Inspiration Point

by M. A Casey

  “This is between me and Zeke, Hayln,” he said. “Well Zeke, what do you have to say for yourself?

  “I would never hurt her Emin, you have to know that,” he said calmly.

  “Really? You did a pretty convincing job of that this afternoon when you ignored her,” he shot back at him.

  “I know, I'm ashamed of that, and I have apologized,” he said, although I don’t know if it was making any difference, but he continued anyway. “Emin, this isn’t something I just thought I would take a shot at to see what happens, I have been thinking about it for ages. Why do you think I wouldn’t come here with you over the past few months?” He paused, but Emin didn’t answer. “I have genuine feelings for Hayln, and I tried to ignore them but,” he said as Emin butted in.

  “You should have tried harder, She. Is. My. Sister.” He spelt out.

  “I know, which is why I didn’t say anything for so long,” he said as he pulled my closer to his side. “I have never felt this way about anyone Emin, I love her.”

  Everyone went silent, I saw Emin’s mouth hanging open as I looked up to Zeke’s face. He was looking at me, his eye’s glowing again as they did before our first kiss. We both looked back to Emin to see his reaction.

  “Well, it doesn’t make much difference anymore since we are leaving tomorrow,” he said as he started up the stairs, then he stopped halfway and glared at Zeke. “But if I hear you go into her room tonight I will personally drag your sorry arse out!” He said as he stormed away.

  Once we heard him go into his room Zeke pulled me into his arms again. “Well that went better than I expected,” he said.

  “Really? You expected worse?” I questioned

  “You're his little sister Hayln, he would do anything to protect you,” he said smiling at me. “Now, I better get you safely to your room, before he comes back down here.”

  “Well at least he knows now. It will make it a little easier to do this,” I said, as I stood up on my toes to kiss him.

  I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled myself up against his body. My tongue touched his and a shiver went through my spine, Zeke moaned softly as he pulled away.

  “I doubt we will be able to do that in front of him, even if he does know how I feel about you,” he said, and I laughed a little.

  We walked to my room and stood by the doorway as we had done for the last three nights. I thought to myself, I would be happy doing this for the rest of my life.

  “I was wondering if you have any plans tomorrow?” Zeke asked.

  I laughed, “Well, only planning to escape from the government – what did you have in mind?”

  “A first date actually,” Zeke said grinning. “Do you think you’d be up for it?”

  “It would be a perfect distraction,” I said truly pleased I could spend the whole day with him before I left.

  “Good,” Zeke said as he smiled at me softly and leant in to whisper in my ear. “Night Hayln, sweet dreams,” and then kissed me on the tip of my nose and went to his room.

  I wanted to go in after him. I hadn’t had nearly enough time together especially since I would be leaving tomorrow, and after all Emin hadn’t banned me from Zeke’s room. But I knew he would be listening to make sure I went to bed, so I did – wondering if I could even sleep this wound up. All I could hope for now was that my dreams would carry on from where reality had stopped with Zeke rather than dwell on my last day at home.

  Rebuilding

  I woke early in the morning after a restless night. I didn’t get the dreams of Zeke I had hoped for. In fact, I didn’t dream at all, I just tossed and turned all night. I desperately needed a shower to rejuvenate myself for the day. I washed my hair and got changed into my white linen dress, it was sleeveless and fell to my knees. I felt like wearing something nice, and it would be perfect for a warm day and my first date with Zeke. I dried my hair and left it out just pinning a section back to keep it off my face. Once I was happy with my efforts I headed down to the kitchen, looking forward to my day.

  I was surprised to see that only my parents were up having breakfast, and suddenly I was worried what Emin might have done to Zeke overnight.

  “Good morning Hayln, you look lovely,” my mother said appraising me from head to toe.

  “Thanks, how is the patient?” I asked, looking at my father, his face looked much better.

  My mother had taken his bandage off, and you could see the wound now just below his hair line.

