He pulls back and looks at me as if he’s trying to figure out if he should open that conversation up or not.
“I went to see my parents,” I explain. He nods, waiting for me to continue. “I just needed to see them,” is all I say. I just don't want to think about it. “Are you feeling better?” I ask, changing the subject.
“Much better now that you’re here.” His smiles widens, making me want to caress my lips over his and his entire body, too. The fact that he’s standing in front of me almost naked is making it very hard to keep my word. But I have to. I have to protect him.
I force a smile and greet his lips with mine. We walk hand in hand to his bedroom where he grabs a shirt and pulls it over his head. He then grabs a pair of sport shorts and pulls them up his legs, although I prefer he stay undressed.
“So…do you want to talk about it?” he asks, trying to read my expression.
“Not really,” I reply. “Sorry.” I shrug my shoulders, hoping he doesn’t take it personally. “I just want to spend tonight with you. Especially after what happened.”
He scoops me off the floor and my arms automatically wrap around his neck. “We can spend all night together, sweetheart. I don’t want you out of my sight.” His smile sends shivers down my body, closing my eyes as I memorize his scent.
It’s hard to believe how addictive Eric is for me. No one has ever come close—I’ve never wanted anyone like this. I can’t wrap my brain around what I have to do, but I love him, and I’ll do whatever it takes to save him.
I rise on my tiptoes and crush my lips to his. He wraps his arms around my waist, lifting me up to wrap my legs around him. The intimate contact immediately arouses him, making me desire him more than ever, and I realize this will be a night to remember.
“Are you sure you’re feeling okay?” I ask, breaking the kiss.
“Darlin’, when you’re around. I feel fuckin’ amazin’.” Before I can respond, he crushes his lips back to mine, slamming us against the wall. I deepen the kiss, begging for his taste. The heat between us in undeniable. I wrap my fingers in his hair, tugging the strands urgently. God, I need him.
He presses his firmness into me, causing a moan to escape my mouth. I thrust my hips into him, telling him exactly what I want. He pulls us away from the wall and brings us to his bed. We don’t even make it out of his bedroom. Putting clothes on was a waste of time…
“Babe, I need to tell you something first.” I break our lips apart, giving him time to rip his shirt back off. I stumble, nervous at what I’m about to say. “I…love you.” He pauses as he watches me. “I just want you to know that.”
“I love you, sweetheart.” He doesn’t realize the desperation in my voice. He has no idea what’s coming.
He throws his shirt to the floor, barely letting go of me. He dives his mouth to my neck, making me forget everything. When I’m with Eric…everything bad in the world erases.
He rubs a hand up my side, pulling the shirt up with him. The skin on skin contact sends me into a frenzy already. My thighs tingle, desperate and eager for him to fill me.
I tug on his shorts and wedge them down his legs. He springs free and my hand wraps around him firmly, massaging his length. He moans in my mouth as I stroke him.
I forcefully pull my shirt up over my head, eager to get his body on mine. I unclasp my bra, rushing to get it off. His hands cup me perfectly, erupting tingles to the very part I want him to touch and lick.
The way he massages me as he firmly grasps my breast in his hands makes me arch my back as I hold onto him tighter. He manages to rip my pants off and strip me down. We lay next to each other, flesh to flesh. The heat between us intensifies as I roll my fingers over his chest, memorizing his every chiseled muscled. I don’t ever want to forget how he feels, how he makes me feel, or this very moment.
He suckles my collarbone as his finger reaches deep inside me. I moan out his name, begging him for more. More of him. My needy hands pull him harder against me, digging my nails into his skin. As he calls out my name, the more my body desires him.
“I need you, babe,” I plead, desperate for him to push inside me. Desperate for his touch…his love…his everything. He senses my urgency and slowly, but sensually pushes inside me. He fills me, making me echo his name repeatedly. The sensation is overwhelming, pleasing, and desperate. All these feelings take over and something overcomes me when I can’t wait any longer. I need him. I pump my hips as hard as I can into him, making him howl from the sudden pressure.
