“I see you found your way,” he said, looking me up and down. It wasn’t a look that made me feel uncomfortable, but more like he was sizing me up. “Why was Andy telling the boys that he found a stray?”
“I… I was outside looking for the stairs you mentioned when they came out. When I told them that I was looking for Leo, they brought me upstairs,” I explained, not mentioning what I saw downstairs.
To my surprise, he laughed.
“They brought you up through the baths? I bet that was an experience, cowboy,” he said, and I saw that his eyes were twinkling as much as the naked man’s had been downstairs. More than anything else, I couldn’t believe that the people there were so lax about sex and naked guys wandering around. Not for the first time, I wondered exactly what kind of place this was.
“It was… different,” I murmured.
Leaning back in his chair, he laced his fingers behind his head and relaxed. Leo looked to be fit but not muscular, and completely comfortable in a loose-fitting blue T-shirt with a rectangle in the middle, almost like a flag, which was just one big rainbow. Across the rainbow rectangle there was a logo that read “GLBT Community Center.”
“I’ll bet. Where are you from, kid? Texas? No… Louisiana?” he guessed and then leaned over to fumble in a drawer and pull out a file folder.
“I’m from Alabama, near Mobile.”
He straightened up and laid out a form on his desk. On the top, I saw that it read “Rental Application” and felt a surge of hope.
“Well, Brian from Alabama near Mobile, I’m Leo Horshiwitz. I own this boardinghouse for lost boys like you. Let’s go take a look at the room and see if you want it,” he said, standing up. I backed away from the door to let him open it so I could follow. We walked out into the main rec room again, and a couple of guys looked up from what they were doing.
“Hey, boys, this is Brian. He came to take a look at Julio’s old room,” Leo called to the room at large. Andy, who was sitting in Pete’s lap in an armchair by the television, perked up.
“That was fast. The guy only moved out, what, two weeks ago?” he said, playing with Pete’s short hair. They looked so comfortable, so in tune with each other, that for a moment it made my heart ache for Jamie. It would have been such a perfect place for us to start our lives together. I could see us playing ping-pong or pool here, studying at one of the tables, or just cuddling to watch television. My mind refused to make the leap to taking him to a room downstairs. Again, the guy bent over the cot flashed into my mind, and I started to get warm all over again.
“Hey, what can I say, I’m a boy magnet,” Leo quipped, smirking at Andy, who laughed. “Come on, kid.” I followed him to another closed door near the office, which turned out to be a staircase to the next floor and a long hallway. As we walked down it, I saw five doors on each side and a huge window at the end. The window was made of that same block glass as the windows downstairs, but instead of being clear, it contained the same colors as Leo’s shirt.
“The first four rooms on each side are for the guys. The last room on the left is the john, and on the right are the showers. It’s kind of like a dorm in that way. The rooms all have locks, and only the renter and I hold the keys. I keep them in a locked safe in my office.”
He walked down to the third room on the left and pulled out a key. “The room comes with a bed and dresser. There is also a small closet. I have some leftover bedding if you need it; stuff left over from guys that have moved on.” The door opened, and I saw a small room, which could probably be crossed in four good steps. The stripped twin bed took up most of the space. Stark white walls reflected the light coming from the naked bulb in the center of the ceiling. From the faint lingering smell, it seemed someone had painted it recently. The only furniture aside from the bed with its dark wood headboard was a light dresser. A couple of milk crates were stacked next to the bed like a makeshift table. It wasn’t much, but the price was right and it was along a main bus route so I could get around the city. “There’s a coin-operated washer and dryer downstairs on the second floor. I use the money to keep them maintained. Otherwise, that’s about it. The common room downstairs has a TV and computer. The Wi-Fi access usually makes it up here, but it’s better closer to the router. Heat, water, cable, and Internet are all included in your rent. My apartment is on the fourth floor along with a storage area.”
“What about the first floor?” I asked hesitantly, not sure that I really wanted to know. “Is it… is it always like that?”