  “My ribs are still sore but apart from that pretty good really, thanks to your mum,” he said smiling at my mother. “I should still scrub up okay for the benefit tonight I think.”

  “Don’t tell me you're still looking forward to that with everything else that is going on?” I queried.

  “Well, it will be the last time I see a lot of my friends for a while, and we are all going together, so we may as well make the most of it,” he answered.

  “Unbelievable,” I muttered as I sat at the table. I truly hated the benefits that the university held, but at least we wouldn’t be staying long.

  “Speaking about the benefit Hayln, do you have anything to wear?” My mother asked.

  Damn it, this was the other reason I hated these things, and no matter how little time we would stay at the benefit I couldn’t get away from having to dress up.

  “No, I try to keep formal wear out of my wardrobe.”

  “That’s what I thought,” she said smiling. “How about I take you shopping later to pick something up?

  “Um… okay.” I silently wondered what had happened to my mother overnight to make her so happy?

  The boys came into the kitchen together looking like they had just had words about me. I couldn’t help myself though, as soon as Zeke’s eyes met mine a smile came over my face that I couldn’t contain, his smile beamed back at me too. Emin saw us and rolled his eyes. “I’m glad we’re leaving tonight, I don’t know how much more of this I can take,” he complained as Zeke sat next to me.

  My father looked confused, but my mother smiled knowingly at me.

  “Cut it out Emin, leave your sister and Zeke alone.” Now I am confused, when did my mother find out?

  “What are we doing today?" Emin asked clearly wanting to change the subject.

  “Packing,” my father replied still watching both Zeke and I. “We each need to get a bag of essentials ready before the benefit, apart from that we just need to keep a low profile so we don’t raise suspicion.”

  “Well I was wondering if I could steal Hayln away for a little while,” Zeke asked as he held my hand in front of my whole family - Emin was growling at him.

  “I’m not sure if that is such a good idea actually, Zeke,” my father responded. “Hayln has to pack and go shopping with her mother today.”

  “That won’t take all day!” I argued.

  “No, but we have people watching us and I don’t want you too far away Hayln,” Dad said with a finality in his voice.

  “Zeke,” my mother interjected. “Maybe you could stay with Hayln this morning while she packs. I won’t take her shopping until just after lunch so you could still spend the morning together. Emin and I have to go home and collect some of our things, so it would help in case Ethan needed anything while were away.”

  I was left surprised again with my mother’s support, did the fact that I knew the truth make that much difference to her?

  “Well it wasn’t what I had in mind, but as long as we’re together it’s fine with me,” he said smiling as he kissed my hand.

  I blushed a little with my family watching us, but with less than twelve hours left together I quickly pushed that aside and kissed him on the cheek – his smile shone back at me.

  “Ugh, you two are making me sick – I’m trying to have breakfast,” Emin moaned.

  “Give it a rest Emin,” Dad fired back. I waited while Zeke finished his breakfast, then we went up to my room to get my bag ready.

  “You look beautiful,” Zeke said simply as we
entered my room.

  “Thanks,” I said a little self-conscious but happy that he had noticed. “I’m sorry we can’t go anywhere.”

  “Being in your bedroom, alone with you, doesn’t sound too bad to me,” he said mischievously.

  “My father is still here is you know,” I replied while moving closer to him.

  “What happened to a little danger never hurt anyone?” He repeated my words to him as he slid his hands from my shoulders down my arms.

  As he touched my bare skin, I could feel goose bumps where his hands had been. My body reacted instantly to Zeke.

  “I suppose it is our first date, so it would be rude not to oblige,” I whispered as I put my hands around his waist.

  “Very rude,” he said as he kissed me, holding my face gently between his large hands.

  This was a warm, loving kiss, as if we had all the time in the world together. We kissed effortlessly for what could have been minutes or hours, I had no idea, and I didn’t care. Then catching me by surprise, he bent down and swept me up into his arms and carried me to my bed – my heart started racing. He smiled as if he heard the change of pace in my chest and sat next to me.

