The Biggerers

by Amy Lilwall

  She heard a noise behind her and turned: ‘Chips? Is that you?’ It wasn’t. But she just had to wait, even though it was really difficult, she would wait and he would come like he did almost every day.

  At least her shoulders were warm, she thought. Then she would think that her shoulders had slept against the top part of his arm as it bent around her and then she would think about Chips and her stomach would bubble and the cold would go away and when the thought had finished she would shiver and think to herself: at least her shoulders were warm…

  And then she would think about Chips.

  After a while, her mind stopped playing back The Big Cuddle and started to play with things that hadn’t happened. On the inside of her head, she had kissed Chips on his chest while she was sleeping in his Big Cuddle. On the inside of her head, they had woken up together and talked about The Big Cuddle. They had both agreed that it was lovely and had decided to do it again. So they did it again, but this time they were awake and could hear each other breathing. On the inside of her head, Jinx kissed Chips’s chest again and Chips kissed the top of her head. But after thinking this thought, the inside of her head was disappointed. ‘But it didn’t happen like that,’ it said to itself, and she would wonder if Chips would ever come.

  Of course he would. He came every day!

  But what if he was too frightened? What if he had been scared away?

  No… He had to come back to… well… to talk about The Big Cuddle. Surely he would want to talk about that.

  She stood for another few minutes, looking at her hair. Thinking about Chips, feeling warm, talking to him about The Big Cuddle, feeling disappointed, wondering if he would come, wandering over to the part of the garden where she could see over the bars, then thinking about Chips all over again.

  But wait! She twisted a strand of hair around her nose as her head thought about the best idea she’d probably ever, ever had; what if she went outside of Outside to, well, look for him? That made her feel very bubbly in her stomach; what would Bonbon say? Huh! That was the first time she had thought about Bonbon since waking up that morning… Because Bonbon wasn’t there…

  She’d be ever so cross, though.

  But she wasn’t there. And anyway, maybe Jinx wanted to see Chips even more than she wanted to see Bonbon.

  Maybe…

  She strode over towards the part of the fence that Chips went through whenever he left the garden.

  No.

  She turned and walked back towards the house.

  But… he had been in their house…

  And anyway, what if Bonbon didn’t come back tonight and she had to sleep on her own?

  That thought made her all shaky. She turned again and headed back towards the fence. Funny, there were no holes, marks or even scratches on the great grey fence. A dark shape caught her eye. A stone. She went over to it, maybe she had to lift it up? She couldn’t lift it, she could only push it. She clenched her teeth and pushed. Behind the stone was a tiny gap between the fence and the ground.

  Jinx squatted down; Chips was very skinny but he wasn’t that skinny. She put her cheek to the ground and looked through the gap. Maybe, if she tried, she could get her head and shoulders through.

  She tried.

  She couldn’t.

  She stood up and walked right to the end of the wall, dragging her hand along it. At the very end, when she reached the bars where she could see the outside of their Outside, she found a gap where the two walls should have touched. Oh, that was a much better gap! She could fit through that easily.

  She jumped from foot to foot for a moment, stepping towards the gap only to jump back again. A picture of herself emerged on the inside of her head, alone in the dark basket with the squashed fluff and stones. She closed her eyes and marched straight through the gap. It was really long… and low. ‘Tunnel,’ said the inside of her head. Yes, that’s what it was; a tunnel. She bent forward and started to walk. Ahead was a patch of light and as she got closer to it, she realized that there was a hole to her left. She poked her head out of the hole.

  Another Outside, the same as their Outside, stretched out all the way towards a house, the same as their house, but also very different. Where their house was grey, this one was white, and where their house had a green box, this one had fishes that spat out water, and where their house had a dead bird, this one had a pot of flowers. The dining-room doors were the same, except that they had curly black handles. Their dining-room doors didn’t have any handles.

  Jinx stood, half in and half out of the tunnel. ‘Chips!’ she shouted. ‘Chips! Are you here?’ She waited for a moment then shouted again. ‘Chips!’

  ‘Jinx!’

  Jinx flicked her eyes towards the direction of the noise. ‘What?’ she said.

