The Queen of Tears

by Chris Mckinney

  “What happened?”

  “It lasted for about a month. I never thought that to get into human rights means to have to look at so many human wrongs.” She looked at Darian. “And I’m not talking about Shakespeare. I’m talking about real life.”

  Darian ignored her. Won Ju continued. “Get rich quick. Tony, what’s his name? Tony Robbins. Also Chicken Soup For the Soul.”

  Crystal laughed. “Me too, on both.”

  “Amway.”

  Crystal screamed, jumped up and down, and clapped her hands. “Me too.”

  Darian shook her head. “I heard they have a church now or something. It’s like a cult.”

  “Being a vegetarian. I felt guilty after turning my back on human rights and running to money. I figured I could at least help poor animals.”

  “Me too,” Crystal said. “What happened?”

  “About two months. Poor animals taste too good.”

  Both Crystal and Darian laughed. “Me too,” Darian said, meekly raising her hand.

  “Should we go back in?” Crystal asked. “We’re finished smoking.”

  “I’m not done yet.”

  “You’re kidding,” Darian said.

  “Scientology.”

  “Well, that’s pretty new stuff,” Darian said. “When was this?”

  “About a year before Crystal’s wedding. I went to a meeting downtown and everything. That’s when business started to get really bad.”

  “That explains the desperation,” Darian said.

  “Wait, what’s Scientology?”

  “You know,” Darian said, “Tom Cruise, John Travolta.”

  “Oh yeah. I’d love to do Tom Cruise. Even Travolta in his Danny Zucco, Tony Manero days.”

  Won Ju sifted through her purse and pulled out a crumpled piece of laminated paper. She read from it. “‘If it is true for you, it’s true. And if it’s not true for you, it’s just not true, that’s all.’ L. Ron Hubbard.”

  Darian grabbed it from Won Ju and shook her head. “You still keep it. Jeez, look at this. He probably thought this one up while sitting on the can. A Descartes he’s not. Look at this. There should be a semicolon between ‘true,’ or should I say the fourth ‘true,’ and ‘that’s’.”

  Crystal grabbed it and looked at the black-and-white photo of a sixtyish white man pensively looking away from the lens, with his hand under his chin. She didn’t know about Descartes, but a Tom Cruise he was not. She pointed to the man’s neck. “Is that a scarf?”

  Darian tugged at the picture and said, “Ascot.”

  “I took a test with about a hundred multiple-choice questions,” Won Ju said. “They recruited me right on Bethel Street in Downtown. Well, guess what? After evaluating the hundred questions, they discovered that I was unhappy.”

  “Eureka,” Darian said.

  “Really,” said Crystal.

  “So now what?” Crystal asked.

  “I don’t know,” Won Ju said.

  “Agnosticism,” Darian smiled. “Or welcome to existentialism. But then that turns to nihilism, which is a lot like what you said about the human rights thing. Most don’t have the stomach for it.”

  “Do you have a boyfriend?” Crystal asked.

  Darian laughed. “I had one in Berkeley. I just broke up with him before I came here. He was a self-proclaimed Marxist working on a PhD in lit. He wore Donna Karan shirts and drove a 1989 Grand Marquis station wagon. I couldn’t stand being with someone with that much inner conflict. I guess I’m like Diane Court in Say Anything. I’m looking for something basic.”

  “No one is basic,” Won Ju said.

  “You’re such a humanist. Your husband? I mean I like the guy and all, but he knows exactly what he wants. Christ, we’re talking about a guy who probably gets his philosophy from Yoda, or worse yet, L. Ron Hubbard.”

  Crystal was surprised that the words didn’t seem to offend Won Ju. Suddenly an angry Soong Nan was pounding on the window, looking as if she were locked in or something. Won Ju began walking to the glass door. She pushed even though there was a sticker that said “pull.” She turned back toward Darian and Crystal. “I always do that. By the way, about my husband, you can have him. I tried that one, too.” She pulled the door open and walked through. Won Ju and Soong headed for the kitchen.

  “Well, I gotta grab my stuff and take off,” Crystal said. “But you should check out my brother. I mean, don’t let the pidgin and prison fool you, he’s not basic. But he’s good. And goodness beats basic any day. I want pure.”

  “Be careful, pure and good may not be the same thing.”

