“Are you sure that’s what happened?”
“What do you mean? Of course, I’m sure.”
“Did he tell you that?”
“Tell me? No, but he’s been ill. Clinical depression. He didn’t always get the treatment he should because mine cost so much. He skipped doses of his medicine to stretch his prescriptions.”
“Sally, I’m in your corner here. But maybe you jumped to conclusions, which is understandable if your dad won’t discuss it with you.”
“What other conclusion is there?”
“Guilt is a strong emotion. It’s a classic cause of depression.”
“What do you know about guilt?”
There was no humor in Joe’s chuckle. “Every day I blame myself for Dad’s suicide.”
“Alleged suicide. But, why?”
“I’ve been the classic workaholic, too busy building my career to spend time with family. With Dad. I should have seen it coming.” He was silent a moment, as if waging an internal debate.
“You really believe you could’ve saved his life, Joe?”
“I’m not saying it’s logical. I just have this overpowering conviction that had I been involved in his life, if we’d been closer, I could’ve saved him.”
“Even if he was murdered?”
“Especially if he was murdered.”
“Why do you say that?”
“Because—because he called me, asked me if I could come home for a visit. He said he needed my advice.”
Sally squeezed his hand. “When was this?”
“Maybe four weeks ago. He said, ‘Your mother can’t help me with this, son.’ I told him I’d be up as soon as I could. I was pushing myself at work, bringing in new clients. I want to be the firm’s youngest vice-president. The day they offered me the position, I planned to come here that weekend to see Dad. That’s the day Mom called.” He stopped talking, and Sally sensed he struggled with his emotions. He drew a shuddering breath. “I didn’t make it in time.”
“Leo understood, Joe. Uncle Sal said he bragged about your success. He’d never have wanted you to jeopardize your career.”
Joe shrugged. “I didn’t say it made sense. Guilt seldom does. But for the rest of my life, it’ll haunt me that I didn’t help my dad the one time he asked me to.”
Sally had no response to that. “I feel your pain” sounded trite, even if it was the truth.
“But we were talking about your guilt, not mine,” Joe continued. “In the case of your father, it’s possible that the sight of your injury fills him with guilt and self-loathing. You think you’ve ruined his life. Maybe he thinks he ruined yours. Think about it.”
“I—I never even considered that.” Sally’s head spun. Joe’s theory rocked the foundation of the last nine years of her life. “His withdrawal wasn’t just from me, but all of the family. Uncle Sal, too.”
“Don’t you think it’s time you and your father had a conversation? Maybe you need neutral ground, like a therapist.”
Who could afford a therapist? Yet recently, she and Dad had made progress without a third party, hadn’t they? “He’s reached out to me a couple of times. I was afraid to hope, but—”
“What happened? I mean, I know he’s come to work for you. That’s a huge step, right?”
“It sure is. But tonight—” Unbidden tears choked off her words.
“Don’t keep this bottled up, honey.” Joe held her close, letting the tears soak his shirt. “You’ve had nine years of it. Let it go.”
Pulling away from Joe, she fingered the gold choker, heavy against her skin. “My jewelry. He gave me this to wear tonight. It was Mother’s.”
“The guy couldn’t have seen the way you look tonight and be unmoved. He cares about you, don’t you see?”
“He—he said I was lovely.” Her voice broke. “I’m sorry. I came here thinking we’d share a night of wild sex. Instead, I’ve dumped the sad story of my life on you.”
“I insisted.” Joe placed a soft kiss on her forehead. “Thank you for telling me.”
“Thank you for listening. I had no idea how much I needed to unload.”
He gathered her in his arms and pulled her back against his chest. “You let me do unloading of my own.”
“We’re a sad pair.”
“We’re friends. And we probably needed to unload more than we need sex.”
“Maybe.” But Sally intended to make the most of her fantasy evening. She slid her hand inside his shirt, stroking his chest with her fingertips. His sudden intake of breath was all the encouragement she needed.