  ‘What are you doing here?’ Blankey swished out from behind the water fishes in her grey coat. She had a bright pink flower on her head.

  ‘Peacocks,’ said the inside of Jinx’s head as another four blue birds ran from her left ear to her right one.

  ‘Oh!’ Jinx gasped.

  ‘What?’

  Jinx didn’t know why she had gasped like that; she stared at the flower and thought that she would also like to put a flower on her head.

  ‘But you never go out,’ said Blankey.

  Jinx grinned. ‘I’m looking for Chips today.’

  ‘Oh. Why?’

  ‘Because he stayed with me last night.’

  Blankey’s eyes got bigger. ‘Why? Why did he stay with you?’

  ‘Because Bonbon wasn’t there.’

  Blankey screwed up her face and folded her arms.

  ‘Is this your house?’ asked Jinx.

  ‘Mmm.’

  ‘It feels lovely,’ she said, pointing her toe as she stepped out of the tunnel. Brrr… It was chilly. She pulled her hair around her shoulders while Blankey watched her. At least her shoulders would be warm… ‘Do you know where Chips is?’

  ‘It’s weird,’ said Blankey.

  ‘What’s weird?’

  ‘I don’t want to tell you.’

  ‘Why?’

  ‘Because I’ve always wanted Chips to stay at my house.’

  Jinx blinked. ‘Well, ask him! That’s what I did.’

  Blankey stared at Jinx’s belly button. No. That still seemed weird, but she didn’t know why.

  ‘Please tell me where he is, Blankey. I’ll ask him for you if you like… I’ll ask him if he’ll stay at your house.’

  That seemed even weirder.

  ‘I just don’t want to be on my own, and Bonbon’s not here and… Please, Blankey.’

  Blankey unfolded her arms and lifted the inner ends of her eyebrows. Feeding a cat tail through one hand until she got to the end of it, she stroked the tip with her thumb; oh dear, she thought. Poor old Jinx. She just didn’t want to be on her own… ‘You have to go all the way through the gap. Right to the end.’

  ‘Tunnel?’ said Jinx.

  Blankey screwed up her eyes, ‘Yes, tunnel. All the way to the end.’

  ‘Right.’ Jinx turned around and climbed back through the hole.

  ‘Where is Bonbon?’ called Blankey.

  ‘Don’t know,’ Jinx replied. ‘Bye, Blankey.’ And she was gone.

  ‘Right to the end,’ Jinx said to herself. ‘Right to the end.’ It wasn’t very far. ‘Oh!’ she said when she walked straight out of the end without realizing. But… This house was not the same. At all. It was all dark grey; the floor, the walls, the fence. The walls seemed to grow upwards so high that the light couldn’t reach down to the floor and so she stood in the dark. There were no marks or lines or green boxes or flowers or curly handles. There were no dining-room doors; just one small window in the centre of the house that looked at her like a black, shiny eye. And everywhere smelled strange. Like the water that the roses stood in, after a really long time.

  Jinx saw a patch of light on the floor over by the house. She tiptoed over to it. ‘Chips!’ she hissed. ‘Chips?’


  Nothing.

  ‘Chips?’ she called a little louder.

  Nothing.

  She stood in the middle of her patch of sunlight and watched as the edges went dark grey, and the dark greyness rolled towards her and climbed up her feet and legs until she was all dark and cold.

  It did not feel lovely here.

  She turned to the tunnel, it would take her back home, back to the basket.

  Alone…

  ‘Right,’ she said out loud, looking back towards the house. Ah! There it was! Exactly the same as their house. She marched over to the vacuum hatch and climbed her head and one leg through, then stopped. In front of her, around the thing where the water came from, piles of biggerer bowls covered the floor. Some of them looked normal, others had green furry patterns inside them. She bent towards one and sniffed it, wrinkled her face and walked away.

  Biggerer bowls were never on the floor in her house.

  ‘The sink,’ said the inside of her head. ‘Where the water comes from.’

  In front of the round window, where her big She-one would sometimes put the bottom of their basket so it would come out smelling lovely, were piles of biggerer things, all different colours. They were probably waiting to go inside the window and come out smelling lovely.

