by Ines Saint
Kayla broke eye contact, and her breathing became uneasy. Why had he pretended not to know her that day in his campaign headquarters, and why hadn't he ever said anything? Different thoughts whirled around in her head, yet only one really made sense. He hadn't known she was Jess's friend so he'd probably thought she'd found out who he was and had hunted him down like some pathetic, infatuated dingbat.
Both her pride and vanity took a hit. A minute ago she'd felt respected by him, and now she felt mocked and ridiculed. The thought that she was emotional and unreasonable crossed her mind, but it didn't help, because that's what he would tell her. She excused herself from the group she'd been mingling with and slowly zigzagged through the crowd on her way to the glass exit doors. Fresh, outside, air, and some time alone were all she needed.
She came upon Julia Hamilton in the reception area, sitting alone on a black lacquer and silver bench, and looking dreamy. "Julia?" she tentatively called. They'd been introduced but had spoken much.
"Yes?" she answered, and Kayla thought she heard an apprehensive note in her voice.
"Um, is there is a garden nearby, or a pool area, maybe? Some place where I can get some fresh air?"
Julia stood up and fumbled inside her black satin clutch before pulling out a keycard. "There's a rooftop garden, but you need this keycard to reach that floor." She motioned Kayla to the elevator, followed her in, and inserted the keycard. After hitting the number seventy-five on the floor indicator panel, she got out of the elevator, smiled shyly, and said. "You're going to love it."
Kayla smiled and thanked her. The doors slid shut, and she leaned her head against the cool metal wall, thinking about how full of himself Jake must be and trying to push aside the fact that she would've pretended she didn't remember their sizzling night of dancing, either, if she could've managed it.
As soon as she stepped out onto the rooftop, Kayla gasped, delighted. Hundreds upon hundreds of roses and shrubs in mahogany rectangular boxes were arranged in step fashion all around her. Vines and ivy crept and trailed up the elegant railings and wall brackets surrounding the roof, and fragrant maples and evergreens dotted the landscape in blue glazed pots, with a few willows stooping down over wood and iron benches here and there. It was the embodiment of a fairy-tale garden. In Chicago.
She breathed in the wonderful scents and fresh air, wondering how she would drag herself back to the party below when there was so much peace to be had above. A ping told her the elevator was back, and she turned around, feeling dejected, thinking that someone had come up to tell her she couldn't be there.
Instead Jake stepped out, and her heart began to pound dangerously. "Julia told me you were here."
"You were looking for me?" She raised an eyebrow. Jake surveyed the view and ignored her question. But Kayla didn't feel like letting him get away with anything. "Because I thought we were done promoting the music program tonight, and I'm sure you have many other people to attend to, so why are you all the way up here looking for me?"
He finally looked at her, a challenge in his eyes. "I've had a hard time not looking for you all evening." And as revealing as his words were, his tone was, as usual, infuriatingly even. He took a step toward her and held out his hand. Kayla, at a rare loss for words, looked at his hand for a long moment before finally deciding to take it. He led her to the railing, and her breath caught at the sight.
Thousands of city lights dazzled below and beyond, and hundreds of stars refused to be dimmed by the city's glow as the moon reflected off of Lake Michigan in the distance. It was exhilarating, and Kayla couldn't take her eyes off of the city she loved. "It's breathtaking," she murmured. She shook her head and wondered how she'd ever leave it if her career took her elsewhere.
"So are you," Jake said softly. He let go of her hand to place both of his on either side of her, and she felt as if she had never been as conscious of anything as the words he had just whispered, and the proximity of his body.
"You're lucky, you grew up with a view just like this one," Kayla remarked, struggling with composure and feeling a strong need to highlight how different they were.
Jake jutted his chin in the direction of her neighborhood. "And you grew up in a loving home behind one of those lights. You're lucky, too."
