by Ines Saint
She shrank back. "Too much exposure to the novelas my mom watches?" He gave her a look. "Sorry—but you sound like you're not ready for this to be over, and what else could you mean?"
Jake let go of her hand to run a hand through his hair. "I don't know. I hadn't gotten that far. I—I know what I don't want, but maybe I don't know what I do want." He shook his head. "If that makes any sense."
She let the hand he'd been holding, which was still in the air, palm up as if waiting for him to take hold of it again, drop. "It does. I know what I don't want, too. We barely know each other. Lust fizzles, Jake. It's a proven scientific fact that it lasts about two years. And I'm definitely not going to risk destroying my heart over two years."
"Destroy your heart?" He glanced over at her. "Is this from a novela again? Because you just said that what we have is lust and nothing more."
Kayla closed her eyes. That last things she wanted to say was probably the last thing he wanted to hear. "I did... but give me time, and emotional woman that I am, I—I'll go and fall for you. And then you'd leave. I don't want heartache like that, ever." The very idea of it made it difficult to breathe. She wiped her hands on her jeans and looked out the window.
There was a long silence. "I'm not my father, Kayla. Or even my mother. And you're not your sister or your mother."
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"You say we barely know each other, but you're wrong. We're more alike than you think. We've both taken huge steps to avoid feeling too much because we don't want to end up like the people we love. I never wanted to be like my father, losing everything I've worked hard for and hurting everyone around me over every new woman, but I sure as hell didn't want to be like my mom, losing years of happiness with a person who didn't deserve her. And you don't want to end up like your mother and sister, unable to get on with your life because a man you loved is no longer there. It's why you fell for Robbie and Brandon because deep down you knew there wasn't enough there to destroy your heart."
Kayla was shocked into a long, tense silence. Finally, she said, "I don't know what we're talking about anymore."
Jake sighed. "Neither do I. I know why things are the way they are, but I don't know that I want them to change. Forget I said anything. If I said anything at all. I'm not even sure."
She wasn't either. They had gone around in circles, and all she knew was that they hadn't ended up quite where they'd started.
Chapter 11
"Where were you? You said you were going away with a friend, and then you go MIA or AWOL or whatever. You didn't answer my calls, and I spent all weekend telling Mom you were fine. Who is this friend, Kayla? Where did you go? Why didn't you call?" Tania whispered furiously, looking back to where their mom and Mia were putting up the Christmas tree.
"Excuse me, but have you forgotten that I'm an adult? I can't believe you think it's okay to question me like this!" Kayla angrily whispered back.
Tania took a deep breath and exhaled slowly. "I'm sorry—I didn't mean to treat you like a child. It's just... We're close, Kayla. We don't run away like that without making sure everyone knows we're fine. Try—try and remember the way you felt the night I took off." Kayla would never forget how worried she'd been. It had been six months after their father had died, and Tania had gone off to Denver, to the hotel Chris was staying at while skiing with some friends. She'd gone to tell him that she was pregnant, but found him in bed with another girl.
"I'm sorry," Kayla finally spoke. "I hate that you were so worried, but I did tell you I was with a friend, and that should've been enough. Your real worry is that I did something stupid. I didn't."
A little over a week later, Kayla wasn't so sure.
Her heart nearly stopped when she spotted a fuzzy picture of Jake, carrying her in his arms, on the front page of a local tabloid. Her mouth went dry, and she took a quick, furtive look around before picking it up.
"Jake Kelly's Love Shack," the headline screamed. The accompanying picture seemed to have been taken from across the river. Jake's blurry face was to the camera, and he was recognizable. But she wasn't. Her back was to the river in the first picture, and her hair, which had been up in a knot, looked short. Jake's head was close to hers, but it wasn't clear that they were kissing.
Her heart began to beat again, but not at a normal rhythm. She read the cheesy article inside, where there were a few more blurry pictures of them, and a copy of the deed in Patricia Kelly's name. Kayla's back was to the camera in two pictures. In others, taken after Jake turned to carry her into the house, her face was covered by his body. If hadn't been for the deed, Jake could have plausibly denied he was the man in the pictures. The article outlined how Jake had put the house in his mother's name so he could hide his numerous dalliances from voters. A bunch of over-reaching bull. Good thing no one believed tabloids.
