by Ainsley Shay
“Not a good idea to walk out of my class, Miss Thorn.”
Fear propelled me forward. “Yeah—well, I can’t be brilliant all the time,” I said over my shoulder without stopping.
Thankfully, my phone was in my back pocket. I texted Snow and told her I wasn’t going back to class and if she could get my bag. Her response was quick to come, No prob - r u ok?
Me: Ya. Meet me by my car after class.
Snow: K
My keys were in my bag, so I was stuck waiting in the heat. I could call Chandler or Blacwin to come get me, but I knew Snow would have a conniption if I left without seeing her. I sat on the curb under a tree that had twigs with, maybe, ten leaves on each, which meant I was still in the blazing sun.
Forty minutes later when the bell rang, my shirt was sticking to my back.
Snow must not have cared because she dropped our bags and she hugged me. “Iris, are you really okay? What happened in there?” She held me at arm’s length and studied me.
“I don’t know. It was like all of the air around me suddenly disappeared.”
“Freaking weird.” She bent to pick up our bags and handed mine to me. “Well, you really freaked out Mr. Pene, he was so worried about you. Told the class he brought you to the nurse. Of course, I knew he was lying ’cause I’d already gotten your text.”
I gripped her shoulders. “Snow, promise me you won’t go back to his class.”
“Why? So what, he told the class a lie.”
I shook my head. “It’s not that. He has something to do with all the weird shit going on, and it’s not good.”
During the drive to the bookshop, I had only two thoughts. I should have had a lot more considering what had just happened, but only two plagued me. One, Mr. Pene, Chandler, and Adelina had all been in my dreams. I was sure of that. The second was more of a question, where did Blacwin fit in all this? I had no doubt he had a part, I just didn’t know how, yet.
Mr. Yves looked up when I walked in. “My dear Iris, is school out already?”
“No.” Mr. Yves was not a fan of skipping out on school, but I knew from the recent events, he’d cut me some slack today. “I just wanted to be here.”
“Would you like me to make you some tea?”
“Yes, I’d like that very much.” I walked toward the back of the store and set my bag on the floor. My dad stared back at me from the picture on the desk. I missed him so much. The thought struck me like a brick to the head, if I had at least called him back, he probably would have told me that I was in danger. Why hadn’t he before? Did he think I wasn’t capable of understanding about the possibility of being hunted down, or maybe he thought that I wasn’t ready for the truth.
“Here you are.” Mr. Yves handed me my tea, and I followed him to the club chairs. “So, tell me what’s on your mind?”
“I have something I would like to discuss with you.”
“You’re not leaving me, are you?”
“What?” It took a moment to process his meaning “No.”
“Whew,” he said as he wiped his forehead. “You know I wish bigger and better things for you and if you ever choose that, I would be perfectly happy for you; for me, not so much.”
I smiled. “I don’t think I’m going anywhere for a while.”
He took a sip of the tea. “Now, that that is out of the way, what would you like to talk about?”
I had almost lost my nerve. I looked around the store to make sure no customers were around. The store was empty. “Mr. Yves, do you believe in reincarnation?”
“I believe I do; I’m not exactly sure why, but yes I do.”
This was off to a good start, and I felt my confidence rise. “Do you believe in evil? I mean like pure evil in its rawest form?”
“Unfortunately, yes.” He sat in one of the chairs and motioned to the one across from him, for me to sit. “I also believe this is going to be a very deep discussion.”
Again, he got another smile from me. “It might be.” I took a sip of the tea, flowery dandelion with a hint of honey coated my tongue. I prepared myself for his expression that would tell me I was crazy before I asked the next question. “Do you think our dreams and nightmares tell us things? I mean like things from our past or for our future?”
The ‘you’re crazy’ expression never came. He tilted his head and pondered the question. “I think it could be possible.” He never once rushed me to get to the point of all the questions.
Okay, here it goes. “Mr. Yves, about a week after my dad was killed, I started to have nightmares.”
