by J. L. Ostle
I decide to sing Rachel Platten’s “Fight Song.” I sing off slow, letting the music guide me until I start to sing with my whole heart. I haven’t sung since that night, but I want to prove that I still got this.
I won’t let him ruin this one thing.
Singing the song, I feel the words affecting me more than I thought. When the chorus hits, I feel it hitting me right in my core. Music is me. Letting the words take over, I sing the end of the song and press my hand to my chest, feeling my heart beating erratically.
I look at Naomi, who is looking at Yvonne, the owner. She shows no emotion until she stands then starts clapping, a huge smile on her face.
“Holy cow, girl. You can sing. You are definitely going to go far one day.” She grabs a piece of paper. “Here is the contract. It’s just you agreeing to sing on the premise, etcetera.”
“I’ll look these over as I’m her manager and all.”
Yvonne rolls her eyes but doesn’t object.
“I am surprised you are singing in a club like this when you could probably go to a label and get signed.”
“I want to start from the bottom. I don’t want anything to come easy.”
“That is very admirable. You and I are going to get on like a house on fire. I have to admit, you do sound similar to that girl Star. Have you heard of her?”
My body tenses a little.
“She gets that all the time. To me, I think Blair sounds better.”
“Yeah, me too.” Yvonne winks at me. “Can you start Friday night?”
“Yes, she can,” Naomi jumps in.
“You are always going to be around, aren’t you?” Yvonne says with a sigh.
“We are a pair, joined at the hip as you say.”
“Great,” Yvonne says. I chuckle. “See you both Friday.” She walks off.
Naomi runs to my side, jumping up and down. “Your first gig. We are going to make such a great team.”
When we get home, we both slump on the couch with a bottle of wine, wanting to celebrate my new job. I am holding a glass, taking a sip when Naomi turns on the TV and the first thing I see is Nate. His eyes looking right at me.
He is doing an interview saying he is clean now and that the last few weeks were the biggest regrets of his life. Naomi and I are just watching frozen.
“Nate, have you seen the videos online? The ones with how you treated Star?”
I lean forward a little.
“I have. You have no idea how disgusted I feel. Star meant so much to me. She still does. I ruined our friendship, ruined anything that was there between us.” He sighs.
“It sounded like you two were more than friends.”
I take another sip. Nate never talks about his personal life, so I’m shocked that he is opening up now.
“I was hoping we were heading to something more, but one mistake turned into a line of them. Knowing how I acted, what I did and said, I deserve all the hate that I am getting from my fans. I don’t blame them.”
“Have you talked to Star? No one seems to be able to find her. It’s like she has disappeared.”
“Unfortunately, I haven’t. I heard she wants to leave all this in the past. I want to respect that.”
“If she is watching now, what would you tell her?”
He looks right to the camera. It’s like I’m looking into the eyes of who I always fell for. It’s my Nate. “I’m so sorry I hurt you. I love you. I love the girl behind the mask and I’m sorry I never had the chance to tell you that. You will always be in my heart.” A tear falls down his cheek and all over again I feel my heart breaking.
“Holy shit,” Naomi says.
“Hopefully she is watching,” the interviewer says. “You want to sing a song to her?”
He nods, standing up and heading to where the band is. I look at Tegan and chuckle when I see her glaring at him. It looks like she’s not ready to forgive him either.
He starts singing Sia and Christina Aguilera’s “Blank Page.” It is a song that is different to what he normally sings. I feel his voice, the words shooting right through me. The camera zooms in on him and I feel mesmerized.
Stop falling. Stop falling. I scream in my head.
It’s like he chose this song for me, to apologize, to tell me that he knows he made mistakes. That he was scared. I stand up, getting closer to the TV, kneeling down, tears falling down my cheeks.
He hurt me. I can’t forgive him.
But why is the wall I built up starting to crack?
The song ends and he wipes his eyes with the back of his sleeve.
“That was beautiful,” the interviewer says, her voice softening.
“I just wanted to sing that if I could go back I would.”
The camera goes to the interviewer and I sit back, deflated.
“I can’t believe he admitted on live TV that he is in love with you.” Naomi comes to my side. “Are you okay?”
I shake my head. “Not really. Seeing him, seeing the Nate I feel for, it was hard. But it doesn’t change anything.” I stand up. “This is my life now.” I head to my room, wanting to lie down.
I lie there, staring up at the ceiling. My heart is screaming out to Nate, but I can’t go back.
It’s Friday night and I am singing out to the crowd, smiling. I have forgotten when the last time I smiled like this was. I sing each song with my whole heart, the crowd cheering me on. I have just finished the last song when the whole place turns dark.
Great, there’s a blackout.
I am about to grab my phone to get the torch when I hear Nate’s voice. He starts singing Chase Holfender’s “Stay with Me.” The whole place stays dark. I just face where I hear him. Hearing him not that far from me weakens me.
The chorus comes on and a light shines on top of him as well as on me. He is looking at me with sad eyes. I feel tears falling down my cheeks when he starts walking slowly toward me. When he gets on the stage, he takes my hand, continuing to sing to me.