Kayla had practice from 7:00 a.m. to 4:00 p.m. that day. Wondering if the pictures and article would hurt Jake's campaign, and unable to lose herself in the music, she played badly the first half hour. She wasn't savvy about these things and didn't know what stuck and what blew over. To top it all off, a strange heaviness had settled in the pit of her stomach over how far she felt from Jake. It wasn't like she could call him. Or could she?
Should she?
When the symphony's musical director interrupted rehearsal to ask to speak to her, Kayla's heart took on the painful, weird rhythm again. She walked into his office, her head high, fully expecting him to chew her out for playing so badly.
Instead, he offered her the position of first violinist.
Kayla felt both ecstatic and like her nerves were about to shatter over too many conflicting emotions in such a short time. The elation soon took over, and she ran around the desk to hug the startled director, who finally hugged her back and chuckled over her enthusiasm. She walked out, closed the door behind her, closed her eyes, and shot her hands into the air.
Her first concert would be the following night at Symphony Hall, as part of a Christmas series featuring different orchestras. Tears welled up in her eyes. This was her dream come true.
Michelle, Simone, and Ralph were watching for her, and when they saw her reaction, they knew all was well. They put their instruments down and rushed over to hug her and congratulate her. She called her mother, her sister, Robbie, and Jess soon after.
* * *
At nearly 8:00 a.m. on Wednesday morning, a grim Jake watched as Jess walked into his office, phone in hand, a happy expression on her face. It disappeared as soon as she saw the looks on the faces of the three men before her.
Marcus, who had been reading the paper, stopped and slid the page her way, not looking at her or anyone. Jess read the tasteless headline, pursed her lips, and pulled the paper closer to read the article. A second later, she whipped her head toward Jake. "That's Kayla!"
Marcus's jaw fell, Filip's eyes widened, and for once, Jake was speechless.
"How do you know?" Marcus challenged her, not taking his eyes off Jake.
"I recognize the old Cubs jacket that Robbie gave her because of the way the extra words are printed—I can almost make the word goat out." She squinted before throwing the paper down. "And her hair is up in that crazy knot she wears when she's practicing."
"Why didn't you say anything, Jake?" Marcus demanded.
"How long has this been going on?" Jess asked, looking betrayed.
Jake felt his temper flare. "My private business is private," he shot back.
"Damn, Jake, this is how you're going to play it? Really?" Marcus asked.
"Spoken like a true politician. I thought you were my friend. I thought Kayla was my friend." Jess sat down then, looking miserable. "I just got off the phone with her, and she didn't say a thing about this."
Everyone scowled at Jake. Finally, Filip said, "Marcus and Jess are right. More than anything, we're working with you because you are our friend, and we believe in you. It's not that we feel we deserve to know your private business. We don't. But we
should know things that will affect the campaign."
He'd managed to keep thoughts of Kayla at bay the entire week by keeping himself insanely busy. The last thing he wanted to do was discuss her with his staff. But they were playing the friend card. Jake bit the inside of his cheek, considered, and finally said, "It just happened."
Jess let out an exasperated sigh and opened her mouth, probably to chew him out again, but Jake stopped her. "No, seriously. It just happened," he paused, wanting to be honest and to explain, but knowing he needed to respect Kayla's privacy as well. "It was after she saw her ex-boyfriend with Robbie's sister at the pier the day before Thanksgiving. I had rented the boat, and so I felt responsible when she disappeared into the galley. I asked her if she was okay, and we ended up talking. She was hurt and angry, but most of all she was dreading that her sister, or mom, or aunt would be so worried about her that they would intrude on her all weekend. She was really distraught over that because she needed to practice. So I asked her to come away with me. Neither of us thought too hard about it. We both needed some time away, and so we went with it."
