Gabriel’s mouth quirked at that. A good sign.
“You’re adding something to yourself that shouldn’t belong. It’s not going to be easy, or comfortable, but there’s no going back now that the process has begun. All I can tell you is you need to strike a balance between accepting the animal inside you, without losing yourself to it. Does that make sense?”
“Perfectly.”
That didn’t make her feel any better.
“I have to learn to be myself and something else at the same time. No big deal.”
“A bit late for sarcasm now, don’t you think?” she retorted.
“It’s never a bad time for sarcasm.” In spite of his crappy mood, he looked better already. There was still tension in his posture but his breathing had evened out and his features were more relaxed. He glanced at her again, testing himself. “When is the next injection scheduled?”
Amelia checked her watch. “In a few hours. You should try to get some sleep.”
Gabriel snorted. “Right. Have you ever slept while being invaded by a foreign consciousness?”
She bit back a smile. “Can’t say I have.”
With a bracing breath, he shook his head. “Can’t shut down now. Need to keep my mind working.”
“What do you want to do, then?” It was a safe guess he wouldn’t resume his out of the blue sexual attack. Intercourse wasn’t exactly an intellectual exercise. Well, she’d have to live with that.
“What I want to do?” he repeated with strained amusement. “Is throw you down on that mat and rip your clothes off with my teeth. What I want is to taste every inch of your skin, put my head between your legs and lick you for hours. Put you on your hands and knees and fuck you so hard you won’t be able to walk straight for days.”
Amelia didn’t have time to shiver before he was in her face again. His voice dropped lower, like a rumbling purr that made the muscles in her belly tighten and her hands curl at her sides. “And I want to make you come around me so many times you won’t be able to look at me again without thinking about it.”
He nuzzled in her hair, bracing his hands on the glass on either side of her. Inhaling deeply, he tensed again. “Ah,” he said on an exhale, and his eyes glowed. “You like that idea.”
Amelia nodded with an awkward jerk of her chin. Her tongue darted out once more to nervously moisten her lips. Her heart was racing in anticipation and it was all she could do to keep her breathing even. She had no idea what might set him off. He said it himself, he wasn’t in control. It was a dangerous situation to be in. And still she grew wet for him, her hands itching to bury in his hair and tug him down for another of those wild kisses.
Gabriel groaned. “You don’t know what that does to me.”
She had a pretty good idea!
“So you need to distract me.”
*
There were a lot of things Gabriel might have expected from this change. Internal injuries galore, new shape to change into whenever he needed it, heightened strength and speed, possibly aggression too. But he hadn’t expected this insane sensory overload. He could hear Amelia’s heart beating like a drum. Her breath was like ocean waves. He could smell the faint underlying nuances of her unique scent, separated into thousands of components swirling in his nostrils. When he touched her—hell, when he touched anything—it was like feeling it for the first time. Gabriel could taste the plants here, and the moist earth. And his sight … there were no words to describe it.
His thoughts were different, too. It felt like his brain was being partitioned like a computer hard drive. The border between the two parts was tentative, fragile at best. Just enough to let him know there was something new and foreign present but not enough to actually keep it separate. Its influence was complete. He’d said his hands weren’t his own. His mind didn’t feel like his own either.
There were no voices to intrude on his thoughts, no separate consciousness he could discern. There was only a heightened awareness of everything around him, as if he’d never encountered any of it before. Curiosity about every little thing made him itchy and restless. It pulled him in a hundred different directions at the same time.
Yes, he needed a distraction.
“Tell me how you came to work for the government.”
Amelia tensed instantly. “I was recruited.”
“And was it everything they promised it would be?”
She shifted her weight, eyeing the door past his shoulder. “Do we have to talk about this now?” Gabriel knew she’d give anything to not discuss her past. He sensed her need to flee from it, and him. She’d been running from it long enough.
“Was it?” he persisted.
“What does it matter now? I’m out. End of story.”
“Ah, angel, when it comes to you, I’m curious as a cat.” It was true. All the other wonders of this new, bright and shiny world he was discovering paled in comparison to the mystery standing before him, wrapped in silken skin and golden hair, skittish as a foal to get out of his reach.
“Curiosity killed the cat,” she said archly.
“Good thing felines have nine lives. I’m willing to give one for you.”
She reached up, probably to adjust her glasses, but her arm got stuck with her elbow at the window and her hand at his chest. Before she could pull it away, Gabriel captured it with his own. She fought him, plainly uncomfortable. Not with his nearness—he’d all but cured her of that with repeated exposure—but with the topic of conversation. “I don’t see how any of that is relevant now.”
“Indulge me.”
Amelia glared. “Haven’t I been indulging you enough lately?”
Gabriel grinned. “Not nearly.” He leaned in closer, brushing his nose against hers. “So?”
She closed her eyes and sighed in exasperation. “It wasn’t exactly the career highlight I hoped for.”
“Go on.”
“I was…” She looked around, anywhere but at him. “I was hired to do research. On the effects of chem-treatments and the reason why people are becoming resistant to them. At first it was only statistical analyses, drawing conclusions from data other researchers have gathered. Every once in a while I’d have access to a lab to do some studies of my own but nothing major.”
