“That’s amazing. And that pays well?”
“Pays enough,” Crosby said.
“Corey is an engineer,” Kait said. “Super smart. I don’t know what he does for a living, but he likes it.”
“Engineering, nice,” Crosby said. “I can take care of sound engineering. That’s about it.”
“And you run,” Kait said.
“Yeah,” Crosby said.
“You look like you lift weights too,” Kait added.
“You’re married,” I said.
“She knows,” Corey said with a grin.
“This doesn’t bother you?” I asked Corey.
“No,” he said. “Should it?”
Corey looked at Crosby.
“Doesn’t bother me,” Crosby said.
“I have a question,” Meadow said.
“What’s that?” Crosby asked.
“Why do you smoke like Aunt Josie does?”
And there it is…
“Well, that’s a hard answer,” Crosby said.
“Try me,” Meadow challenged.
“Hey, kiddo, why don’t we just eat dinner?” Corey said. “Leave Mr. Crosby alone.”
“I will not,” Meadow said. “Smoking is bad for you. It turns your lungs black. You cough a lot. You get sick. And then you die.”
“Meadow,” I said.
I eyed Kait, but she just sat there.
That was Kait. One second my friend. The next second a bitch.
“It’s fine,” Crosby said. “You know, you’re really smart, Meadow. And if I knew the things you do at your age, I bet you I wouldn’t have smoked ever. So that means you’re smart, have really good parents, and you’re going to be super awesome and super healthy.”
“What about yourself?” Meadow asked. “Don’t you and Aunt Josie want to get married and have kids?”
“What?” I asked, my eyes going wider than ever before.
“Smoking makes it hard to have kids,” Meadow said.
“Where did you learn that?” Corey asked.
“I researched it. Since Aunt Josie is in love now, they’re going to have to get married and have kids, right?”
I touched my forehead.
“Meadow, that’s not how it always works,” Kait said.
“Oh,” she said.
I looked over at Crosby and he sat there, stone faced, but sad. Really sad.
Meadow was hitting a nerve.
He then wiped his mouth and pushed away from the table. “I think I might leave. I’m sorry. I have… a…”
“Don’t leave,” Corey said.
“I’m sorry about Meadow,” Kait said. “She speaks her mind.”
“I understand. That’s kids,” Crosby said.
“You have experience with kids?” Kait asked.
Another nerve hit.
This was getting worse by the second.
Crosby stood up. “I just… I can tell…”
“This is my fault,” I said and jumped up. “I should have said something earlier. When you offered for him to come over for dinner, Kait. Crosby has work tonight.”
“Work?” she asked.
“Songwriting,” I said. “He has a writing partner. Jonny.”
I looked at Crosby and he gave a weak smile.
“I didn’t want to be rude,” Crosby said. “I appreciate the dinner. And, Meadow, I appreciate what you said. I’ll keep it in mind.”
“You should,” Meadow said. “Aunt Josie’s biological clock is ticking.”
Kait and Corey started to laugh.
They thought it was funny.
I didn’t.
But they didn’t know a thing about Crosby or his life.
“Thank you again for this dinner,” Crosby said.
“You only ate a few mouthfuls,” Kait said. “At least let me get you something to go.”
“Really, I’m fine,” he said.
“Here, let me walk you out,” I said and put a hand to Crosby’s back and pushed.
Corey jumped up and gave a wave. “Nice to meet you.”
“Same to you,” Crosby said.
“Bye, Mr. Crosby,” Meadow called out in a voice that sounded like an eight-year-old.
“Ms. Meadow,” Crosby said. “Watch those sidewalks out there.”
When I finally got Crosby out to the porch, I felt small enough to be squished under his shoe.
He walked down two steps, ready to just walk away like I wasn’t even there.
“Cros,” I said.
He stopped. “Josie.”
“I’m so sorry about that. Family…”
He shook his head. “They did nothing wrong, love. It’s me. It’s all on me. I should have known better.”
“Known better than what?” I asked.
“Nothing.”
He took another step and I moved after him. My hand grazed his shoulder and he turned around. I was slightly taller than him as he stared at me.
“Don’t leave,” I whispered.
“There are some things, love…”
I touched his face. “I understand. I promise, Cros, I understand.”
I leaned forward and put my forehead to his.
He didn’t like to be vulnerable, but being that way toward me meant so much. My heart raced and pounded, two emotions at once. Wanting to care for Crosby and loving Crosby.
“Hey, I have an idea,” he whispered.
“What’s that?” I asked.
“Let’s go get some real food…”
26
DINNER AND A QUESTION…
NOW
Crosby
She looked beautiful sitting across from me at the wobbly, sticky table.
The little pizza place was stuffy and sweaty, the smell of bread and garlic filling the air. Neon lights buzzed around us, almost like a dive bar, except these lights were for food.
“So, is that the normal over there?” I asked, breaking the mile thick ice.
It was something like a small panic attack that happened. And usually when that happened, I would go for a run. Or go lift weights until my body refused to move.
