by J. L. Ostle
A drug I want to keep using.
The crowd is screaming even louder by what just happened. Jeffery wants the world to guess Nate’s and my relationship, so I guess this will do just that.
If I’m going to be leaving in three weeks, no harm in having a little fun before I go.
The rest of the show went in a blur. It’s the last song of the night, so I wait for Nate to tell us which song he’s going to sing. He never plans on the song. He goes by what he feels in that moment.
He decides on Disturbed, “Sound of Silence.” I look at him and his eyes won’t connect with mine. We take our spots and he stands back in the middle of the stage, holding on to the microphone.
He sings the song so beautifully that I can’t look away. The man who was seducing the crowd is now gone, replaced by a sad person. His voice gets stronger. When it’s my part to join in, I strum the strings gently, making sure I mesh with his voice. The crowd is silent as they listen to him sing this haunting song, most of them swaying the torches on their phones.
I wonder what he is thinking.
What he is feeling to want to sing this song.
His voice is piercing my very soul, making me want to cry. Tears prickle my eyes. I have to stop for a moment to wipe them away. When I take hold of my guitar once more I didn’t realize he was watching me.
He sings the rest of the song to me, and I play alongside him.
Once he is finished, I set my guitar on the floor, quickly pulling him into my arms, hugging him. Not caring we are on stage, that we are in front of hundreds of people. I just know I have a huge urge to hold him.
To comfort him.
He hugs me back, his cheek pressed against my shoulder.
I don’t know how long we stand like that, but soon we hear the crowd roaring with applause. I step back. Nate takes hold of my hand, taking me to the front of the stage with him. He lifts our hands in the air before taking a bow. The crowd goes crazy.
I smile out at them.
“Meet Star.”
I give a little wave. The crowd starts chanting my name over and over, causing me to laugh. I see a few flashes of people’s phone taking our picture.
“I hope you liked the show.”
I swear I’m going deaf. I look behind me at Sam and Troy, signaling them to join us. They jog over and I take hold of Sam’s hand, as Sam grabs Troy’s.
“We are Blacken Hart.”
We bow again then start leaving the stage.
“You were great.” Tegan pulls me into her, looking at me proudly. I’m still getting used to seeing her nicer side.
“That thing you did with Nate was hot,” Naomi adds.
I still don’t know what came over me.
I can’t believe I did that.
We head to the meet and greet room, but I tell everyone I’m going to grab a quick shower, as I’m sure the guys want to do the same.
Heading to the girls’ changing room, I grab a very quick, hot shower, not wanting to miss a second of anything. I am wrapped in my towel when there is a knock on the door. I turn around to see Nate standing there, his eyes trailing down my body before he looks into my eyes.
I can tell he just had a shower also, his hair slicked back, giving me a view of his gorgeous eyes.
“Is it okay if I come in?” He opens the door wider. I hold on to my towel harder. “The crowd loved what you did on stage. Travis is saying it’s already all over the Internet. A few people filmed it.”
I quickly grab my phone, wanting to check it out, then I see it on YouTube. I watch as I grab hold of Nate.
Nate joins me, watching it also.
Seeing how we are looking at one another in the video is hot.
“I bet Jeffery will be happy,” I say, stepping back.
“I’m sure he will.” He rubs the back of his neck. “I came to apologize for what happened on the bus.”
My mood shifts. Why couldn’t we have the talk tomorrow? I want to keep this high.
“I shouldn’t have taken advantage.”
My body deflates. “I wasn’t really saying no,” I say back. He looks away from me.
“Even so, I shouldn’t be acting like that.”
I hold on to my towel tighter and his eyes go to my body, causing my body to heat up.
“You need to stop wearing towels and being in just underwear around me.” He looks at the ground.
I giggle. “You need to stop coming to my room when I’m getting dressed.”
He sighs, looking back up at me. “We are good, right?”
“We are good. It’s our hormones, that’s all.”