  Jinx covered her nose. These ones did not smell lovely. Oops! One foot had trodden in something wet and squidgy, and the other was stuck to the floor between one and a half slices of green bread and an open sheet of Fibre-Web with yellow slime shining inside. She pulled on her leg. Hard. So hard that she fell sideways and landed on the bread, coughing as the green stuff clouded up in front of her. She got up quickly and brushed herself down. There was a giant pile of grey fluff on the floor in front of her. That was nice. Bonbon would love that for the basket, it was just massive. Maybe she could take it home for her; fluff was quite easy to make small. As she got closer she noticed crumbs trapped inside the fluff. Bonbon hated crumbs in the basket. Maybe she wouldn’t bother…. Ahhh! She ducked down. There was one of them. Waiting for her. Mean little thing. The start of a cough tickled her throat. Oh… Not now; it would hear her. It was all that bloody green dust that had floated into her mouth and… She coughed. Then held her breath.

  ‘Jinx?’

  Chips! ‘Chips! Where are you?’ She stood up then remembered the thing and ducked down again.

  ‘Are you in my house?’

  ‘Come and help me! There is a vacuum bot!’

  ‘I can’t.’

  Oh no. ‘Well… What am I going to do?’

  ‘Don’t worry, Jinx, it just sleeps all the time. It won’t chase you.’

  ‘Really?’

  ‘Yes!’

  Jinx stood up and eyed the vacuum bot. It lay sleeping; its blinking red eye was black and it looked like it needed a bath. She hoped her head would say ‘it’s dead’ but it didn’t.

  ‘Where are you?’ she called.

  ‘I’m here! I’m here!’

  She walked towards ‘here’.

  In the corner of the kitchen stood a small cupboard with a jagged hole in its door that Chips had managed to poke his head through.

  His head was smiling.

  Jinx ran over and stood just below. ‘Can you come out of there, Chips?’

  ‘No.’

  ‘Why not?’

  ‘The big He-one wants me to stay in here… While he’s out.’

  ‘Why does she?’

  ‘He.’

  ‘He.’

  ‘Because of my humcoat.’

  ‘What happened to your humcoat?’

  ‘I left it at your house. He doesn’t want me to get cold.’

  ‘Why did you go away from my house?’

  ‘Your big she-one found me in the night.’

  ‘Did she put you into Outside?’

  ‘No. I got frightened and ran away.’

  Jinx wrinkled her face and stood on tiptoes.

  ‘Is it nice in there?’

  ‘Yes. It’s nice.’

  Jinx smiled up at Chips then sighed. If only he could come out. She thought of The Big Cuddle… Then started to look around the cupboard for a handle. Two big silver loops, one above the other, were caught around two big silver sticky-out things that were sticking out of the door. Jinx reached up on tiptoes and managed to brush the lowest one with the end of her finger. ‘Nails,’ said the inside of her head. If she could just find something to stand on… She looked around.

  ‘I can get you out of there!’ strained Jinx as she stretched again.

  ‘No!’

  Jinx stopped stretching and stepped backwards. He had really shouted just then. She glanced round at the vacuum bot but it hadn’t woken up. ‘Why not?’

  Chips pulled his head back inside and hid. ‘Don’t know.’

  ‘Chips?’ She twisted her arms together in front of her and felt her face go hot. ‘Did you like The Big Cuddle?’

  ‘—.’

  Jinx stared at the hole. Why wasn’t he answering? He had hidden his head inside the cupboard and he wanted to stay in there. She put one foot over the other and dipped her chin so that it touched the part where her elbows crossed as each twisted arm slid further along the other until her hands were holding her shoulders. Why was he being so weird?

  ‘Yes,’ said Chips.

  Jinx’s head snapped back up. ‘Really?’ ‘I keep thinking about it.’

  She opened her arms out as far as they would stretch and started to spin.

  ‘I can hear you laughing. Why are you laughing?’

  ‘I’m happy!’ sang Jinx. She stopped spinning and squinted over at the bot. Still sleeping. ‘Why won’t you come out, though?’

  ‘I’m not sure.’

