“I miss you.”
A single tear welled up in the corner of my eye, and I wiped it away. I asked:
“Can I see you?”
A longer silence followed. I wondered if I’d already pushed too far too soon. I tried to stay calm, but my hands shook so hard that I could barely hold my mug of tea without spilling it. I sang along with two songs and slid further down onto the couch. Finally, an answer came through. James said:
“Sure, give me five minutes. I’ll make the call.”
I pulled myself off the couch and carried my tea to the bedroom to find my laptop computer. I started to bring the computer to the living room, but then I decided to just stay in the bedroom. I sat on the bed with my back propped up against the headboard while I waited for James’ call.
When the call rang on the computer, I pushed the wrong key at first and struggled to answer. Frustrations with my ridiculous nerves surged up from my gut. Finally, James appeared on the screen. I swallowed hard. He was shirtless, and he was smiling. I tried hard not to cry. I told myself I was stronger than that, and I didn’t want James to see tears.
He leaned in close to the screen and asked, “Aren’t you going to say something?”
I flailed somewhere between smiling and crying. I didn’t know what to do. James was stunning. I wanted to reach through the screen and touch him. I wanted to hold him against me. Oh, he probably wants me to take my shirt off. I started to fumble with the buttons on my shirt.
James said, “Don’t do that unless you want to. No pressure, Lucas. I’m just happy to see you after all this time. How are you?”
I swallowed hard and continued to get my fingers tangled up with the buttons on my shirt. I said, “I’m good. I think I am. Yes, I’m good. What about you?”
“Happy now that I see you,” said James. He looked so relaxed. He looked like he was planning to talk to me all along. It was like someone hit rewind, and he was the James I kissed after skating six months ago.
I was finally able to pull my shirt off of my shoulders, and I shivered even though it was late summer. I was always proud of my body, and I never felt nervous taking my shirt off, but I was suddenly nervous with James. I wanted him to like me. I wanted him to forget my petulance and ignore the fact that I didn’t contact him for six months. I felt naked on the screen.
James said, “We made it to the hockey playoffs, but then we lost in the quarterfinals.”
I said, “That’s…exciting.”
He said, “I’m going to try speed skating in the fall. I’m curious, and I’ve done some training moves this summer. You’re an inspiration.”
Me an inspiration? The fog in my brain was beginning to clear somewhat. I said, “James, I have to tell you something.”
He tilted his head to the side. “Tell me something?”
“I’m in Chicago.”
James leaned in close to the camera again. “No, really? What are you doing here? I mean, what are you doing there. I mean, I didn’t mean to say it like that. You’ve got me flustered. How did you get to come to Chicago and how long are you staying? Is this another short trip to visit Sophie?”
He was the same adorable James. I loved every time he found it necessary to correct himself. It made him human and humble. I said, “I applied for a teaching job helping students paint at a small college. I’m living in an apartment near Sophie and Jerry. The position is for a full year, possibly two.”
James sounded choked up when he said, “Oh, wow, that’s amazing. I don’t know…what to say. You’re so close.”
I started to relax. Maybe it was the fact that James looked just as nervous and confused as me. “Will you come and visit me sometime.”
“Oh, well, yes, of course, I think. I don’t think. I know. Shit, Lucas. Of course, I’ll come and see you.” James paused for a moment. He leaned back slightly, and he said, “Aww, fuck.” He stopped talking for a moment and then whispered, “Breathe, James. Just breathe.”
I waited to see if he was going to say anything else. James started talking again. “I’m just going to say it, and you can turn this shit off if you want to stop me. I missed the hell out of you. I’ve thought about you so much I thought I was going insane. Now when I see you, I’m fucking horny as hell, and that’s both embarrassing and impossibly hot.” He said, “You can stop me now before I say something else ridiculous.”
“Why would I stop you? I could have said the same thing.”
17
James
Have you ever had a day when it felt like the earth wobbled on its axis and things got so crazy that you had no clue what was going to happen next?
I couldn’t believe the blabbering that was coming out of my mouth on the screen, but it was all true. Lucas made me nuts in a way nobody else ever did. I wanted to reach through the screen and kiss him. I tried to see his tongue every time he spoke. I could see his nipples getting stiff when he took his shirt off, and it made my heart stop for a few seconds.
Lucas said, “I want to ask something crazy. Is that okay?”
I said, “Please do. Don’t make me be the only one of us that can’t control himself. What do you want to ask?”
“Can I take the rest of my clothes off? I want you to see me.”
I was silent. I didn’t know what to say. Lucas wanted to get naked for me. The only thing better would be having the ability to touch him. It’s going to be torture if I can’t touch him. Lucas stared at the screen waiting for my answer. I said, “Yeah, do you want me to strip, too?”
I saw a huge smile fill his face. He said, “Yes, of course.”
I didn’t care if we were acting like sleazy porn models. I didn’t care how quick we went from nervous hello to naked on the screen. My eyes were glued to the computer while Lucas tugged off his sneakers, peeled off his socks and then pushed his jeans and boxer briefs down over his hips and thick, muscular thighs. My mouth turned dry and cottony when I saw his cock. It was long, uncut and veiny. He was so hard that it stuck straight out toward the screen. Fuck, is that precum at the tip?