“What, the baths? Have you ever heard of a bathhouse before, kid?” Leo asked, heading out of the small room.
Shaking my head, I followed.
“A bathhouse is a place for a guy to find someone to… play with for a while. Two guys hook up, have sex, and go home—no strings attached. Guys pay a membership fee and can rent lockers or reserve rooms to hook up in. There is one huge room with a sauna and Jacuzzi, two specialty fantasy rooms, two small private rooms, and two larger private rooms. The room with the sauna also has a bank of lockers and a couple of shower stalls. It’s really small, but we have free condoms and a good reputation. You get a membership with your rent.” I just stood there looking at him, not quite able to figure out what to say. Not only had I never heard of such a place, I’d never even dreamed that they would exist.
“Do you want to fill out the application and take a chance on us?” Leo asked as we reached the stairs. I didn’t even hesitate.
“Yeah, I think I do.”
Five
“HEY, sexy,” Mike said as we came out of our rooms at the same time. I blushed, remembering the last time I’d seen him, when I had applied last Friday night. He had been naked and fresh from a sexual encounter with twins. It had taken me less than twenty-four hours to check out of the hotel and move everything I owned into my new room. Once I’d deposited my backpack and duffel, I went to pick up bedding because I didn’t really want to sleep on another guy’s sheets. The guys told me about a department store on the bus route that wasn’t too far. I spent the weekend settling in and looking around the neighborhood for a job. That morning, I was up early and ready to start looking for Jamie.
Smiling shyly at Mike, I locked my door and headed to the second floor. I wanted to grab a bite to eat at the coffee shop down on University Avenue before I flagged down a cab and headed out to the Sunshine Center. The address on the envelope had only been their administrative office in the city. A quick call expressing my interest in a cure had gotten me the answers to every question I had. Jamie would have been at their rehabilitation center in La Mesa, which was about twenty minutes outside the city. After asking around, I found out that I was probably looking at around a hundred dollars in cab fare, but I didn’t have any choice. No bus ran to La Mesa, and while renting a car would have cost less, I couldn’t drive.
“Hey, there’s no reason to run, kid. I was just being friendly,” Mike told me when he came downstairs. His brown hair was softer, not as spiky as it had been the night we met, and his eyes were more serious.
“I’m sorry, I just have a hell of a cab ride in front of me,” I said with a sigh and went over to the window that Leo had shown me. The window led off to the fire escape, which I felt more comfortable using, at least for a while, than walking around on the first floor. Mike grabbed the back of my shirt as I pulled the window open.
“You need a ride somewhere?” he asked. I pulled out of his grip.
“Nah, I’ll be okay. I don’t want to be that guy, you know?” Since I was on my own now, I had to make my own way. My right foot was on the fire escape when I felt him pull me back again.
“Hey, we’re kind of a family here. I’ve got a car. If you need a ride somewhere, I can take you.” He looked rather annoyed as he explained. “Next week, if Andy needed help moving his stuff or Leo wanted a hand passing out flyers for the center, we’d pitch in because that’s what we do. If we don’t look out for each other, no one else is going to.”
“I… uh… i
t’s a long drive. Are you sure?” He took a step back so he was no longer right on top of me and ran a hand ruefully through his hair.
“Yeah, I’m sure. You can buy me lunch, and we’ll call it even,” Mike said. Taking him up on his offer would only cost me twenty bucks versus a hundred; it would also be nice to just hang out with someone.
“Deal.”
“You want me to take you where?” Mike asked incredulously when we got into his beat-to-hell Jeep. After storing the duct-taped soft-top and unzipping the windows, he slid a state-of-the-art radio into a space in the dash. Finding a pop station, he turned in his seat to face me, waiting for an answer. The smooth skin of his chest distracted me since he’d tossed his shirt into the back with the Jeep top.
