It was one year ago when Derek asked me to marry him. One year ago today, I said yes. Now here I am a year later staring at myself in my amazingly beautiful wedding dress. The wedding dress that I almost didn’t live to wear. Thinking how close I was to dying over a few months ago sends noticeable shudders through my body. My beautiful bridesmaid doesn’t miss a beat as she comes up behind me.
“You look gorgeous, Jes, but if you’re having second thoughts we can book it out the back door.” This girl is serious. She has my back no matter what and she always will. My near death experience changed her so much. She started realizing that she needed to tone down her party girl ways and maybe stop looking for love in all the wrong places. It was as if she had an epiphany that day. Life is too short. It’s not a never-ending party. Some things you have no control over. So, take the reins of the ones you can. She attempted to do that by confessing to Seth that she had feelings for him. Shockingly he admitted he cared for her as well, but he wasn’t the settling down type of guy. He told her he didn’t want to be tied down to anyone because his music career would always be put first. He proved to her that he was no different from all the other guys. She was heartbroken even though she hid it well. Well, to everyone but me. I couldn’t have asked for a better person to have around during my time of recovering as well as caring for my new tiny addition to the family. Our daughter, Journey, was the best thing that could have happened. She mended our family together perfectly. The thought that I almost didn’t live to see her is what has me upset, not the sexy man waiting for me outside.
“I almost lost everything, Mallory. I just haven’t got over how close I was to not seeing any of my kids grow up and leaving Derek all alone to raise them. And you my best friend. I know you would have helped him, but still. You two would have been a horrible mess together.” I giggle thinking about it. “It’s just hard to think about sometimes you know?”
“I know what you mean baby girl, but right now is not the time to be messing up our make-up. You look perfect! You have the most beautiful family and I’m extremely jealous, yet very happy for you. I know I’ll have my happy ending one day.” She ends with a weak smile. I know she’s still hurting over Seth and now she’s going to see him today after he’s been gone the past three months on the road. It’s almost as if they are being forced together today. Seeing that she’s my maid of honor and Seth is Derek’s best man. Well, actually they are the only two we even have. I was never big on the huge bridal party. I like simple better. That’s why I love my dress. It’s got an antique appeal with its form fit all the way down. The back is completely open and the front has a decent v that stops at the top of my chest. The whole dress is an ivory lace. My hair is in an up do with a short veil hanging off the back. My look is topped off with my cute cowboy boots that are hidden underneath.
Mallory looks hot as always in her red strapless dress that stops before her knees. Her hair is loosely curled with side pieces pulled back and joined together in the back. She’s sporting the same cowboy boots that I am. Since we decided on an outside wedding in the country, I felt cowboy boots were a must. Only for me and Mallory though. I don’t like cowboy dressing guys and thank god Derek isn’t into that look either.
I can tell something is bothering Mallory. More like someone.
“Spill the beans, Mallory. What’s wrong? I know you’re nervous about seeing Seth and that you still have feelings for him and I’m sorry that we threw you two together and—”
“I’m pregnant,” she whisper’s cutting me off from what I was saying. I’m not even sure I heard her right. In fact, I couldn’t have heard her right. Could I have?
“What’d you say?”
“I said I’m pregnant, Jes. I’m fucking pregnant by a man who chose the rock world over settling down with me. I can’t tell him. He’ll hate me. I don’t want him to hate me, Jes. I can’t have the father of my baby, the man I’m in love with hating me.” She’s starting to cry so I need to get this situation under wraps.
I don’t know what Seth would do if he knew that Mallory was pregnant. Would it make him reconsider being a family man and if it did, would he end up resenting her and the baby? She’s in a real tough spot, and now it’s my job to be there for my best friend. Whatever she needs, whatever she wants, I have to have her back. This time it’s her, not me who is being tested in the friend department and I’m bound and determined not to let her down. Just like she has never let me down.
“Whatever you decide honey, do what’s best for you and this baby. That is if you plan on keeping it.” I look at her questioningly, praying that’s her plan.
“Yes, I’m keeping this baby. I’ve learned a few mommy tips from this awesome best friend of mine who is about to marry a really hot drummer/firefighter. I think you should meet her sometime. You guys would hit it off great.” She’s pulling herself together and I know it’s strictly for my benefit. For my wedding. She wouldn’t dare let anything ruin it. Especially if it was drama pertaining to her.
“I love you. You’re the best friend a girl could ever ask for. You have never let me down and I plan on being there for you just as you were for me. We will figure this out. I do think you should tell Seth, but it’s up to you when. I won’t push the issue. But the sooner the better. No matter what, I have your back.” I grab her in a hug, careful not to mess our hair up.
“I know. Now let’s get you married.” About that time there is a knock on the door. Mallory answers it.
“Hey. Come in Holden.” She glances at me and tells me she’s going to excuse herself for a moment. I love Holden. He will always be my best friend. I hate how much time we lost out on. I was working on trying to play a love connection between him and Mallory, but this whole baby thing puts a crimp in those plans. How great would it be to have my two best friends fall in love? It’d be amazing, but obviously that might not get to take place. Mainly for the fact that Mallory has feelings for another man.
