to turn this over to God.
I don’t want a woman in my life. I thought we had an understanding, Father. I don’t want a relationship; I don’t want love; and I don’t want more pain. Haven’t I had enough of that?
His heart was still pumping furiously as if he were scaling West Horn instead of lounging on the couch. It was bad enough that he was attracted to Hanna. That he genuinely liked her. That her presence was unavoidable.
And now she had some notion they were meant for each other.
Maybe you are.
He deflected the words from his heart. It wasn’t true. God wouldn’t ask that of him. And he wouldn’t ask that of himself. Ever.
He knew he’d hurt Hanna with his adamancy, but he wanted to be very clear that it wasn’t going to happen. They weren’t going to happen. What good would he be in a relationship? What did he have to offer but a heart that had withered and rotted before it had a chance to grow?
His three-day climb started tomorrow, and for that he was grateful. Maybe by the time he returned, Hanna would be over this absurd idea. Maybe with time she would see he was no good for her.
CHAPTER TWELVE
“Come here, Alex; let’s fix your shirt.” Natalie tucked it in and adjusted his elastic-waisted shorts. His hair stuck up on top, and she feathered his bangs with her fingers. “There you go.” She patted his behind and went to straighten up the living room.
She’d purposely told Hanna to come a few minutes after she expected Keith. It wouldn’t hurt him to see the boys, to see how much they missed him. She had one goal tonight, and seeing the boys might give her that one little push she needed.
Keith had picked up the boys on Saturday to spend some time with them. They didn’t understand why Daddy wasn’t staying at their house. Neither did Natalie. He’d told her he was at the Comfort Inn, and she’d confirmed it when she’d called to arrange tonight’s meeting. Why wasn’t he staying with her? Was she married too? Whoever she was. He’d told her nothing, given her no clue who he was breaking his vows with. She shook her head. She would not give in to her anger tonight. It would defeat her purpose.
She picked up the stack of magazines and papers that had accumulated over the past few weeks. Her Bible-study workbook, A Woman’s Heart, was at the bottom of the pile. She felt a pang of guilt. She’d started the study with her women’s group at church a week before she’d found out about the affair. And she hadn’t opened it since.
You’ve had your mind on other things. Your life has fallen apart. Of course the routines are going to be broken.
“Dink. Dink.” Taylor held up his sipper cup; she took it and filled it with juice.
The clock chimed the hour, and she dashed to the bathroom to take a final peek at her own appearance. She’d taken time with her makeup and hair. All the books she’d read said a husband wants his wife to take care of her appearance. It was an area she’d slacked off in.
“Daddy!”
She heard Alex’s squeal preceded by Taylor’s as they ran to the window to watch him come in.
“Remember, you can spend a few minutes with Daddy, then Aunt Hanna’s going to come and pick you up.”
“I want to stay with Daddy!” Alex said.
“I know, sweetheart, but Aunt Hanna’s going to take you to the soda fountain and the park. You’ll have so much fun.” She injected her voice with enthusiasm and breathed a sigh when they seemed to buy it.
She opened the front door and forced a smile to her lips. “Hi, Keith.”
The boys barraged their dad before he could return her greeting. He picked up Alex and gave him a hug.
“I missed you, Daddy! Are you
back? Are you sleeping here tonight?”
Keith opened his mouth, then shut it again.
“Me! Me!”
Keith laughed as Taylor danced on his feet with his arms outstretched toward his father. Keith knelt down and swooped him up. “Hi, buddy.”
Natalie felt her eyes burn as she watched him kiss his sons.
“Hanna’s coming to get them while we talk.”
“Are you staying, Daddy?” Alex wanted to know.
“We’ll see, tiger.”
He set them down, and they ran to get the pictures they’d painted at church.
“Does Hanna know everything?”
She nodded.
His jaw twitched.
“I had to talk to someone.”
The boys returned and showed their artwork. Keith gave them his full attention, smiling and tickling and just enjoying them. He did love the boys. They had that going for them.
Moments later, she heard a car in the drive. Keith sent her a panicked glance, and she knew he didn’t want to face Hanna. For a moment she reveled in the thought of his having to face his shame, but she shoved the feeling aside and gathered the boys.
They said good-bye to their dad, and she led them down the sidewalk just as Hanna exited her car. Natalie installed Taylors car seat, buckled them in, and shut the door. She offered Hanna a twenty-dollar bill, but her sister refused.
“I’ll be praying for you,” Hanna said.
“Thanks. I’ll need it.”
“I’ll give you a couple of hours, all right?”
“Sure, that’ll be plenty of time.
Hanna got in the car.
“Hanna.”
Her sister looked at her expectantly.
“Thank you. For taking the boys.”
Hanna smiled and pulled out of the driveway.
Natalie took a deep breath, feeling her tight rib cage expand as if she’d been taking shallow breaths all day. Help me, God. Give me the words to say. Don’t let my temper take over.
She turned and went back to face her husband.
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