I sat at that dinner table with the best of intentions. Ready to eat whatever the hell Josie’s sister-in-law made, but it took a turn. Looking at her brother, there were flashes of Noah. Looking at Kait, there were flashes of Cindi. And then sweet little Meadow. That beautiful young girl with the big glasses, looking at me, asking a million questions about my life… that was Nicholas.
“That’s how it usually goes,” Josie said. “And I’m really sorry about that. I had no idea she was going to offer for you to come over. And I had no idea you’d say yes. Why did you say yes?”
I grinned. “That doesn’t matter, love. How did Kait get involved in all that hippy stuff?”
Josie peeled another slice of pizza off the warped tray.
“She thinks she’ll live forever,” she said. “That she has a deeper connection to the world and nature and energies.”
“Energies?” I asked.
“Yeah. Like people give off energy. And our souls or whatever can somehow move through time. Being at the right place at the right time. Or meeting the right person at the right time. That kind of thing.”
“So, she does yoga and eats black bean spaghetti and that cleanses her soul?” I asked, slowly grinning.
“Basically,” Josie said.
“I wonder what pizza does to your soul,” I said.
Josie chomped down on a bite. She curled her lip and pulled the pizza away, leaving a drooping string of cheese. She chewed louder. Swallowed louder.
Then she said, “Happy. It makes your soul happy. I don’t need to be all analytical on things. Not like she does. And I’m sorry she pushed at you. And I’m sorry for the way Meadow is. She used to be worse. I’ve mellowed her out a little. I keep telling Kait that she’s raising her… I don’t know. I guess it’s not my business how they raise her.”
“She’s just too smart for her own good,” I said. “My…”
I cle
ared my throat.
Are you going to fucking talk about him like he’s alive? Is that what happens now, Crosby?
“Your what?” Josie asked.
I shook my head. “You know, people have their own ways of coping with life. There’s no shame in what Kait does. And your brother doesn’t mind.”
“That’s because she’s out of his league,” she said. “He’ll do anything for her.”
“Or maybe he just loves her that much.”
Josie waved a hand. “Blah, blah. When did you get so romantic? You’re supposed to be cynical like me.”
“Cynical, huh? I shoved nasty food down my throat just to sit next to you, love. I’m pretty sure you owe me right now.”
“Owe you what?”
“A piece of your soul, maybe?”
“Meaning?”
“Those paintings I saw,” I said. “The story you haven’t told me yet.”
Josie stiffened in her seat. “It’s really nothing like you’re making it out to be.”
“But it’s something.”
“There was someone, okay? Things were good. Things went bad. And here I am now.”
“That simple?”
“Is it ever that simple, Cros?”
“No,” I said.
Josie went back to eating.
I paid for the pizza and took Josie by the hand and we left.
Outside, we each smoked, walking slowly next to each other, our shoulders casually bumping into one another. Silently flirting. Stupidly grinning at each other. I made a quick move and pulled her to the side of the old building and pinned her against it.
“You’re getting to me, love,” I warned.
“What does that mean?”
“I’ve given you more than I’ve given…”
“Don’t stop, Cros,” she whispered. “I can take it all.”
“Is that what you think?” I asked.
“Try me.”
I kissed her, tasting her thin, sweet lips. Her tongue fluttering at that first real moment of kissing. I loved the way she tried to kiss back at me harder than I was kissing her.
Kissing her was a jolt of something to my body. She made me feel alive and crazy enough to want to keep living and do more with my life. She made my mind throw out images of us spending more time together. Wanting to give her whatever time I had to give.
“You know, Kait said we were meant to be together,” Josie said with my lips brushing against hers.
“Oh yeah?” I asked.
“Yeah. She said that when we were younger, our love of our art brought us together. You played guitar to impress me. I painted because I liked you playing guitar. And that energy carried until now. And here we are.”
“So, this is all about energy,” I said.
“I guess. Our souls. Our energy.”
“Can I confess something?”
“Anything,” Josie said.
“I think your sister-in-law is full of shit.”
Josie laughed. She put her head back, laughing into the night. Her laugh echoing around.
I kissed her neck and she jumped and let out a playful yell.
I swung her around, holding her tight as I lifted her up.
“But really though, I sort of get it,” I whispered to her.
I put her back to her feet and took her hand again.
“Get what?” Josie asked.
“The way things go. You being next door when we were young. It just stuck in my head. I wrote songs about you.”
“Really? Can I hear them?”
“Calm down, love. I was a teenager. I don’t have those songs anymore. They don’t matter. But you caught my attention. When I needed it most then… and now.”
Josie looked up at me and smiled. She bit her bottom lip. “Cros… I feel the same way.”
My hands moved down to the small of her back as I pulled her tighter against me. Josie let out a soft purr as she put her hands to the wall, hovering on top of me. Her hair fell in front of her face, making her look more of a beautiful mess than she already did. I held her and thrust, feeling the depths of her core and that wicked threatening feeling inside me, wanting to let go.