"But why are you carrying her? I know you don't feel you owe us explanations, but I'm confused, and I need to know how I'm going to explain this."
Jake had swept Kayla up into his arms after she had laughingly and breathlessly told him she was dizzy after they'd kissed. The memory made him both happy and sad. He took a deep breath and let it out. "It was cold and raining, and she said she felt dizzy. I picked her up and carried her inside. That's all true."
Both Jess and Marcus looked unconvinced, but Marcus nodded as if he was at least satisfied by Jake's explanation. "All right. You've explained it to us, but how are we going to explain why Kayla was there to voters? If Jess recognized her, so will others. Your simple 'it just happened' won't convince anybody."
Jess began to shake her head. "No. There are only a few people who'd be able to figure it out its Kayla. Those of us who know that silly jacket, and those of us who know she disappeared Thanksgiving weekend. Basically just me, her family, and Robbie. They won't say a word. Of that, I'm sure. So we say an unnamed friend—who wants her privacy—was hurting after a difficult event, Jake invited her over for the weekend so she could get away from it all, and that he was carrying her inside because it was cold, and raining, and she felt dizzy. And I'll run it by Kayla, first. Many won't believe it, but I don't know what we're going to do about that except stick to it. It's not hard when it is all true."
"Also tell them the truth about the house," Filip added. "You originally bought it for your mom before eventually realizing she wasn't interested in it, and you undertook the restoration as a hobby."
They were quiet for a while, polishing the response in their heads until Jake turned to Jess and asked. "How was Kayla when you spoke to her?" He kept his expression neutral.
Jess studied him for a long moment. He knew she was itching to question him about their time away together. "She was thrilled because they offered her first violinist. She'll actually be playing at Symphony Hall this Thursday night. I think she was too excited to remember the tabloid if she even saw it."
Jake stood up, still guarding his expression. He and Kayla had decided to stay away from each other, but he knew how much getting that position meant to her, and he found himself wishing he be present for her first performance.
Julia Hamilton's parents were good friends of his, and they had choice seats at Symphony Hall. It was a tempting thought.
Jess's phone rang. She looked down at the screen, and then looked up with a weary expression. "Jenna, from the Tribune," she said before getting up and walking outside.
As soon as she left, Filip spoke up. "I know you're concerned about your political dilemma, Jake, but don't forget to take care of your personal dilemma, too. They have a tendency to fester when you ignore them."
"What personal dilemma?"
"Come on, Jake. Get real," Marcus implored him. "We've seen the way you act around her, and now you go away with her for a weekend? What's going on?"
"I don't know what's going on. And I'm not sure it even matters." He sank down onto the black leather chair, ran a hand through his hair, and turned to Filip. "You know how you say that a man is blessed if he can count the people he loves on at least one hand? Well, I've never been able to get up to five. I'm always one person short of blessed. But lately..." Jake breathed in and shook his head, sorry that he'd said that much.
Marcus grinned. "Kayla's your missing finger?"
"My missing finger?" Jake repeated, eyebrow raised. "Wow, that's beautiful, Marcus." He turned away, frustrated he'd said anything at all. "Just forget everything I said."
"Wait a second." Marcus lifted a hand and used his fingers to count down. "Hey, I always thought you loved your mom, Filip, Julia, Jess, and me, but you say you can only count down to four. Who's missing out on some Jake-love?"
Filip laughed, and for the first time that day, Jake smiled. "You'll never know," Jake answered, realizing he hadn't counted in a long time. It seemed he had more friends than he gave himself credit for.
Jess walked back in, looking stressed out. "You know, I wish could tell them it's Kayla. I mean, she sure was good for your numbers early on. People loved the idea of you and her together."
"Seriously, Jess?" Jake interrupted her, appalled.
"I would never do that to either of you, but I don't like how this is playing out, and I can't help but dream." She looked over at him. "And it would be a nice dream."
"Well, there are no dreams, Jess," Jake said, firmly, while getting up and walking to the door. Kayla's words suddenly came back to him. She barely knew him, she'd said. It had all been about lust. Nothing special. Just lust. His jaw clenched. "We were two people keeping each other company. That's all. Nothing special or out of the ordinary."