He walks slowly toward me. “Our hormones,” he breathes, stopping in front of me.
“Hormones control our urges. We just need to control them,” I say back hoarsely, biting my lip, my face also heating up, his fingers stroking my cheeks.
“I love how you blush.”
I bite my lip again, and he releases my lip with his thumb.
“You have no idea what you do to me.”
“What do I do to you?” I say in a whisper. Soon there is a knock on the door. Naomi walks in, freezing when she spots how close Nate and I are.
I am going to strangle her.
She is turning into such a cock block.
“Sorry, I was just wondering how long you are going to be as Travis says the fans are getting anxious for the meet and greet.”
Nate steps back, heading to the door.
“I guess I will let you get ready.” He leaves the room, Naomi watching him go.
“I am so sorry. I didn’t know he was with you.”
I take a seat on the couch. It’s a good thing I’m leaving. No way my heart can take this for years to come.
I am ready to combust.
“He says I do stuff to him.” I place my face in my hands. I feel Naomi sit next to me. “Sooner I leave the better.” I stand up, shaking all this off me.
It’s just three weeks.
Getting dressed in a tight short black dress, I look in the mirror, feeling satisfied. Well, satisfied with my appearance. “Let’s do this,” I say after I do my hair and makeup. Naomi stays quiet, letting me be in my own head.
Entering the meet and greet room, I head to where Tegan is. Straight away she passes me a shot of something and I look at her questioningly.
“You are giving me a shot?” I smell it, seeing it’s tequila.
“You are a rock star now, so you need to party like one, which means you need to get drunk.”
I don’t think I’ve ever really been drunk. Well, not Tegan’s version of being drunk anyway. She raises her shot glass. We both down it, the burn down my throat causing me to start coughing, stinging my throat.
“That tastes like acid,” I tell her, making her laugh.
“You would know what acid tastes like.” Tegan shakes her head, pouring more shots. Soon the doors open and a lot of pretty girls walk in, heading straight to the guys. One very attractive girl with long brown hair and big boobs saunters toward Nate, who smirks at her in return.
“Can we do another?” I ask Tegan and she smiles.
“Deffo.” She hands us a shot each.
“I want to join the party. If you’re getting drunk, I’m coming on the ride,” Naomi says, bouncing over to us. We all take the shot. I try not to cough again, but I do. I laugh when I see Naomi’s scrunched up face.
“You will get used to the taste.” Troy walks over, his arm going around Naomi’s shoulders. “I am sure of it.” He winks at her. I know he is probably meaning a different kind of taste.
I walk over to the table of alcohol and food, taking a carrot stick, then grabbing a bottle of beer. When I take a sip, it tastes just as nasty as the shot. How do they keep drinking this shit? I take another sip, hoping it will get better when the girl who was talking to Nate walks over to me.
“You are Star,” she says and I remember I can’t talk, so I just nod. “I saw online that you can’t talk. So you don’t say anything?”
I shake my head, causing her to chuckle.
“Can I ask you a question?”
I shrug and she looks at Nate. I follow her gaze and he is watching us both. The girl walks in closer to me.
“Do you scream?” she asks in a seductive voice.
My mouth hangs open.
Is she hitting on me?
“I saw you and Nate on stage, and it was so hot and as rumors are going around that you two may be a thing, maybe you would be interested in joining us. Well, me joining in with you both?”
I open my mouth, then close it again. I look her up and down, seeing her dress similar to mine but in red.
She lifts her hand, stroking along the mask. “Your eyes are so pretty.” Her fingers go to my lips. “I’m not like the other girls around here. I know how to share.” She steps in closer to me.
“What’s going on?” Naomi joins us, looking at us both.
“Nothing, just grabbing a bite.” She takes a carrot stick, smiling at me before walking back over to Nate, his eyes trained on me before he looks at her. I am sure she is telling him what she just propositioned me. Giving her brownie points into getting in his bed.
“What was she saying to you?”