“That’s completely understandable.”
“It is. But these aren’t normal nightmares. They’re—”
“Are there any nightmares that are normal?” he asked.
I tried to explain like I had to Snow. “True. But these are different. That’s why I needed the blank journal. I had hoped that writing them down would get them out of my head, and they would eventually go away the more I healed from losing Dad.” I was on the talking-roller-coaster that didn’t stop for anything now; I had to tell all of it to him because he would do whatever it took to help me through all this. Whatever this was. “But, that wasn’t the case. It’s like...” I found that I had more trouble finding the right words to explain them to him than I did with Snow. Stumbling, I tried again. “They are a continuation of the last. It’s like a story being played out through a series of nightmares. That’s where I learned about Lord Darenfys and Skelside; that’s where all the nightmares take place.”
Mr. Yves adjusted his beret “Iris, this all sounds—”
“I know—crazy! But, I haven’t even gotten to that part yet.” A harsh laugh escaped my mouth. I stood and paced in the small space between us. “What’s crazy is, now certain people whom I’ve only just happened upon,” I hooked my fingers around that last words, “run into, or have had some contact with, who are in my life in some fashion or another now, are all in the nightmares.”
His lips were tight and his gaze was far away. He looked as though he was trying to figure out a great mystery. And, what a mystery it was.
I continued, “The strangest part though...” When our eyes locked, I saw concern and bafflement dance in them. I was sure he was wondering, what else could possibly be stranger? “When I have these nightmares, I dream in color.” There it was, the cherry on top of this fucked-up sundae.
Mr. Yves never had a chance to respond. The door chime resonated in the quiet shop and we both looked up to see Blacwin. He quickly came toward us.
“I know we were supposed to meet later, but I needed to know you were all right.”
I hadn’t realized it had begun to rain. He looked like he had just run around town and splashed in every puddle. His dark shirt clung to him, and his jeans hung lower than usual. When I looked back at Mr. Yves, I saw the question in his eyes; is Blacwin part of this too? I nodded in response to his unspoken question.
To Blacwin, I said, “Yeah, I’m fine. What would make you think I wasn’t?”
“Snow texted me.”
My mind went in several directions, but the first was Snow had Blacwin’s number... why?
Blacwin had to be freezing, but he showed no sign of being cold. “What happened at school today?”
Mr. Yves looked curious too, and I could tell I wasn’t going to get out of this one without answering, but I tried, “Nothing—”
“Don’t say nothing,” Blacwin cut me off. His tone was forceful but calm, the kind-of calm that was on the edge of being scary. “Whatever happened worried Snow enough to contact me.”
“Iris, what’s going on?” Mr. Yves’ controlled tone was one I never trifled with.
I wasn’t ready to dive into this with Blacwin, but Mr. Yves nodded like he was giving permission to break on oath and I sighed in admission. “It’s about the nightmares.”
“The nightmares?” Blacwin questioned.
I heard Mr. Yves take a sharp inhale of breath; he wasn’t expecting that answer. Blacwin
put his hand on my lower back and gently guided me to the chair. I eased into it. He knelt on one knee in front of me and rested his arm on his knee. “You can trust me.”
I wanted to trust him, and I wanted to tell him everything, but there was so much, I didn’t know where to begin. I finally let Blacwin in, and now, after he heard what I had say, he was going to go running to the hills screaming she’s crazy! Lock her up!
He did anything but that. His hand settled on my thigh. “Tell me how I can help.”
When I looked up and met his gaze, I saw nothing but genuine compassion. I don’t know why I was surprised, that was all he had ever shown me. I shrugged. “I don’t know if you can.”
“Let me try.”
“Iris,” Mr. Yves said. “It’s okay.”
I felt like I was going back into the maze that was in my nightmare: scared, insecure, fearing uncertainty. I closed my eyes and said, “Since my father’s death, I dream of a place called Skelside.”