The pressure of his feelings, his best friends' concern, and his disappointment, because he couldn't share in Kayla's good news, were getting to him. He needed to play some football or basketball with the kids, and blow off steam.
* * *
That night, as Kayla got off the bus to walk home after her last private lesson, she listened to a message Jess had left for her hours before. Her friend was trying to help Jake, and she was being considerate in running what she wanted to say by her, but she was clearly upset and feeling as if she and Kayla had somehow drifted apart. They hadn't. But Jess and Robbie were her best friends, and she couldn't talk to Robbie about Brandon because his sister was involved, and she couldn't talk about Jake with Jess because Jake was one her best friends, too.
More than anything, she wanted to forget Jake Kelly, forget the picture, wish it into oblivion where perhaps nothing ever came of it, and concentrate on her career and on how her life was changing for the better.
Soon, she'd be able to buy some cute and fuel-efficient car. She could ease off the private lessons, eat out with friends, and buy a latte on her way to rehearsals now and then. Simple pleasures had come to mean a lot. But as much as the good news in her life lifted her, the picture in that morning's paper, and how it might hurt Jake, weighed on her. Was there anything she could do to help? She racked her brain.
When she got home, only the kitchen light was on. She went straight there in search of antacid, only to be taken aback by a chorused shout of "Surprise!"
Tania, Mia, Graciela, Aunt Gina, Robbie, and Jess were waiting for her to celebrate her good news. Tania was clearly ecstatic for her, but there was also a tight set to her smile. Robbie kept wiggling his eyebrows at her, trying for humor, and Jess was shooting worried glances her way. Kayla pasted a feeble smile on her face and did her best to go through the motions.
As soon as she could, she claimed exhaustion and retreated upstairs to the comfort of her lilac and cream-colored room. The décor was outdated, the posters a bit yellowed, and the quilt faded, but she knew if she changed it she'd lose something. In that sense, she understood her mother and the need to be embraced by a place untouched by time
, where the comfort of days gone by spoke to her and told her that things usually worked themselves out.
But Tania, Robbie, and Jess were hot on her heels. They came into her room, uninvited.
"What were you thinking, Kayla! How could you fall prey to him like that? Good looking, powerful men only want one thing! And don't you dare deny it was you, I recognized that ugly Cubs jacket and that knot on your head," Tania practically shouted.
"Calm down! Mia will hear you, and what have we talked about regarding Mia?" Robbie demanded as he shut the door.
Tania breathed in and out. "I will not scar Mia with my unhealthy attitudes toward males. I will not scar Mia with my unhealthy attitudes toward males," Tania chanted in a low voice as she gained control of her temper.
"And the Cubs Jacket is not ugly. It's hilarious," Robbie added.
"And Jake's not like that, Tania," Jess added.
Tania clenched and unclenched her fists twice. "Have I not talked to you about the seven signs of deadly male testosterone? Does Jake Kelly not have them all? Why would you go away with him? You've barely been around the block, Kayla, and you're always so careful."
"How was he?" Robbie asked, sitting in a corner of her bed.
Kayla swallowed hard and averted her eyes. She couldn't get any words out. "That good, huh?" Robbie grinned.
"Oh, no. You didn't." Jess sighed, and it was clear by her tone and the look in her eyes that as much as she believed in Jake, not even she thought that was a good idea.
"Oh, Kayla." Tania sat down next to her on the bed, put her arm around her, and gently pulled her back until they were both lying on the patterned quilt. "You're not falling for him, are you?"
"No." Kayla drew in a shaky breath. "We agreed we'd spend one nice weekend together, and that was it."
"So you're not feeling all warm and fuzzy inside right now when you think about him?" Robbie asked.
Kayla blew at a strand of hair that had made it into her mouth. "No, what I'm feeling is nauseous." She covered her face with her arm. "Do you think it'll get out that the woman in the picture is me?" she asked.