I had asked Holden to walk me down the aisle since my father died when I was a little girl and my mother never remarried. He’s the perfect one for the job though. I thought he would turn me down when I asked him, but he eagerly said yes. He told me that he will always care about me, but realizes we were always just meant to be friends. We both wanted the friendship back that Jake split without me even knowing.
Holden looks amazing. He is one fine guy. Any woman who wins his heart will be one lucky lady. He’s amazing on the inside too though. That’s the true jackpot. It’s hard to find people as equally good looking on the inside as they are on the outside. He walks over standing in front of me with nothing but friendship and love in his eyes.
“You look stunning, Jesika. Derek is one lucky man.”
“Thank you, Holden…but I’m one lucky lady too. It’s crazy to say it and might sound corny as hell, but I think me and Derek were brought together. I guess you could call it fate. It’s like everything lined up to make it happen.”
Running his hand across my cheek he says, “No, Booty. It’s not corny at all. You guys are perfect together. Everyone can see it. He worships the ground you walk on, and he is an amazing father. You two are perfect together. I hope that I can have what y’all have one day because it’s truly rare.” I reach up and hug him.
“I love you, Holden, and you will find it one day too. You’re too good of a person not to.” I break away from our hug and look him in the eyes showing him that I mean what I’m saying.
“Let’s go. Time to make you Mrs. Derek Jordan.” We make our way out of the room that is located in the barn and walk up behind where Mallory is standing. I know her nerves are on high alert and she’s very antsy. She looks back at me, winks and plasters on her jaw dropping smile. Holding her head high and bouquet tightly within her fingers, she gracefully makes her way down from the barn to Granny’s nook.
I told Derek this is where I wanted to get married. It is the most beautiful and peaceful place. Who wouldn’t want to be married in such a serene environment?
As me and Holden make our way, my arm tightly snug in his, I’m amazed by how beautiful it looks. It’s evening time and there are white lights strung out in the trees. It’s simply breathtaking and whimsical. We make the corner to where the path turns and makes its way up to the koi pond where Derek is waiting for me. He’s all I’m focused on. His smile is contagious and I can’t control the one that has overtaken my face. I love this man with everything that is in me. I turn and give Holden the biggest hug and kiss his cheek telling him I love him. Turning back around, I’m filled with so much emotion. We have been through so much in the shortest amount of time. Our love has been tested beyond belief. And look where we are; about to become one.
“You look beautiful Jesika. I love you,” he says, loud enough for only my ears.
“I love you too, Derek,” I mouth back.
Having Jaxon and Emma standing next to us was amazing. We were all becoming one. Journey stayed put in the front row snuggled up in her grandma’s arms. My mom absolutely loved her new granddaughter. We decided the name Journey because it was very fitting for our life. It represented the journey our lives had to take separately to bring us together to become one.
Three years ago I had thought I lost my whole world, but in all actuality I was saved. Saved from death and a life full of lies. Three years ago fate stepped in and brought Derek into my life. I know life won’t always be easy for Derek and I. We know that there will always be things that pop up along our journey. Things that seem unbearable and try to shake us to our core. We are both very familiar with these types of interferences life tries to throw at us along the way. But just like the tattoo says that is delicately scrolled down Derek’s side as well as mine, “Sometimes you have to take a step back to move forward.” This is our daily reminder of where we have been and where we are going.
*Mallory*
The wedding was magical. Absolutely perfect. It even brought me to tears. Not tears of jealousy, but of true happiness. Happiness for my best friend to get the life she’s always deserved. I’m also full of gratitude. Four months ago was the worst day of my life. Walking in my house and finding her lying lifeless, surrounded by blood in the hallway was the most horrific and terrifying experience. I thought I had lost my best friend. That unwelcome feeling made me numb during the moment.
I quickly realized that I wanted more for my life. I deserved it. This whole time I had thought I needed a man or sex to make me happy. And that only got me in bed with some lousy men. Not to say the sex part of it wasn’t good, but what’s the point of a good sex life when inside you’re lonely and just want to be loved. I thought I found something special with the unattainable lead singer. Sure at first it was just sex. Mind blowing sex. But the more we got to hang out, mainly because of Jes and Derek, it became a friendship as well. One that I will always treasure because in reality I’ve never had that with a man. It was either one night stands or going on a couple of dates with men I could never fully be myself around. Always knowing it wouldn’t last anyways, I’d never let them see the real me. Why should I? Why should I let someone in who is just going to hurt me in the long run?
Leave it to me to let the most notorious womanizer around in. I let down all my walls for Seth. Granted it took a long time for me to do it, I did. I was proud of myself for being able to. Seth was different though. Extremely charming and amazing in bed, but different. We were both damaged goods. I don’t know what it was that had taken place in his life to force him to build a steel wall around his heart, but whatever it was I was slowly breaking through, without even trying.
Based on things Jesika had heard through Derek, Seth was the non-settling down type because of one female who had ruined him. It’s so sad when we let one person change who we are and what we believe. It was awesome watching our ‘relationship’ go from just sex to friendship. We could just be ourselves without feeling judged. That’s what I loved so much about us…about him. Maybe that’s what scared him off. Maybe that’s what made him cut all ties with me. Hell, just because I had, I mean have feelings for him doesn’t mean I want him to give up his dream. I’d never ask nor want that.
