Behind the Mask

by J. L. Ostle

  He entwines our fingers together, looking into my eyes, singing to me. The place is silent apart from us. Each second I sing, the more confident I get. I love this version of the song. It’s slow, more personal.

  We sing the line didn’t think we were lost, his eyes piercing mine. The last line of the song comes on and it’s just us. The music ends and we continue looking at one another when the crowd cheers, screaming out the word more, over and over.

  I can’t believe I sang in front of hundreds of people.

  “They love you,” Nate says, smiling at me. I give a little bow before running off the stage, my hand pressed against my chest.

  That was amazing.

  “I can’t believe you sang,” Naomi shrieks. “You actually sang in front of a crowd, an actual crowd.”

  I shake my head, not believing it.

  “Oh my God, I know, it’s crazy.” I laugh. Nate stands there watching me. I run to him, wrapping my arms around his neck. I feel him hugging me back. “Thank you, Nate, that was amazing.”

  “I want you, Blair, I need you, like I need my next breath. I will scream that from the rooftops if need be,” he says in front of everyone here.

  I look at Tegan, at Naomi, at the guys, and they look just as surprised as me.

  “Nate, too much has happened in the last few days—”

  He places his fingers on top of my lips, stopping me.

  “I will show you that I am worthy of you, that I will make you happy. I will do whatever it takes. I mean, whatever it takes.” He winks at me before walking away and I watch him go.

  He is going to fight for me?

  “Holy shit, girl. Nate, Nathanial Knight, is going to make you his. Fuck, it’s only week two and you are changing things.”

  I glare at Naomi.

  “Thank you for saying that. I didn’t want things to change.” I walk to the pillar and start banging my head against it. “Why can’t my life be simple?”

  “Because you are around Blacken Hart twenty-four seven, so your life will never be simple.”

  “Until I leave,” I tell her.

  “Are you still wanting to leave? Even after Nate made his declaration of love to you?”

  “He didn’t say he loved me, he just said he wanted me. There is a difference. Tegan is right, he may think he wants me, but it’s an image he made up in his head. I can’t give my heart to someone who may end up breaking it.” I head to the changing rooms, showering and getting dressed in another pair of skinny jeans and a black, backless halter top.

  We do our meet and greet and all the way through, I feel Nate’s eyes on me, but I tell myself not to give in. I down every shot Tegan and Naomi give me and by the time we leave I feel a little buzzed. In the limo, I am looking out the window when I see a karaoke bar and I scream for Max to stop.

  “Karaoke,” I scream and the guys must be as drunk as me because they cheer, agreeing. Heading inside with Rich and Gav staying close to us all, they get us a section of the place and close it up so no one can bother us.

  “What song are we going to sing?” Naomi goes through the book of songs in excitement.

  “I will sing anything,” I say. When I see a waitress walk by, I stand on wobbly legs, walking toward her. I groan when I realize I can’t talk.

  “Holy shit, you are Star,” the waitress screams at me. I give her a warm smile. I point to her pen and notepad and she gives it to me willingly. “I can’t believe you don’t talk. What are you guys doing here? Can I have a selfie with you, please, please, please?”

  I nod and she quickly grabs her phone and we pose for a few pictures.

  “My friends are going to have a fit when they see this.” She smiles.

  I point to her phone again, indicating for her to take another picture. This time I make her look at me and I pout my lips, waiting for a kiss. She kisses me, just a closed lip kiss. She takes the picture and jumps up and down. “They are definitely going to die now. What can I get you?”

  I write on a piece of paper some tequila shots as well as a few fruity ones with a few vodka lime and lemonade. I place my hand in my ankle boot, leaning on a chair, balancing myself as I tip her.

  I head back in my seat and everyone is looking at me.

  “Who knew Star was a lesbian.” Troy laughs, waggling his eyebrow at me. I give him the finger.

  “It was a peck.” I defend.

  We all take turns singing on stage. I messaged the roadies where we were and soon they come join us and I explain to the guys that I invited them. If we have all this space, they deserve a night out with us.

