“Of course. I really love it out there. I can see why you’re grandma loved it so much and you still do.” He wraps his arm around me bringing us closer together as we walk around the corner to where he parked.
“I’m glad you like it out there because that’s something else we’ll need to talk about when we get there.”
Chapter Twenty-Four
Derek
The ride was almost unbearably quiet. Almost. I know we both have a lot on our mind and we are trying to work stuff out in our heads. Trying to make sense of a lot of bull shit that’s fully unraveling right in front of our eyes. For me it’s all this stuff I’ve been keeping from Jesika. Not because I wanted to hide it from her, but because I didn’t know how to approach any of it. There has just been so much left unsaid between us, that it was starting to get easier to not to bring any of it up, especially not knowing exactly how Jes would take it. But on top of keeping things hidden also comes the burden it causes you to feel as well.
I don’t use the excuse that I was brought up around lies and secrets as to why I have kept quiet for so long. But sometimes you just have to guard certain truths before you can release them. There is so much riding on what I’m going to tell Jesika. The main thing being Emma’s well-being. I’ll do anything for her, and I hope Jesika has my back with what I’m about to tell her since she has a major role in the part as well. The more Seth has nagged our “dad” and even mom about our circumstances growing up, the more he believes that him and Jake are actually somehow related. This situation just seems like it’s the fucking circle of life. Good ole pops told Seth, that I was without a shadow of a doubt his, lucky me, but Seth he was never sure about. Mom told him that he was, but I’m starting to think our mother kept quiet about a lot of stuff, only telling us things on a need to know basis. Apparently who Seth’s real dad is wasn’t need to know. It was more of a for me to know and you to find out. . .and that’s exactly what his detective ass has been doing. If he would have went to school for anything, that should have been it. Or a freaking lawyer. He can debate his way out of a paper bag. He’s very convincing. Just ask the ladies. They’ll back me on that one. I can’t help to think about this past month Jes and I have been apart. How the most amazing experience of my life, being on a real stage in front of thousands of fans, was also one of the worst times of my life because of the circumstances clouding it.
You know I’d be a flat out dumbass and liar to say that after going on the road I’m now cured from the rock and roll dreams I had. Because in all reality, that little slice of life only pumped me up even more for the idea of it coming into fulfillment. Just that little taste of being in such a hyped up atmosphere teased at the inner part of me that I have kept tucked away so long ago.
But knowing this is where my heart is, I’m more than content to live this life here and continue on with my firefighter calling. The thought of saving lives is just as much of an adrenaline rush as being on stage in front of thousands of screaming fans. I’m thankful for that short time I had on that platform. I’ll never forget the way it felt. You feel completely numb and alive all at the same time. Sounds impossible huh? But just think about it. Every single strum of the guitar, pluck of the bass, and beat of the snare is continuously pulsating through your body. Your soul is alive, leaving your senses on high alert, but your actual body is numb due to the intense musical wavelengths etching their way through you. It has to be the most amazing high ever, which makes me wonder why so many musicians even feel the need to take part in the illegal shit. All that does is tears apart everything good in your life or it kills you.
If I wasn’t a firefighter though, Jesika might not even be alive today. That thought alone helps me push aside my rock and roll blues and know that no matter what, I’m right where I need to be. I’m not saying that I’m the only reason she’s alive. Like I’m some hero or some shit, but I really did save her life that night. Another minute later and her car would have blown up. Maybe someone else would have reacted the same way, hell that’s what we’re trained to do, but I know the only reason I took quicker action than normal is because I knew who could be in that car, and I didn’t have any time to waste. And with all logic out the window, I didn’t hesitate to bolt as fast as I could to her.
My mind wanders farther back to when Jesika finally opened up to me about Jake. I mean told me the most basic details of her deceased husband. It was right before Christmas and we had both decided that we weren’t going to buy each other presents since we’d only been together a few months, and making sure the kids were happy was what was important.