“Cros,” she whispered. “Cros…”
She rocked her hips forward, almost curling her body.
I growled when she made that move.
Goddamn, the way her body was able to move.
I moved my right hand up to her hair, pulling her down for a kiss. Her tongue was sweet and sloppy, making the kiss as wild as our night together.
Josie broke the short-lived kiss and pressed her lips to my neck. She bit and groaned as she moved her hips harder, faster, rising and lowering against me, using my body for her own needs.
This I could easily get used to.
Taking Josie out. Bringing her back home. Kissing her body in places that made her blush. Watching her clothes fall to the floor, piece by piece, before taking her to bed.
“Oh, fuck,” Josie whispered into my ear.
Her hips slammed down to my body and she held there, shuddering against me.
I touched her ass, my fingers spread wide, holding her right there as she pulsed against me. The swell of her sex wanted the same from me.
Instead, I had something else in mind.
I made a quick move.
Keeping our bodies locked together, I rolled Josie to her back. I pulled my lower half back and thrust forward without hesitation. She groaned and arched her back, lifting her chest, her head digging into the pillows on the bed. Her hands grabbed my arms, her nails sinking in hard, clutching tight.
I loved her body, feeling every perfect inch as my eyes studied even more of her.
When Josie lowered her back down to the bed, her eyes were as wicked as ever when she looked at me. I hurried to kiss her because I felt myself ready to tell her I was falling in love with her. Part of me still wanted her to have the chance to run. To get the hell away from me before I hurt her. Yet my heart wanted nothing to do with hurting her. My heart wanted to take care of her for the rest of her life.
Josie groaned into my mouth as I drove my body forward.
Her fingers danced down the side of my body, sliding around to my lower back. She lifted her body off the bed and almost cradled herself in my arms. I held her as I felt myself no longer able to hold back. Giving her everything I had. My body. My pleasure. Resting deep inside her, her hips rocking back and forth against me, making sure there wasn’t a second wasted or lost between us.
Even after I moved away from her, Josie wasn’t done. She put her leg around me and pulled her body close to mine. The smell of her skin was as addicting as the feel of her body. My hand couldn’t decide what it liked to touch the best. The back of her leg. The curve of her ass. The small of her back. The softness of her hair.
I leaned into her and kissed her shoulder.
I made a small trail down her arm and then reversed it all the way up to her neck.
We were moving in the wrong direction here.
The fun teasing came after we had already finished.
But that just meant we could go again.
I kissed to her lips and didn’t kiss her though. “Josie,” I whispered. “I’m falling for you, love.”
“I know,” she whispered. “I’m falling too, Cros.”
“I really wish you wouldn’t.”
“It’s too late though.”
“I know,” I said, curling my lip.
Josie touched my face. “Does it ever not hurt?”
“The only time it stops hurting is when I’m with you.”
“Cros…”
“I’m not just saying that either. I mean it.”
“What if I told you the same thing happened to me when I was near you?”
I stroked my thumb across her soft cheek. “Then I think we’re on a dangerous collision with forever.”
After my morning smoke, I sat down with a guitar and had an idea where to go. Jonny was back out in Nashville, meeting up with J
ackie and another band to see if things were going to be a good fit. I could have gone out there too if I wanted, but that would mean missing my bed and the person still in it sleeping.
I was screwed.
I was in love with her.
There was no way around it.
I was in love with Josie.
My darkest secret was in the care of her heart, even if there were pieces of that secret still left hanging around.
Without so much as touching a string, I put the guitar down and traded it for my phone.
If I called Cindi, what would I say? If I sent her some lame text…
I tossed my phone aside and stood up.
I got myself a cup of coffee and went back outside for another smoke.
The only thing that could ease me made her presence known a few minutes later.
When I heard the sound of the door opening behind me, I turned to see Josie coming outside wearing the comforter from the bed. I loved the way she left her bed head hair all messy. She probably cared about the way she looked, but this was real beauty. If someone could look this way waking up, her eyes locked to mine, a smile creeping along her face…
I had to look away before I ended up telling her I loved her or asking her to marry me.
What the fuck are you doing, Crosby?
“Morning, love,” I whispered.
She walked to the railing and plucked the cigarette from my fingers. The move was so calm and so sexy, my knees started to give a little. I had spent a long time building myself to be strong and fast, and here was the woman who was able to cut me down with ease.
Her lips touched the cigarette and she looked at me. After that first drag, she said, “Good morning, Cros.”
She reached for my coffee and took that too.
“Anything else of mine you want?” I asked.
“Just one more thing,” she said and wiggled her eyebrows. “It’s the biggest and my most favorite.”
I turned and leaned against the railing. “I guess that would make this a really good morning.”
“I guess so,” she said.
She finished my cigarette and she drank my coffee.
I watched in awe, marveling at everything Josie truly was.
There was an emptiness in my heart that she was slowly filling with each smile, each drag of her cigarette and each sip of her coffee.
“You should fix things with your sister, Cros,” Josie said.
“What’s that?”
Getting Over You Page 19