I stopped when Angel was overcome into the point of tears. Hell, I was close to breaking down. I hated having to share this horror with her, but I had to. She needed the truth. By now, she must have been thinking how monstrous a family we were. How fucking damaged I was, living through any of it.
But she got up, grabbed a box of tissues, and came back to sit next to me. Closer than before. I breathed a little easier when she rested a hand on my leg.
“Your mother couldn’t pull him out and revive him?” she asked between the short inhales of air her crying caused.
“I was the one who went in after him. Mom couldn’t swim. And she was so weak. Compared to her, I was strong, even for seven, and it didn’t matter that I was bloody and my head was cloudy from Danny’s beating. That was my baby brother… She went inside to call 9-1-1, and I dove in for Micah...but it was too late. Mom tried CPR for the entire time that we waited for the ambulance...but… Micah was gone.”
“I’m so...words fall so short, Mac,” Angel whispered. “I can’t express how sorry I am for what you all went through.”
Angel glanced down at the next news article.
“And Colleen too?” she asked.
I nodded. “Yes. I got another chance and I failed again.”
“God, please don’t say that. I mean…you were so young. You can’t still think any of this was your fault, Mac…do you?”
“Logically, no. Not now. But emotion and guilt are different things. I was there and I did everything I could in the moment, but maybe if I’d called 9-1-1 earlier, or run to a neighbor…if I’d done something different…or told someone else about Danny long before…”
“You were seven.”
We sat there, silent for quite some time, then forced myself to get the rest out.
“It felt like Colleen was born just months after Micah died. For a while, everyone who knew what had really happened thought Danny had changed. That Micah’s death had sobered him up or done something to him. He wouldn’t speak to Colleen, get close to her, or even touch her. Didn’t even seem to notice her...and he stopped torturing me for a while too, until around the summer I turned eleven. That’s when things went right back to how it was before.”
“He was close to fifteen the year he killed Colleen. He tormented her for a whole year. Well, he tried, but I was bigger. I stopped him anytime I was around. And I tried to protect her. Dropped out of sports to be home when she got in. But Danny was maniacal. Patient. Just waiting around the next corner for an opening. It started with small things, tearing off the heads of her dolls, hiding them and telling our parents she hid them. Small, bullshit things. But as time went by, it got worse. Mom and my father were out the day Colleen died. He left Danny in charge. After everything...”
“Mom argued with Dad over what to do with Danny. She hired a few sitters, but none of them stuck around. Nobody wanted to watch us. Danny had a reputation, even if my father didn’t want to accept reality. I think my father had an after-work golf outing. Some event where the company staff brought their spouses along. Mom was having one of her rare good days, so she agreed to go after a lot of convincing from him.”
“I kept an eye on Colleen and an even closer one on Danny. Just before it happened, he left the family room and went upstairs to his room. Then the phone rang. I should’ve been paying attention. Honestly, I only turned my back for a second, and when I looked around she was gone.”
“The first place I checked was her room. Then Danny’s. After that, I ran outside to the pool to look for her. They weren’t there. Five minutes later, I heard her scream. My blood froze when I heard that sound. I raced to get closer and when she screamed again, I realized it was from above. He took her to the roof of the house...Colleen fell before I could get close enough to the arched gable where he threw her from. I...I wasn’t fast enough...”
“That must have been...horrible to witness. I’m so sorry, Mac. But you can’t blame yourself for what happened.”
But I did.
“After the ambulance came and our parents showed up, Danny claimed she’d gone up there by herself despite telling her not to. He went on and on with his elaborate lie, the conniving bastard. Told them that he begged her to come in, that he tried to climb up through his bedroom window to fetch her.”
“My fucking father didn’t believe me when I said Danny did it. He told the cops I was lying. Why would I lie about something like that? But it was easier to sweep it under the rug and label her death an accident. The cops probably didn’t want to believe someone from the Knight family could be capable of murder. Maybe it was easier to believe I lied than to face the truth about what Danny was.”
“Both of them,” Angel whispered, still staring at the article. “He killed them both and no one listened to you.”
“My father got him off the hook both times. But listen… There’s a reason I’m telling you all of this.”
Angel’s head flew up and she looked at me intently, eyes red and cheeks blotchy from wiping tears away.
“Then...why?” She opened her mouth, then closed it. After a few seconds, she asked, “Wait, when did you leave home?”
“My father sent me to military school the fall after Colleen died. Me. Not Danny. He insisted that my lies and accusations would ruin the family name. I went willingly. It was my escape. I had to get away from him and Danny. But when I turned fifteen, Dad thought I’d learned my lesson. Maybe Mom wanted me home. I don’t know. They brought me back home. I spent a few hours with Mom that day, then I ran away and never looked back.”
“I went to New Orleans. Disappeared. Got creative. Cut off all ties. I met LeVan there a couple years later, and eventually, we headed out west and met Sly…” I looked away. “I haven’t been back home since I ran away at age fifteen. My mother eventually tracked me down when I started performing to bigger audiences. But Dad...I won’t see him. Danny either.”
“Do you keep in touch with your mother?”