“I…. Sorry, I need to go to the Sunshine Center in La Mesa,” I told him, trying to show him the directions I’d printed from the common-room computer. The thing was ancient, but it could get to the Internet and print in black and white. A fund had been set up to pay for ink and paper, so I had dropped a dollar in it when I pulled the sheets from the tray.
“I know the place you’re talking about. I just can’t figure out why you’d want to go there. You thinking about changing sides, kid?” His face was hard and set, as if it was a personal insult to him if I was thinking about going straight. I think if I’d told him yes, he would have refused to take me and shoved me out of his Jeep.
“No… I…. It has to do with the reason I’m here,” I told him. Then I sighed. “Okay, you drive and I’ll talk.”
I waited until we were away from the boardinghouse and on the road before I began.
“Ever since I was eleven, my best friend in the world has been a guy named Jamie,” I started and couldn’t help the smile that came to my face with his name. “At the end of our junior year of high school, we realized that we were much more than just friends. We had fallen in love with each other. That entire summer we spent being together and happy. To spend time alone, we started spending weekends in his tree house. We hid how we felt from every—”
“Wait, you guys spent the summer screwing in a tree house?” Mike interrupted with a grin.
“We didn’t… it wasn’t…. Do you want to hear this or not?” I stammered.
“Sorry, go on,” he said, smirking.
“Anyway, on my seventeenth birthday, I told him that I wanted for us to… I wanted to… to have sex for the first time.” My face had flushed, and I could feel the heat burning my cheeks. Unable to look at him, I could hear him chuckling under his breath at my embarrassment. Staring at a spot on my jeans, I continued. “His mom caught us,” I said quietly, in almost a whisper. “She’s really religious and, well, to keep us apart, they moved to San Diego.”
“Holy Christ, they put him in that place, didn’t they?” Mike asked, and his knuckles were turning white with the force of his grip on the steering wheel. I heard him mutter something about “goddamn Bible-beaters,” but it was barely audible over the rumble of the Jeep.
His anger ended the conversation until we pulled up in front of the Sunshine Center Homosexual Reformation Facility. My stomach dropped as I looked up at the imposing building. Maybe since I already knew what kind of services the facility provided, I had a different perception, but to me, it looked like a prison. One large building stood out among other smaller structures in the otherwise peaceful countryside. The sleek and modern design contrasted sharply with the smaller, seemingly older homes farther up the street. Everything around the compound of buildings was quaint, having more of a small-town feeling, which made Jamie’s prison that much more oppressive.
My heart hurt at the thought of Jamie spending an entire year trapped there by people who were supposed to love him. In the back of my mind, it reminded me of the Hudson House where I had been placed as an orphan. Staring at the center, I couldn’t stand the thought that parents would willingly send their child to that goddamned place. In Jamie’s case, they’d cast him aside simply for being different. It just made me want to find him, to hold him, that much more.
“Christ,” Mike muttered before grabbing the door handle of the Jeep and swinging it open with a little more force than necessary. I followed, and soon we were walking up to the door. Mike had put on a brave face, but he was pale. It felt like we were marching across the battle line into the midst of the enemy. The thought that we might not make it out did flit through my mind, like once we went in, they would hold us there until we conformed, until we were straight.
“Ready?” I asked Mike as I opened the door, taking a deep breath, trying to build my resolve, and he nodded.
We entered a huge, expensive-looking lobby. When my eyes adjusted to the difference between the bright sunlight and the indoor fluorescent lighting, they were drawn to the focal point of the room: four huge photographs on the wall. They began about a foot from the ceiling and ended at about waist height, hanging perfectly vertical with mere inches between them. Obviously hung to promote the fundamental principles of the center, the first depicted a very happy-looking man and woman with two small children. The second image showed a large church steeple, while the third appeared to be two men playing basketball. The last image showed another couple in a loving embrace. The attractive man was kissing the woman’s forehead and holding her intimately.
The message was clear—family, God, heterosexual.