  Jinx nodded. Sometimes she had feelings that she wasn’t sure about… She thought very hard for a moment about all the reasons why Chips would want to stay in the cupboard but wouldn’t be able to explain.

  ‘Is it your big he-one? Is it because he doesn’t want you to come out?’

  ‘—.’

  ‘Because, you know I can shut you back in… after…’

  ‘Yes. You would have to shut me back in.’

  ‘Well, that’s fine then!’ She started to climb the side of the cupboard.

  ‘No!’ said Chips.

  ‘What is it? I can shut you back in, I really can.’

  Silence. Then: ‘I’ve done a poo.’

  Jinx stepped down and put her hands on her hips. ‘What?’

  ‘—.’

  ‘Shit,’ said the inside of her head. Jinx started to laugh.

  ‘Why are you laughing? Stop laughing. I don’t like it.’

  ‘But Chips, who cares? I do poos all the time. So does Bonbon, and Blankey—’

  ‘No,’ said Chips. ‘Blankey doesn’t poo.’

  ‘She does. Everyone does.’

  ‘Not Blankey.’ Jinx stopped laughing and started to feel cross about this. Although she didn’t know why. Blankey appeared on the inside of her head on the back of one of the peacocks. ‘I want Chips to stay with me,’ she said without moving her mouth.

  ‘Jinx. If you pass me something through the hole to cover it up with, then you could come in.’

  ‘Cover what up?’

  ‘My… poo.’

  ‘Oh.’ Jinx looked around her. Then ran over to the Fibre-Web and picked it up. Yuk, she put her thumb in the yellow slime. She dropped it, folded it so that the slime was on the inside and reached up to poke it through the hole. ‘Will that do?’

  ‘Yes. Wait a minute.’

  Jinx looked around again for something to stand on; what could she use? Maybe the bread. No. That had been really nasty when the powder went in her mouth. Oh, what about a plate? Or a bowl? She ran over to the sink and found a small bowl on the floor, turned it onto its side and rolled it back to the cupboard. The vacuum bot didn’t move one bit.

  ‘I’m coming in now.’

  ‘Alright.’

  The door swung open. Chips stood squinting at the othe
r end of the cupboard. ‘Chips!’ she said, bounding over to him, then covering her nose. She stopped and looked around the cupboard. ‘Is this your room?’

  ‘Yes.’

  The cupboard walls were chipped and covered in black patches. A square of fabric with cloud-shaped brown bits on it wrinkled over one corner of the floor. The rest of the floor was shiny with smears. Two bowls lay upside down and their undersides were rough with flake-coloured scum. Jinx flicked her eyes over the Fibre-Web in the corner and looked away. A long chain with a loop in it swung from the ceiling.

  ‘What is that?’

  ‘That’s my lead. It’s for when my big He-one leaves the door open for me but doesn’t want me to come out.’

  ‘Oh. How does it work?’

  Chips took the loop, which Jinx thought might just fit over his head; stepped into it, pulled it up over his knees and his hips and set it on his waist. ‘There,’ he said.

  ‘But you can get out!’ she said, looking at his stomach.

  ‘He doesn’t think I can; he’s the one who puts it on me.’ He pulled the loop back down again and stepped out of it. ‘This is when I come to your Outside; when he’s out and I’m on my lead.’ He kicked the loop to the back of the cupboard and smacked his belly with one hand. ‘I was too big to get out of it, when I first got here.’

  Jinx looked at the food bowls. Then at Chips. ‘Don’t you get thirsty?’ she said.

  ‘Yes.’

  ‘Where is your water?’

  ‘I drank it all.’

  ‘Oh,’ wrinkling her eyes. ‘Is your big he-one bad to you?’

  ‘No.’ Chips shook his head. ‘Not at all. I have my humcoat. You don’t have yours. But I have mine.’

  This was true. And weird. Why didn’t he have water, though? It was a bit strange to give someone a humcoat but not give them food or water… She looked at Chips, standing in front of his piece of fabric, next to a big black stain on the wall, one of his feet covered the other and she couldn’t tell if it was blue from the cold or just dirty. Chips crossed his arms over his belly, still shaking his head.