I look up into his eyes, his beautiful ocean blue eyes.
He wipes the tears falling before cupping my cheek.
He steps in closer to me, his voice going straight to my soul. Why does he affect me so? He finishes the song and just continues to stare at me. I can’t form any words.
“Blair,” he whispers my name. It’s all too much.
I run away from him, past the crowd, who is going crazy that Nathaniel Knight is here. I push through until I’m outside and I freeze when I see roses, thousands of roses all over the floor and candle lights spread around.
He knew I would run.
I turn and see him standing there. It is just us alone. I feel my body shaking, seeing him so close to me. I have never been away from him for this long. It’s like my body is rejoicing.
“I can’t forgive you,” I tell him.
“I hope one day you will.” He starts to walk toward me. “I am so sorry, Blair. There are no words that I can say that will make all this okay, but I need you to know I love you.”
Hearing those words makes my body go into a frenzy.
“I can’t move on with my life unless I know I tried, that I told you that my heart, my soul, is yours.”
“Nate.”
“I love you. I love you with my whole heart. I just want you to be happy.” He stands in front of me, his hands going to my neck. “I missed you so much.” He looks intensely into my eyes like he is memorizing me.
“I can’t forget what you did. You changed me so easily. You broke my heart. I saw you with another girl and it literally broke me. Then you blaming me. You were always it for me, Nate, but I can’t,” I whisper, stepping away. I see tears falling down his cheeks.
“I understand. Have a nice life, Blair, be happy. Follow your dreams. If you ever need me, you know where I am.” He turns, walking away before he stops and faces me, running to me, his lips landing on me. Kissing me hard before pulling back and leaving.
I stand there, crying.
Why do I feel like
what I did was a mistake?
I hold on to my stomach, letting pain once again sear into me.
“Are you sure you want to do this?” Naomi asks me.
I know I need to do this. It has been a month since I last saw Nate, and I know what I need to do. I haven’t been able to get him out of my head.
“Yeah. God, I’m so nervous.” I bounce up and down to get rid of some of this tension.
“I feel nervous for you. I still can’t believe you are going to do this.” She chuckles. “You are crazy.”
“I got it from you.” We head up the alleyway and knock on the back door. When I see Travis, we both scream. I jump, wrapping my body around him.
“God, girl, if that’s what it takes to get a girl to jump me, I need to do it more often.” I jump down, hitting his arm.
“Too bad you prefer men.”
He shrugs. “Yeah, it is a shame.” We both laugh. “Are you ready? They are on stage.”
I nod, my palms sweating.
“Yeah, so when is his last song?”
He looks at his watch. “About now. Once he’s finished, I will have everything ready.” He gives me a thumbs-up before walking away. Naomi and I head to the side of the stage. I watch as Nate sings.
It’s been all over the papers, online, that he always sings a song about loss, love, heartbreak. I have tried to move on. I know most people will think I’m a complete idiot to give him a second chance after what he did to me, but fuck them.
I know they would take him back without giving it a second thought.
I watch as he sings up his last song, seeing the hurt written all over his face. This is the last concert on tour and I want it to be memorable for him. He finishes and thanks the crowd. When he is about to walk off stage all the lights turn off.
“God, this is so fucked up, but so romantic. Are you sure you can move on and be with him?” Naomi quickly says.
“I love him. I need to give that a chance.”
She squeezes my hand.
I step onto the stage and start to sing Florence and the Machine’s “Never let me Go.” I have the mask in place. When the song kicks in, a light shines on me as I start to sing louder. Nate turns and looks at me in surprise.
The crowd goes crazy, screaming and cheering.
I walk slowly to Nate. He looks at me like he’s dreaming, like I’m not here. I take hold of his hand and then start to sing the chorus. I want him to know that I’m all in. I want to be with him.
I never want him to let me go.
I want him to always fight for me.
For us.
He stays there watching me, tears falling down his cheeks. I step in closer, singing to him and when the song picks up once again, I step back, my hand going to the back of my head and I slowly take off the mask, dropping it to the floor.
He comes running to me, lifting me, twirling me around before he puts me down, his lips going on mine. I wrap my arms around his neck, kissing him back with everything I have.
“I love you. I love the girl behind the mask. I love the girl who looked after me, who always cared,” he cries to me.
“I love you too. I love the boy who has my heart,” I whisper. He kisses me once again.
We both have addictions.
It turns out that our main ones are each other.
THE END
Continue on for a snippet of
In The Spotlight
A Rockstar Romance
In the Spotlight - Chapter 1
Sky
I take in a deep breath and look out the window of the cab I’m sitting in. I can’t believe I’m here. I pay the driver and hop out. He helps me grab my suitcases from the trunk and wishes me a good day.
Today is a good day.
I’m finally away from my controlling parents and moving in with my sister. I shake my head, getting rid of all the nasty words they spewed at me as I was leaving. They basically disowned Lake, their eldest daughter. Since I was the only child left, they put all their expectations and demands on me. I felt all the pressure to be the good daughter. The one with a future they can dictate and manipulate.
Control.