"I know. My mom's probably there right now, waiting up to hear all about my night." She turned a little, to share the smile the thought summoned, but turned right back to look at the city lights when she saw he was looking at her with something that resembled longing. Goosebumps ran up her arms. "I—I guess you're so used to this view, you don't get chills when you look out over the city this way, the way I do."
"Chills? Not really." He must've noticed her goosebumps because he ran his up fingers up her forearm, slowly and lightly, as if expecting her to tell him to stop. Kayla could barely breathe, let alone speak. "Filip once told me that behind each of those lights is a real home; some complete, some broken, some happy, some sad. And now that's all I can think of when I look out over the city."
"Filip is your Jiminy Cricket? I like that you listen to Filip." She looked up at him, daring to share her smile this time because they were talking about him and not her. But that was a mistake. His touch, coupled with the intensity of his gaze, was too much. Never had she had such a confusing reaction to anyone. Distance. She had to gain emotional distance. "Filip also should've taught you better manners than to pretend you don't remember someone."
"Of course I didn't forget you."
"Then why did you pretend you did?"
Finally, he tore his gaze away, giving her a little bit of the distance she needed. "You'll get mad if I tell you, and I'm not sure I could handle it right now."
"You thought I was some sort of psycho-stalker, didn't you?" She looked out over the city again, and tried to find the will to walk away from Jake, and go back inside.
"Only for a moment," he admitted.
"You need to check that ego of yours." Finally, Kayla pushed off the banister and prepared to leave.
"Wait. Please don't go." Kayla's flailing will was no match for the vulnerable catch in his voice. "It wasn't ego. You caught me off guard, that's all. You were sweet, fun, warm... the stuff of dreams for someone like me, and I never expected to see you again. To be honest, I didn't want to see you again. I wasn't looking for dreams. I'm still not. And I don't know what I'm doing."
Kayla tried to get her breathing and heartbeat under control. She knew exactly what she should say, that she wasn't looking for dreams either and that she should leave, and she turned away from the blurry lights with every intention of saying so. But by turning her body, she became effectively trapped between his arms, and she couldn't make herself move. Jake stood very still, his warm, uneven breath on her cheek. Kayla buried her face in his chest. Maybe if she didn't look at him, she could eventually push him away.
Jake's hands slid slowly up her back until they became entangled in her hair. She looked up, their eyes met, and hot, impatient lips came down on hers. Kayla grabbed onto the lapels of his tuxedo, hungrily pulling him down closer, begging him to invade her mouth.
The kiss went from breathless and desperate to sensual and searching, and when she began to feel too much, she pulled away, frightened. "I don't want this," she said, gasping for air.
Jake swept her hair away from her face, and in a voice, even more breathless than hers said, "I know. I know. Neither do I." They searched each other's eyes for a long moment until their lips slowly, tentatively, met again, this time for a long, deeply moving kiss. Kayla wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him down as close to her as she possibly could as he circled his hand around her waist and pressed her up to him.
When they parted again, for no reason other than the basic need to breathe. When she finally caught her breath, she whispered, "Neither of us wants this." More than ever she was certain she truly didn't want this. This felt so good, it was nearly devastating. And devastating was never good.
Jake traced her cheekbones w
ith his thumbs. "We should've gotten it over with the first night we met. We'd be over it by now instead of having let it build up like this." When he looked as if he were about to kiss her again, Kayla gently pushed him away. It was one of the most difficult things she'd done in a long time.
* * *
Jake watched as Kayla, once again, walked away from him. The night they'd danced she'd left him frustrated. He'd wanted to enjoy their startling chemistry a little bit longer.
Tonight he was relieved. It wasn't only about chemistry anymore. Kayla wanted him, too, he knew, but getting the wanting over wouldn't be enough because she was also getting to him in different, worrisome ways. He loved talking to her and enjoyed being with her, and even when they were arguing, he respected her thoughts and her ideas. She made him think. She made him feel. And she'd looked so achingly beautiful tonight, with the ivory in her dress accentuating her golden skin, and the amber light in her earrings picking up the warmth and fire in her eyes.
