“Please, don’t,” I plead, weakly, but it’s all I have.
“Fuck, shut up, Lane. You need to pay! Pay dammit!” he yells louder this time, making me jump. I’m plastered against my headboard again, clenching my legs to my chest.
Aiden was the perfect son during the day. At least, that’s what he portrayed. Either my parents let him get away with whatever, because he was the first-born son, or they simply didn’t want a feud. Either way, they were all cowards.
“I’m sorry, Eric. This is so stupid! I wish it wasn’t this way.” I slam my hands to cover my face, embarrassed. “You are going to get sick of me.”
He grabs my hands and lowers them so he can see me. He’s smiling, pressing kisses to my palms.
“You are not stupid. You are beautiful. Whatever it is… whatever you are going through…I will handle it. Don’t worry about me. I don’t want you to worry about you. Promise?”
I simply nod, taken back at how amazing Eric truly is. He’s such a tough guy on the outside, but for some reason with me, he’s so much more. Sensitive. Caring. Charming.
“You want to talk about it?” he asks, staring directly into my eyes. I know he deserves the truth. He needs to know, but I’m afraid I won’t get the words out.
“I want you to know, Eric, really I do. But I just don’t know that I can talk about it. He did terrible things to me,” I admit, digging my head deeper into his chest.
We stay silent a few moments before I finally speak up again. “It started when I was eight years old,” I confess, taking a few deep breaths. “He would come into my room at night after my parents went to sleep, and tell me to do horrible things to him. He would swear and yell at me until I did them. He would tell me I had to pay for the sins I’ve committed. At the time, I believed him, thinking I needed to pay for the bad things I did. But not long after, he became more aggressive…more demanding. I tried telling my parents, but they were more worried about their image than taking me seriously. They thought I was lying and making it up, which makes absolutely no sense to me considering all they had to do was take me to a hospital and give me an exam. After a year or so, it became routine, I stopped fighting it, stopped trying to scream for help because that would only make him enjoy it more, and he’d be more aggressive in pining me down.” I pause, letting everything sink in, letting myself breathe in and out. “The first time I ever swore was the first night Aiden came into my room. He was drunk and convinced me I had to pay for saying such a bad word. Ever since then, I haven’t been able to swear. It brings me back to the moment, to hearing his voice say those words, and reminds me what those words did to me, and how I’ve associated them with bad things happening to me during that period.
“When Aiden finally left for college, I thought I was in the clear, but he still made his way back during holiday and summer breaks. No matter how many times I tried to tell my parents, they wouldn’t do anything about it. Aiden was their ‘perfect son.’ My mother once told me I needed to pray and ask God for forgiveness—for lying. As soon as I turned eighteen, Carissa and I moved in together, and I haven’t spoken to them since.”
“I can’t even imagine…I don’t know what to say, sweetheart.” I knew what I just revealed would be a lot for him. But I couldn’t continue our relationship anymore without him knowing the full truth…the full me.
“You don’t have to say anything, Eric. I know it’s a lot. I have a lot of emotional baggage. And you needed to know before we got in too deep and you realized I was too messed up.”
“Don’t peg me just yet, sweetheart. I understand. I get it. No one lives a perfect life, and that goes for the past as well.” He covered my cheeks with his palms and rose my head up. His eyes were soft, sincere…perfect. How was it this man could have all the qualities I never knew I needed? “We don’t have to rush anything. We will only do what is comfortable for you. I promise I’m not going anywhere.” He smiles at me, almost taking my breath away before he plunges his lips to mine, sealing everything he just said with a kiss.
“Will you sleep with me tonight?” I ask, breaking the kiss. I feel so secure when I’m wrapped in his arms; there’s no better feeling than being surrounded by him.
“You couldn’t tear me out of this bed if you tried.” He grins, placing a light kiss on my forehead. I turn around so my back is to his chest, letting his solid arms wrap around me like a blanket. It was heavenly…the most peace I’ve ever felt in my entire life. The way Eric makes everything so much better, makes everything I’ve been through so worth it if that’s what it took to bring me here…right in this perfect moment.