“Here and there. I don’t blame her for anything. She did what she could. She tried.”
“I don’t mean any disrespect, Mac, but defending your mother that way…that’s bullshit.” Angel got up and started pacing. “She could’ve left and taken you all with her. She could’ve sent him to get professional help. Or find round the clock care in the home to keep an eye on the rest of you kids. Look, I don’t mean to judge, but...you can’t deflect all that blame to yourself.”
As Angel’s eyes came back to mine, I held up my hands to stop her from saying more.
“Maybe she could’ve done more, but you have to understand what Danny was…what he probably still is. Psychopaths are charming and sly. That’s what he is. He can make you believe everything he tells you. It isn’t until you see him in action that you realize how devious and evil he really is.”
She came over and sat beside me again. “I get that, but what I’m trying to tell you is the traditional medical and mental health prognoses for psychopaths are based on adults. I know this sounds clinical, but all the new research shows that treatment of kids with those tendencies have proven they can improve. Some never get to the point where they commit crimes at all, if the warning signs are addressed early enough. But… I understand what you mean. Back then, at-risk children like Danny were just locked up as teens, or when they became adults. Or after they committed crimes. They were never diagnosed early enough to impact change.”
“Exactly. I’ve read a lot over the years, as hard as it was to actually do that. But listen. My family…all this… tragedy...they aren’t the entire reason I’m here.”
Angel surprised me, reaching up to touch my cheek. “I think they are. You’ve never trusted anybody in your life other than LeVan and Sly, have you?” she asked with a sad smile.
I thought about Didi. She would’ve saved Micah…and me. I was the object of Danny’s rage far too often. I’d just been tough and physically resilient enough to survive it.
“No. It’s safer that way,” I said roughly. “Safer
for them.”
“And lonelier for you.” She bit her lower lip, then looked around the room, at candles that dwindled lower and lower, the flames dancing back and forth. “Tell me, then. All of this…what’s the real reason we’re talking about it now?”
“Two reasons,” I acknowledged. “Earlier this week, I spoke to my mother. We haven’t been in touch for a while. She calls me every year on my birthday. Anyway, I phoned her and told her about you and the baby. I think something changed for her during that phone call. That I’ll be a father, maybe. She phoned me again a couple days later to tell me she’d reached out to a detective. They’re reopening Micah and Colleen’s cases. She said Danny still has his demons and all she wants is to get him help…to make sure he can’t hurt anyone else.”
“That’s…amazing, after all this time. So brave of her… And your father?”
“He doesn’t know yet. I’m sure he’ll find out soon enough, just as sure as I know he’ll try to bury it again. But I told Mom I’ll do whatever it takes to help. My father can’t silence us anymore. I wanted to tell you because you deserve to hear all of this from me. It’s my past…part of who I am. I can’t…I don’t want to run from it anymore.”
She nodded. “I appreciate how much it took to share this with me. Thank you.”
“You should probably brace yourself for if it hits the media too. A story like this in a small town like mine, and about the Knight family? It won’t stay quiet for long if the reopened investigations lead to formal charges.”
“I can handle that. Don’t worry about me. You and your mother need this closure. And who knows…maybe Danny does too. You never told me, what does he do now?”
“Mom told me he’s a VP at Knight’s Chemical. He’s never been in trouble with the law all this time. And he’s single with no kids, thank God. His life’s about to change for sure.”
Now that Angel knew everything about my past, I was ready to let go of it. I faced the horror. Together with my mother, I was about to slay those demons. But I also needed to remember that I had a future now. And a child on the way. Angel and the baby were more important to my future than anything in my past.
Cupping her face in my hands, I lowered my mouth to her forehead, half afraid she’d turn away. She didn’t. She held still and when I brushed a line of kisses down her brow to her cheek, then her lips, she didn’t pull back.
“You were right,” I whispered. “I was terrified of getting too close to you. I don’t allow myself to do that. Maybe you can understand why now, but you’re right. I don’t want to be that person…not with you.”
The next set of words locked in my throat. They should’ve been easy, considering she’d sat through reliving my childhood horror and didn’t look at me any differently.
But I was close to wimping out like a dumbass.
Taking a breath, I rested my hand on her belly and felt the hard, reassuring warmth of the baby growing there. “I fell in love with you the second I saw you, Angel. That’s how I knew your baby’s mine. I want to be a good father to her. The kind I wanted but never had. She deserves that. And I want you. All of you. All of this. It scares me to death, but I’m more terrified of what I’ll miss if I’m not in your lives.” She covered my hand with hers, a slow smile on her lips as she placed her head on my chest.
“Do you think I’m too fucked up to… be with you? To be a decent parent?” I whispered the questions.
Her head jerked up from its spot on my chest and she looked me in the eye. “No. Of course not. You survived your brother, but you were just as much a victim as your siblings were. Looking back now, I can’t help thinking about how we met…the way you saved me from that jerk that night. And then with Neal at the front door. Your first instinct was to help me…You’re a good man, Mac. Kind, gentle, caring. You’re nothing like your older brother.” She placed a hand on my chest. “You need to believe that in here.” She looked up at me then and lifted her hands to my face, covering my jaw. “I want all of this too. I want you.”
