I had slid the card in my back pocket and grinned like a fool for the entire walk to the diner. It was only a few blocks, but I knew I looked like a goober. Kyle waited for me outside the diner wearing a sappy grin like mine.
“Thank you for my flowers,” I said. “They’re beautiful, and I love them.” I rose on my tiptoes and kissed Kyle, not caring where we were or who was watching. The feelings he brought out in me were too beautiful to hide.
“You’re very welcome. I wanted you to have something pretty to look at in case today is as hectic as yesterday,” Kyle had told me. He opened the door to the diner for me and followed me inside. “Orange flowers aren’t easy to find, but I was on a mission since it’s your favorite color.”
I stopped walking and turned to face him so fast that he nearly ran into me. “I can’t believe you remembered that,” I said softly. We’d talked about our favorite Friends episodes, and one of Kyle’s was the episode that Ross’s spray tan went hilariously wrong. That led to bad spray tans in general and how some people looked orange. I’d said to Kyle that orange was my favorite color, but that didn’t mean I wanted my skin to match it. It was one small conversation we had five months prior and he still remembered it.
“I remember everything you’ve said to me,” Kyle replied.
Oh, damn. I fell so hard for Kyle at that moment and prayed there was something soft to catch me when I landed. I opened my mouth to speak, but no words came. I was one who always had something to say and rarely used a filter before speaking. In fact, the only thing that followed closely was the number of times I stuck my foot in my mouth. Luckily, more people considered that one an endearing trait instead of an offensive one. Kyle, though, rendered me speechless. The sly grin that spread across his face proved that he knew it too.
Kyle leaned forward and whispered, “I only have forty-five minutes left. I was kind of hoping to have a few minutes left to make out once we finished eating.”
That snapped me out of my trance. “I’m not hungry.”
Kyle grabbed my shoulders and turned me back around to face away from him. “Yes, you are.”
I let out an irritated huff and walked to an empty booth in the rear of the diner. Kyle didn’t so much as look at the menu, but I needed to find something healthy to eat that was hearty enough to get me through the day. That puny-ass salad we ate the other night wore off before I got home. I couldn’t live like that.
“Hey, guys,” Daniella cheerfully said when she arrived at our booth. “Ice water with lemon for the good doctor and a Mountain Dew for you, Chaz?” she asked.
“I’ll have ice water with lemon too,” I told her.
“Bring him his Mountain Dew,” Kyle said, shaking his head. “You don’t have to change your drinking and eating habits for me. I want you to be happy. I’m happy eating lettuce and drinking lemon water.” I practically shuttered at the thought.
Kyle ordered a side salad and bowl of chicken tortilla soup without cheese for lunch. I started to order the same, but Kyle stopped me. “He’ll have the bacon cheeseburger deluxe and an order of sweet potato fries. Ranch dressing on the side,” he added when Daniella started to walk away. I blinked at him in surprise because I never discussed my love for their bacon cheeseburger with him. Kyle’s face turned red under my scrutiny, and he shrugged his shoulders. “I’ve been watching you for a while now,” he confessed.
“How long?” I asked. I couldn’t explain why I needed to know; I just did.
Kyle looked down at the straw wrapper he was tying in knots. “Practically since I moved back,” he admitted.
“You were with Gabe then,” I said in surprise.
“Yes, and I never would’ve acted on the attraction I felt for you, but it was there and really strong,” Kyle said.
“You broke up two years ago,” I remarked.
“You’ve been counting?” Kyle asked.
“Come on,” I told him. “Let’s not pretend you didn’t hear my outburst in the salon before Easter.”
“I heard it,” Kyle admitted. “It was the first time I realized that you returned my interest.”
“But, you…” I couldn’t very well accuse him of fooling around behind my back with Drew. First, he didn’t know that I even knew about Drew. Second, he wasn’t fooling around behind my back because he “met” Drew online before he knew about my feelings.
“What?” he asked.
