“That’s not everything, Crosby,” I said.
I broke away from him and stood up. I paced back and forth.
“Tell me everything, love,” he said.
I looked back at him. “He wanted to marry me… and I would have said yes.”
I froze in place and stared at Crosby. I didn’t want to lose him. I didn’t want him to not understand how I felt. I didn’t want him to leave.
“Josie, that’s a lot to carry on your own,” he said. He reached his right hand out for me. “I’m sorry you had to go through that. All of it. Loving someone who wasn’t perfect for you.”
I slowly nodded. “I was a fool, Cros. A stupid fool. I told myself I would never let that kind of thing happen. And I did. There were so many nights…”
He wiggled his fingers and I touched his hand.
We were then in silence.
Until I pulled at him.
I did not have the strength to actually pull Crosby to his feet. But he rose up anyway for me. Towering over me. The heat of the fire was nothing compared to the heat coming off his body as he inched closer to me.
“What do you need from me right now, love?” he asked. “I can be anything you want.”
“What if I just want you to hold me? Be… a friend?”
“Then I’ll be that. I’ll be your best girlfriend or whatever.” Crosby smirked. “We can make more marshmallows and talk about boys. And our changing bodies.”
I shut my eyes and laughed.
I wasn’t in the mood to laugh but Crosby made me.
I slipped my hands around his body and put my head to his chest.
Very slowly, Crosby rocked left to right.
His large hands spread wide across my back.
After only a few seconds, I looked up. I studied the way Crosby’s scruffy chin was so defined. My artist eyes memorizing cuts and lines, envisioning painting him. But the eyes that connected to my heart - and other places - saw something much different.
I broke away from the hug and took his hand.
My eyes were then set on the tent.
I pulled. He followed.
I dropped the blanket and was wearing nothing but an old, baggy t-shirt and a pair of black panties. Crosby was in jeans and a wrinkly gray t-shirt. I could mostly stand in the tent, but he couldn’t. Even on his knees, he still had to hunch over.
Tall. Big. Strong.
Mine.
My body began to ache. And I wasn’t sure if the reasons were exactly right or wrong, but at least I was with Crosby. At least I wasn’t seeking this kind of comfort in the arms of a stranger after having a few drinks to take away the edge. Because Crosby was the edge and I kept running toward it and wanting to go over it.
I fell to my knees and started to breathe heavily. I swallowed hard as I grabbed the bottom of my t-shirt and took it off.
“Josie,” Crosby’s deep voice growled.
I reached forward and pulled at the top of his jeans.
Crosby took his shirt off and crawled toward me on his knees. His hands touched my sides, sending tingling pulses up and down my body. My toes curled behind me and I sucked in a breath. As his fingertips crept to the front of my body, I shivered. My nipples tightened and hardened, primed for his fingers, hands, mouth…
“Is this what you do with all your friends?” Crosby asked as he lowered his mouth to mine.
We kissed. Deep. Slow. Oh, so fucking slow…
The way he kissed me made my hips thrust with a deep need.
His left hand eased over my right breast. I sighed into his mouth and broke the kiss to look down and see him touching me. His hand engulfing my entire breast. Feeling the tenderness of my nipple rubbing against his palm. I bit my lip and let my head fall back, begging for more without saying a word.
With his right hand, Crosby inched down and dipped his fingertips into the front of my panties. He wasted no time in rounding my most seductive curve, pressing against my already damp skin, making small, circular motions, coaxing the petals of my flower to bloom against his touch. I slid my knees against the sleeping bag, giving more of myself to him, fighting against the resistance of my own panties.
When I exhaled a deep breath, it was thrown right back into my face thanks to being in a tent. It was already warm, stuffy, the smell of our skin and my body lingering.
Crosby’s lips touched my neck.
I jumped.
He quickly moved his hand from my chest around to my back. He pulled me tight against his chest. My breasts pressing against muscle. He rubbed his nose against my neck, sucking in a breath, only to release it at my ear. Tickling and torturing me at the same time.
Between my legs, he flirted with me. His fingers making bigger circles, my body throbbing for more of him. When he curled his fingers and pressed, I jumped again, groaning.
“You feel perfect, love,” he whispered into my ear.
Before I could say anything back, he thrust his fingers harder, twisting them, stealing my breath and replacing it with an instant and intense pleasure.
My hands clutched to the sides of his body. There was nothing to grab onto, so I used my nails to get some kind of traction.
As his fingers took their time taking care of me, he moved his hand down my back and pulled at the top of my panties. It was an awkward wrestling kind of thing that ensued as I wiggled my hips and lifted my knees, letting him strip me naked. While the entire time he didn’t stop moving his touch between my legs.
I was able to open my legs more for him.
He drove his fingers deep inside me and held. Touching places some women believed didn’t actually exist. But they did. And Crosby knew where those places were and what to do. My hands began to touch the top of his jeans, inching their way toward the button. That’s when Crosby used his thumb and pressed against another place on my body that made me instantly freeze. My fingers curled around his jeans and my toes curled tighter than ever.
He put his forehead to mine, our eyes locked tight.