“I’m not too late?”
“No. You’re right on time.”
29
Angel
The look in his eyes was one I’d remember for a long, long time…the rest of my life.
“Come here, Mac,” I whispered against his lips.
He had a mix of surprise and relief on his face, but it faded quickly, replaced by a burning heat that I knew all too well.
His hand slid to my shoulders as I reached for his shirt, a pale green that matched his eyes, tucked into a pair of slacks that showed off his lower half to perfection.
“Wait…” he muttered, grabbing my hands. “We should finish talking.”
“Talk,” I said against his lips. “That’s all you ever want to do.”
He laughed, the sound a little strangled, but he didn’t fight as I stripped his clothes away and a few seconds later, he got into it, helping me with mine. That was more like it.
Talking could wait, after all.
We made it into my bedroom, barely, and fell onto my bed. Mac half twisted his body so I landed on top of him. I still wore my top. He still had his slacks hitched halfway around his hips.
It didn’t matter. It had been too long since I’d had him inside me, felt him against me. The heat of him ignited a fever inside of me and I thought I’d die if I didn’t have him in me now. Wrapping my fingers around his cock, I pumped him once, twice, while he grabbed my underwear and tore it away.
“Don’t make me wait,” I warned him, my mouth against his.
“No.”
He pulled me on top of him and then he was moving inside me, and I was slick and wet around him.
It was perfect and mad and fast.
And…perfect.
Later, with my head resting on his chest and his fingers combing through my hair, I whispered, “I’m sorry about your baby brother and sister, Mac.”
He pulled me in closer, one elbow hooked around my neck. “I should’ve talked about them sooner. I’m sorry I didn’t.”
“Don’t be.” Pushing up onto my elbow, I gave him a half-hearted shrug. “You were closed off for a reason. I mean, you all but had a sign hanging around your neck—stay away. But…I get it. It makes sense. Who’d want to let somebody close after that?”
He trailed his fingers down my cheek, eyes turbulent. “I wanted you close. It was just a matter of figuring out how to do that after all the isolation. Keeping people away…it comes easy now. It’s everything else that’s a problem.”
“Well…” I tangled my fingers in his hair. “You didn’t do too good a job keeping me at a distance. I didn’t run away screaming, now did I?”
At that, he gave me a blinding smile. “No. You didn’t. Thank God.”
30
Mac
Three Months Later – Baton Rouge
“Would the defendant please rise?”
I sat in the courtroom beside Mom, in the row behind the prosecutor for Danny’s case. My father was directly behind Danny, on the defendant’s side, supporting my brother as we expected.
Angel wasn’t here. She’d given notice at the school in Mexico after I told her everything, and moved in with me at my house outside Las Vegas shortly after that. Angel wanted to be here for me today, but was so far along in her pregnancy that the doctor discouraged any more flight travel. I didn’t feel safe with her traveling. Still, I missed her. Even though I’d only left last night, I’d been away from her too long and I wanted this over.
Danny stood up and leaned over to whisper in his defense lawyer’s ear, but his lawyer held up a hand, shaking his head to stop him from speaking at this juncture.
“I understand a plea bargain has been reached,” the judge said.
At that, I took Mom’s hand. I wasn’t happy about the terms of the plea bargain. Not by a longshot. But the prosecutor had explained beforehand that sentencing for Danny related to Micah’s death would’ve probably consisted of a few years in a juvenile camp or group home. Bec
ause Danny was fifteen when Colleen was killed, they may have kept him at a state juvenile facility until the age of twenty.
Because of that—and probably because of my father’s influence—the plea deal was for eighteen months house arrest, mandatory enrollment in an anger management program, and five years of probation. A fucking walk in the park, in my opinion. But at least the world knew. It was still justice for my baby brother and sister.
“Yes, Your Honor,” the lawyer confirmed.
“Very well. Does your client have anything to say?”
Danny turned and looked over at me and Mom. He said nothing. And I didn’t spare my brother a second glance.
“No, Your Honor. My client doesn’t have anything to say.”
Mom squeezed my hand after court adjourned. I invited her to come out to Vegas, but she said she could never make anywhere else her home. We shared an awkward lunch before I dropped her off at home, and on my way to the airport, I sent a text to Angel.
Me: On my way to the airport.
Angel: Glad to hear. How did it go?
Me: He accepted the deal. Not great, but it’s over.
Angel: And your mother?
Me: She’s relieved.
Angel: Good. Get back safe. I can’t wait to show you what Tamika and I did with the nursery. Thea helped too.
Me: Be home soon. Love you.
Angel: Love you too.
I couldn’t wait to get back to my future with her and our baby.
31
Angel
One Month Later
Mac sat next to me in the hospital room.
I’d managed to get into something a little more comfortable—and prettier—than the hospital gowns that morning, and I’d taken a shower. I felt a whole lot better, despite the fact that I’d spent nearly twelve hours in labor.
Ruin Me: Vegas Knights Page 20