“So, how long have you been seeing Mandy?” I asked.
Bryce grinned. “We’ve been sleeping together for about a month. Thought I might take her out a bit, see if I thought there was anything more to it.” He shrugged.
“Typical Bryce,” I said. “Just another in a long line…?”
Bryce put his hands in the air as if to ward me off. “Hey, don’t blame me, buddy. You know I can’t resist women, never have been. I start to really get into one, and then I get distracted by another. It’s like toys when we were little. I could never resist the shinier and newer one that came along, you know?”
I smiled at Bryce. “I do know,” I said. “Erin and I used to always comment on the ever changing number of girls in your life. We used to laugh about it, say you had so many you could have lined them up on an escalator.” I looked at him. “It’s because you’ve never been in love, buddy.”
Bryce shrugged again. “You’re probably right,” he said. “But hang on a minute. Why are we talking about me? You’re the one that’s been the sly dog, panting after the nanny! So, you’re going to put a ring on her finger, are you?”
“Yes, I’m heading down the aisle again,” I said, a fake smile on my face. I could suddenly see what Amber meant. It was hard, not telling the truth to those you were closest too.
“You really think she can replace Erin?”
Bryce was looking at me. We might rib each other a lot, but we could always talk openly and honestly about what was happening in our lives.
“Yes.” I looked at him.
Was it true? I just didn’t know, anymore. I certainly liked being around her, and she set me on fire. The attraction was real.
“Yes, I think she can replace Erin,” I said. I had to say it, all the while mulling it over in my mind.
“That’s great, man,” Bryce was saying, slapping me on my back. “I was a bit worried, to tell the truth. About you, after Erin. I thought you’d never come out of your hole, burying yourself in work like you did. I’m glad. Can I be your best man again?”
I laughed. “Too soon to tell, mate,” I said. “We haven’t set a date, we were thinking of a long engagement. And who knows, we might just elope, make it about just the two of us.” As I said it, I was picturing being alone with Amber, running off to elope. The thought wasn’t entirely displeasing.
What on earth was happening to me?
I looked at her under the sails. Trying so hard to chat to Bryce’s girl, Mandy, even though I could tell they didn’t have much in common. Well, why would they? I thought to myself. Mandy was typical of the women Bryce pursued: blonde, buxom, but with not much chop in the brain department. A model, trying hard to become a trophy wife. Whereas Amber was as far removed from that cliché as you could imagine.
She had long, chestnut hair and a coltish figure, long, long legs. Willowy. And as sharp as a tack. I could see why she had been accepted into Harvard Law. She was a very bright woman. But all those things weren’t even the most important.
I thought of the way she was with Lilah, caring, inspiring, warm. You could tell a person’s real personality, the way that they interacted with children. Amber was genuine.
As we sailed over the grey waters, I started to grow more anxious. It had started out as a fake engagement, to get Erin’s parents off my back about Lilah. But could it be so much more?
Amber
We said goodbye to Bryce and Mandy after we had finally reached land again and had some lunch in a seafood restaurant.
I wasn’t sorry. It had been tough going with Mandy.
I had tried to talk to her, but she wasn’t much of a conversationalist. The only things she was interested in were men, clothes and her hair, in that order. Whenever I had tried to turn the conversation onto other things she had always looked at me blankly, before steering it back to herself. Bryce had seemed nice enough, though. I wondered what he saw in such a vapid woman, apart from the obvious, of course.
Bryce seemed keen to go, and I thought I knew why. He wanted to get Mandy into bed. It made sense. I didn’t think he was really that into her, and had kind of regretted bringing her out to meet his best friend. He wanted to put the relationship back on the footing it should be: purely physical.
We drove off, back to the mansion. Anna and Frank would be dropping Lilah off later that afternoon. We walked into the house. I felt awkward. What were we going to do, now?
If it was a real relationship, it wouldn’t have mattered. It would have just been chill time, in between seeing friends and Lilah coming home. We might have put on a movie, or picked up our books to read. Finn might have gone to his shed, working on a project, while I prepared dinner or had a bath.