His thumb slowly moved up and down my clit, keeping enough pressure that I couldn’t find a full breath to take.
“Keep going, love,” he ordered me.
I wanted to order him to do the same thing.
My lips quivered as I ached for a kiss. But Crosby left me hanging, my body’s entire focus on what he was doing to me between my legs. My hips rocked back and forth, and Crosby chased me down. He pressed harder against my sensitive nub, pushing me closer to the edge. My breathing became more and more wild. I felt like the tent was starting to spin. The muscles of my legs locked up and I drove forward, hard against his touch, as I felt that last surge of pleasure attack from within my core.
I tried to make a sound, but that was the moment Crosby finally kissed me.
I cried out into his mouth but that didn’t faze him a bit. He kissed me hard and fast as my body ached and I came. He stayed with me, knowing how fast to go, when to slow, but he never took his touch from me.
Instead, he kept going, already hinting that we weren’t finished just yet.
I melted into him, breaking the kiss, my lips kissing his chest, searching for more relief than he had already given me.
“You’re everything to me, Josie,” he whispered. “No matter what has happened or what will happen, I want you to know that.”
He touched the back of my leg with his free hand and pulled. In a quick move, Crosby led me down to the sleeping bag, putting me on my back. He was then over me, protecting me without needing or trying to. I trusted him with everything… well beyond my body.
I melted into the sleeping bag, the lower half of my body jittery with so much still happening inside me. His fingers continued to touch me, gently sliding up and down against my slit, never giving me a second to catch my breath.
Crosby opened his jeans and pushed them down enough to show me what touching me had done to him. The sight of his bare, full, hard thickness made me bite my bottom lip so hard, I thought I was going to draw blood. He was
beautiful and ready, and he didn’t hesitate for a second as he moved toward me. I dug my heels into the sleeping bag as I felt the touch of his fingers move down to my inner thigh. It was replaced with the touch of his body. The swell of his cock touching me, giving me half a second before he sank into me.
I cried out with pleasure and needed relief as Crosby took himself to the hilt. There he held himself, his eyes then setting their sights on me one more time. I watched as his eyes scanned from my eyes, down my body, and slowly back up.
He moved down, slowly pressing his body to mine, his lips kissing my left shoulder. The move made me lose my breath, among other things he was doing to me. As he pulled his hips back with calm and perfect precision, my mouth fell open and I couldn’t blink, my body built up with so much anticipation for that first real thrust.
When Crosby gave it to me, I slapped my hands to his back, crying out again.
He kissed from my shoulder to my neck. He began to fuck harder. He kissed from my neck to my lips, where he just held there, not kissing me. And he began to fuck even harder. We were a sweaty mess of hot breaths and hotter glances.
The only time we kissed was when we both finished together.
31
HIS WORDS TO YOU…
NOW
Crosby
It might have been the most beautiful sight I had ever seen.
Well, maybe the second, it was a tough debate.
I woke up and watched Josie sleeping on her back, her hair a mess, spread out behind her, the sleeping bag resting just above the swell of her breasts. Her right arm was up, and it looked as though she was about to bite on her thumbnail. Her skin smelled warm and sweet, a mix of nature, sleep, and what we had done the night before.
I let her sleep as I packed up everything I could.
What challenged the sight of that, was seeing Josie cuddled up in the front seat of my truck. Her hair still a mess, but wearing my hoodie, which was three times the size of her body, her legs sticking out of the bottom of it, giving the appearance that she wasn’t wearing anything under it. Wearing a pair of pink socks that came up to her ankles that rested on the dashboard of my truck.
She had her hands hidden in the sleeves of my hoodie, and when she looked at me, her eyes were laced with love, sleep, and sex. And that combination was beyond deadly.
When I got into the truck and reached to put the truck into drive, Josie reached out and touched my hand.
“Wait, Cros,” she whispered. “Before we leave. I think everything needs to be said. I want to leave it here.”
“Leave what here?” I asked.
“What I said last night,” she said.
I nodded. “Josie, I meant what I said about what you went through. You never got the ending you wanted and deserved.”
She shook her head. “It’s not just that, Cros. I mean, yeah, I had it all worked out and he ended up dying. That in itself is such a mess. But I let it all… I almost lost Corey over it. And that meant losing Kait and Meadow. Corey isn’t the rough and tough brother I needed. He’s my little brother. I was the rough and tough one. I paved the way for him. Through my dumb stuff in life, he came out on top. Which is good. He’s a good person. A good husband and father. And while Kait is a little out there, her heart means well.”
“I see that,” I said. “I wouldn’t think anything less of them.”
“My point is that I almost lost them because of Denny. But then Corey showed up at the exact moment I needed him. Without me asking. I know it’s not my business, Cros, but I can’t help but wonder about you and your sister.”
I felt a tightening in my chest.
I let out a sigh.
“I’m sorry,” Josie whispered. “I just wanted to say that. If she’s calling you, maybe it’s for good reason. Time is so weird…”
“I know that, love,” I said. “I think about it all the time. Maybe the tables have turned this time though.” I looked at Josie. “Maybe I’m the one who isn’t ready. Seeing Cindi… Noah… the house…”
“Of course,” Josie said. “I just wish I could make it go away for you.”