  I do feel sorry for some of the regulars as we are requesting songs like there’s no tomorrow, because everyone knows me, well, the band, is famous, so we do get picked first.

  “I have to admit this beats any club any day. We always go to the happening clubs for promoting purposes that I forgot what it’s like to actually just go out and have fun,” Nate says, sitting next to me as I watch Naomi and Troy sing “Summer Loving” from Grease.

  “I get it. I know that because you are famous, you are limited when it comes to doing the normal stuff. Why do you think I want to wear the mask? I want my life to be normal once it all ends.” I glide my fingers over the lace mask.

  “You are lucky. You get to go back to doing whatever you want, no one watching you, waiting for you to mess up, or who you will end up being with next.”

  I look at my hands in my lap and then I feel his fingers entwine with mine.

  “I was just talking in general. I just feel my life is always under the microscope.”

  “But you have people who love your music, love your voice. You are doing something that people can only dream of. Do you remember how desperately you all wanted to make it big time? Not having to live from paycheck to paycheck. You can quit tomorrow and you will still live comfortably.”

  “I know I shouldn’t complain, but I guess it’s not simple when things are taken away, then you start to miss it. If I could go to McDonald’s without worry I will be mauled by fans I would.”

  I don’t mean to, but I giggle.

  “I am going to make it my mission to get you to McDonald’s the next time I see one.”

  He chuckles shaking his head.

  “I get it, though. At least you are leaving your name in the world. Your music will always exist, even after we all leave this world. Your music, your words will be imprinted.”

  His eyes stay focused on mine, looking intensely at me before I look away.

  “Why did it take this long for me to actually see you, to really see you?”

  I shrug. “I guess you saw me, but you never really did see the whole me. I crushed on you since the first day I saw you. When I heard you sing, I fell so deep. I looked forward to when you were drunk as that was the only time you actually talked to me. When you were nice. I liked looking after you.” I give him a weak smile.

  “I thought I dreamed you up. Well, a version of you. I just remember seeing this girl with a voice that gutted me. I didn’t know she was you. I used to look in your eyes and I swear I thought it was you, but as I never heard you sing, I thought if you could sing like that, you would have sung to the world by now.”

  “Tegan didn’t like me singing. I know she felt insecure, thinking I would take the one thing she loved away.”

  “It does explain a lot with Tegan, but I know music to her is like being close to her parents. After your mom and dad passed, it broke her. She was consumed by hurt and grief. Music was her escape.”

  “It’s weird thinking what we were all feeling over the years and none of us actually knew.” We both laugh.

  “I just want my music to touch people, to make a difference,” he continues.

  “It does. Your music affects loads of people. Your voice, it touches people.”

  He shakes his head, not believing me. An idea pops into my head. I down two shots that were on the table and stand.

  “Where are you going?” he asks, standing with me
.

  “To sing a song that may make you think differently.” I wink at him, stumbling over to the guy who is doing the karaoke, whispering in his ear.

  He looks at me like he is star dazed, going through his lists of songs and finding the one I want. I am sure he can’t believe we are all in here. I take hold of the microphone, hearing Troy and Naomi screaming out my name, and I lift my arms in the air, shaking my body a little.

  “Hall of Fame” by The Script comes on and I smile at Nate, who starts laughing to himself. I lift the microphone to my lips and start singing to him. I move my body from side to side as I sing out the words. When the chorus comes on, my voice goes stronger. I want Nate to know he can go the distance. The world will always remember his name.

  My eyes stay on his and he watches me. I smile as I sing, loving the song. I look then at my family. They may not be blood, but they are my family. The roadies are dancing, singing along with me. I smile at them, glad I have them in my life.

  I continue as I think about the family that I will be giving up, but I know with or without me they are going to be great and go far.

  With or without me.

  The song ends. I get down off the stage, the place applauding me. I walk to Nate, who is standing clapping. “I think you made your point.”