  “We had better do some packing or Emin won’t let me hang around to see you later.”

  “If we must,” I complained light heartedly.

  I grabbed a suitcase and started packing. Zeke lay on my bed, content to watch me, asking questions about my favorite things like movies, music and food. The only thing we didn’t talk about is what would happen after today, and I certainly wasn’t going to bring it up – I would deal with that later. I had packed most of my clothes when I realized I was missing something.

  “Oh, there’s something I need in washing,” I said quickly as I ducked out of the room.

  I found what I wanted straight away – my emerald green tank top, it would be a perfect way to remember my first kiss with Zeke. When I took it back to my room, he smiled remembering that night too.

  “Something to remember me by?” He asked.

  I smiled and nodded not quite knowing what else to say and not wanting the mood to change yet. I folded the shirt carefully and placed it in my bag. I then went to my dresser and started to get my pajamas and some underwear – this peaked his attention again so I quickly tried to pack them away without him seeing, this didn’t work. He reached over and snatched my favorite yellow bra away from me. It was pretty with ribbon and lace and he held it approvingly between his fingers, smiling at me.

  “Well, it’s a shame I won’t get to see you wear this isn’t it?”

  I quickly took it out of his hands feeling myself blush and responded “Well, it will be something for you to think about while I am away won't it. Maybe it will help you remember me when you have all those girls hanging around you.”

  I didn’t mean to voice one of my fears just yet. I wanted to keep the playful mood we had shared all morning a little longer, but it just slipped out. I looked at his face and regretted it instantly, he seemed so disappointed in me.

  “Do you really think my feelings for you will change while you're away?” He asked, saddened by what I had just said. “That I could feel this way about some other girl?”

  “We don’t know when I will be back though – we don’t know if I can come back,” I said letting all my fears surface now. I suppose we had to deal with this sooner or later.

  “Well I will come to you then Hayln – I will find a way, I won’t let you go now,” he said confidently.

  “We don’t even know where we are going, Dad won’t tell us, so how will you be able to find me? I asked, getting more upset by the minute.

  “When the time is right you can let me know, your brilliant remember, I know you will find a way,” he smiled and brought me over to sit on his lap.

  I buried my face close to his neck fighting back the sudden urge to cry.

  “And if you can’t reach me, I will just search every inch of the planet until I find you.”

  We sat like this for a while, neither of us saying anything. I listened to his heartbeat and breathed in his scent wanting to remember everything about him.

  “Is there anything else you would like to take?” He asked.

  “You,” I answered simply.

  He smiled playfully. “I was thinking more along the lines of photos or something like that.”

  “That’s a good idea actually,” I said as I grabbed my photo album.

  There wasn’t enough room for the whole book so I flicked through grabbing the ones I wanted, one of our house and one of Tyler and me at school. I kept searching looking for one of Zeke, but the most recent one was taken at least five years ago.

  “I can’t believe I don’t have a more recent photo of you,” I said a little upset.

  “I can have a look for one at home if you like while you are at the shops with your Mum,” he said reassuringly.

  “Thank you,” I said, but that wasn't right I needed to say more. “For everything, you have made today perfect. The last couple of days actually, I'll miss you.”

  My hands followed the lines of his face trying to memorize every last part of him. His olive skin, his strong jaw, and his soft, dark hair that always seemed to be in the way of those amazing eyes.

  “No thank you Hayln, for choosing me, these last few days are the happiest I can remember. I’ll miss you too, but it's not forever, you have to remember that.”

  I kissed him again letting my hands drift down over his chest, etching this moment in my memory. We were suddenly interrupted by Emin walking past my room shouting out that he and Mum had returned, obviously to interrupt us. We both smiled at each other, finding his awkwardness with our relationship amusing.

  I packed the photos in a side pocket of my bag, just as my Mum knocked on the door.