It was as if she couldn’t hold it any longer. Her curiosity had fully won over when she blurted out, “So where is Emma’s mom?” I was pretty shocked by her sudden case of forwardness that she’d never shown before then. I had paused with my present wrapping, setting the scissors and tape next to me and making myself comfortable for what I was expecting to be a long night filled with deep conversation.
“She took off right after Emma was born.” Before I could hit her with the same question she willingly opened up to me.
“Wow Derek, that’s horrible. She’s really missing out. Jaxon’s dad, Jake, died over a year ago. This will be our second Christmas without him. I really want to make it extra special for him. Holidays are the worst.”
I know she had meant they’re worse for her more so than Jaxon. He seemed to have been handling it all very well for a six year old. Maybe the younger the better. I know that was the case for me. That could be why Seth can’t just let shit be put to rest because with him being two years older than me, he remembers more about our childhood like the men who were in and out of our moms life. He was in fourth grade when the man we had both called dad was busted and put in prison. The age gap kept it from bothering me as much, but it really got to Seth. I think he felt like he had to step up to the plate since the only male figure we had really known was now gone.
“This is one of my favorite songs of y’all’s.” Jes breaks the silence. I hear the DJ on the radio announce a song from the Rifters.
“This next song I have for you guys is from our local boys The Rifters, who just got back from touring the last leg of the Black Falcon tour. These boys are definitely going somewhere. Here’s their song Moving Forward.” This was one of the first songs I actually had any part of writing. I just sit and soak in the words I had written so long ago soak in as they flow from my speakers.
I’m moving forward, no looking back
Living in the past only brings you down
I’m so better off when you aren’t around
Some say time heals all, but I call their bluff
How in the hell would they know this shit ain’t rough
Time can’t fix the past or heal the pain
It might help lessen it like a needle to the vein
All time is, is a temporary fix
All we do is get lost in the mix
I’m moving forward, no looking back
Living in the past only brings you down
I’m so much better off without you around
I’m so glad I’m past that time in my life. It’s much easier to navigate my big ass truck into this tiny overgrown drive when it’s still light outside. I can’t wait to unleash my plans for our future onto Jesika. Knowing just how much she loves it out here I know she will be thrilled. I quickly get us parked because I’m ready to have everything out in the open with us. No more baggage or other peoples skeletons being hid any longer. Once everything is out in the open we will finally be closer than we’ve ever been able to be. No more barriers between us that can threaten to keep us apart. We can finally live our life together.
Chapter Twenty-Five
Jesika
Our ride to Granny’s Nook is quiet and peaceful. I’ve always loved the serene feel of the country. This area doesn’t necessarily qualify as country, but it’s more country than where I live. I consider any area that’s located off of a dirt road country. Anywhere
you can see the stars and not streetlights. Hear crickets instead of cars driving by. Just peace and quiet. I want to live out of town one day. In the country. I know the kids would love having woods to explore. Trees to climb, creeks to wade in, and rocks to jump off of. Those were the best times of my childhood. The only thing that could top it would be our own little pond to fish in.
Pulling into the bumpy overgrown drive, I start to get a bit nervous knowing there is still so much we need to talk about. Its evening and the setting sun still lights up the area enough to where Derek doesn’t need to leave his lights on. I’m not as eager for this conversation as I had originally thought I was. Truthful answers was all I wanted. Now I don’t really care to know those things. Not that it changes anything. Because everything these ‘answers’ could have ever changed is buried six feet under. For the most part everything seems to come back to Jake. Not saying he’s lucky to be dead, but he is lucky that he isn’t around to clean up this mess that I’m sure ninety-two percent of is his.
For the past month that Derek and I were apart, I had thought that Jake was Emma’s dad. That is what Skanktoria had told me. Well, not exactly. She said they had a child together. From the looks of her maternal appearance that day, I could only imagine her having one child. I prayed she only had one child. Women like her should be fixed as soon as they spread their legs.