  “As long as it was made.” I chuckle. He hands me a shot. I smirk at him as I take it. “I’m going to quickly head to the bathroom,” I tell everyone, heading in that direction.

  After doing my business, I wash my hands. As I look in the reflection, my head feels a little dizzy. I stick my tongue out at myself, causing me to laugh.

  God, I’m weird. I think to myself, making me laugh again.

  “Are you laughing at yourself?”

  I look at the door to see Nate standing there.

  “Nate, this is a girls’ bathroom,” I whisper. I have no idea why I’m whispering.

  “I wanted to make sure you were okay and not throwing your guts up.”

  “Nope, no throwing up. Well, yet anyway,” I joke, causing us both to laugh. I jump on the sink counter and Nate walks in, standing in between my legs. “You really are good-looking.” I lift my hand, moving some of his hair away from his eyes. I shouldn’t have done that as his eyes, his amazing eyes, look into mine. “I hate your eyes,” I say.

  “Why do you hate my eyes?”

  “Because they always draw me in. I have a thing about eyes and your eyes are always so intense. They are like panty dropping eyes. You just have to give someone a look and they are yours.”

  He chuckles. “Why hasn’t it worked on you then?” He steps in farther into me.

  “It has, you just never wanted my panties to drop.” I know what I just said sounded stupid, but the alcohol is making me a little mellow.

  “It’s because I’m an idiot.”

  “I know.” I smile at him, and he smiles back.

  “I hate your smile too. Why do you have to have a nice smile? Nice eyes? Be so good-looking? Have a god-like body with a huge dick?” I shake my head.

  “You really think that of me?”

  “Every girl thinks that about you. But yes, that’s what I think. Your body is perfect and, yes, from what I could feel earlier, your dick is big.”

  “I think your body is perfect.”

  I scoff, waving him off. “My body isn’t. I have so many flaws. The one thing I do like about myself is my voice. Only because my parents loved it.”

  “Why do you think I went gaga over it for years? I thought I made up your voice in my head.”

  “Gaga.” I laugh. “I like Lady Gaga.” I wrap my legs around his waist. He steps in farther into me. “Can I ask you a question?”

  “Of course.”

  “Before recently have you ever wanted to fuck me? I mean, actually fuck me”

  He looks taken aback.

  “You can say no. Don’t feel you have to lie.” I feel his hands go to my thighs.

  “I have lost count how many times I wanted to fuck you. I remember when the first time I thought of you like that. It was Halloween and you were sixteen. You were dressed in a corset and ruffle shorts. Your hair in messy waves, your makeup looking all gothic. You looked so grown up, but I remember I was standing against the wall and I think someone pushed you and you landed against me, your back to my front and you must have dropped something as you bent over to pick it up, your ass pressed against my crotch. My mind went straight to the gutter and images of me fucking you bent over were entering my head.”

  Oh shit, I remember that.

  “I was sixteen. You were what, twenty-one?”

  “I knew it was wrong. I shouldn’t have looked at you like that, but I did. I didn’t see you like that again until your eighteenth birthday and you were dared to give one of your friends a lap dance. I remember watching you moving your hips, the look on your face. It was such a turn on.”

  I feel myself getting a little turned on by how he is talking to me with a low, husky voice.

  “Do you ever think about being inside me? Wondering how tight I am?” I bite my lip and he looks at me with that dark look. I know I shouldn’t be asking him to talk about this, but my body is screaming out to him.

  “Yes.” He pushes himself more into me, so I feel his erection against me. “Right now, I want to thrust myself inside you. I want my dick so far inside you that you see stars. More than anything, though, I want to taste you.” Shit. I can’t think straight.

  “I think we need to leave,” I say, but I don’t make any sudden movement to go.

  “We should.”

  “But I want you to fuck me first,” I say before I grab the back of his head, pulling him to me, kissing him with everything I have. His hands go into my hair, kissing me in a heated frenzy. His mouth leaves mine, kissing my neck. Undoing the strap that is holding my top up, his mouth goes to my nipples, causing me to groan out.