We face the wall so no one sees me talking.
“Inviting me to join her and Nate sexually.”
Naomi’s head turns so fast, I swear she got whiplashed.
“She was asking you for a threesome? I guess you definitely joined the rock star world. It is all about sex, drugs, and rock ‘n’ roll,” she jokes.
I stay by Tegan and Naomi’s side, scared to leave them in case I get hit on again. My eyes do wander to the girl every now and then, and she looks at me also. I don’t know how people could do threesomes. I don’t like sharing. I want the guy to be paying attention to me and me alone.
I guess, though, if it’s your type thing, I suppose.
Soon we are leaving the venue, heading to the limo. I give Max a huge hug when I see him. I’m glad he is joining us on tour. Sitting in the limo, I make sure Tegan and Naomi are on either side of me. Sipping the glass of champagne, I can feel the alcohol start to take effect. I lost count on how many shots of tequila I had.
When we reach the club, the crowd screams when they see us. I walk toward the door when I hear my name being called. Well, my rock star name, pleading for an autograph. I look at a girl with light brown hair in a ponytail, skinny black jeans, and a black blouse. Her fashion sense is similar to mine.
I am so touched she wants my autograph.
My first ever autograph.
I walk over to her, and her eyes bug out. I grab the pen and paper, signing the name Star and drawing a little star next to it. She says thanks over and over. I see her best friend squeezing the girl’s arm. I grab Naomi’s arm, pulling her into me.
“Invite them two to join the party,” I say in Naomi’s ear. Naomi looks at me confused.
“Why?” she whispers.
“She asked for my first autograph. Look at them, they remind me of us.”
Naomi looks at them and smiles.
“Star wants to invite you and your friend to join us, to party, not for anything else,” Naomi mumbles. I roll my eyes.
“Are you kidding me? Oh my God, yes, yes, yes,” the girl screams, jumping up and down, her friend also screaming in excitement. They come to our side and we head inside, the crowd still screaming. “I am never going to forget this night, for as long as I live.” I hear the girl tell her friend.
We get to the VIP area and we’re each given a glass of champagne. I lift my glass to Naomi and the girls, indicating to say cheers.
“You did a nice thing,” Tegan says, coming to my side. I shrug. She knows I can’t talk with people around. “It will be everywhere tomorrow. Well, even tonight that you did that. The fans will love you for it.” She gives me a smile before heading to the bar and I see her flirting with some guy.
Everyone is really drunk when we head to the bus early time in the morning. Sam passes out on the couch while Troy and Naomi head to their bunks and pass out there. Nate’s arm is around my shoulder as I help him into his room.
I groan at the guys for not helping me. “You all suck, you know that,” I say, but it goes on deaf ears. I remove the mask, throwing it on the booth table.
“You can suck if you want to.” Nate tries to say seductively.
“Maybe another night,” I reply. He winks at me, but I know he won’t remember this.
“I know you,” Nate whispers in my hair.
“I know you too.” I giggle. I bang his door open and we both fall onto his bed, both of us laughing.
“You smell so good.” He pulls me into him, sniffing me.
“Thank you.” I try and stand, but he sits up, taking hold of my hand.
“I’m sorry.” He looks sad and I sit next to him. “I don’t mean to like anyone else, it’s just hard. But seeing her every day, her smiling at me, looking so good.” He looks up into my eyes hazily. “I do want you, but you make it so hard.”
I stare at him confused. He must be talking about Tegan, but he’s saying he wants me too?
“If you like someone, you shouldn’t lead on other girls.” I think back to the girl in the meet and greet room. If he likes Tegan he has some funny way in showing it. He needs to know that I wouldn’t want to hurt her.
“I know.” He falls back on his bed. “I love seeing you, though, even though it’s rare. I like when you are around me.” He lies on his side, smiling at me. “Sing to me, please.”
I lie down next to him, stroking his hair while I start to sing Celine Dion’s “A new day has come.”