“They wanted you to prove yourself.”
“No,” she said dryly. “They wanted me to prove I could do what I was told and keep my mouth shut about it. See, that’s the thing about the way the government operates. They don’t order, they give suggestions. One day a man with a friendly smile comes in carrying a briefcase of money, tells you your efforts have been noted and the higher ups want to reward progress and developing talent. Spins a pretty story about how you’re free to use the funds for anything you might require. And he’ll be sure to tell you it’s perfectly acceptable to branch out into other areas of interest. Like, say, human physiology and what effects certain things have on it.”
“Suggestions,” Gabriel said. “And what happens if you choose not to take them?”
Amelia smiled bitterly. “Every once in a while they request progress reports on your work. If they don’t see what they want, you get a subtle hint that maybe the reason your research is hitting a dead end is because you haven’t considered the effects of sleep deprivation or certain toxic cocktails on human physiology. And if you still don’t fall in line, they stop playing nice.”
Her gaze dropped and she slumped a little against the glass. The sheer misery emanating from her made Gabriel want to growl. “I’ve seen good scientists, geniuses, the kind of people willing and able to take on the task of saving the world, get blamed for … horrible things. Planted evidence, quick private trials with a jury on government payroll. Some of those people I’ve never heard from again.” She frowned. “They were my friends.”
Gabriel gritted his teeth. There was hurt in her, running deep, and far back. She’d lost people close to her the same way he had. Only less bloody. Gabriel had seen those he cared about get tortured and exec
uted. But Amelia never knew what happened to her friends. She’d had to go on burdened by the suspicion they might still be alive somewhere, held prisoner, suffering. It looked like that suspicion never left her, though on some level she had to know those people were long dead.
“You are a strong woman, Amelia.” To have lived with the threat of death hanging over her head and come out the better for it.
She met his gaze. “You don’t get it. They were the strong ones. They stood their ground and fought against what was wrong. All I ever did was what I was told.” Her eyes squeezed shut again. “And the things I’ve done…”
“How did you get out?”
Amelia seemed to shake off the bad memories, or push them back for the time being. When she answered, her voice was once again cool and controlled, as if nothing had happened. As if he was a stranger asking what time it was.
“Ironically, with the very research they were paying me to conduct. One of my subjects survived the introduction of animal DNA into his system. I put in for a transfer under the pretext of requiring a different environment to further develop the study. It was enough physical and professional distance that I was allowed to abandon all my other projects. When Tristan later died, the study died with him, and they had no more use for me. I ran like hell and never looked back.”
Her tone said she was done talking about this. Gabriel wouldn’t get any more out of her now. He pushed himself away, enough to give her some breathing room. Enough that she could slip past him if she wanted.
Instead she blinked up at him. “Hey, you want to see something amazing?”
Gabriel raised an eyebrow. “Are you going to get naked?” He definitely wanted to see that. Especially if she did it slow. Possibly to music.
She gave him a look that clearly questioned how he’d managed to crawl out of the primordial goop. “Come on.” Taking his hand, she slipped around him and pulled him out toward the front door.
“Uh, where are you going?”
Amelia grinned at him over her shoulder. “Trust me,” she said.
The door was locked. Her password and biometrics wouldn’t work; Gabriel had reprogrammed the security after Honoria’s little visit. Nothing and no one was passing through the door in either direction until he deemed it was safe. Of course, Amelia being who she was, she tried anyway and her shoulders slumped in defeat when the door still wouldn’t budge.
“I don’t know whether to kick the door or you.”
Gabriel took pity on her. He nudged her aside and hacked the system from the small console. It wasn’t as easy as he made it look to open the door. He gave them one way out and back in again. The only way he could be sure they wouldn’t walk in on a nasty surprise. If they came back and the door didn’t open, they’d know someone had gotten inside. And that someone would not be getting back out again.
The door opened and he ushered Amelia through it. Just like the first day, she led the way out of the neighborhood and into the chaos of the international district. Like then, he caught her hand to keep her close.
Fuck.
The hypersenses were bad in Amelia’s apartment. But they were a thousand times worse out here. It was like getting punched by giant fists from all sides. The din and noise deafened him; the scents confused the ever living hell out of him. He couldn’t scent Amelia anymore and she was right in front of him!
So many people yelling, and shoving, and waving foreign things right in his face … He nearly punched some guy who shoved a reeking bowl of goop right under his nose. Amelia pulled him away before they caused a scene.
They made their way through the crowds at a snail’s pace while Gabriel ground his teeth and focused on Amelia’s back to keep from lashing out at strangers. It was the most agonizing half hour of his life at the end of which they emerged on a street with deadlocked traffic. Transports hovered in place, having nowhere to move. Gabriel had no clue how long they’d already been waiting there, or how long before they could go on. It looked to him like they were all just parked and the people had forgotten to get out.