Blacwin’s hand tightened on my thigh, and it was on the verge of pain. When my eyes flew open, they immediately found his. They were changing. Storm-like clouds were billowing around his pupils. His jaw muscles bulged. The grip he had on my thigh loosened. Our eyes never left one another’s.
My voice fell lower than a whisper. “You know that place, don’t you?” I didn’t think he had heard me, but he had.
“I do,” he said.
33
I do. Those two little words I had somehow already known to be true, still stung. I wasn’t sure if I was comforted that he knew of it and possibly all of its horror, or if I was scared, that he had. I wanted someone to hold me. I wanted my dad to protect me and hide me from this insanity that was taking over my life. Even as things were coming together, everything around me seemed to be unraveling.
Blacwin’s hand slid off my leg as he stood. He turned, raked his hand through his hair, and let out a noise of frustration. After a few steps, he stopped when he reached a stack of books. When I glanced at Mr. Yves, he was toying with the paper tag on the tea bag’s string, folding it into tiny squares. I hated that I felt like I needed to say something. But, no matter what words came out of my mouth, nothing would be right. I mean, what did you say to a guy you were falling for, and how did he know of the ancient place in your nightmares? Or what did you say to the man who had known you your entire life, I swear I’m not doing drugs.
“Excuse me.” Mr. Yves stood and went into the back room, leaving Blacwin and me alone.
Blacwin turned and came to stand in front of me. He reached for my hands. I set the mug on the side table and put my hands into his. He pulled me to my feet. Our bodies were close, but not touching. I could feel the coolness from his wet shirt. Scents of rain and faint amber wafted around us. His jaw had relaxed, but the intensity in his eyes remained. He reached up and brushed the back of his hand against my cheek. “There are many things we must say. But for now, let’s concentrate on trying to find out who killed your dad.”
Clearing his throat to let us know he returned, Mr. Yves held a towel out to Blacwin. He stepped back, putting distance between us, and took the towel.
“Thank you, sir.”
Mr. Yves sat back down in the chair. “Iris?” I took my gaze away from Blacwin and looked at Mr. Yves. “What did you mean earlier when you said your nightmares are in color?”
Blacwin glanced between Mr. Yves and me. His lips parted and then closed. When he spoke, his voice was a hoarse whisper. “Is that true?”
I nodded. “At first, the colors were bright and beautiful. And, even though the dreams weren’t all unicorns and rainbows, I still looked forward to them.” I felt ashamed and embarrassed that I wanted to see them so badly that I would be witness to the torture of a girl. “They’re beautiful.”
“Yes, they are.” The corner of Blacwin’s mouth tilted up on one side. “Now, that I know this. Our lessons will be a little easier.”
A swelling began in my chest and turned into warmth.
“Lessons?” Mr. Yves questioned.
I explained, “We’ve only had one, but Blacwin is trying to teach me what colors look like.”
“I see.” Mr. Yves seemed impressed by Blacwin’s patience with my disorder. “Iris’ condition is very unusual. Only being able to see variants of gray is usually explained that it’s like watching a black and white movie. But, complete achromatopsia, true color blindness, comes with other issues that Iris is unaffected by. For instance, she is not hypersensitive to light; she can see great detail like the rest of us who can see in color, she can drive without difficulty. Her disorder is more like someone who has had trauma to the head.” He shakes his head. “But, she’s never had a stroke or experienced any injury for that to occur. So, to her father and me, it’s always been a mystery.”
“Impossible,” Blacwin said it under his breath, and I would have missed it completely if I hadn’t been looking at him and read his lips. He looked at me and caught me staring. Dismissing what he muttered, he asked, “So what happened today at school?”
“Mr. Pene and I had a little incident.”
At the sound of his name, Blacwin’s jaw muscles tightened and his chest puffed up with intake of air. “Did he hurt you?”
“Why would he hurt her?” Mr. Yves cut in.