So, as Derek walks around the front of his truck while watching me the whole time, I can’t help but wonder who Emma’s father really is. I’m not gonna lie, I’d be slightly relieved if she wasn’t Jake’s. Not sure how I’d explain to Jaxon that his now close friend is his half-sister and will be his step sister as well. Awkward. But I’ve heard stranger things.
All those thoughts are momentarily moved to the back burner when Derek opens my door. He knows he’s damn sexy. He knows he owns my heart as well. He puts his hand out for me to take. Holding onto just my fingertips, he brings the top of my hand to his warm lips and lightly pecks it. Shivers instantly flood my body from that simple touch. He lets out a chuckle, “Are you cold baby? Or do I just have that effect on you?” He then presses his lips to my skin again. Dammit more shivers. I can’t control my senses around him and I’m done trying.
“You’ve done this to me since day one.” I give him a kiss as I’m standing on the nerf bar waiting to step off. But before I can, I let out a yelp as Derek grabs both sides of my waist and hoists me off of it and over his shoulder. He holds me up there just with his arm clamped over my legs. I don’t bother trying to get out of his hold because I’m enjoying the view. He has a nice ass, what can I say?
Making it to the hammock, he slowly lets me melt down his body until my feet are on his. My hands draped over his shoulders. His hands rest on my waist. He bends down and kisses me. It wasn’t needy or full of want. It was simply just a loving kiss. Slow and thoughtful. He pecks my nose and sighs as he breaks the contact to get comfy on the hammock reaching out for me to join him once he’s sure the damn thing wont flip us out. If we didn’t have a load of shit, important shit, to get out in the open, I’d gladly fall asleep—right here, in this hammock lying next to this amazing man. Here in Granny’s Nook.
He knows the biggest question that’s weighing on my mind right now. It’s the same damn question that’s been on my mind the last month.
“So, is Jake Emma’s dad? I mean that’s what Victoria,” I spit her name out, “said, but she seems so reliable, you know.” I can’t help the sarcasm dripping from my mouth. My head is resting in the crook of his arm and he’s twisting his fingers through my hair.
“As far as I know, Jake is Emma’s dad. Well, was her dad.” His hand stills for a moment. But when I don’t interrupt he continues. “Seth swore to me that he never touched Vicky no matter how hard she tried. I believed him. Even though I did, he still willingly took one of those DNA test that I took. Showed that they were related, but not enough for him to be her dad. But, enough that he was closer to being her dad then I was. This was very weird to both of us. Our mom raised us boys by herself while our dad was in prison. He was in there for drugs.”
I feel his arm and body tensing under me so without hesitation I take my free hand and start rubbing his chest, trying to comfort him. He releases a heavy breath as though he’s releasing a bunch of baggage with it as I feel his body ease back down. No longer tense.
“I’ve never had anything to do with our dad. Never wanted to know the guy. I mean, it’s not like he cared about our mom enough to stay clean. He sure as shit didn’t care about me or Seth either.” I was really hoping that the tramp had been lying about Jake having another kid, especially hers. Not that I was hoping Seth was the father, because I know that’d cause a shit load of issues between the brothers. It’s just, I really didn’t know how to feel about it. And it was just something I was going to have to deal with. I don’t even know how to deal with it. Or how Derek can deal with it in legal terms.
He has absolutely no rights to Emma. How does this even work? Wait, where is Emma? Where is Victoria? What really took place this whole last month that he stayed away? Reality instantly takes over and all these questions that were racing through my mind start spewing from my mouth. Without any control, I let the floodgate open and bombard Derek with all my questions. I raise my head off his chest to look at him, careful that I don’t turn us over in the process.
“Where is Victoria, Derek? Please tell me you didn’t let her see Emma. That poor girl. Please tell me you didn’t let her.” I start feeling my face dampen as tears I didn’t know I was shedding start to cascade down. He brushes his thumb across my cheek wiping them away.