I push the memories away, not wanting to ruin this moment. Rolling my suitcases up the marble path to a two story house, I look around and see children laughing as they ride their bikes; people talking, waving at each other as they walk past. I feel like I walked into Pleasantville.
I love it though. It’s different from my norm and that is exactly what I need.
I take in another deep breath as I knock on the white door and wait. My heart is beating frantically. I haven’t seen my sister in over four years. Not since she left, telling our parents to basically go fuck themselves. Her words, not mine. She found love and moved in with her boyfriend, Leon. She knew how to get out of their clutches. She found the loop hole.
The day she left, I felt like my whole world crashed down around me. She was the one thing that kept me going. She made the horrible days bearable. She begged for me to come with her but I was underage, so I couldn’t. I was stuck with them.
I remember holding her, not wanting to let go. Tears sliding down my cheeks as Dad pulled me away. Telling his oldest daughter that she was a waste of space. Nothing but a disappointment. She had screamed for me to stay strong, that she would stay in touch. That we would be together again. I knew it broke her heart to leave me. But I understood why she did it. Growing up in that place was our personal hell.
I wanted to leave so many times. I wanted to run away and never look back. They knew I couldn’t. If I left, I wouldn’t be able to touch my trust fund. The trust fund that my grandmother left me. They found a way to dig their claws in and never let go. Until now.
I packed my things and left without looking back. I know it will catch up with me, but now, now I am free. Lake kept her promises and we stayed in touch over Facebook. She kept me updated on her life and her relationship with Leon, which is still going strong. He’s in a band that she helps manage. They aren’t anything big, but my sister has high hopes for them. She sent me their songs from time to time, knowing I love music, and I’m sure I know every word at this point. I think they will make it big.
As soon as I told her I was leaving, she offered me the spare room in her home. She lives with Leon and the guitarist of the band, Dominic. She mentioned him a few times, but she normally gushes over her man more than anyone else. She is head over heels and I couldn’t be happier. She deserves to be happy. We talked for months, planning and preparing for this day, and now it’s finally here.
The door slams open and noise from the inside filters out. The person standing there is my gorgeous older sister, Lake. She still looks mostly the same from when I last saw her, but there are subtle changes that make her even more beautiful. Her hair is longer, and she looks curvier. I saw pictures on her Facebook page, but seeing her in person is so surreal. I run to her and wrap my arms around her. I can’t help the tears that fall down my cheeks.
I missed her so much.
My rock.
She holds me just as tightly before taking my hand to step back and look me up and down. I do the same. Where I have raven black hair and white, pale skin, she has dark brown hair with bronzed skin, obviously spending loads of her time in the sun. We both have blue eyes, hers a clear, ocean blue, mine dark, like the evening sky. That’s how we were named. You would never think we are related. She is the confident, gorgeous one. The one that guys turn their heads for. I am more the shy, quiet type. I keep to myself.
“I can’t believe you are finally here.” She smiles brightly at me.
“Neither can I!” I return excitedly. We both laugh.
“Come on in. Let me show you your new home.” She grabs a suitcase and guides me into the house.
We walk down a cappuccino colored hallway to a huge living room. The first thing I notice is the fifty-inch TV hanging on the wall, a sound system and a few game consoles. There are three dark brown couches with cream cushions
surrounding a glass coffee table. There are paintings hanging on the walls. It feels very homey.
“Want something to drink?” Lake asks and I nod. We leave my things and head to the kitchen. She grabs a bottle of water from the fridge and hands it to me. I look around as I open my bottle and take a sip. I feel so overwhelmed for some reason. I grew up in a huge house with the top of the line furniture and appliances but it looked more like a show room. A museum. Something to show off to my parent’s friends. This place… it’s actually a home. Like I’ve seen in the movies. The black granite counters, the oak cupboards. I can even see magnets on the fridge.
I follow Lake to a door that leads to a dining room with a beautiful carved table and chairs. She sits down and I follow suit. She takes my hand in hers and I see sorrow and guilt in her eyes.
“I hate that I left you there with them. You know if I could have taken you away I would have. I even formed plans of kidnapping you,” she chuckles. I place my free hand on top of hers that is covering mine.
“I know. I’m not angry with you for leaving. I understand, trust me. That place was awful. You found love and were able to leave without them punishing you. Hurting you any more than they did,” I try and comfort her.
“I still feel bad. I’m just happy you are here. We won’t let them take you away. This is your home now.” I don’t comment, but nod. I would love to never go back. I would love to find my happily ever after, too. “Right, let me show you your room.” She stands.
We grab my suitcases and walk up the stairs that are near the dining room. As we move down the hallway of the huge second floor, she points out her and Leon’s room. Dominic’s room is further down and directly opposite of my new room. We walk inside and my mouth hangs open. It’s painted purple, my favorite color. Even the bedding and curtains are purple. I remember growing up telling Lake that, one day, I was going to have a purple room. There is a bookshelf and desk on one side of the room. I see two doors and open each one. One leads to my own bathroom and the other a closet. It’s perfect. I run to Lake and give her a hug.