I sing quietly to him and he smiles, sighing. He grabs hold of my hands, entwining his fingers with mine before he soon falls asleep. I stand up, heading to my bunk.
A week has gone by and I have started to get used to the craziness. If I ever want to go anywhere when I’m not on the bus or singing or even rehearsing I have to have either Rich or Gav with me, but neither of them mind.
Nate has been more touchy-feely with me than normal, which is making me crazy.
We are rehearsing and the guys are getting agitated and crabby, having a go at one another. They are making me want to punch each of them in their throats to shut them up. We are all tired, and it doesn’t help that we are going out clubbing after each show.
I feel sorry for my liver.
“The beat doesn’t sound right,” Sam complains. Troy rolls his eyes.
“Can’t we just get through this so we can get a nap?” Troy complains.
They start talking above each other. I stand there, looking at the ceiling. Being around each other, living above each other is starting to take effect already.
I put my guitar down, going to Travis, who is setting up the lighting. If we all don’t relax soon, there is going to be the death of a band.
By my very own hands.
“Travis, can you play ‘Shake It’ by Metro Station?”
He nods, starting to hook up the music system.
“Having fun?” he jokes.
“I’m ready to chop off some balls if they don’t stop acting like children,” I tell him, and he bursts out in laughter.
After a few minutes, I hear the music. I head back to the stage and the guys are looking at me like crazy.
“What the fuck is going on?” Nate yells at me.
“First off, don’t swear at me.” I give him my bitch face look. “Second, we need a break. I am going to loosen myself up before I do anything else. You can either join me or continue to act like complete dicks.” I walk to the middle of the stage and start bouncing around. They continue to look at me, neither of them saying a word. “Guys, come join us,” I yell to Naomi and the roadies and soon they join me.
We do what we do when setting up.
We have fun.
The music goes louder and we start laughing as we dance. Naomi and I head to Troy and start dancing around him. When Naomi starts shaking h
er ass against him, he puts his bass down and starts dancing with her.
Of course, that is what it would take to loosen him up.
Travis goes to Sam, giving him his hand to take. Sam looks at me and shakes his head, standing and joining us. Nate flings his hands in the air as he looks at us all angrily.
I swear him being uptight is annoying.
But he’s still hot, though.
Asshole.
I saunter over to him, moving my hips from side to side, smiling at him. He just stands there like a statue. I turn my back to him, my head turned so I’m still looking at him, and move my body to the chorus.
I start shaking my ass against his crotch and that seems to get his attention. Turning back around, I grab hold of his hands and start shaking his arms. His resolve shifts before the catchy song takes effect on him and he moves with me.
I put his hands on my waist, my arms around his neck, and I shake myself to the beat. I look around the room and we are all laughing and smiling. This is what we needed. When the song ends, we clap.
“Fine, point proving, now can we rehearse?” Nate asks.
“I suppose.” I roll my eyes, stepping back in my place.
The show was a hit. We played our hearts out and the crowd loved it, but the song that made my vajayjay flutter was when Nate sang Chase Holfender’s “Every Breath you take.” He was solely singing that to me.
I couldn’t look away. It was like he was promising me that he will always be watching me. Halfway through the song, he had his forehead against mine, singing to me, his eyes making my entire body shiver.
I bet he knew what he was doing to me and just loved torturing me.
When he was finished, I felt like I couldn’t breathe.
I felt his eyes on me since.
Tegan and Naomi were a bad influence on me for the night, giving me shot after shot. It made me want to dance, dance, and dance some more.
The alcohol has made me tipsy and I just feel relaxed. Every song that gets played I stay put on the VIP dance floor, Naomi dancing alongside me. I am moving my hips slowly to the song when I feel hands on my waist. I turn around to see a very good-looking man in an expensive suit.
He gives me what I take as a panty-dropping smile. He looks to be in his late twenties, neatly cut brown hair, but it’s his eyes that I like.