by Amanda Daul
Taking a quick, clearing breath, Arissa knew it would be a couple of days before she could fully focus. The same thing had happened after Cayl’s kidnapping. It had broken her heart to leave her newborn daughter behind, but after being away for a while, it had gotten easier to focus on her present mission. She knew her daughter was safe in Daer and that was the only motivation that kept her to her plan.
Raze cooperated with his confined stabling, tired after the journey, the second time that day. After leaving the stallion, Arissa pulled her hood lower over her face, quickly scanning the area for patrols or soldiers. She didn’t really care if anyone saw her, most avoided her personally anyway. It was the patrols and leaders of the specific groups that she didn’t want to see. They would be eager to inform her with some progress report or training drill they were proud of and at the moment, Arissa didn’t want to see or talk to anyone. She wanted to cower and hide and feel sorry for herself tonight, before putting on her brave face in the morning to face the camp again.
Above all, the last person Arissa wanted to see was Trax. She could barely tolerate him as it was and she knew that if he caught her here tonight, she would be sentenced to a full night of his superfluous company, trying to talk a conversation out of her that she didn’t want to have. If nothing else, he would just try to get a rise out of her as he apparently found it amusing. Trax was a clever man and that made him a good soldier, but Arissa despised his cocky, brazen attitude, especially when they needed to be serious. He seemed to think that she needed him around to accomplish anything and when she would sarcastically snap back to his witty comments, it only encouraged his indicative behaviour. He was just lucky that his skills and instincts, not to mention motives, were just as powerful as her own.
Arissa quickly closed the wooden door of the largest shack behind her, concealing the glowing lamplight of the room from anyone in the immediate area. It was the only shelter that had been constructed with several rooms. The room she stood in now had the large table and shelves of supplies and written information. It was the same place she had met with Cayl, Trax and Landon in earlier to study the map, where they had most of their meetings. There was a narrow opening in the right wall that led into a second room, used as an infirmary, storing as many medical supplies they could find or steal from other camps or personal supplies. The farthest corner of the building was a small room with several cots. It was where Arissa slept when she stayed in the camp, partially because she rarely trusted the building to be unattended by a guard or someone she knew she trusted. Of course, that list was awfully short, consisting solely of Landon and Cayl.
Several lanterns had been left lit on the large gathering table, and after Arissa stripped off her hooded cloak, she went to lean against the flat surface, taking a moment to catch her breath, feeling like it had suddenly been sucked from her. Despite the uncomfortable temperature of the air, she was still warm in her rare, leather outfit. Still her favourite choice of clothing, the particular material was nearly extinct, save for the remaining stock that had been salvaged from factories and merchants during the wars. Being so involved with the aftermath herself, Arissa had put her youth skills to good use and managed to pilfer a good number of items for herself, knowing they wouldn’t last long in the hands of the army anyway. Not only was it the best protection against weather and terrain, but every time she put on the attire she wore now, she felt empowered, as if she could take on the world and come out the victor. She needed that now, which is why she had chosen it.
She had been absentmindedly feeling the smooth material under her fingertips, delighted when she realized her short daydream had sufficiently cleared her mind, if only temporarily. Either way, she was grateful and took the opportunity to get to work immediately.
It took a moment of sifting through papers and everything else that was strewn about the shelves, but she finally found several of the things she had been looking for. A clear copy of the map of the territory that apparently Trax had drawn up, appearing that he had made several. She chose one that was unmarked as well as a quill and ink to write with.
Sitting down at the table with her back to the door, Arissa spread out the map and took a moment to study it, setting herself into a state of mind where she could mentally travel the roads and forests that she saw, picturing them literally in her mind to help enhance her memories.
Remembering everything she could about every journey, every travel, every single dreadful bounty she had been on, Arissa thought back to the gruesome and treacherous details of every one. She felt uncomfortable chills racing through her flesh, down her spine and into the pit of her stomach as she relived horrors that she would rather forget. Her breath jerking in gasps through her lungs, Arissa focused hard and pinpointed every shortcut, every jog, every route she had ever travelled. Over the years, these forests had become as known to her as the backyard of her home that she had never even had the chance to bring Janelle to yet.
No. No, she couldn’t think that. Her family was gone, she had left them behind for a reason. She hoped she would see them again someday, but she couldn’t make a promise to herself that she knew she wouldn’t be able to keep.
Opening her eyes with a start, Arissa gasped for several drags of oxygen before she was able to look at the map before her again. For some reason, she was surprised that it remained the same.
Without another infuriating thought, Arissa bent her head and began scribbling over the parchment, duteously. As accurately as possible, she made notes and markings where she knew unknown places existed. Things such as hidden valleys, caves and canyons, water bodies and cleverly concealed paths had become Arissa’s key to survival during both her time as the General’s firsthand bounty hunter and her stint as a hunted criminal. She knew them better than perhaps anyone else, but she didn’t put it past the General to not have known about them, as well. Everyone thought the General was clueless about his own territory, Arissa felt she was the only one who knew better than to underestimate him. He always had a trick, a plan, a scheme to find out what he needed to and she would be damned if he got the best of her this time.