“Kiss me.”
Joe lowered his mouth to hers. The touch of his lips chased reason from her brain. Her bold tongue stroked his, inviting him to take her. He responded— oh, how he responded!—with hands that knew their way around removing a woman’s dress. The stroke of his fingers against her flesh as he slipped away her Wonderbra hurtled her into mindless abandon.
“I can’t think,” she whispered.
“Do you need to think, sweetheart?”
“I don’t remember.”
His chuckle rumbled through his chest as her fingers kneaded his hard pectorals. Soon she lay there completely nude, vulnerable and exposed. Although very little light filtered in through the curtained window, she could make out shapes and shadows. She fiddled with Joe’s cufflinks, removing them, tossing them to the floor. Next, she tugged off his shirt.
Joe pushed her back onto the bed, then lay beside her, kissing her mouth, her neck, the sensitive tips of her breasts, driving her crazy with want. His mouth traveled lower, over her abdomen, the sensitive area on the inside of her leg. His thumb teased at the apex of her thighs.
Sally closed her eyes against the white stars that danced in her vision. Mounting tension held her rigid. On the precipice of release, she heard her own voice begging Joe, for what, she wasn’t sure. She just knew he had the power to relieve her of this overpowering ache inside her.
Instead, Joe took his time, his lips moving lower still, all the way down the inside of her thigh. With his hand beneath her knee, he lifted her leg, his mouth finding the scar tissue, the ugly remains of her painful injury.
“Joe, no.” She tried to pull her leg away.
“Shh. Lie back. Let me make love to all of you, Sally.” He placed a tender kiss at her massive scar. “You’re a beautiful woman. All of you.”
He alternated gentle strokes and reverent kisses over her scarred leg. Silent tears leaked from her eyes. Robbed of speech, she could only marvel at this gentle, caring man and his acceptance. She’d been able to open up to him about the accident, and now as a lover.
She knew she had a long way to go. She also knew, beyond a doubt, that she’d fallen deeply and irrevocably in love with Joe Desalvo. Then her thinking derailed when Joe’s hands traveled north.
His fingers and lips found her most intimate spot, licking and caressing her until she quivered like a tightly coiled spring. Clenching her muscles, she focused on that elusive feeling of completion until she thought she’d shatter. Then all tension broke free in one glorious spasm. She surrendered to wave after pleasurable wave of her climax.
Chapter
FIFTEEN
Joe gazed at Sally, her naked body spread out in the dark shadows of his room. His body ached for her, but he couldn’t take what she offered, no matter how tempting. She deserved a commitment. She might not realize it, but making love without a future would destroy her. Joe couldn’t be the man for her, but he sure as hell wouldn’t be the one to hurt her.
Forcing his mind on a thousand different subjects, he summoned his self-control. Scooting back into a sitting position against the headboard, he gathered Sally in his arms.
“What about you?” She gazed at him in the dim shadows of his room, her eyes heavy-lidded with desire.
“I, uh, don’t have a condom.” He had no hope of explaining his real reluctance. She’d probably not find it noble. “I can’t protect you.”
“Okay.
” She ran her hand over his torso, then lower, cupping him. “My turn.”
Her unexpected boldness nearly cost him his resolve. “Uh, Sally—”
She reached for his belt, making quick work of his zipper, then pulled down his trousers. When he started again to protest, she silenced him with a kiss. Her lips moving with his until he suffered mental meltdown, she proceeded to tug at his briefs.
She trailed kisses across his chest, then lower. He writhed and moaned, unable to stop his response to her if he’d wanted to. And he sure as hell didn’t want to. So much for nobility.
“Does that hurt?” Her question was sincere, not a playful taunt. A slight tremor hinted at her inexperience.
His voice a hoarse whisper, he managed to say “No.”
“Tell me what feels good,” she murmured, stroking his length.
“That. That feels good.” He reached for her shoulders, pulling her toward him for a kiss. A long, thorough kiss. Her fingers massaged his hardness. God, he could take her. It’d be so much easier than resisting. His body yearned to possess her. “You’re testing my self-control.”