And he'd told her she was the stuff of dreams. What the hell was that about? Where did that mushy crap come from? What was wrong with him? Had he run so hard and so far away from becoming his father that he'd slowly turned into his mother?
He looked out onto the city again. With everything going on in his life, it would be easy to stay away from Kayla Diaz. Then, someday soon, he'd wake up from whatever spell he was under.
Chapter 8
November brought cloudy, melancholy days, a comfortable routine, and doubts about her future. Thoughts of auditioning for other orchestras in different cities crept into her mind as fear over the future of her career grew.
Thankfully, she was no longer anywhere near Jake Kelly's sphere, and the gossip and rumors about them eventually died away. Pretty soon she was so overexposed to Jake's image in newspapers, magazines, and on TV, that he seemed more like a distant public figure than someone with whom she'd shared a few confusing moments.
It had been over a month since they'd kissed, a memory she had tried hard to lock in a box and push to a corner of her mind. The problem was there were too many moments to fit into the box, no matter how hard one shoved. How could two people share so many memorable moments in such a short time? Crazy as it seemed, she missed being near the real him. Thoughts of his unguarded smiles and intense moments where they'd shared something more than words snuck up on her at odd times, leaving her perplexed.
She'd often force herself to think of Brandon, instead. They'd gone out two more times. Both times, they'd met at a cozy café near the nightclub where he played. The snug interior had echoed the warm, relaxed way she felt around her ex-boyfriend. She could sink into one of the huge brown corduroy armchairs across from him, and be at ease. Brandon was easy to listen to. There were no confusing moments, no out-of-control tummy tumbles, no tingles, and no chills. Only comfort.
Until the end of their second Saturday evening date. "I've really missed this. I've missed us, and it's obvious you have, too. Do you think you're ready to try again? To take our relationship to another level?" he asked.
Kayla wanted to grab onto the comfortable part of their relationship and hold on tight. But Brandon wanted more. Comfort had the potential of lasting forever. Fires burned themselves out. But Brandon wanted fire. And she understood now why he would want breathless, mind-blowing intimacy. It was addictive. And Brandon's hopes for a peaceful lifetime would not be in jeopardy over it.
But only one person had managed to awaken that side of her, and not only did she not feel that kind of attraction for Brandon, but she also didn't want to. "Brandon," she began on a heavy breath, not really knowing what she was going to say, but wanting to be honest. "Have—have you ever looked at someone and felt so attracted to them that your whole body reacted by its own volition?"
"Yes," he laughed, looking into her eyes and touching her nose with his forefinger.
She flinched at his smile, and considered her next words carefully, realizing she'd started the conversation in the dumbest way possible. "I've come to understand what it is you want from me, but it's not how I feel or how I want to feel, about anyone. I see now we aren't looking for the same things in a relationship, even if we want similar things out of life."
Brandon scraped his chair back and scowled out into the crowd. After a long and uncomfortable silence, he said, "You've come to understand what I want? Is it because you feel it for that Kelly guy?" He turned to glare at her. "People always want what they can't have, and Jake Kelly doesn't want you, so it turns you on. You don't feel it for me because you think I'd take you back, because I've been so good to you. Let's see how you feel once I disappear for good." He stood up and stalked away. Kayla got up and left, too, tears of mortification stinging her eyes. Common interests weren't enough. She and Brandon weren't compatible at all. He was a jerk! How could she have ever found that comfortable? She was no good at relationships, and why it had never occurred to her to simply give them up, she'd never know.
So there she and Brandon were, done for good. While she and Jake were, thankfully, strangers again. In a city like hers, it was possible she'd never see either again. Just one more thing to love about Chicago.
With fall peaking late, her hometown was rife with gorgeous russet, copper, and gold, though the weather was somber. The combination matched her mood perfectly. It was the last week of November, and Kayla found herself battling a constant nervous buzz of anticipation. Geraldine Bernard, a first violinist, had presented her two-week resignation letter.