So, here I am standing basically face to face with the man who unknowingly broke my heart, the father of the baby growing inside of me. As they announce ‘you may kiss your bride’, I finally let my eyes drift to him. Something I’ve avoided this whole time, even as I was walking down the aisle. I’m shocked to see him staring at me. I can’t pin the look his eyes are holding. It’s not desire. I’m all too familiar with that fire in his eyes. It’s almost sorrow…apologetic. Like he’s sorry he can’t be with me.
I know I have to tell him I’m pregnant. We’ve always been honest and I’m not going to start hiding things from him now. Especially something as huge as this. I mean, what could go wrong? It’s not like we’re together and I sure as shit don’t expect him to want to sweep me off my feet because I’m carrying his child.
As Jesika and Derek join hands to walk down the pathway as husband and wife I’m now dreading the closeness that’s about to take place between Seth and I. The closeness that I’ve been craving the last four months. I give him my fantastic fake smile, knowing he can see right through it, and loop my arm through his. We walk side by side following Derek and Jesika to the reception area to do photos.
He breaks the unbearable silence first. “You look beautiful.”
“Thanks,” is all I can muster as I pull my arm away from his.
“I’m sorry, Mallory. I’m sorry I hurt you. I know you won’t admit it, but I know I did. I never meant for it to happen. I didn’t plan on developing feelings for you…and I can’t have them. I’m not good for you. You knew that from the get go. Being on the road away from you is where I have to be.” Did he really just admit to having feelings for me? If he cares for me, why can’t we make this work? Why can’t we raise our child together?
“Seth, there’s something I need to tell you.”
The apologetic look returns full force in his eyes when I hear a screeching “Seth” coming from behind him. He looks over his shoulder knowing damn well who it is and then back to me with eyes full of regret now. I don’t have a clue who she is, but I have a feeling she’s about to make it known in full force.
Wrapping her arm around his side and openly glaring at me, she coos, “Hey baby. I was looking for you.”
Obviously annoyed by the situation or for the fact that I’m a front row spectator to it he snaps out, “Well ya found me. It’s not like I was hiding.”
She’s now facing him rubbing her hand up and down his chest.
“Well, aren’t you going to introduce me to your friend? She is your friend right? Because y’all seemed to be having a deep conversation when I came up.”
Yes we were bitch, thanks for interrupting it at the most inconvenient time. I can sense a hint of jealousy in her voice. She knows damn well that I’m someone of importance to him. I’m still trying to reel in the idea that he left me here four months ago to go on the road because he can’t be committed and he’s already replaced me. Nice. Fucking nice. And being the decent man he is, he brings her here. Knowing I’m going to be here. Way to rub the salt into the wound douche. What is it with rocker dudes and skanky chicks? Wow, if that’s what he chose over me, he’s got more problems than I thought. I know my face is filled with disgust at the sight of her hands all over the man I love. I hate not having any say in this situation. I have no rights to him. Never have. I want to let my inner bitch out and go off on the tramp, but I keep my sanity. Mainly for the fact that we are at Jesika’s wedding.
Seth looks at her as she has now returned back to her snug spot of being attached to his hip, then he looks at me as if he’s questioning even answering her knowing that he’s probably about to rip my heart a little more.
“This is Mallory. She’s Jesika’s best friend.”
Wow. What a cop out answer. Taking the opportunity he just placed in her court, McSlut looks at me with delight and triumph shining in her e
yes. “Nice to meet you Mallory.”
The words just continue to ooze from her mouth with a snarky smile. “I’m Allison, the mother of Seth’s daughter and his soon to be wife!”
About the Author
Being born an "Army Brat," Erika Ashby has been residing in Oklahoma the last 10 years finally putting an end to the nomad tendencies she had grown accustomed to. She's a happily married woman who has 5 kids between her and her husband. She has an insane passion for music and embraces her Inner Groupie any chance she has. It wasn't until the age of 29 that she realized she also had a hidden passion for reading; before then she claimed to have hated it. Six months after unlocking that deep desire she never knew she held, she turned the key to another chapter of her life which has become the desire to write. And the rest is still history in the making.
Find Erika:
www.facebook.com/AuthorEAshby
Twitter @ErikaAshby
Books by Erika
No Going Back Series
Moving Forward, #1
No Going Back, #2
In The End, #3 (Novella)
Save Me From Me (Companion)
Broken Series
Broken Wings, #1
Brokenness, #2 (Companion)
-Coming Soon-
When You’re Ready
by J.L. Berg
Years after suffering the tragic loss of her husband, Ethan, which left her alone to raise their young daughter, Clare Murray still holds the last letter he wrote with the words "When You're Ready" written in his familiar messy handwriting, unable to break its weathered seal. Ready for what? He was her entire world, and Clare had accepted a life without him, without love. Until years later, fate brings her to an emergency room, and face to face with a stormy-eyed doctor intent on changing her mind.
Exposed: An Anthology Page 23