Marking every place she could think of took several hours. She even made notes and warnings for several of them, remembering the time she had nearly drowned in a river that was laced with a numbing toxin or when she had just about been crushed to death by a landslide of boulders in a canyon that bypassed a major city that was invaded with ruthless militia. With each mark and note she made on the parchment, Arissa seriously wondered how it was possible that she was still alive after everything that she had been through.
The intense and exhausting task of marking the map had successfully left her mind void of any other topic. She was exhausted, literally feeling sick to her stomach from the lack of sleep and rest, but she couldn’t allow herself to stop until she was finished.
Arissa could literally feel each brick settling in the wall of her mind, the one that she had compelled herself to tear down enough to let in the horrid memories of her past. She needed the raw aching recollections as a reminder of what needed to be done, to help bring back every detail that she could use.
These walls were the only thing that kept her from going insane. She had spent years building them, strengthening them to make sure they could never collapse again, even if she willed it. Even now when she purposely let herself be consumed by the daunting images, it was only what could be let in by the few cracks she allowed in the barriers. She couldn’t imagine what would happen if the walls ever came down completely. It terrified her to think about it, knowing she would never recover from anything so psychologically traumatizing. It was why she had vowed to never open them to anybody, even herself. She could live with having a piece of herself locked away in the cold corners of her mind. It was worth not having to deal with everything else.
Gazing down at the defaced map, Arissa felt a strong, strange sensation of every shield within herself being thrown back up, as if defensively. The walls she had just drowned her thoug
hts with were replaced instantly, reinforced and strengthened. She didn’t understand the sudden feeling of a looming threat in her mind, thinking it was just a leftover thought from the rest of the tragic memories that had plagued her so far that night.
It wasn’t until a moment later when she realized why her intuitive self had suddenly thrown up every barrier and guard she had. Ashamed that she had not already noticed the presence herself, she immediately knew why she felt this way.
“Though I’ve never actually seen you in this much leather, I must say that you look better than even I could have imagined.”
Chapter Four
“Trax,” Arissa breathed, inaudible, feeling her muscles tense instantly. “I don’t want you here.”
Several footsteps sounded heavily on the wooden planks that made the floor. “Well, I want to be here, so I’m afraid you’re out of luck, darling.” As he passed her, he quickly brushed his hand along the lengthy strands of black hair that fell around her shoulders. She flinched at his touch, leaning away from him, frowning.
“I can order you to leave.”
Before answering her, Trax abruptly pulled out the chair directly across the table from her. He leaned back, hiking his boots up onto the table. “Indeed, you can say anything you like. However, that doesn’t mean that I’m going to listen.”
“What do you want?” Arissa muttered, eyes narrowing.
“Do I need a reason to see you?”
“Given that it’s the middle of the night and I would rather be out hunting for lethal gas pits than sitting here talking to you, yeah, I would say you need a good reason.”
Trax chuckled, smiling lopsidedly. “Oh, not very cordial tonight, are we? It’s too bad for you that I happen to love a stimulating conversation.”
Annoyed by his presence, Arissa quickly slammed her hand down on the table surface. For the first time, she actually looked up to meet his dark gaze. “Who told you I was here?”
“I’ve never before needed help knowing when there’s a woman in the immediate vicinity. Call it my secret power.”
“I’ll call it stalking, now can you please leave me alone?” Arissa stood, hurriedly, carefully folding the map she had marked and replaced both it and the quill back onto a shelf. “I don’t care what you have to say, I don’t want to talk to you tonight.”
She didn’t even bother to feel bad about her horrid manners and rude tone towards the man. He knew perfectly well how she felt about him, always wanting to keep him at an arm’s length, yet he insisted on always being present and irritating her to the point of serious frustration.
Trax took his feet down from the table, leaning forward onto his elbows. He absentmindedly fingered something that he held in his hand, but Arissa didn’t bother to study what it was on her way past him again.
“Perhaps you would want to talk to me if I told you I knew where the General is hiding?”
Arissa had been nearly out of the room, hoping that if she simply left and ignored him, he would finally get the point and go away. Now she was stopped dead in her tracks, one hand on the doorframe leading into the back room. She felt a cold shiver shake through her spine as she gulped a lungful of air before whirling back toward Trax, pacing quickly up to him with a wide, amazed expression.
“You know where he is?” She stopped only a few feet from him, her incredulous eyes finally meeting his own.
He rose to his full height, flicking away whatever it is that he had held in his hand. It tumbled to floor beside them, but Arissa was too intrigued by his comment to care. The look in his eyes confused her though, and she felt her heart sinking into her chest before he even spoke the words.
“Not at the moment, I don’t, but if I had, then you would want to talk to me, no?”