I laughed. “You have your own pain to wish away.”
“Can we do that, Cros? Can we wish each other’s pain away?”
“We can wish for anything,” I said. “But I don’t know if wishes actually come true or not. I think you have to get out there and let fate do its thing.”
“I hate that. I hate fate.”
“Me too, love,” I said. “Me too.”
I put the truck into drive and started to move forward as Josie touched my hand. “I’m not done yet.”
I put the truck in park. “You could have talked to me last night.”
Josie grinned. “We were busy.”
“That we were,” I said.
Her cheeks flushed. Then she quickly looked down. She played with her hands. “When I said about Denny wanting to marry me. That just happened.”
“What?”
“I didn’t know he wanted to marry me.” Josie lifted her gaze to me. “His mother showed up.”
“His mother?” I asked.
“I was sort of close to her. I already told you that. She had been talking about us getting married and having kids. But I didn’t want to get trapped in that life. I guess at some point Denny bought an engagement ring. He hid it and then he died.”
“Whoa,” I said.
“Yeah,” Josie said. “Whoa. His mother just started going through his stuff and she found it. She brought it to me. It was her attempt to show me how much Denny did love me. She always insisted that the good was more than the bad.”
“So, you have the ring now?”
“Not with me now,” she said. “But, yeah, I have it.”
“You took the ring from her.”
“She left it.”
“And that’s what you meant by you would have said yes,” I said to Josie.
“I love you, Crosby,” she whispered. “I promise you. I love you. I just… I don’t know sometimes. Everything that happened and the way it happened.”
“I understand,” I said.
I did understand. Even if in the pit of my stomach, I felt twisted and almost angry.
“I wanted you to know everything,” Josie said. “That’s just my life right now, Cros. Corey let me live in the guesthouse and I just stayed there. I’ve been stuck. I’ve been… all I know is that when I’m with you, I feel okay. I feel alive. I feel loved. I feel like I want to go home and paint something new. Something amazing. I want to have my own gallery. I…”
“Love, you don’t need me for any of that,” I said. I reached for her hand. “That’s all inside you. That’s your beauty. Your heart. Your soul.”
Josie let out a sigh. “Do we have to leave here?”
“You want to live in the woods with me?”
“Sure. You. Me. A tent. Marshmallows.”
“A guitar,” I said. “Some notebooks. That’s really tempting.”
Josie laughed.
It was good to see and hear her laugh.
I finally was able to drive and keep driving.
We were in silence the entire time, but it was a comfortable silence.
I know I told her that I didn’t believe wishes came true, but maybe for a long time I had been secretly wishing for her. And here she was, with me.
When I stopped my truck outside the front of the house, I looked at her and wanted to keep driving. I wanted to take her home and wanted her every single day and every single second.
“You can keep the hoodie,” I said. “Looks better on you anyway.”
“Oh, this?” Josie asked. “I wasn’t going to give this back. You’d have to take it off to get it.”
“That can be arranged, love,” I said with a wink.
“Oh, Cros,” she said.
“We’ll talk soon,” I said.
“I hope so.”
She leaned across the truck and we kissed.
I could have stayed just lik
e that for the rest of my life and died a happy guy.
I watched her walk along the side of the house until she was gone.
Then I left.
I went home to an empty house and I didn’t like it.
I still had a couple of things I needed to face.
But before that, I decided to go for a long run.
I sat on the top step of the porch, sweat dripping off my body. I was a disaster with a cigarette in one hand and a bottle of whiskey next to me. In my head there were nothing but words. Words that I wanted to string together to write a song. Except it all kept going back to Josie.
When you see the face of memory
the jagged lines you tried to make straight
a crooked jaw and fake full laugh
throwing the glass only after it’s empty
It wasn’t lyrical though. It was poetic.
That normally wasn’t my style.
I had been so used to writing almost in a cookie cutter style.
She sleeps with his memory
and everything he never did
what did you do
to the one I loved after you left
I shut my eyes and shook my head.
Thinking about Josie loving another man actually made me jealous. That wasn’t supposed to be part of all of this. I was supposed to run to her. Have a smoke. Flirt. Kiss. Take her home with me for a little fun between the sheets. Flirt some more the next morning. Tempt that line of romance but never cross it.
Now, all those lines were miles behind me.
I was in so deep, I wanted to fix everything.
I reached behind me and grabbed my phone.
I dialed my sister and shut my eyes as the phone rang. I took the last drag of my cigarette and flicked it toward the street.
It smoked into the night as Cindi’s voicemail picked up.
Hang up, Cros. Hang up. There’s nothing you can-
“Hey, sis,” I said. I cleared my throat. “It’s, uh, well, you know. It’s me. It’s been a while. I got your calls and texts. I have no excuse for why I didn’t reply so I won’t bother trying to lie to you. Hopefully I can catch up with you soon. Hope you haven’t completely given up on me.” I laughed. “I’m… I’m sorry. I know those two words have been spoken so many times, but I’m adding to the pile. I’m sorry, sis. I won’t bother you, but I hope you will give me a call back. Love you.”
Getting Over You Page 23