But it wasn’t a real relationship, and it was awkward. Especially after what had happened between us the night before.
“So,” I said, biting my lip. “I might have an afternoon nap. I had such a big lunch, it’s really hit me.”
He looked at me, not believing a word that I said, I could tell. But he decided to play along with it. It was probably awkward for him, too.
“Okay,” he said, a little sadly.
I breathed a sigh of relief when I got to my bedroom, deciding to have a shower to warm up a bit after the icy conditions on Port Phillip Bay. These people were crazy, I thought to myself. Who on earth would want to get onto a yacht and sail in this weather? I had been rugged up, but poor Mandy had suffered a bit in her high heels and short dress, even though she had one of those faux fur coats on.
Rubbing my hair dry with a towel, I was walking back to the bedroom when I stopped in my tracks. Finn. He was sitting on the side of my bed, waiting for me.
“What do you want?” I breathed, suddenly acutely conscious that I was wearing nothing but my tatty old dressing gown.
He stood up, his eyes burning into me. I started to tremble, all over.
“Amber,” he whispered as he approached me. “I don’t know anything, any more. I just know that I want you more than I want anything in my life, at this point.”
He grabbed me, claiming my mouth.
The kiss was so goddamn good I felt like I was drowning in it. Shivers of pleasure were coursing through me. His hands were everywhere; all over my breasts, grabbing my ass. Everywhere that he touched me felt like his hands were on fire, like he was branding me with them.
He undid the sash of my dressing gown, letting it fall open. He looked at my nakedness for a minute, before letting the gown fall to the floor.
I blushed, not knowing what to do. This was the first time I had stood naked in front of a man. It was all I could do not to grab the gown off the floor and quickly climb back into it.
“You are magnificent,” he breathed, his eyes scorching over me.
Suddenly, he picked me up, carrying me to the bed. He laid me down gently, before joining me. He grabbed my face, his eyes burning into mine. I could feel his hardness against me. It made me gasp.
“Amber, do you want to do this?” he breathed. “Because I want to so, so much. Please say yes.” He trailed some kisses down my throat.
“There’s one thing you have to understand,” I whispered back. “I haven’t ever made love to a man before.”
His eyes widened. “You’re a virgin?” he asked.
I nodded, blushing.
He looked at me. “And you are willing to let me be your first?”
I nodded, again. I was so on fire at his touch, I hardly knew what I was thinking or feeling. All I knew is that I wanted him, badly.
“You’re sure?” He looked me in the eyes, intensely.
I nodded again, swallowing nervously.
He resumed kissing me, trailing down to my breasts. I gasped in shock when his mouth found one of my nipples. I closed my eyes and let my head fall back, marvelling at the sensations as he pulled and sucked on it. This was heaven, I thought dreamily.
One of his hands had found its way below. My eyes flew open as he parted me, his fingers caressing me. I felt a warm wetness spilling out of me,
unspooling like a ribbon. He continued to slowly caress me with his hand and suck at my nipple. It was driving me crazy; my hips were bucking on the bed, jumping to meet his hand.
All rational thought was gone. All my worries about how hooking up with him would complicate the situation had fled. I didn’t care about anything in that moment but the feel of him, and how he was making me feel. I wasn’t even concentrating on the fact it would be my first time.
I had simply never felt this way with anyone else. I finally understood what the fuss was all about. He stopped momentarily, pulling himself on top of me. I felt his urgent hardness, again. His breathing was ragged in my ear.
“You are so beautiful,” he whispered. Then he ducked his head again, trailing kisses down my stomach until he found the core of me.
Oh.My.God.
He licked me, expertly, seeming to know exactly what to do. It was warm against warm, and wet against wet. Pulling and sucking until I thought I would go crazy with it. My hips started bucking again, and I could feel a new tension rising. I was straining against his tongue, grabbing his head in my excitement to grind him closer to me.