I don’t know why, but I needed him to say Drew’s name out loud. I needed to know that Drew was a fleeting connection and the one we had was deeper and lasting. I knew it was dumb for me to feel that way because I was both Chaz and Drew. “So, why didn’t you ask me out or even hint that you were interested in me. Did you meet someone else in between Gabe and me?” There, I came right out and asked him.
I could tell he was hedging his bet. Did he tell me the truth and risk upsetting our budding relationship or did he lie and feel bad afterward? I had chosen the wrong door each and every time, but I had a strong feeling that Kyle would choose the right one. “I didn’t ‘meet’ someone in the traditional sense, but I struck a friendship online that I thought had the chance to develop into something special,” Kyle said.
Daniella delivered our food, which gave me a few seconds to figure out how to respond. “It didn’t work out for you guys?”
“Um, I don’t think he was ever as into me as I was him,” Kyle said. My heart pinched painfully in my chest hearing him say that to me. “We chatted for several weeks through a gamer messaging app and got pretty close.” I’ll say. “One day I mentioned that I wanted to meet him and I think it freaked him out. He evaded my question and then logged on less and less over the following weeks until he disappeared completely.”
“You haven’t heard from him recently?” I asked.
“I tried reaching out to him after July Fourth, but he didn’t answer me,” Kyle said.
I gave him an A for honesty, but it still fucking hurt to hear him say he reached out to Drew after our first kiss. “Ouch,” I said, rubbing my heart.
“What do you mean?” Kyle asked.
“You kissed me for the first time on July Fourth then decided to reach out to another guy,” I told Kyle. “That’s painful to hear.”
“Do you want to know why I reached out to Drew?” Kyle asked.
“I’m not sure that I do,” I replied honestly. Fuck, it hurt to breathe.
Kyle covered my hand on the table and said, “I’ll tell you anyway because I think you need to hear it.” He waited for me to look into his eyes before he continued. “I reached out to thank him for his friendship during a very lonely time in my life. I wanted to apologize for making him feel uncomfortable by requesting to meet in person.”
“Oh,” I said softly.
“I’m not finished,” Kyle said. “Mostly, I wanted to tell him about you.”
“Oh,” I repeated.
“That was no ordinary kiss,” Kyle said. “I know that you felt it that night too and it made you run.”
“I walked briskly,” I corrected.
Kyle chuckled at my indignant tone. “Well, it seems that you stopped walking briskly and allowed me to catch you.”
“I did,” I agreed.
“Why?” Kyle questioned. I guess it was only fair that he put me on the spot too.
“I knew that I’d regret it for the rest of my life if I didn’t,” I said simply. “I’ve dated the dime-a-dozen guys, but you’re a one-in-a-billion man.”
Kyle shook his head. “I put my pant legs on one at a time like everyone else.”
I knew that we would just have to agree to disagree on that one. I didn’t want to waste any of our precious time debating the awesomeness of Kyle Vaughn. We both tucked into our food instead of talking. Afterward, Kyle insisted on driving me back to the salon. I didn’t bother pointing out it was only a few blocks because I saw the heat in his eyes and knew he wanted to kiss me in private.
His long lingering kisses fueled me for the rest of the day and evenin
g. The knowledge that I would soon have his lips on mine again added to the happy buzz inside me when I saw my roses again the next day.
“Make sure you take them home so you can enjoy them over the weekend,” Mere said when she joined me, snapping me out of my little happy trance. “You ready to stand beside our best friend as he marries the man of his dreams?”
“I am. Have you seen Josh yet?” I asked Mere.
“Yes,” she said smiling broadly. “Josh is smiling, happy, and calm. It’s going to be a beautiful ceremony. I’m going to cry a lot so will you tuck an extra handkerchief in your tuxedo jacket for me? I think it would be poor taste to pull one out of the bodice of my dress.”
“You bet.”
Meredith wasn’t the only one who needed a handkerchief to wipe away tears as Josh and Gabe exchanged their vows. I had never been as happy for another living soul as I was for Josh that day. He’d found a man who loved him the way he was—bold, beautiful, and flamboyant as fuck. I glanced at Kyle a few times during the ceremony and caught him watching me instead of the grooms. The connection was so intense it was hard for me to look away, but I did because I couldn’t miss Josh’s big day.