Lucas whispered, “I’ve never done this for anybody before. I’ve only taken my clothes off in person.”
I tugged my jeans down, and I nearly fell off the bed when the cuffs got caught awkwardly on my heels. I groaned, “Oh, shit. That’s embarrassing.” I don’t know what he saw when the laptop fell sideways. I was just as hard as Lucas. My cock pointed up and at an angle to the left. I wanted to grab it and stroke, but I needed to right the laptop so that we could see each other again.
Lucas’ smooth voice said, “It’s okay, James. I’m nervous, too. You are so handsome. All of you.”
I laughed as I set up the computer again. “You haven’t seen it all yet.”
“Now I see it, and I was right.” Lucas laughed softly.
I asked, “Is it okay if I say just what I think. I know I won’t be polite, and my parents would kill me if they knew I was a slut like this in their house, but I can’t help it, Lucas. Seriously, I can’t. You make me nuts.”
“I want you to say what you think.”
I took a deep breath and stared directly into the screen. “Good, because when I look at you like this, I can’t stop myself from touching my cock. I want to do it just like this.” I spit into my hand, reached down and wrapped my fingers around the shaft. I started to stroke. “I want to see you do it, too.”
I was circumcised, but Lucas wasn’t. I was fascinated to watch him stroke his cock and rub the foreskin up over his head. As his excitement grew, he rubbed the skin over one particular spot on the helmet. I stroked faster, and soon it looked like Lucas forgot that I was there. He pushed himself up onto his knees and then leaned his long, slim, muscular torso back while he closed his eyes. He was better than any porn video. I wanted to touch him. I wanted to feel the muscles in his abs quiver.
Lucas opened his eyes and rose upward again. He blinked to clear his vision and asked, “Will you cum with me, James?”
“Yeah, I’m gettin
g close.” I worked my fist like a piston. I whispered, “Do that again, Lucas.”
He leaned forward. “Do what?”
“That leaning back thing. It’s like pure sex. You’re like a God. Damn, please.”
He beamed at me and then closed his eyes while he slowly leaned back again. His cock pointed directly at the screen, and I watched the skin move forward and back. Lucas’ fingers were expert at manipulating his cock head and foreskin. I watched a shudder move throughout his body. I thought he was going to cum, but it was just the first tremor.
He gasped for air, and I stroked harder. I reached down and gripped the base of my balls tugging them downward. That was always almost enough to send me right over the edge.
Another tremor wracked Lucas’ body, and he murmured, “Now. I’m going to cum now…”
His entire body shuddered. I couldn’t keep my eyes off him. Suddenly, ropy white cum erupted. It arced backward toward his abs, and I couldn’t help myself. I exploded, too. I groaned when a wad of cum hit the computer screen. “Shit, Lucas! Look what you did to me.”
He sat up again and opened his eyes while his chest rose and fell gasping for breath. He saw the cum on the camera and laughed. He said, “You are so sexy, James. I want to sleep with you.”
“I wish you were here tonight in my bed.”
I watched in disbelief as Lucas leaned into the computer screen and he licked the spot on his screen that was obscured by my wad of cum. The meaning of the gesture was blatantly evident. He said, “I would do that all over your body.”
I started to ask questions about logistics of seeing Lucas in Chicago, but he held a finger to his lips. He said, “Shh, let’s not talk about that right now. Let’s enjoy what happened. Let me see how beautiful you are. Let’s go to bed thinking about nothing but that.”
I settled down, and we spent ten more minutes online talking about nothing. Finally, we both kissed the screen and quietly said goodnight.
18
Lucas
Before I crawled out of bed the next morning, I had a text message from Sophie.
“What happened?”
I tried to think of something short to say that would satisfy her curiosity. I had a busy morning planned, and I didn’t want to spend a lot of time giving details about the night before. In fact, I didn’t want to share much of anything that James and I did with Sophie. I finally typed:
“We’re an item again. He will come to Chicago.”
It was perfect for Sophie. Her response made me smile.
“Congratulations! I’ll talk to you later. Jerry wants his breakfast.”
I had an hour of time available in my studio at the college before teaching my first class of the day. Fortunately, I had the foresight to complete my lecture plans before dinner with Sophie and Jerry. I nearly pushed them aside to wait until after the meal was over. If I’d done that, I would have rushed through my morning. Instead, I knew what I wanted to do with my hour when I arrived at the studio.
I pulled out a folio from my sketching days back in Amsterdam. It held images of hockey players, and two sketches of James in particular. The images of James showed him speed skating instead of playing hockey. I took out my paints and began turning one sketch into a proper portrait. He told me that he was trying speed skating, so the portrait was more accurate than I expected when I created it.
I still had a lot of work left to do when the hour was over, but the icy blues and etched lines indicating speed were beginning to fill the canvas. I appeared in the classroom with a smile on my face ready to face a busy day.