He licked, faster. Suddenly, the tension built unbearably. Then it exploded. I felt my hips bucking uncontrollably as waves of pleasure coursed through me. Then it started to wane, and my hips stopped. I was shaking, enveloped in such a delicious feeling of satisfaction I could barely lift my head to look at him.
Finally. I had heard all about orgasms, of course, but I had never experienced one before. It really was everything that people raved on about – and more.
He rose, until he was level with my chest. Then I could feel him parting my legs, with one of his. He bent down and retrieved something out of his trouser pockets.
A condom.
He quickly unwrapped it, and put it on. Then he poised himself above me, a questioning look in his eyes alongside the desire. I nodded, again.
He pressed against me, feeling resistance. But then he grabbed his cock, trailing it over my pussy. Up and down, up and down. Each time he’d stop and push a bit more at the entrance, so he was inside a little bit more.
Then, he pushed, hard. I felt a sharp pain, and then wonder at how he felt, inside me. He started moving, grabbing my hips and bringing them down on him. It felt good. So good, I felt heat building in me again. He quickened his pace, giving sudden thrusts. I pushed down every time he pushed into me. Something was starting to grow and twist inside of me, again.
His eyes were on my face, glowing. And then suddenly, he gripped me tight, crying out as he ground into me. I rose to meet him and felt another warm wetness seep out of me. I bucked as another round of incredible sensations tore through me.
He slowed down, his head resting on my chest, breathing heavily. I ran my hand through his dark hair, in wonder. I was no longer a virgin. Finn had popped my cherry, and oh, Lord, how well had he done it. I was simply glowing with pleasure.
He looked at me. “How are you feeling?”
“Great,” I said. Then I blushed. “Oh, God, I’ve got no idea what to do, now.”
“You don’t do anything,” he whispered. He changed positions, curling up against my back. “Now, we spoon. Drowse a little. Don’t think of anything but how incredible that was.”
I closed my eyes, feeling the warmth of him curled up against me. He kissed my shoulder.
“Sweet Amber,” he whispered, drowsily.
We must have fallen asleep, because next thing, I heard footsteps in the hallway. And then a voice, calling Finn. I shook him. He mumbled, but didn’t wake.
“Finn, someone is inside the house,” I whispered, urgently, as I shook him again. This time, he opened his eyes.
“Finn! Where are you?” The voice was clearer. It was his mother.
“Shit.” Finn bolted upright, pulling his clothes on. “My parents. I completely forgot. They’re dropping off Lilah. They have a spare key.”
“Quick,” I said, looking at the door, fearfully. The last thing that I wanted was to be caught in bed, obviously after just having had sex, by his mother.
But it was too late.
Finn had just finished getting dressed. I was sitting on the bed, just a sheet over me. And then the door handle turned.
“Mum!” Finn called out, running toward the door. “No!”
But she had opened it, and was standing there, mouth agape. At her side stood Lilah, turning puzzled eyes from me to her father.
“Daddy,” she said, clearly. “What are you doing? Is Mummy home?”
Finn
It was worst case scenario moment.
My mother, standing in the doorway, her jaw on the floor. And my precious little girl Lilah, staring at me uncomprehendingly. Thinking that it was her mother in the bed. Her little mind must have just flipped to an old memory, of her mother and I in bed. We used to often let her come into the bed of a morning, to snuggle.
I bustled them both out, to give Amber a chance to get up and get dressed. My face was burning as we made our way to the living room.
“Finn.” Mum turned to me. “It’s a bit indelicate, isn’t it?” She raised her eyebrows, and looked at Lilah.
“You are the one that barged into the bedroom with her,” I said, crossly.
“Because I didn’t know if you were home,” she said. “I thought I heard a noise coming from there. I certainly wouldn’t have opened the door if I had any suspicion of...” She trailed off, giving me a disapproving look.