“Sweetheart, you gotta slow down,” he moans, trying to slow my rhythm. I ignore him and crush my lips to his, moaning, pumping, and grinding my hips to his.
“God, Eric…I need more of you,” I beg, urging his pace faster and harder. I claw the sheets and scream out as I release around him. The sensation takes over as I arch my back to let him flow into me deeper.
“Holy…” he mumbles, crashing his body to mine.
“Fudge,” I finish for him. He doesn’t comment on my lack of saying the one word he helped me scream after all these years. I’m sure he knows why…and I love him for not pressuring me to say it again.
We lay there together, letting our breathing become more even as we pant. The endorphins quickly subside, and I feel a burst of emotions flow through me. Before I lose it entirely, I pull on one of his shirts, excuse myself, and walk to his bathroom.
As I shut the bathroom door behind me, I slide down crashing to my ass. Tears storm out of my eyes just as I dig my head into my knees. I can’t believe I have to do this, but I have no choice. No matter if we hide or run away, Aiden will always find us. More so, I’d have to live under constant fear that he was there. Always looking over our shoulders, checking for break-ins, making sure we weren’t being followed. That wouldn’t be a life for Eric. I couldn’t ask him to do that for me. I wouldn’t be able to bare the guilt.
No, this is what I have to do. I have tell him I can’t handle the emotional aspects of a relationship and end it. I have to lie. I have to do whatever it takes to convince him it’s over.
The pain. It’s so damn unbearable. I haven’t even done it yet, and I already feel like dying. The sobs continue as I hyperventilate trying to catch my breath. Just the thought of never seeing, touching, or kissing Eric again makes me sick to my stomach. The mere thought of it makes my stomach turn. I rush to the toilet and hurl my guts out.
After I pull myself back together, I wash up and return to his bedroom. He’s laying there with a glass of water ready for me. I plaster a smile and grab it as I thank him. I feel like I’m betraying him, but I have to do it. Rip off the Band-Aid.
“I’m going to make you something to eat,” he says, kissing my cheek and grabbing shorts. I don’t argue as I watch him walk away, admiring the amazing view.
We spend the rest of the evening together in bed, eating, watching TV, and laughing together. I know I shouldn’t have stayed, but I couldn’t deny my need to be around him. The night is perfect.
As night turns into morning even before the sun rises, I wake up and decide I need to have him one more time. He’s sleeping peacefully by my side as I give kisses up his arm, to his shoulder, then his neck, and eventually his lips. He wakes up and kisses me back, feeling the urgency to have him again.
This time it’s slow, sensual, and exhilarating. I let him set the pace as he grinds into me, making my body quiver every time he thrusts into me. He slams into me harder and harder before I release around him. The way his hands caress my skin leaving little tingles behind, the way his lips move across my skin leaving wet, passionate kisses…it’s perfect. The perfect way to say goodbye.
* * *
We fall asleep tangled in each other. The sun rising finally wakes me, and I begin to plot my plan. I have to make this whole thing believable so he won’t come after me. He needs to think I can’t handle the emotional aspects of a relationship. It’s going to be the hardest thing I’ve ever done.
I dress and quietly kiss Eric on th
e forehead. I whisper, “I love you. Always,” in his ear before tiptoeing out of his apartment.
I know what I have to do—but it’s killing me. It’s going to be nearly impossible living in the same building as him. I have to make sure we don’t awkwardly run into each other, which means I’ll have to plan my runs around his normal times.
Walking back to my apartment I can’t keep the gut-wrenching stabbing feeling under control. I run into my bathroom as soon as I get to my apartment.
After I’m done hurling again, I step in the shower and let myself sob. Uncontrollably. Every memory of Eric, and of Eric and I together flood my mind. The first time I felt his touch, every single time he’s come to my rescue…always protecting me and saving me, every time A I pushed him away…
I should have never let him get close to me. This is more heartbreaking than I ever imagined possible.
I slowly get it together and crawl into my bed.
Step One—Avoid Eric
Eric calls me when he wakes up that morning to which I ignore. I can’t take the constant calls so I turn my phone off completely. I know he’ll be at my door soon, so I tell Carissa to lie for me.