  Crystal and Darian walked in as the marine was ordering another plate from Won Ju. “For dinner,” he said.

  As Crystal walked to the back to grab her keys and backpack, she began singing “Dreamweaver” and was gratified by the marine’s laugh. Then she thought about the conversation outside. She had that weird feeling that too much was said. Too much was put out there. She shrugged. She felt that she put very little out. It was Won Ju and Darian, especially Won Ju, airing their dirty laundry. She didn’t like publicizing hers. Physically naked, fine. No dirty underwear to see. She picked up her things and walked towards the door.

  Right when she pushed the glass door, Donny stepped in front of it. Crystal jumped back. Donny ignored her and walked past the counter without saying anything to Darian. He was wearing a T-shirt. It was the first time she’d seen him wear one in public. It wasn’t even tucked in. Crystal closed the door and sat at one of the tables. In about a minute, she heard the muffled sounds of Donny screaming in Korean. Soong screamed back. Donny screamed again. Soong screamed. Won Ju was silent. Donny swung open the door and walked past Darian. He put his hands on Crystal’s table. “Give me the keys.”

  Crystal frowned and looked up at him. “Fuck you.”

  “I will not have my mother catching the bus.”

  “Is it you who refuses to catch the bus, or your mother? You didn’t mind her catching the bus until today.”

  “Just give me the fuckin’ keys, you slut.”

  She almost laughed. The word “slut” didn’t exactly roll off his tongue. But then she decided to get serious. She didn’t want Soong catching the bus either, but she certainly wanted Donny catching the bus. She pulled the keys from her purse and gave them to him. Just as he grabbed them, the marine was standing by him. He put his food on the table. “Is everything O.K., ma’am?”

  Crystal smiled. “Fine.”

  Donny looked at the marine and smiled. “She’s my wife.”

  The marine stared back at him. “Where I come from, you don’t call women sluts.”

  “Where are you from, Disney World?” He turned his head to Crystal. “What are you fucking this guy or something?”

  The fist hit him on the bridge of the nose. He fell. Another fist smashed the top of his forehead, leaving a red cut. Now that’s how you throw a punch, Crystal thought. She’d try to re-create it in front of the mirror in the bathroom at Won Ju’s after she got back. Or maybe she’d start taking Tae Bo.

  The marine calmly picked up his plate from the table and said, “Sorry, ma’am,” then left.

  Donny was holding his nose. Blood oozed between his fingers. Saying nothing, he walked out of the restaurant. Crystal smiled as Darian began to laugh, covering her mouth with her hand. “Sorry,” she said in between laughs. Crystal walked to the door and looked out. Donny was sitting in the car holding his nose with one hand and the gash on his forehead with the other.

  -6-

  Crystal, Won Ju, and Soong stayed the entire shift. After they closed, all three rode the bus up the Ko‘olau Mountains. “I miss driving already,” Crystal said. Won Ju looked at her mother, who was looking nervously out the window. As they approached the Pali Tunnel, Won Ju could see the Pali Golf Course below. It was so far down that she could barely see the golf carts and the little men trying to get their little white balls close to the hole. Won Ju had a disliking for most sports, but she hated golf the
most. It took up so much space.

  As she looked down, Won Ju was thinking about the day’s events. At first, nothing surprising had really happened. Her mother was unhappy with Crystal’s decision to leave. She got tired of hearing her mother’s take on what a wife should and should not be, even if she agreed with some of it. But when Donny came in, all puffed up and angry, demanding that Crystal be thrown out of the business, something surprising came out of Soong’s mouth. She defended Crystal. She called her son stupid and childish. She told him he was an improper husband without even knowing exactly why Crystal had left. Won Ju had been tempted to tell Soong about the blowjob incident, but shied away from it. When Donny yelled back, Soong yelled louder. And no one could yell louder than the ex-actress, the ex-Park Soong Nan. She could’ve been an American scream queen instead of Korea’s Queen of Tears. It was always amazing hearing that thunderous voice come out of that tiny body.

  So Donny had left, and grabbed a knuckle sandwich to go on the way out. After things calmed, Darian left, and Crystal took over as cashier, Soong went right back to repeating in Korean what a spoiled little girl Crystal was. She also insisted that she stay somewhere else, away from Brandon.