He brushes my hair off my neck and lays perfectly wet kisses down my shoulder and back up to my ear. The way his kisses feel against me are the most remarkable touches I’ve ever felt. The way his lips can make my entire body shiver, desperate for his touch even more, is so overwhelming. I’ve never needed someone’s touch so bad. I’ve never been eager to have someone around me like I do Eric. He was it for me. My hero.
I fall asleep somewhere between his ear nibbling and his lips devouring my neck. Right before sleep takes over, I could’ve swore I heard him say, “I love you.” I want to push my eyes open and beg him to say it again, but for now, I just enjoy the moment and press myself into him deeper.
My eyes bolt open at the sound of Eric’s loud pager. He rushes off the bed and grabs it, silencing it.
“Oh, shoot,” I hear him mumble. I turn and face him as he pulls his shirt over his head and scrambles to find his shoes.
“Are you leaving?” I ask, rubbing the sleep from my eyes. I have no idea what time it is, but it’s still dark out.
“Yeah, sorry, sweetheart. I’m being called in, which means it’s something big. I’ll call you as soon as I can,” he whispers in my ear, kissing me hard on the lips before walking out the door. I always feel nervous when Eric goes out on major calls. It’s heart wrenching to know that he risks his life, but I couldn’t be more proud.
“Lane, wake up!” Carissa shakes me awake, startling me from my deep sleep.
“What is it?” I rub my eyes open, squinting from the bright sun that’s shining through.
“The old high school is on fire. It’s all over the news! I can see the dark smoke from the living room windows.” Suddenly, my eyes pop open as I remember Eric leaving early this morning. Or was it late last night?
“Dang, Eric got called out for that. Is it bad?” I ask, searching for my sweater.
“The news anchor said it’s been going for over four hours. They’ve called in firefighters from all over the state. Some moron thought it would be funny to see it explode,” she huffs, crossing her arms. “Has he called you?”
I quickly grab my phone and see that I have no missed calls or messages. “No. He said he would call as soon as he could, though.”
I walk out of my bedroom to the living room where the news is still showing live feed from the fire. The old high school was an old four-story building that’s been empty for over a decade. Why the city didn’t tear it down was beyond me. There were always stories about drug dealers and homeless people hiding out there.
“Oh, Mylanta! That looks awful!” I cover my mouth with my hands, gasping at the TV screen. The entire building is up in flames. There are fire trucks surrounding the building, and at least a hundred firefighters. My heart starts to race as I think of Eric being there.
Carissa sees the panic in my face and wraps her arms around me. “He’ll be okay,” she whispers. I knew she was only trying to soothe me, but for the first time since I’ve met Eric, I was scared out of my mind for his safety.
We continue watching the news coverage for the next hour while Carissa makes me coffee and toast. I can’t peel my eyes away, desperate to see a glimpse of him. As I’m taking a bite of the burnt piece of toast, the roof of the building caves in, and the flames engulf it in one rapid wave.
“Ho-ly shit!” I gasp, dropping the toast from my hand, making it fall to the floor. The entire scene
is covered in dark smoke, flames, and ash. The news anchor could barely get his words out as it happens, gasping, and clearly shocked just like the rest of us. I see firefighters running from the building as it begins to crumble into pieces. My mind races instantly at the thought of Eric getting hurt…or worse.
I feel like I’m hyperventilating. I can’t catch my breath, and I can feel my heart beating out of my chest.
“Laney, breathe. In…out…in…out…” she coaxes me. She rubs her hand up and down my back, waiting for my breathing to settle.
“Riss,” I breathe out. “I have this overwhelming awful feeling.” I hold my hands to my chest, staring at the TV screen. The news anchor is now confirming the number of deceased people. It’s been suspected that there was a meth lab going on in the abandoned building.
“Let’s go.” I simply nod, knowing I can’t just stay here and watch this happen any longer. Eric still hadn’t called, and I didn’t know when I’d get to hear his voice again.