I glanced at Mike, who rolled his eyes as we walked toward the reception desk, bypassing the empty chairs and couches that sat patiently about the room waiting for the center’s next intended victim. The gray-and-burgundy theme throughout the space seemed more repressive than welcoming. It felt like church. I’d had enough of church to last me a lifetime. The only other occupants of the room were a receptionist and a guy sweeping the already immaculate floor.
“Welcome to the Sunshine Center. How can I help you?” the ridiculously eager woman behind the desk asked before we had even reached it. She was the epitome of conservative class, with a prim and proper blouse buttoned all the way up, complete with a shiny cross on a chain. A perfectly tight bun held her hair away from her face, which appeared to be free of makeup. She looked more like a Sunday school teacher than a receptionist. I pulled the envelope from Jamie’s letter out of my pocket and held it up.
“I’m looking for Jamie Mayfield,” I said quietly. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw the guy stop sweeping. Mike rubbed the side of my leg inconspicuously with his finger, and I found the gesture comforting.
“Are… are you a family member?” she asked nervously. Her response seemed odd to me. The question was routine, but she looked almost frightened by it. Something was wrong; I could feel it.
“No,” I said simply, not wanting to give her any more information than was necessary.
“I’m sorry, I can only give out information to family members,” she replied dismissively, looking a little relieved. As we stood in front of the desk, she began to shuffle papers, trying to look busy. I guess she was hoping that we would just give up and go away.
She couldn’t have been more wrong.
“Ma’am,” I said, putting as much drawl into the word as I could, “I just traveled all the way from Alabama to see him. He’s been my best friend since we were eleven. I’m sure if you told him I was here, he would want to see me.”
“I can’t do that,” she said, not looking up.
“Why can’t you do that?” I asked, starting to get angry, wanting to hear her admit that he’d left. I knew he wasn’t here, so I was just looking for a place to start.
“Because he isn’t here,” the boy with the broom said loudly. Giving the receptionist a scathing look as she gasped, I walked over to the boy. I heard the receptionist pick up the phone to call someone.
“Do you know where he went?” I asked, trying not to get my hopes up. Dressed in a long-sleeved, white, collared oxford and perfectly pressed jeans, the boy turned and leaned his broom against the wall.
“You must be Brian,” he said quietly. My heart leapt. I
f he knew my name, he must know Jamie well.
“Yes, I’m Brian. Please, do you know where he is?” I asked, almost begging him to answer my question. The boy leaned in so the receptionist, who was no longer on the phone but watching us, would not overhear him.
“I know he made some kind of deal with the food-delivery driver to take him to San Diego when he left a few weeks ago. He didn’t have anything but the clothes he came here with, so my guess is that he ended up in a shelter. There’s no way he went back to his parents. They imprisoned him here for his entire senior year of high school. He should have been having the time of his life, but instead he doesn’t even have a diploma. His stupid parents turned a bright, happy kid into a homeless high-school dropout,” he whispered, and I nodded, my throat constricting painfully. “Jamie’s room was next to mine, and we talked a lot. At least when my parents forced me into the center, I had already graduated. It’s not going to change anything, but I’m just too much of a coward to leave like he did.”
“Thank you,” I said, putting a hand on his shoulder. Mike took his wallet out of his back pocket and pulled out a card.
“If you do decide to leave, call him. He can help you,” he told the boy. I glanced at the card and saw that it was Leo’s. “When does the food guy usually come back?”
“He won’t be back for a couple of days,” the guy said and glanced nervously over my shoulder before turning and grabbing the broom.
“Do you know the name of the company?” Mike asked quickly as I looked over my shoulder and saw several men in suits coming toward us.
“PQF,” he whispered and started sweeping furiously. I thanked him again in a whisper and moved away.
“Gentlemen, this is a private facility. If you’d like to talk about how we can help you, then you are welcome to stay; otherwise I must ask you to leave,” the taller man in the middle said lightly while the men on either side of him watched. Mike turned on them before I could grab his arm to pull him away.
Destiny (Waiting for Forever) Page 7