  But Won Ju couldn’t think of any other options as far as where Crystal could stay. She looked at Crystal, who seemed to be staring at Soong’s fingernails. She probably didn’t have enough to put down first month’s rent and a security deposit in any apartment, and Donny was definitely not going to help her out. She was also afraid that Kenny would give her a hard time about Crystal staying too long. She looked at Crystal and Soong. They were quietly sitting on separate seats. Won Ju thought about the huge fish tank at the Pacific Beach Hotel and smiled. All of these different fish forced together behind a wall of glass called “W&D Korean Take Out.” Won Ju shook her head.

  When the bus arrived at their stop, the three of them waited for the hydraulic hiss of the bus doors opening. They got out and walked towards the apartment. The moon was out. Cars whizzed by. For the first time that night, she thought about her brother with a sudden and depressing amount of pity. She knew it had been his fault, but she wanted to go to him and help him. It was an instinct she’d always had when it came to her brother. No matter what he did, she’d always wanted to protect him. He certainly wasn’t going to protect himself.

  When they got to the apartment, Kenny and Brandon were watching television. It was the same monkey documentary Crystal had seen the night before. She shot to the sofa and wedged herself in between Brandon and his father. “Did it just start?” she asked.

  Kenny looked up at Won Ju with a frown. “Your brother called,” he said.

  Soong went to Brandon’s room, then the bathroom. The shower turned on. “Won Ju, you gotta see this,” Crystal said from the sofa. “It’s like Shakespeare’s Richard III.”

  Won Ju sighed and picked up the cordless phone. The apartment was way too crowded. She felt like a bartender during happy hour. All these people to serve in this tiny space. She walked to her bedroom and closed the door. She dialed Donny’s number. “Hello?”

  They spoke in Korean. “It’s me. Are you O.K.?”

  “I’m better than O.K. I’m glad she’s gone.”

  “Good, good. Wait, just a second.” Won Ju stepped out of the room. Kenny was giving Crystal’s breasts the side eye. “Hey, Kenny. Why don’t you take Donny out?”

  Kenny’s eyes immediately focused on Won Ju. “Is that him on the phone?”

  “Yeah.”

  “Tell him I’ll pick him up in a half an hour.”

  Won Ju walked into the bedroom and put her mouth back to the phone. “Donny, go out with Kenny tonight. He’ll pick you up.”

  “O.K, Won Ju. Tell him I’ll be ready.”

  Won Ju hung up the phone. It went way too easy. Neither of them gave her a hard time. She walked outside. Kenny got up and walked past her toward the bedroom. Crystal reclined in the empty spot and put her feet slightly under the sofa cushion Brandon was sitting on. Brandon did not move, but Won Ju sensed sudden discomfort flicker in his face. She looked at Crystal and suddenly saw a dangerous animal that had the power to devour her husband and son whole. It’s amazing how admiration can turn into fear and loathing so quickly, she thought. She looked at the light brown monkeys on television. “Africa?” she asked.

  “Sri Lanka. Wherever that is,” Crystal said.

  “Good. I don’t like animal documentaries in Africa. Lion ones are the worst.”

  Crystal looked up. “Why?”

  “Because they never show the people. There’s probably a hundred times more film on the lions of Africa than there are on the people.”

  “Mom, stop being weird,” Brandon said.

  “Yeah, Mom. Lighten up,” Crystal said.

  Won Ju turned around to leave the room, but there was not an empty room in sight. She looked toward the window. For a moment, she recognized it as the only way out, and the thought of spattering on the pavement from twenty stories high seemed very tempting. She’d finally be able to get some sleep.

  -7-

  Kenny and Donny found themselves at Club Mirage. They sat at the stage with a beer in one hand and a wad of dollar bills in the other. They were looking into the crotch of a fake-breasted white girl wearing nothing but makeup, white platform shoes, and bleached hair. “Hey, Donny,” Kenny said as the stripper spread her legs and repeatedly thrust her crotch inches from his face, “I wish I was a gynecologist.”

  Donny smiled and sipped his beer. He put a dollar in the stripper’s garter. Some loud eighties hard-rock band was blaring from the CD jukebox, so Donny had to yell. “Do you want a drink?”

  The stripper smiled. “Aren’t you Crystal’s man?”

  “Not anymore.”

  “Liar.” The stripper went to the other side of the stage and squatted in front of two local men wearing Honolulu Police Department T-shirts.