Kyle waited for me by the large marquee while the photographer snapped at least two thousand photos of the wedding party. I noticed that Kyle was seated next to me at the main table, which meant Josh hadn’t given up playing matchmaker after all. If anyone thought it was odd that Gabe’s ex-boyfriend was sitting at the same table with him, they didn’t say anything. Gabe’s parents and Kyle seemed genuinely happy to see one another.
Everything about the night was perfect, but nothing made me happier than dancing with Kyle. It didn’t matter if the dance was fast or slow, it gave me an excuse to put my hands on the man. It felt like we danced for hours before the grooms said goodbye and headed to their hotel in Cincinnati. The music continued to thump on even after they left and we danced some more.
“It’s probably getting close to midnight,” Kyle said once we stopped dancing long enough for a drink.
“Are you going to turn into a pumpkin or something?” I asked playfully.
“Cute,” Kyle replied. “I was thinking more along the lines of taking you back to my place, stripping you out of your tuxedo, and having my wicked way with you.”
“Okay then,” I said. “Just let me say goodbye to a few people.”
I found Meredith slow dancing with Harley and tapped her on the shoulder. “I’m not cutting in,” I assured Harley. “I’m heading out and wanted to say goodbye.”
Mere stopped dancing anyway to hug me goodbye. “I’m so glad you told Kyle the truth,” she whispered in my ear.
I was too stunned to say anything once she pulled back. Mere saw that Kyle and I had grown closer and assumed the conversation had taken place already. She thought I was a much better man than I truly was and I didn’t want to shatter her impression of me.
“Have a good weekend,” I finally said once I could speak again.
Mere noticed my reaction, but Harley pulled her back into his arms and spun her around before she could say another word. Holy shit, what the fuck have I done? I had carried things way too fucking far and didn’t know what to do.
I found Kyle waiting for me outside the marquee. He was looking up at the twinkling stars in the sky with a goofy grin on his face.
“What are you doing?” I asked.
“Thanking my lucky stars,” Kyle said softly then looked at me. “You know, Chaz. I was thinking earlier that we’ve never had a real date. I was hoping to change that next weekend if you’re free.” It was one of the classic romance book moments where you yelled at the main character not to blow it.
I didn’t have the luxury of playing along with the madness I’d started because Kyle wasn’t a fictional book boyfriend; he was a living, breathing, beautiful human being who deserved a chance at happiness. I had fooled myself into believing that I was good enough for him, but I knew better. It was time to pull a Gideon and yank that Band-Aid off.
“I’m sorry, Kyle. I can’t.”
I walked away and left him standing beneath the stars again, but not before I saw the hurt in his eyes. I knew that wounded look would follow me around for the rest of my life. I kept my shit together until I got home and saw the beautiful flowers he sent me sitting on my bedside table. I touched the petals gently while I cried over my stupidity for ruining the best thing to ever happen to me.
Once in fifth grade, our gym class was divided into two teams to play a rousing game of kickball. Gym teachers had a penchant for being purveyors of bullies with their bright idea of picking the two most popular kids as team captains and asking them to choose their teams. Of course, I was the fat, uncoordinated kid they always chose last. Of course, the captain saddled with me on his team would say things like, “just stay out of our way” instead of “welcome to the team.”
Well, I’d had enough of people telling me to stay out of their way that day and took action. The other downside I faced was the other team constantly targeting me. They’d kick the ball as hard as they could in my direction because they knew I wouldn’t catch or field it cleanly. “No more,” I had said softly to myself.
I stood tall and proud when the next kid stepped up to the makeshift plate in the gym. I squared my body like I’d seen the other kids do and had my arms up ready to catch the ball that I knew was coming my way. I underestimated the speed of the rubber ball and took a line-drive shot to my balls. It hurt so fucking bad and knocked the wind out of me. I thought I was going to puke all over the polished gym floor. I could still hear the laughter of the other kids in the class as I dropped to my knees holding my nuts.