  “How did you go, all packed? She asked before she was in the room, giving us a warning that she was coming in.

  “Pretty much,” I answered. “I just have to throw in some toiletries once I get ready for the benefit.” She didn't seem surprised to see Zeke and I in each other’s arms.

  “Well we probably should go shopping then, if you’re ready?”

  “I suppose,” I said looking at Zeke not wanting to leave him.

  “I’ll be here when you get home,” he said smiling.

  “What about Emin, he might have something to say about that?” I queried.

  “Leave Emin to me, anyway I want to spend some time with him too,” he said as we got up.

  I realized then he would be losing a best friend as well when we disappeared tonight.

  We all left my room and went downstairs to where Dad and Emin were. I left Zeke there with them, he kissed me on the cheek before he let go of my hand. Mum and I went to the car and headed to town. It felt different, as if she was looking forward to spending time with me, rather than being tied down by a responsibility. I decided to ask her something I had been thinking about since breakfast.

  “You didn’t seem particularly surprised to find out about Zeke and me this morning?

  “No I wasn’t, I'd been wondering about it for a while actually,” she replied.

  “Really – how come I had no idea then,” I thought speaking out loud.

  “Well in your defense he did a pretty convincing job of keeping it to himself, for your brother’s benefit I suppose. I tried explaining that to him this morning, but he doesn’t want to listen at the moment, but he will come around.” She smiled at me before she continued.

  “A few months ago when you were spending the weekend with me, you were studying in the lounge room while the boys were watching television. I noticed he kept looking over to you, smiling to himself. At first I thought he was about to tease you again, but then I stopped and actually looked at him. He was mesmerized, as if he was seeing you for the first time. Then he noticed me watching him, watch you, and he stopped. He didn’t come over while you were there after that, so I assumed he had feelings for you. But I didn’t realize you had fee
lings for him until you wanted him to stay so badly after your father was home.”

  “The whole thing took me by surprise actually, especially how much I care for him after such a short time,” I said honestly.

  “I think that is understandable considering how long you have known each other, he’s always been a part of your life Hayln.”

  “That’s true,” I thought to myself.

  We were talking to each other so freely it felt as if a door had been open between us that had been closed and locked for years. So I made my mind up to ask her a few more questions while she was in this frame of mind.

  “It seems to have made a significant difference to you,” I started. “Having me know the truth about the past.”

  “Yes, and I am sorry about that, but it truly has made a difference. As if a weight has been lifted off my shoulders.” She did look relieved, even younger I thought to myself.

  “It was horrible seeing you and Emin look at me, wondering why I wouldn’t try to work things out with your father. I could never explain to either of you my reasons why. I had come to terms with the fact that you would never understand the cause of it, and I would always be to blame.”

  “I do understand Mum.” I reassured her. “You were never given the chance to grieve the child you lost, you weren’t asked whether you wanted to be a part of Dad’s experiment, and you were tricked into loving me for five years before you knew the truth – that I wasn’t your child.”

  I could see she was going to say something, but I continued before she could, I wanted to get this all out.

  “I don’t blame you for leaving Dad after what he did. I'm still not sure how I feel about it either, but I will worry about that once we are safely out of here. I guess what I am trying to say is you shouldn’t feel guilty about any of it.”

  She sighed shaking her head. “Thank you for being so understanding Hayln, but you’re wrong, I have plenty to feel guilty about. Mostly with how I treated you after I knew the truth.” She paused before she continued as if to get her thoughts together.

  “There is no straightforward explanation for it, because I have tried to make sense of my behavior for years and couldn’t. At first I put all the blame on you, thinking that if you weren’t born we would all still be together, and your father I could have tried for another child. But after a few months I saw the flaws in that theory. It was your father, and not you, who betrayed me. But you were the result of his betrayal, and seeing you was a constant reminder of that. This was how I made sense of what happened for years after the divorce, until one day you didn’t call me Mum anymore, do you remember that?”