“Tell him I’m not home; make something up…whatever you have to do. Just don’t let him in, please.”
“What happened, Lane? You look like you’re panicking.” She sits on the couch next to me, curling her legs underneath her.
I have to lie. I can’t tell her the truth. “I slept with him. And now every time I see him, I have a panic attack,” I lie, knowing she’ll understand.
“Oh, Lane. You know I’m always here for you, but are you going to ruin the best thing that has ever happens to you?” I can tell she’s trying to sound sincere, which I love her for, but I need to convince her.
“I thought I loved him, Lane. But I was just looking for someone to replace the empty feeling inside me, and now that I’ve realized it, I have to end it before he gets hurt.” Even I’m proud of myself for how convincing I sound.
“Wow, Laney. I’m sorry. I’ll do whatever I can to keep him out of here, but he’s like three times my size, so no promises.” She smiles, making light of the situation.
“Thanks, Riss. I’m sorry to put you in the middle of all this.” She shrugs, knowing darn well I’ve done my duty of keeping old flings out of the apartment for her.
“No worries. I got this.” I inch closer to her and rest my head on her lap.
I hate this. I hate lying to my best friend, I hate being controlled by Aiden, I hate my parents, and I hate myself…for putting Eric in danger.
We snuggle up on the sofa together and start watching one of Carissa’s infamous smutty movies. Tears start to flood down my cheeks, thinking of only the few times I had with Eric.
A loud pounding on the door startles me out of my lost thoughts. I jump off the couch and immediately run to my room and close the door. I knew it was Eric. I know I’m being a coward, but if I face him, I’ll break down and tell him everything.
“She’s not here, Eric,” I hear Carissa through the door.
“Where is she? I’ve been calling her all day.” I hear the pain in his voice, and I want to retract this completely stupid plan, but I can’t.
“I’m going to be honest with you, Eric,” Carissa lies. “She wants to break up with you, and she’s not strong enough to tell you. She, um, is actually meeting with her ex-boyfriend right now.” Oh, God. I face palm my forehead, not believing the words that just came out of her mouth. Part of me wants to praise how brilliant she is for coming up with that suddenly, but the other part wants to smack her for bringing up my ex.
“What?” I hear him yell. Carissa apologizes on my behalf and tries to shut the door. “No, this is not right. She loves me! She needs me! I need her!” He’s shouting now, but I can hear the sobs he’s holding back. His voice is a mixture of pain and heartbreak.
God, I frigging hate this!
Eric continues to call and stop over for the next two weeks. My heart shatters every time I hear him calling for me through the door. I cry myself to sleep every single night, cursing my horrible, pointless life.
I make sure to run in the evenings instead of the mornings when I know Eric will be out. I check to make sure his car isn’t in the parking lot before I leave. When his car is in the lot, I use the staircase instead of the elevator, making sure I can’t possibly run into him.
I know it’s pathetic, but I have to.
I miss him. I miss him so frigging bad. His smell, his touch, the taste of his lips. I feel completely numb, empty, and helpless…I just want to make this all go away.
“How ya doing, love?” Carissa asks, walking into the kitchen. I’m sitting on the bar stool with my head laying on the countertop. I don’t want to move…or breathe.
She notices my blank expression, and after hearing me groan, she pats her hand on my back, making soothing circles.
“It’ll be okay. The pain will pass.” She’s trying to be sincere, but she has no idea how much the pain will not pass. “And until it does, we drink!” she announces, digging through the cupboards until she finds two shot glasses.
A drink actually sounds perfect right now…anything to make the pain go away. She pours two shots of tequila, and raises hers up as she waits for me to do the same. We clink them together, making a familiar noise that I often hear at the bar. I pour the liquid down my throat, enjoying the burn it leaves behind. For the first time in a week, the burn distracts me from the real pain I’m feeling.
I slam the glass down, nodding to Carissa to pour me another one. We do this for three more rounds until I can no longer sit on the barstool. So this is why I don’t drink…
Carissa and I giggle all night together, talking about old memories of us in high school. It’s refreshing actually. I feel numb, pain free, and best of all—I feel nothing.