Arissa huffed a heavy sigh, angered. How dare he get her hopes up so high while it had only been a trick on her for his own amusement? She wanted to slap him, but she restrained herself from progressing toward him. The displeased sneer on her face was obviously reaction enough for him.
So quickly that she couldn’t dodge or escape him, Trax’s hand shot out, gripping her forearm so that she couldn’t retreat. He stepped closer to Arissa, and she could feel the same uncomfortable feeling overwhelm her, the same way it always did when she was within close proximity to the man. Being so much taller than her didn’t help, but she refused to let herself be intimidated as he loomed over her, his slightly agape mouth twitching into a smile as he leaned closer to speak softly.
“You know, I’ve been around enough people to recognize someone in a disguise, someone who is hiding behind a front and trying to conceal themselves from the rest of the world. Almost as if they have something to hide. I happen to know that you’re one of them, love.”
In the exact instant of his last words, Arissa shoved against him hard, freeing herself from his grip. Through narrowed eyes and a strained expression, she hissed, “Don’t call me that. I could have you detained for lying about information regarding the General. I know this is nothing but a game to you, but it’s not for me. Maybe you just don’t get what’s really at stake here.”
“I’m well aware. But instead of focusing every ounce of life on problems, I believe that one’s time would be well better spent enjoying the moments between the problems. It’s still your life and everybody needs to enjoy that at one time or another.”
Arissa still stood away from him, warily, keeping watch on every move he made. It bothered her immensely that she was still unable to shake the feeling of discomfort around this man. She was constantly telling herself that he could be trusted, since he had been the one to form the secret militia of rogue military soldiers in the first place. Nobody still loyal to the government would dare even think such a scheme. However, she still couldn’t let go of the feeling that he had other motives in mind, other vendettas. Perhaps he was faithful to their newfound group, but it was entirely possible that he had other plans in mind that benefited from such a gathering. Now, on top of everything else, Arissa was determined to find out what it was.
“I’m going to ask you once more. If I talk slowly then maybe you’ll understand this time,” Arissa spouted off, feeling numb from intense paranoia, aggravation and exhaustion. She spaced each word she spoke slowly. “Why are you still here?”
“I don’t suppose you would believe me if I told you the crickets were keeping me awake and I fancied a bit of conversation before retiring for the night?”
It was a good thing that Arissa had already disarmed herself.
Chuckling melodically under his breath, Trax bowed his head and began to pace the length of the room, casually circling Arissa as if she wouldn’t notice. “Alright, alright, calm down, darling. I just can’t resist the opportunity to get a rise out of you. The fire really brings out your eyes, don’t you know? But if you must know the reason for my prolonged visit, I will tell you.”
He finished pacing the length of the room, and then returned to the same chair he had previously occupied. After linking his hands behind his head and leaning far enough back that Arissa thought for sure, and for a moment she almost hoped, that the chair would topple over. Unfortunately, Trax has superb balance.
“I’m here because I want to get to know you. I want to know who Arissa is. I would have recited your full name, as I think it would have added a dramatic effect, but it seems that I know so little about you that even that escapes my knowledge.”
Arissa ground her teeth, still standing with her arms folded tightly, clenching her jaw together so tightly that she could feel the painful pressure of it in the side of her head. Her spiteful eyes drilled into his own light-hearted expression, but with no luck of a break.
He added quickly, his words ringing with a laughing tone, “You’re not going to be able to rid yourself of me, so you may as well take a seat and humour me.”
After another long pause of debating just how much she wanted to have this man removed from her army altogether, she eventually decided that he was right. She
sneered to herself at the mere thought of agreeing with him. However, if she wanted to find out what it was her intuition was telling her about him, it would be easier if she first got to know him. The worst thing she would get out of it was a long, sleepless night.
Roughly jerking out the chair farthest away from him across the table, Arissa sat down with a tense sigh, her blank eyes giving him nothing to question and waited for him to start the conversation.
“My, you sure are a talkative one, aren’t you? I don’t know how I’ll get a word in all night!”
“Why do you feel the need to be so infuriatingly persistent all the time?” Arissa hissed, leaning one arm around the back of her chair. She instantly regretted it when his eyes immediately began following the lines and layer of leather she wore, pausing on the silver buckles that cinched the material tight around her curved waist. Sitting up straight again, Arissa frowned and snapped at him again to bring his attention back to her words.
He never missed a beat as if the tactless moment had never happened. Returning an overconfident smile that she never offered, he replied, “Why do you feel the need to constantly take control over everything you do? Not that I’m complaining. It can be quite an intriguing quality, particularly in other situations.”
Ignoring his rudimentary remark, she shot back, somehow even more angered than she had already been, “Is that what this is about? Are you telling me that you’re upset about me taking over the camp? Because if that’s what this is about, I have a quick fix for that and you can just –”
“On the contrary, love. I’m actually relieved to no longer be completely in command over a bunch of clueless blighters who have no idea what they’re doing. The crews I prefer to work with have much more tact and skill than anyone I’ve known here. That is, except yourself, of course.”