Kayla was on pins and needles, waiting for a call from the Symphony director, hoping she'd soon be offered the full-time position. If not, it meant she had some major decisions to make. Either she auditioned for another orchestra in another city, or she applied for a music teacher position here. Both would make her happy, but both meant giving up a part of her dream.
She did her best to push these thoughts aside as she listened to Jess go over their plans for the next day on a brisk, Tuesday morning, the week of Thanksgiving.
"Robbie has a lesson till 7:00 p.m., and I have a staff meeting till 7:30, so we'll meet you guys at the Pier for the fireworks at 8:00," Jess was saying over the phone. "Kayla, are you there?"
"I'm listening," Kayla responded as she hopped off a bus and dashed toward rehearsal. "We'll meet you and Robbie at Navy Pier Park after the Christmas Tree lighting. Oh! And don't eat before we get there. Mom and Tia Gina are packing loads of food."
On Wednesday evening, Kayla, Tania, Mia, their mom, and their favorite aunt from their father's side, Gina, headed out to the loop in Tania's little white Mazda 3. Tania, Mia, and Graciela would be spending Thanksgiving out of town with Mia's paternal grandparents, both families believing that it would be good for Mia to see them spending a holiday together. Today was Kayla's day to be with her family.
Christmas in Chicago came early, and it was every child's fantasy. Magnificent Mile welcomed the season with over one million lights to brighten any spirit. They walked around with their mouths agape, oohing and ahhing over every amazing display, as they did every year.
Everywhere they looked there was a spectacle of lights and a myriad of elaborate decorations. Window displays featured everything from realistic Santa workshops and sophisticated North Pole villages to talking snowmen and flying reindeer.
Once they were fully satisfied with the wonder of Magnificent Mile, they headed over to Daley Plaza to witness the tree lighting ceremony. The sixty-foot tree was strung with thousands of unlit candy-colored lights and hundreds of ornaments in every Christmas hue and shape imaginable. Chicago Children's Choir filled hearts and air with their angelic voices. Kayla watched her niece's face fill with happiness when the tree lit up as Tania leaned over to say, "The look on her face is always my favorite part."
When it was over, the five of them headed to the Pier where they'd meet Jess and Robbie to watch the spectacular fireworks show over the harbor.
After exchanging greetings, Jess announced, "Jake rented out a sixty-three-foot schoone
r for his staff so we could all watch the fireworks from the water, and when I told him I already had plans with all of you, he said you were all welcome on board!" Mia, Graciela, and Gina instantly agreed, with Gina enthusiastic about meeting the person who might soon be the next mayor of Chicago, and with Mia and Graciela eager to see the fireworks directly over their heads. Picnic baskets in hand, they walked to the pier, while Tania and Kayla dragged their feet, neither of them happy with the change in plans.
Kayla hadn't seen Jake in little over six weeks, and even though she'd long since convinced herself it was better if she never saw him again, her body was already betraying her. The tingle on her spine came back, and her heart began to flutter nervously. To say it would be strange to face him for the first time since participating in such a mind-blowing kiss was an understatement.
"That crap doesn't work on me, buster," Tania said under her breath.
"Who are you talking to?" Kayla asked when she turned and didn't see anyone besides them.
"That guy—the one who gave you a ride that day. He's giving me this lame look."
Kayla turned to look at Marcus, who was waiting by a plank that led to a beautiful red and black three-masted schooner, and saw what Tania meant. Except it wasn't a lame look at all, it was an "I can't believe my luck that you're here" look and Kayla thought it was sweet.
"It's not like you don't know how to ignore a man," Kayla said, and then laughed when she saw her sister's scowl.
"Hey, Kayla, great to see you again," Marcus greeted her, no longer looking at her sister. Kayla directed the round of introductions before Jess, who loved Graciela's cooking and had been eyeing the picnic baskets, whisked Mia, Graciela, and Gina away to a table.