“Oh my god, do you remember that time in high school when you got caught making out with Aaron Matherson in English class?” We laugh together—clearly, the alcohol has taken over.
“Yes! Oh my god! He was a good kisser!” She giggles again. “I did detention for that guy! But it was sooo worth it!”
“Did he pop your lady cherry?” I ask, amused by the conversation. We slump on the couch together, laughing. Whoa, the room is spinning. Or maybe I am.
“Bah! Lady cherry? Are you kidding me? He would’ve been lucky to have my cherry!” She laughs back, scowling as she remembers Aaron dumping her soon after they were caught.
“Or the time you and that foreign exchange student got busted skinny dipping in the school pool?” My head falls back as I hysterically laugh at her facial expression.
“Ooh, yes, Raphael? Damn, that boy could kiss. And to be fair, I didn’t exactly understand him when he asked to go ‘boom-boom’ in the water. And once he stripped down, his rock hard abs distracted me.” She plays dumb, laughing at the old memories.
“In the pool?” I gasp. “Oh god, ew. Now I’m really glad I never went in there.” We laugh together, reminiscing about our high school years.
This goes on until we both pass out on the couch together. I have no idea how late we stay up, but I wake up with the biggest hangover I’ve ever had.
“Oh, man…why did you make me drink so much last night?” I whine, holding my head in my hands.
“Why is the sun so fucking bright?” Carissa moans, gradually standing up, holding her hand to cover her eyes.
“Ugh, I have ringing in my ears,” I complain again, feeling weak and miserable.
“That’s not your ears, dumbass. It’s the frickin’ doorbell.”
“Oh.” She laughs as she makes her way to answer whoever is ringing the bell…over and over again.
“Oh, shit.” I hear her mumble. “She’s not home, Eric! Go away!” I duck into the couch, making myself invisible from his view. I hear Carissa trying to shut the door on him, but his foot interferes.
“Carissa, let me in. I don’t believe you. Somethin’ is wrong, and I need
to see her.” His voice is weak, but firm.
I rise up just enough to see his face. It hurts to see him. But I still feel drunk, so I don’t think about that now.
“Riss, let him in,” I call, falling back on the couch.
“Velaney?” He barges through the door and runs toward me. He looks over the couch, looking concerned. “What’s wrong?”
“She’s hung over!” Carissa announces as she proceeds to slam the door behind her.
“You’re drunk?” he asks, surprise in his tone.
“Was drunk. Now I’m paying for it,” I mumble, trying to part my eyes open wider to look at him. God, he’s gorgeous. Even in distress and worry, he looks amazing.
“What the hell is goin’ on? Why are you avoidin’ me? And not answerin’ my calls? Not being home?”
“I broke up with you,” I mumble, forcing the words out of my mouth.
“No, Velaney. You did not. Something is wrong.”
His voice cracks, practically begging me to agree with him. I want to…I want to so frigging badly, but I have to keep up my act, otherwise, I’ll fall apart.
“Eric, it just isn’t going to work out. I’m sorry.” Even I don’t believe the words coming out of my mouth, but Eric doesn’t say anything back. He stays silent, just looking at me as if he was waiting for me to pop up and say ‘just kidding!’ I wish I could. I wish I could crush my body to his and give him the world. But…I can’t. I love him too much to let anything else happen to him.
He walks away not saying another word. I close my eyes until I hear the door slam behind him.
“Damn, that was cruel, Lane. I mean, I thought you two were going so well?” She plops her body back on the couch next to me, analyzing me for answers.
“I lied,” I finally admit. Perhaps it was the alcohol still in my system, but I had to tell her the truth now. “I love him, Riss. I love him so fucking much!” I gush, covering my hands over my face to keep the emotions in, but they leak out anyway.
“What?” she squeals. She inches closer to me now. “What’s going on? Tell me the truth!” she demands, crossing her arms. She seems suddenly sober.
Exposed: An Anthology Page 94