“We are engaged, Mother,” I said, evenly. And, really, as far as she knew, that was the truth. There was no reason to look so shocked and disapproving at having caught me making love to my fiancée.
Lilah tugged at my sleeve. “Is Mummy here?”
I crouched down so that I was on her level, staring into those baby blue eyes.
“No, Mummy isn’t here,” I said, slowly. “Remember how we talked about Mummy, and how she is in the sky now, in heaven? She can’t come to see us anymore, Lilah.”
My heart broke as I saw her bottom lip start to tremble. I had thought that we were over this, that she had finally understood that her mother wasn’t coming back.
“I want Mummy,” she wailed, tears spilling down her face. Oh God, this never got any easier.
“Hey, honey.” Amber was suddenly there, all dressed. But she refused to look at me.
“Do you want me to read you our special story?” She said to Lilah. “You know, the one that we always read when you miss your mummy.”
Lilah looked at her, choking back the sobs. But she slowly nodded her head, and let herself be led to her bedroom. I breathed a sigh of relief. I just didn’t know how to handle moments like these. I suppose it was why I had buried myself in my work since Erin’s death. But Amber had known. This was obviously something they had done together, to help Lilah cope.
A wave of tenderness washed over me, at the thought of Amber sitting down with Lilah, reading a story to help explain why her mummy was never coming home.
Amber was a rare one, that was for sure.
“Well, it looks like everything’s back to normal,” said my mother. She picked up her handbag. “I need to get back to your father.” She paused, looking at me. “You’re not going to like what I’m going to say, Finn. But I think it’s best to speak my mind.”
“Go ahead,” I said, rolling my eyes. My mother always thought it best to ‘speak her mind.’
“It’s too soon, Finn.” Her voice had a determined edge. “Lilah hasn’t recovered, and I don’t think you have, either. And what do we know of this Amber girl? She’s probably just as flighty as all of them.”
“All of them?” I raised an eyebrow. “What are you talking about, Mother?”
“You know. The help,” she whispered, dramatically. “They can’t be relied upon. You think they have settled in and then suddenly, they disappear.”
“Amber isn’t ‘the help’ anymore, Mother,” I said. I could feel anger growing inside me. “She’s my fiancée.”
&n
bsp; “Yes, well, that doesn’t change a thing. She started out as the nanny, and they’re all the same.”
“Mother,” I said, trying to control my temper. “Thanks for your good opinion. But I am engaged to Amber. She is a lovely girl, not flighty or temperamental. Look at how marvellously she just dealt with Lilah. I won’t hear a word against her.”
She clutched her handbag, tighter. “You will do what you want, of course,” she said. “But hasn’t she said that she wants to go back to the States, to pursue her law degree? What happens to you and Lilah then? If you are going to take a new wife, Finn, you need someone who will devote all of her time and effort to you and Lilah.” She pursed her lips.
I heard a noise behind us. I turned, to see Amber standing there, looking confused.
“Amber…” I said, but she just looked at us, before returning to her bedroom.
“Thanks, Mother,” I said, frowning. “I think Amber heard everything you just said.”
But my mother simply walked down the corridor, her head held high.
“I meant every word I said.” She kissed me on the cheek. “Think about it, Finn. You and Lilah deserve so much more.”
I closed the door on her, glad to see her gone. What a mess. Lilah, upset because she thought she had seen her dead mother. Amber, pissed off with me because she had overheard my mother rubbishing her. And I tried very hard to not think about what had just happened between us, prior to my mother’s interruption.
Her silky smooth legs. Those beautiful breasts. The unbelievable sensation of plunging into her. I still couldn’t believe that I had taken her virginity. It was the last thing I had expected her to say. But I had been past the point of no return. She was driving me crazy, and I had to have her.
But what now?
Would she still want to speak to me, after what she had overheard? And how did I feel, having deflowered her? It added a whole other level of complication to an already severely complicated situation.
I went over to the bar, and poured myself a whiskey. I might have bitten off more than I could chew. I just didn’t know what to do.
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