I text him in the car as Carissa drives us to the old high school. I tap my fingers impatiently as I beg him to text me back. Of course, I’m not surprised that he can’t. I doubt he even has his phone with him.
“Lane, it’s okay. Eric does this for a living.” Carissa tries to soothe me, but it only puts me in more of a panic. Does this for a living. Is this something I’d just have to get used to? The person I’m finally willing to let get close to me has a job he could literally die doing. He’s rescued me on numerous occasions, but somehow it slipped my mind how dangerous his job really can be.
We get close to where a mob of other people are standing behind the police tape and Carissa puts the car in park. I yank my seatbelt off and whip the door open, slamming it hard behind me. I run as close to the tape as I can, pushing my way through the crowd.
I hear the firefighters yelling, shuffling, and hauling hoses back and forth. The whole scene is complete chaos, and I wonder how the heck Eric can do this job.
Carissa rushes up behind me, knocking me off balance. She grabs me quickly before I fall, but it’s too late. My knees buckle at the sight of the entire building falling to pieces. The rest of the roof caves in, shattering everything in it’s way. It happens all so fast, all I see are firefighters running away from the blaze, yelling at everyone to back away.
“Reilley!” I hear a man’s voice scream over the chaos. I assume it’s his father, but I can’t tell where the sound came from. I hear it again and this time it sounds desperate. I begin to frantically search for any glimpse of him, but it’s no use. The sky has been taken over by hefty clouds of smoke and ash. Just when I couldn’t think it would get any worse, a huge explosion erupts, blasting numerous firefighters and pedestrians to the ground. I’m still on my knees, but I place my arms over my head to protect myself from any flying debris. Flames and ash cover the now flattened high school. The explosion pretty much took the rest of whatever was still standing…people included.
“Noooooo!!!!” I belt out as soon as I see the damage. Carissa wraps her arms around me, keeping me still. “Eric!” I scream again, praying for a miracle that he hears me.
I see the rest of firefighters helping the rest of their crew to their feet, along with first responders checking for any injured people. Oh God, please let Eric be safe!
The scene gets louder and louder as people are crying hysterically. I’m shaking uncontrollably, begging for the air to enter and exit my lungs. The smoke is heavy and makes my eyes water, but I don’t care, I’m not leaving until I know where Eric is.
I scan the crowd again, hoping to God he’s nearby. A few firefighters are off to the side being treated when I notice they have their masks off. I run through the crowd as best I can until I find someone.
“Sir, do you know where Eric Reilley is?” It sounds more like a plea than a question. “Have you seen him?” I continue.
His eyes gloss over, fighting back what I assume are tears. “I’m sorry. I don’t know. Last I saw him, he was inside.” I feel as if my heart just dropped from my chest, and falls to the ground. It rips into a million devastating pieces. My breathing quickens, unable to control it anymore; I break down. I fall back to my knees, covering my face as the tears flood out.
“Reilley!” I hear someone yell. I quickly turn around and wipe my eyes when I realize it’s Eric’s father being called to. I stand to my feet and walk toward the man that once helped Carissa and me.
“Mr. Reilley?” I ask softly. “Do you know where Eric is?”
I can tell he’s just as frightened as I am. He simply shakes his head as he continues looking and asking his crew.
“Velaney!” Carissa yells, jumping up and down to see me through the mob.
“Over here!” I yell back, waving my hands in the air. Deep inside me, I know the truth. If he was in that building during the explosion, there was no question that he hadn’t made it out. But I wasn’t ready to admit that yet. No way. Never.
“Oh my god! Don’t do that to me!” she scolds, embracing me in a tight hug. The moment her arms clamp around me, my head falls to her shoulders, letting every single emotion I never let myself feel come alive. She doesn’t question it. I stand there for a moment, getting myself back together. She wipes away the tears under my eyes and gives a light smile.