Blacwin paid his respect to Mr. Yves and faced him. “His intentions are—”
“He didn’t hurt me.” I couldn’t let Mr. Yves worry about me any more than he had reason to. Both men eyed me, but I didn’t cower. “Besides the fact that he gives me the creeps, he’s probably harmless.”
Blacwin caught on to what I was trying to accomplish and nodded in agreement. Mr. Yves was caught between my lie and Blacwin’s initial reaction. After a minute, he let the subject drop. I had a feeling that soon as Blacwin and I were alone, Mr. Pene would be the first topic he’d bring up.
Changing the subject completely, Blacwin asked, “Are we still on for tonight?”
“If you don’t think I’m a complete freak.”
Blacwin shook his head and laughed. “It would take a lot more than you seeing colors in your dreams to keep me away.”
A warm shiver worked its way through my body. “Then I’ll see you—”
“If you don’t have anything now, I can be back here in about an hour, after I get cleaned up and change into dry clothes.” Blacwin glanced toward Mr. Yves. “If that’s all right.”
Mr. Yves looked at me. I gave a quick nod. “It’s fine with me,” he said.
Blacwin glanced back at me. “I’ll see you soon.” He set the towel on the chair and held out his hand to Mr. Yves. “Thank you for trusting me.” Mr. Yves shook his hand.
After Blacwin had left, I plopped down in the chair. I was instantaneously mentally exhausted, charged, confused, and falling hard for Blacwin.
“I believe Blacwin has regard for what’s in your best interest.” He leveled his gaze at me. “I know you were in your own apartment when you were away at school, but you had a roommate. Are you sure you’re okay with staying in the apartment by yourself, with everything going on? I trust you, and your decisions, Iris. I only want to make sure that you’re safe.”
I would never admit to him that there were times I was scared to be alone; especially after my run-in with Mr. Pene, or after the apartment was broken into—which I still hadn’t told him about. “I do feel safe.” I knew he wouldn’t completely believe that so I added, “There are times after I have a nightmare when I wake up that I’m a little freaked out, but other than that, I’m okay.
He nodded in understanding.
“If it’s okay with you, do you mind if I move some of my things into the apartment? Since I’m going to finish school here and I... I can’t go back to my house and live.”
“Consider it yours to do with as you wish.”
“Thank you, Mr. Yves.” I got up and hugged him. “Can we continue our earlier conversation another time? I’m going to move a few things around in the apartment and ask Blac
win to help me move in a few things from dad’s house.”
“Of course. I just want to know one thing. What happened at school today?”
I froze. Telling him wouldn’t hurt anything; only increase his worry for me. But, I had to risk that in order to keep his trust. “My writing teacher, Mr. Pene, is in my nightmares, and he knows it.”
34
I had turned my phone off earlier when I got to the bookshop. Of course, when I looked at it, there were the usual number of calls and texts from Chandler. In which he once again reminded me not to trust Blacwin or anyone else. I could only assume Snow called him, too. Then, there was a worried message and a text from Blacwin before he found me at the bookstore.
It was just before ten in the morning when Blacwin showed up at my apartment. When I opened the door, I stood there like an idiot who had been drenched with glue. He was beautiful. I soaked up every bit of those few seconds to examine him. The thing was, he was looking at me the same way. Thirty, sixty, ninety seconds passed, I didn’t know until it dawned on me that he was still standing in the hall, and I’d never invited him in. “Oh, God! I’m sorry. Come in.”
He did and I closed the door behind him.
“How are you holding up?”
I smiled. “I’m better now, thanks.” My life had never felt so derailed, but I was finding ways to cope, to survive. Although unplanned, Blacwin had become one of my vices. “Can I ask you to do something with me?”
His eyes warmed. “Anything.”
I could tell by the look in eyes, he meant that one word. “I know you already said you’d go with me to my dad’s house to look for clues to his...” I trailed off and swallowed the bubble in the back of my throat. “Instead, do you mind if you help me move a few of my things from there to here? I’m going to move in here for a while until I get things figured out.”