By the time my workday ended, I was eager to return home. I had a brief text conversation with James during lunch hour and arranged to meet him online at 7:00 p.m. Communication would be significantly less complicated with us living in the same time zone. I tried to concentrate on classes and meetings with students, but it was difficult. I found my attention drifting off to memories of the night before and speculation about the next time I would see James in person.
As soon as the clock reached 5:00 p.m., my phone rang. This time it was Sophie. She said, “Tell me more now. I have a casserole in the oven, and I know your work day just ended.”
“And my older sister is bossy.”
Sophie laughed. “I think you’re stuck with that. I’ve been that way since day one.”
I said, “I don’t have a lot to tell. It went great. James hasn’t changed much. He’s home for the summer, and he will be going back to college for his senior year in the fall.”
“The important question is when you will see him next.”
“I’m talking to him tonight, and I think we’re going to discuss that.” I said, “I hope he can come here before he goes back to school. If not, I’m thinking about ways that I can travel to Minnesota. It would be good to see more of the United States while I’m here.”
Sophie said, “I think the two of you should go to California together. Take a trip. You will figure out whether or not you are the perfect match.”
I paused before I responded to Sophie. She had a good idea. I said, “I can’t afford it right now, but maybe during James’ Christmas break. It’s something worth discussing.”
Sophie said, “I’m full of great ideas sometimes. Jerry will be home soon, and he’ll be grumbling about dinner. He had a rough day at work. My casserole will soothe the savage beast.”
I smiled. Sophie and Jerry knew exactly what to do for each other to deal with any negative situation. I hoped one day to have a partner like that. Maybe James was the one. I needed a lot more information to know for sure. I looked forward to finding out.
At 7:00 p.m. on the dot, the video chat on my computer rang. It was James, and he was smiling. Before I could say hello, he said, “I’ve got a plan for coming to Chicago. Can you put me up? I can spring for the ticket to get there, but I can’t afford a hotel.”
I asked, “Do you think I would let you stay anywhere else?”
James shrugged. “Some people are kind of funny about that. My mom will think I should stay at a hotel. I’ll figure out a way to both avoid lying and avoid telling her any details. As long as she can call me on the phone, she’ll be satisfied.”
“You’re a good son, James.”
He nodded. “I try to be one of the good guys. I’m sorry I screwed up so badly with you last winter.”
I shook my head. “Let’s not talk about that. When do you think you can be here? When do your classes start? We’ve already started here.”
“I was thinking about traveling down there during the week before Labor Day. That’s next week. Then I need to get back here by Sunday. We start classes on Tuesday, the day after Labor Day.”
I said, “I do need to go to work and teach classes, but I think you can figure out something to do during the day. You’ve been to Chicago before.”
“I can do that. Oh, Lucas, I’m so happy. The only hard thing is I know I won’t want to leave. I love Chicago, and, well, there’s you.”
I couldn’t stop myself from smiling when I talked to James. “We’ll have a brilliant time, and I promise not to keep you in the apartment the whole time.”
He smirked and said, “I thought you might lock me in the bedroom the whole time.”
“Would that be a bad thing?”
We continued our conversation for another hour, and then it came to a close when we both leaned forward and kissed the screen. James said, “Next week it’s in person.”
I added, “With tongue.”
James yelped, “Damn, that made my cock jump.”
19
James
I took the train from the Twin Cities to Chicago. It was a long ride, but it was cheaper than flying. Unfortunately, I had almost nothing to do on the way but think about Lucas. I should have brought books to read or videos to watch on my laptop. I spoke to Lucas by video on the phone as the train sped through central Wisconsin. I didn’t recognize where he was when he was calling. I could see a few artist easels in the backgr
ound, and paintings hung on the wall. I asked, “Where are you?”
Lucas said, “This is my studio. I will show it to you in person, but I wanted to share something I finished a few minutes ago.”
“You have a whole studio of your own?”
“I have studio space that the college provided when I was hired to teach. It’s a great perk of the job. They want to help me with moving my painting success forward.” I watched as Lucas stepped closer to the easels. A bluish painting rested on one of them. Lucas re-oriented the phone so that I could see both the painting and Lucas standing beside it.
He said, “This is the one I wanted to show you.”
My mouth dropped open. I said, “That is beautiful.” It was a painting of a speed skater in mid-stride. I touched my fingers to the screen to zoom in and magnify the image of the painting. I thought I recognized the face. I asked, “Is that really…”
“It’s you,” said Lucas.
“But I’ve never worn a speed skating uniform around you.”
Lucas shifted the focus of the camera on the phone back to himself. He said, “That’s true, and the full disclosure is I painted it as a sort of combination of you and me.”
“Wow, and it’s beautiful. I guess you aren’t surprised, but I’ve never had anyone do a painting of me. I guess it doesn’t happen that often anymore. This is the first time. It’s a little weird, but it’s exciting, too. What are you going to do with the painting?”
“I thought about giving it to you.”
My hand holding the phone shook. I said, “Oh, I don’t know if you should do that. I mean, thank you for the idea. That’s so sweet, but I don’t know if I could do it justice. Where would I hang it? The house I live in with my friends in college is falling apart, and it wouldn’t look right in my bedroom at my parents’ house.”
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