  Kenny put his hand on Donny’s shoulder. “What was her name again?”

  “Serenity, I think.”

  Kenny laughed. “Well, I knew it wasn’t Chastity.”

  It kind of amazed Donny how much fun Kenny was having. He was acting as if he’d never been to a strip club before. “Hey, Kenny, let’s sit in a booth.”

  Kenny responded with a disappointed shrug. “O.K.”

  Donny ordered two more drinks. “So I suppose you heard about the breakup.”

  Kenny laughed. “Yeah, I heard. Not much, though.”

  “You don’t sound surprised.”

  The waitress, who was wearing a red bikini with pictures of white hibiscuses on it, put the bottles of Bud Light on the table. “Ten dollars,” she said.

  Donny gave her a twenty, and she gave him ten dollars in singles. He gave her one of the singles, and she smiled and walked away. Kenny’s predatory eyes followed her. Donny was never a prude, but he didn’t really enjoy Kenny’s antics. He always felt that Won Ju was the only person in the world who truly loved him, and he felt protective of her.

  Kenny took a gulp from the bottle. “Anyway, no, I’m not surprised.”

  Donny lit a cigarette. Kenny continued. “I had this friend in college in my frat. A real party animal, but really smart too. He told me something I’ll never forget. He said, ‘Never get seriously involved with beauty contestants, psych majors, or strippers.’”

  “Why?”

  Kenny smiled. “Because all three are too self-involved and think they’re the shit. You can’t marry someone like that. That’s why I hooked up with your sister. She was pretty enough to be a pageant girl and had the body of a stripper, but at the same time, she was always worried about other people and not herself. Her ego ain’t strong.”

  Donny didn’t know whether his sister was being complimented or criticized. “That sounds like good advice.”

  “It totally is. I’m telling you, you’re better off without her. Girls like that, they only live for themselves.”

  “So which one’s the worst?” Donny asked.

&nbs
p; “Which one what?”

  “Psych majors, beauty contestants, or strippers?”

  “Oh, you might have it easy. Psych majors are the worst. They get into it because they want to find out why they’re so fucked up. And I’ll tell you, there’s no worse psychologist than the one who analyzes herself. Talk about digging a deeper hole.”

  “Sounds like you know from experience.”

  “Yeah, I’m dating one now. She’s probably at home trying right now to analyze why I didn’t call her. She’s wondering, is it me? Does he have intimacy problems? When the fact of the matter is, I’ve done my own self-analysis, and come to one conclusion.”

  Donny was shocked that Kenny trusted him with the knowledge that he was cheating on Won Ju. He was also surprised that Kenny referred to it as dating. “What?”

  “I’m a womanizing pig. I’ll tell you, Donny,” Kenny said as he put down his beer and looked directly at Donny’s eyes. Donny turned away. “It’s us against them. You think of life as competition, and it simplifies things. It’s all a game. Your problem is that you have Los Angeles Clipper mentality. Once you get so used to losing, it gets so you expect it and start looking for a scapegoat. You know how many head coaches the Clippers went through?”

  Donny took a gulp of beer and tried to forget what Kenny had just told him. He tried to focus on what was said about Crystal. He agreed Crystal was a selfish bitch who thought she was better than him. But Won Ju? No. “So why do you pursue this psychology person?”

  Kenny smiled. “Shit, if you have them wired, they’re the easiest to control. Deep down inside they’re still fucked-up little girls. In fact, now that I think about it, Won Ju could have majored in psych, but I’m glad she didn’t. What happened to her in Vegas, man, it was fucked up. It was so fucked up, it fucked me up for a while, and it happened way before we met. I wanted to kill the son of a bitch. When I told her that, she got really quiet, more than usual. I guess it was a one-conversation deal.”

  Vegas? Donny thought.

  “But getting into psych would’ve just fucked her up more. So I’m glad she goes through her phases. You know, all that zodiac, Scientology bullshit. It keeps her harmlessly distracted. But I’m a little scared that she’s running out of stuff. Hell, even I was a phase, marriage and all, I suppose. And I tried. Vegas, I wanted to kill. But a larger part of me wanted to break her fear. But it was bad. She had to get sloshed every time before we’d have sex. In fact, that’s how I knew we were going to have sex. She hasn’t gotten drunk in a long time.”