“I don’t want you to control yourself.”
She pulled away, then lowered her head, her mouth covering his penis in one swift, commanding move. She licked, squeezed, and tantalized him until he thought he would climax.
And then he did.
He started to push her aside. Sally clung to him, fearlessly taking him in a way few woman dared. He was lost. Her warm mouth and caressing hands hurtled him into orbit, the sensations so powerful, he didn’t think he’d ever return to earth. Nor did he care.
After his heart rate returned to normal—well, close to normal—Joe reached for Sally, hugging her next to him, tucking her head beneath his chin. “Wow.”
“I’ve never done that before,” she murmured.
“Well, don’t try to improve on it.”
“Really?”
“Yeah, really.”
“I wanted you to enjoy it.”
“Oh, I enjoyed it, honey.” She could easily arouse him again. “Are you all right?”
“Yes, of course.” She lay in his arms, her breathing slower and steadier now. He thought she’d fallen asleep until she finally spoke again. “Joe?”
“Hmm?”
“Tell me about your life in Atlanta.”
He reached for the edge of the bedspread. Covering them, he pulled her closer to cuddle. “I have a condo near town, where I work for an investment firm. What is it you want to know?”
“What do you do for fun? Do you have friends? Go to Braves baseball games? I know so little about you.”
“Not true. You know secret stuff nobody in Atlanta would guess.”
Her breath tickled his skin. “Like what?”
“You know I feel guilty about my father. You know I regret not spending more time with my family. You know my grandmother has me wrapped around her little finger. And you know I have a weakness for sexy female mechanics.”
“And Mazzoni’s rolled oysters.”
“You probably know me better than anyone in Atlanta. I work seventy hours a week, play racquetball, and spend the rest of the time trying to catch up on my sleep. Sometimes I eat, but it’s usually a business luncheon. What social life I have revolves around people I work with because I haven’t time to meet people anywhere else.”
“Doesn’t sound like much fun to me.”
“Look who’s talking? You put in long hours, work out, and network at the Universal Joint.”
“Network. Is that a euphemism for drinking?”
Joe chuckled. “Probably.”
“I’m doing what I want to, though. I chose this life.”
“Don’t you have any dreams, Sally, besides running a successful business?”
“You mean, like marrying and raising a couple of little grease monkeys? That’s not in my future. I’ve accepted that.” There was a wistfulness in her voice that said otherwise, but Joe let it drop. “What about you, Joe?”
“I know better than to have those dreams. With my career, I’d make lousy family material. Most of the men in the firm who married are already divorced, their marriages casualties of the business.” And he dare not back off now, when he’d been offered the golden egg, a vice-presidency with the firm.
“Your career is in financial planning, right?”
“I’m a financial advisor. I help people invest, plan their retirement, that sort of thing. Plus I bring in new clients.”
“Must be stressful, having to worry about the stock market and such.”
It was what he lived for. “I have to stay on top of things, but I’m doing what I want to,” he said, borrowing her words. “I chose this life.” But at what price?
Sally tried to get up but Joe tightened his embrace, pulling her back against him.
“Where are you going?”
“I think we could both use a bit of cleaning up.”
He quickly vanquished fantasies of soaping each other’s body. “I’d offer to share a shower with you, but did you see how tiny my shower stall is?”
Sally sighed. “Guess we’ll have to take turns in the bathroom. Then you can take me home.”
“You can’t stay?”
“And have your mom and my dad know exactly what we’ve been up to? I don’t think so.”
“What happened to consenting adults?”
“It’d be different if we both weren’t living at home, so to speak.”
“Yeah.” Joe chuckled. “But I doubt either would know exactly what we’ve been up to. Just some heavy petting.”
Sally’s mouth curved against his chest. “Thank you for a great evening, Joe. I mean that.”
“Hey, my pleasure.” It certainly had been, he thought, and grinned in spite of himself.