  “We need to stop. You don’t deserve to be fucked in the bathroom.”

  I don’t want him to stop. I need to be fucked right now or I’m going to scream. I ignore him, undoing his jeans buttons and freeing his cock, wrapping my hand around him, stroking him, making his head fall onto my shoulder.

  “I need you inside me, Nate. Please be inside me,” I purr in his ear. I rub faster and he growls into my neck.

  He stands straighter, stepping out of my reach before pulling my jeans off and ripping off my soaked panties. I am sitting there bare for him. “I want to taste you.”

  He goes on his knees, his mouth on me, licking between my folds.

  He enters two fingers then three, going slowly before speeding up. It gets so intense that I try and pull back. It’s too much. He keeps me in place, his tongue licking my clit as his fingers assault inside me. Soon I am screaming out his name, my legs going weak.

  “You taste so fucking good.” He stands up, his hand going to his cock. I watch as he starts stroking himself. Memories of him doing it in the bathroom enter my head.

  “I watched you back at the house when you were jerking off. I wanted to touch myself as I watched you.”

  He starts to stroke harder. “I knew it. I knew you were watching me. Seeing you standing there, it made me fucking crazy.” He steps closer to me, his dick pressing against me. “I can’t wait to be inside you.”

  “Please, just do it,” I beg.

  “How badly do you want it?” he breathes, his dick gliding between my folds.

  “I could scream if you don’t just enter me. Just fuck me.”

  “You are so fucking hot,” he says, about to enter me when the door opens, causing me to scream. Nate uses his body to cover me. I see Naomi and Troy standing there. I place my head on Nate’s shoulder, feeling even more embarrassed than when Tegan saw us.

  What is it with everyone cock blocking me?

  God, don’t I deserve to be fucked?

  “Well, hello, kiddo, having fun?” Troy teases.

  “Get out,” Nate shouts.

  “We are going.�
�� I hear Naomi say. The door closes and I look at Nate, who is shaking his head.

  “I swear I’m going to get blue balls at this rate. It’s like the world doesn’t want me to be inside you.”

  I press my forehead to him, sighing. “I am thinking the same thing. Can you pass me my jeans?”

  He tucks himself back in and passes my jeans. I guess I’m going commando. Once I’m sorted, I jump off the counter.

  “Let’s get a shot.” He gives me his hand to take, which I do, smiling up at him.

  “You read my mind.” I am taken aback when we open the door. Cameras and flashes are going off. Troy and Naomi are getting mobbed by fans as Rich and Gav try to move them away. This is chaotic and Nate pulls me into his side as he tries to take me outside.

  “Nate, I love you.”

  “Star, he doesn’t want you.”

  “Fuck me, Nate.”

  “Nate, I’m carrying your baby.”

  Fan after fan screams out.

  “Nate, are you and Star together?”

  “Were you two being intimate in the ladies’ bathroom?”

  “Star, are you using him to further your career?”

  Reporters scream at us, but it’s that question that stung me. Are people thinking that of me?

  “Star, grab my hand,” Naomi screams at me. We all pull each other together and start walking toward the exit. I am near the door when I feel a hard slap against my face. I turn to see a fan glaring at me.

  “You are just a gold digging whore. You don’t love him.”

  I hold my cheek, tears filling my eyes.

  “Rich, take her,” Nate yells at Rich and he comes, pulling me into him, and he gets me outside. With much difficulty we get into the limo. I watch everyone climb in. People are banging on the windows. Max is shouting for people to move.

  “Shit, Blair, are you okay?” Naomi asks me.

  “Who the fuck was it? I swear I will go out there and cut a bitch.” Tegan looks out the windows. I don’t know if it’s the drink or if my emotions are just haywire, but I start sobbing. “Blair, please don’t cry.” I hear groaning from the guys as she climbs over them to get to me. “She was a bitch. A crazy, jealous fan.”