I can honestly say that Chaz rejecting me outright then walking away was a thousand times more painful than the nut shot in gym class that day. He knocked the wind out of me, and I felt like I was going to be sick all over Gabe and Josh’s lawn. In addition to the searing pain, I was so fucking confused. Not ten minutes before his “I can’t, Kyle,” we were smiling, laughing, and making plans to spend the night wrapped up in each other. What the hell happened to me being better than any fictional book boyfriend?
I don’t know how long I stood there numbly staring before I pulled myself together and went home. I didn’t sleep a wink that night and dragged my ass through Sunday and Monday in a dazed fog. What the hell happened kept repeating in my mind over and over. I couldn’t answer the question no matter how many times I replayed the night. Chaz was fine until he went to tell Meredith goodnight. I was tempted to call her, but I decided against it. She and Josh were Chaz’s best friends and asking them to betray his confidence was just wrong.
The only available option for me was to accept that Chaz and I didn’t want the same things. He wasn’t going to be my happily ever after. Acknowledging it didn’t make me feel better, but I at least felt a little more in control of my emotions. Even so, I wasn’t as excited about touring the house after work on Monday night. Becker Howard was all teeth, reminding me of the cat from Alice in Wonderland.
“Are you ready to see your forever home?” he asked.
Are you ready to eat your stupid fucking teeth? I forced myself to snap out of my funk because it wasn’t Becker’s fault that I was in a foul mood. I offered him a small smile and said, “Wow me, Becker.”
Becker looked me up and down like he was trying to figure out if I was still talking about the house or something else. Look, the guy was cute, and his attention was flattering—especially on the heels of Chaz’s rejection. Sure, I might’ve felt better if I fucked him against the foyer wall, but regret would’ve moved in before I could remove the condom. He must’ve seen the true meaning of my words in my expression because he smiled professionally then he opened the front door and said, “Right this way.”
The interior of the two-story spacious home blew me away. The first thing you saw when you entered was a grand staircase made of dark, polished wood. The front level was an open floor plan, which meant I could see the l
arge picture window in the family room wall at the rear of the house from the front door and it offered an amazing view of the pond and wooded acres behind the house.
“Wow,” I said.
“Isn’t it something?” Becker asked, sounding mighty pleased with himself.
“It truly is,” I answered.
“I’m just going to hang out here in the kitchen and catch up on some emails while you tour the house. Sound good?” he asked.
“Yes, thank you.” I was relieved that I didn’t have to attempt inane banter when I wasn’t in the mood. I had one mission: determine if this was the house for me. I was glad I could do that in peace and quiet.
I started upstairs and took my time looking at each of the bedrooms and full bathrooms. There were more bedrooms than I could imagine needing, but I’d rather have too much space than too little. I stood in the smallest of the bedrooms and thought it would make a great home office. It overlooked the pond and trees, and I thought it would inspire a lot of writing. My heart lurched as soon as the thought crossed my mind. No, the room wouldn’t be used to write best-selling novels, but I was certain I could put it to good use.
I checked out the finished basement and the first floor before I met Becker in the kitchen. “I love that master bedroom,” I told Becker. I didn’t tell him that the custom tile shower was exactly like the one I hoped to share with Chaz. I also didn’t tell him that the gourmet kitchen was way more than I needed since I basically only used the microwave.
“Would you like a day or two to think about it?” Becker asked. “I think the homeowners wouldn’t mind giving you that time before they list the house on the market.”
“I want this house,” I told Becker.
He wrote up the offer, and the homeowners accepted it a few hours later. I started working with my loan officer the next morning so that I had something positive to focus on instead of the emptiness I felt with Chaz’s absence in my life. I took my family over to the house a few days later to see it because they were excited for me, plus my mom needed an idea so she could help me decorate.
Unscripted Love (Road to Blissville, #1) Page 14