Much later, when Joe shared a lingering kiss with Sally at her front door, he didn’t grin. Something had shifted tonight, an undefined emotion that upset his equilibrium. His intimacy with Sally, far beyond sex, had bonded him to her. His feelings for her had strengthened, even though he couldn’t see a future for them. He had no idea what to do about it.
Sally opened the shop Saturday morning after only two hours’ sleep. Justin pulled in beside her Mustang, then followed her through the back door.
“Got two jobs coming in today.”
“Two? That’s great. We need the business. What are they?”
Justin shrugged. “A couple of street rods need work. I got a lead from Jerry Dixon.”
“Any kin to Dusty Dixon, the Indy driver?”
“Cousin.”
“Good work. Thanks.”
Justin headed toward the Chrysler 300, dismissing her. Or so she thought. Keeping his back to her, he added, “Those relays came in for the Skyliner. I installed ‘em.”
“So it’s finished?”
“Yeah.”
“All right. I’ll go write it up and call the owner.”
Writing up the ticket, Sally decided to skip her morning work out and head for the Universal Joint for lunch. Uncle Sal would want to see their official Fillies’ Derby Ball portrait. Monette and Jennifer would be waiting for a report from last night.
What would she tell them as she blushed from head to toe just thinking about her night in Joe’s bed? She’d never forget his tender touch, his talented mouth. As quickly as she’d climaxed, he had to know how ready she’d been for him. Or maybe he chalked it up to inexperience. He hadn’t seemed disappointed, though. She grinned.
Now that she’d admitted to herself—never to him—that she loved him, she couldn’t wait to make love with him. She’d buy the damn condoms if she had to. He’d made plans to meet her at the Universal Joint around four. After they visited Grandma in the hospital and reported to her on the Fillies’ Derby Ball, maybe they could go back to his place.
Sally lifted the plastic bag on the seat between her and Joe as they drove toward the hospital that evening. “What’s this?”
“Something I picked up fo
r tonight.”
“Condoms?” she asked.
Parts of Joe leaped to attention. “You surprise me, Sally.”
“It’s your fault. You showed me too good a time last night.”
He shook his head, unable to prevent his own mind from replaying their love-making. “Then my answer is really going to disappoint you. That’s a four-pack of USB drives for a computer.”
“I guess we’re on different wavelengths this evening. So tell me your plans for the USB drives.”
“I’ve another favor to ask of you. I want to do some snooping in Dad’s files.”
“Okay, but I thought you’d done that.”
“Not freely. I want to examine all the files without the danger of someone walking in on me. Are you game?”
“Tonight? At Bloom Desalvo’s?”
He nodded. “I’ve given some thought to Dan Alsop, Ellen Kennedy’s Packard, and the files. I think there may be a second data base, a file of Dan Alsop finds versus legitimate deals.”
“Do you know what you’re saying? You think someone at Bloom Desalvo is involved with Alsop?”
“When I questioned Vic about Alsop, he acted— well, ill at ease, for lack of a better way of explaining it. Call it a hunch.”
“So you want me to act as the lookout?”
“That probably won’t be necessary. I just need my partner there to back me up.”
How could he explain to her that he needed her with him? Period. No rational explanation. In a short time, he’d grown attached to her company. It wasn’t that he was falling in love with her, of course. That would be a mistake, although after last night, he knew he’d crossed some line in their relationship that he hadn’t intended. And he’d been powerless to stop it.
The condoms remark had rattled him, although he’d tried not to show it. Sally wanted to take that final step and become lovers. Funny, but Joe had never worried about the emotional consequences of sex before. Now with Sally, he walked on eggshells, determined not to lead her on or hurt her. Where his mind had resolve, his body betrayed him. That’s why there would be no stopping for condoms tonight. It was one purchase he couldn’t afford.
At the hospital, Grandma greeted them with a satisfied smile. “Did you two enjoy the ball?”
Restore My Heart Page 19