“And this is why we walked,” Amelia told him. She led the way again, weaving between the transports to get to the other side of the street. The traffic eased the farther they got until they were in a neighborhood as seemingly abandoned as Amelia’s. The houses were different here. Not older, exactly, but old fashioned. Amelia slowed their pace to a stroll, linked her arm with his, smiling up at him mysteriously.
“What have you got up your sleeve?”
She grinned. “You’ll see.”
The neighborhood ended abruptly, as did the path. It was a dead end, like a border drawn on the ground. Gabriel could imagine a single road circling the colony and everyone inside going about their business, but no one ever touching that boundary. Beyond the pavement was nothing. Dried grass, a boulder here and there. For a couple hundred yards it looked like a wasteland and then the ground gave way sharply.
Amelia led him to the edge of the cliff and pointed. “Look.”
Gabriel’s eyes widened. He was gazing out at a completely different world. It was at least a thousand foot drop from the edge of the cliff down to the valley but what he wouldn’t give to be able to jump off and glide across the land.
It was wilderness. Untouched, untamed, a forest at his feet, spreading hundreds of miles in every direction. He could see the glint of a waterfall in the distance. There were birds of prey circling high above, hiding among the clouds. With his enhanced senses Gabriel could hear creatures far below him, so many he’d never be able to count them.
He could see the trees … glitter. Gabriel squinted. That wasn’t right. But it was. The leaves, plants, flowers, all of it glittered as if it was artificial and yet he could scent that it was all real.
“The entire valley is a massive crater,” Amelia said. “Minerals in the soil affect everything that grows here. They soak into plants and alter them somehow. Things grow bigger, more beautiful, but as soon as they’re disturbed, they wilt and die. It’s like a giant living jewel box. You won’t find another place like it anywhere in the universe. It’s the biggest national park on this planet, completely cut off from civilization. No one is allowed down there without permission. No camping, no fires, no hunting, fishing, or foraging.”
An eagle’s cry echoed as the bird swooped down as if in free fall, disappearing into the tree canopy. Gabriel heard it catch something and a moment later it emerged with its prey secured, flying off into forever.
“Miramar doesn’t have much in the way of attractions. There are cities, jobs, people, and whatever they decide to build to entertain themselves. But it has this.” She said it with pride.
“Is that why you live here?”
“That, and other reasons.”
“Which are…”
“Many and varied and not up for discussion,” she said and smiled. “Why are you so nosy?”
“Never met a woman so disinclined to talk about herself before.” Gabriel tugged her down to sit close to the edge of the cliff. Safer than standing where a strong breeze could knock her off balance. He settled her in the circle of his arms so both of them still had a perfect view of the park.
“Hmm, let’s see … something about me. I was born not far from here. I have a younger sister. You’ve seen her.”
Gabriel winced at the subtle reprimand.
“Our parents divorced when I was young and our mom died a couple of years after that.”
“That must have been difficult.”
She shrugged. “We got through it. Now tell me about you.”
“Me? What’s there to tell?”
“Gee, I don’t know,” she said dryly. “How about where you grew up or what you studied in school? Or, hey, here’s a good one. How did you get into Rome?”
“I was recruited,” he said, repeating her earlier words.
“And was it everything they promised it would be?”
“Touché.” He should have known better than to rehash that conversation.
“Well?”
“It was worse.”
Amelia tugged his arm tighter around her and he pulled her closer on reflex. It felt good to hold her. And not having to look into her eyes made the words easier to say. Still, he kept the details to himself. “The most insidious thing about Rome is that it’s completely voluntary. They make damn sure all their legal ducks are in a row. The recruiters paint a pretty picture of the city; show you Rome at its best. They don’t lie, that would be against the law. They tell you the parts you want to hear until you get the impression it’s all an elaborate game of pretend. By the time they get around to asking for a signature, you don’t even want to read the fine print.”
“What’s the city like?”
Gabriel didn’t have the right words to describe it. “Hot and cold at the same time. It’s almost like a desert, except for some oases scattered around. If you stand on the sand with your bare feet they’ll burn. But you look into the people’s eyes and you feel like your blood is freezing in your veins. The Patricians … most of them are dead inside. No souls, just greed and malice. You can see it in them. Hear it in their voices.”
“What about the actors?”
Gabriel squeezed his eyes shut and nuzzled in her hair. He didn’t want to think about the actors. He’d had his fill of terrified expressions, people flinching whenever someone came too close, people beaten and left for dead like so much garbage in the streets. Men with thousand yard stares, broken by what they’d seen and done. By what had been done to them. Women weeping behind their veils where no one would see; branded, disfigured so they were forever tied to their masters.
“Let it go, angel,” he said. “Some things are better left unsaid.”
He could sense her growing agitation. “You don’t have to protect me, you know.”
Gabriel smiled and stood, pulling her up with him. “How do you know that’s not exactly what I’m supposed to do?”
Chapter 16
September 29th, 3032
“It’s time.” It was almost a relief to say the words. Amelia was so on edge loud noises made her jumpy. And the day had started out so well. She’d woken up snuggled so close to Gabriel they’d almost been one being, and she’d never been so comfortable in her life.
Blood Debts (The Blood Book 3) Page 14