“Hey Jes. Don’t cry. There was no way in hell I was going to let her just stroll into Emma’s life after having nothing to do with her. Emma may not be my daughter by blood, but I will always consider her my daughter and I will always put her first.” Instantly I feel relieved. I loved her as my own, and couldn’t bear the thought of some worthless piece of shit mom coming back into town and trying to put a claim on her. Sorry bitch but you missed the boat on being a mom over six years ago.
“Okay. So what’s the deal then? How’d you keep her from seeing Emma? I’m losing my confidence as I quietly ask my last question, “What all happened at the concert that night? What all happened while you were on tour with her tagging along?” As usual Derek is instantly in his ‘comfort zone’. Meaning he’s ready to do whatever he needs to make the situation better, smooth it all over and make me more comfortable about what has taken place.
“Jes, I had no choice. I mean I did, but I didn’t. I wasn’t fully aware of what Vicky’s plan was when she came snaking up behind me at the concert. That was one of the biggest nights of my life and I was so happy that I was getting to share it with you. Then that fucking cunt showed up and ruined everything. EVERYTHING. She told me she wanted to see Emma and I freaked. How was I supposed to introduce Emma to her mom who has been MIA since she was freaking born? I couldn’t let it happen. Luckily for me, Seth had already known she was back in town and convinced me to send Emma to her friends for the weekend. I swear that brother of mine is a sneaky bastard,” he says while shaking his head.
What kind of brother keeps shit from his sibling? Important shit. As if he could see the question in my eyes, he continues, “We all have mutual friends and apparently she got a hold of one and they gave her mine and Seth’s address. She showed up there while I was still on shift. She had already heard about the concert and told Seth she’d just run into me there. We had always wondered why she left in the first place. What made her leave her life she had and her daughter? If Jake really is Emma’s dad, we figured that he paid her to leave. To keep her from starting shit and ruining y’alls marriage. Plus, Vicky was known to get around and the fact she had started using again without my knowledge was more reason for her to hit the road. There were way too many positives for her. She didn’t have to stay here and face the back lash of having a baby hooked on drugs and she was paid off to leave. I knew she proba
bly went back to Ohio where her shady dad lives. Probably told her family she had a miscarriage. Hell, she may have never told them she was pregnant. I don’t know what to believe when it comes to her anymore.” I couldn’t agree with him more. I had no clue what to believe when it came to Jake anymore. It’s really sad that our whole marriage was based on lies.
We spent the rest of the evening lying in that hammock talking. He told me how he let me leave that night simply because he knew if Vicky saw how important I was to him, then she would have really started some shit; and how he couldn’t have risked her doing that to me or what she might have done in regards to Emma. Mr. Remington had been right that if they proved themselves with that once in a lifetime chance performance, it could lead to more. That night they had been asked to be a part of the tour for the next month to fill in for another band. Vicky had overheard the news, and that’s the only way she agreed not to see Emma. Like he said, the woman gets around and apparently the groupie world makes sex and drugs very accessible. Seth was the buffer for the most part. He knows that Derek isn’t the father, but without positively knowing who is for sure, they can’t tell her any different. Because in reality, she doesn’t know who the dad is either. In reality she just used the baby card to trap two different men, without the other man knowing.
Typical skank. Once she found out Jake was dead and the money bank was now closed, she had to find another avenue. That’s where sugaring up to Derek came in to play. Seth convinced Derek that it was safer to drag her along while on tour than to leave her behind to cause destruction. That is what she does. Destroys everyone she comes in contact with. Seth also knew she’d get plenty of attention from the other bands they were touring with. Single guys like that are all about having a twenty-four hour fly tramp around. And she was more than willing to accommodate. So, when the boys of The Rifters were scheduled to depart the tour, Victoria was nowhere to be found. Derek has legal rights to Emma and according to the birth certificate he is her father, so unless Vicky shows back up again and tries to take him to court, there is nothing to worry about.
Exposed: An Anthology Page 18