I turn back around, facing the damage that’s in front of me. I close my eyes, saying a quick prayer as I beg God to bring Eric back to me. Despite my crappy childhood, Eric had somehow managed to get through my barriers. I have felt so much hurt already during my twenty-three years, that I wasn’t sure how much more I could take.
“He’s gone,” I whisper to no one in particularly, but I’m certain Carissa can hear me. She links her hand in mine, and squeezes it lightly to remind me she’s there.
I couldn’t understand what was happening. Why bring someone into my life, just to take them out so damn soon? The sound of more sirens and a chopper flying above drown out my thoughts. I notice a half dozen more news stations showing up to get interviews and a story.
My heart is breaking. Feels like it’s literally breaking. Why hasn’t he come out yet? Why hasn’t anyone found him, or gone looking for him? What the hell is going on? I want to scream. So damn loud. But I can’t, because nothing comes out.
“Pull your shirt over your mouth,” Carissa whispers in my ear as I start to choke on the smoke that has made its way over here. I oblige, and pull my shirt up, breathing in the mixture of my deodorant and Eric’s cologne. His scent was still on me from before he left early this morning.
I continue to stare at the scene—first responders, firefighters, and mobs of people all looking in awe at what has happened. People are crying all around me. I assume they are families of the crew, but I don’t ask. Either way, the situation was awful.
I move along the police tape, getting a better view of some crew members that were talking to reporters.
“Yes, there were a few men inside during the explosion. Those men are still unaccounted for, but we are still searching and remaining hopeful.” Hopeful?
The reporter asks a few more questions before I hear a gradual loud roar of applause. There’s dozens of firefighters clapping, hootin’ and hollerin’. I frantically search around for what they see when I spot two firefighters walking out from behind the building. They are carrying the third fireman who looks to be in critical condition.
“Oh my word,” I whisper, staring intently at the two walking up. My vision is blurry from the smoke, so I can’t make out their faces yet, but a part of me finally feels…hopeful. Like maybe life isn’t out to get me after all…
A couple first responders rush to the injured fireman. The two lower him to the ground to be examined, and finally, I spot him.
“Eric!” I yell. I dive under the police tape and run as fast as I can into his arms. He barely sees me before I crash my entire body into his. I wrap my legs around his waist as tight as I can. He’s still in his uniform, but I cling to him anyway.
“Velaney?
” he breaths out, clearly confused about my reaction. I simply nod against his neck as the tears begin to fall back down my cheeks. He squeezes me tight before dropping me to my feet.
He rips his gloves off and throws them to the ground. He cups my face and wipes the rest of the tears away. He sees the panic in my eyes, and lightly kisses each eyelid with so much passion and love that I almost break down again.
“Sweetheart,” he whispers. I don’t let him continue before I push my lips to his, tasting the sweat and smoke that he’s managed to survive.
I break the kiss, letting his forehead lean against mine. “I was so worried, Eric. You have no idea,” I breathe out weakly, trying to gain any composure that I have left. “I thought you were gone.”
He breaths in and out slowly before answering, “So did I.”
“Reilley!” a few men behind me yell. I’m sure his crew was just as worried.
“I’ll be right back, I promise.” He kisses my lips once again, leaving them begging for more. I watch as he runs to his father, engulfing him in a massive hug.
I walk back over to Carissa whose wide grin makes me finally smile. For a split second, the panic that just released comes flooding back in. How can anyone stand this kind of pain and panic every time there’s a fire? How am I suppose to be okay with Eric doing this when I can’t even imagine what these other firefighter’s families go through…
“I can’t do this, Riss,” I mumble, turning her cheesy grin to a pouty frown.
She knows exactly what I’m talking about. “Yes, you can, Lane. You have to.” I see the seriousness in her eyes, but all I can feel is fear and pain.
The part that scares me the most is losing someone close to me. That’s been the basis for most of my life. Up until I was eight years old, my parents were my world. Heck, even Aiden was. I loved my family. But betrayal, denial, and pain will always be what keeps them at a distance…far, far distance. I’ve already lost my family, how can I bare to lose someone I might possibly love?
Exposed: An Anthology Page 88