by Annie Lyons
Chapter 11
“Line dancing.”
“What? It could be fun.”
“I sincerely doubt it. Why on earth would anyone want to dance in a line?”
Stanley peers at another leaflet. “Nordic walking?”
Eudora frowns. “Can’t people just walk?”
He sighs. “Sit and Get Fit?”
“Impossible.”
“Fine,” he says, fanning out the remaining leaflets. “Pick one.” Eudora eyes the offerings with suspicion. Stanley shrugs. “You promised to go to a group with me, and so far you’ve rejected all my suggestions. Now you have to pick one.”
Eudora knows he’s right. Ruth, the social worker, had left the leaflets during her visit, and Eudora had decided that they presented a perfect opportunity to get Stanley out of the house. She was starting to regret this ill-thought-through promise now though. “Very well,” she says, closing her eyes as she plucks one from Stanley’s hand. Her expression lifts as she reads the text. “Actually, this might be rather good.”
“High praise,” mutters Stanley.
Eudora ignores this jibe and reads out loud, “‘Those Were the Days—activities for the older generation, including puzzles, music, tea, and talks.’”
“Sounds good, particularly the music bit.”
Eudora throws him a warning look. “You are strictly forbidden to embark on any flamboyant participation.”
Stanley pretends to tug his forelock. “Yes, m’lady.”
“Foolish man.”
“It’s why you like me.”
“Mmm.”
Eudora isn’t sure how she would define her relationship with Stanley. She can imagine Rose proclaiming them to be “BFFs” and insisting that they high-five. There’s a pleasingly familial aspect to their interactions, almost as if Stanley is a younger brother, content to be bossed and teased by his older sister.
They have taken to telephoning each other during the early evening. It was Eudora’s suggestion after Stanley confessed that he missed having someone with whom to recount the details of his day. At first she feared it would become a bind, but now she looks forward to their “nineteen-hundred-hour debrief” as Stanley insists on calling it. Although most of Stanley’s chatter is light-hearted nonsense, she relishes their easy banter and the way Stanley always has a daft anecdote. Often he reports that day’s score in his music quiz, detailing the trickier questions while Eudora shares a selection of troublesome crossword clues from her daily puzzle. Invariably, their talk will turn to Rose and something amusing she has done. They rarely talk for longer than ten minutes, but it’s enough.
“Night, John-Boy,” Stanley always says in a dreadful Deep South accent.
“Good night, Stanley.”
Eudora faces the prospect of the group the next morning with a hint of dread but decides to view it as the Queen might: with an overriding sense of duty. She is hopeful that if she goes along once, Stanley will be his usual gregarious self, make a host of new friends, and Eudora will be off the hook.
Good deed done.
Promise to Ada fulfilled.
Eudora has enlisted Rose to come along, partly as an overexcited distraction who will bounce them through the morning with her relentless enthusiasm but also to give Maggie a break. She’s noticed how weary she’s been looking lately. She told Maggie that she would take Rose on the strict condition that she get some rest.
Maggie’s hollowed-out expression when she and Stanley call for Rose at ten o’clock on the dot vindicates her decision.
“Thank you,” says Maggie, casting an accusing look at her bump. “I hardly got any sleep last night as Rose’s sister decided to have an all-night party.”
“Oh dear,” says Eudora. “Well, make sure you get some rest now. We should be back around lunchtime.”
“This is going to be so much fun!” says Rose, skipping down the stairs wearing a brilliant orange sundress, yellow-framed sunglasses, and sparkly silver sandals.
“I like your outfit, Rose,” says Stanley. “You look like a burst of sunshine.”
“Very summery,” agrees Eudora.
“You’re wearing that top we bought when we went shopping!” cries Rose.
“I wondered if you’d notice,” says Eudora. She had nearly put it back in the wardrobe but had experienced a rare “seize the day” moment.
“It looks lovely.”
“I can see I’m going to have to up my game,” says Stanley, offering them an arm each. “Shall we?”
“Have a good time!” calls Maggie as they climb into Stanley’s car.
It’s a short but pleasant enough drive to the group. Eudora doesn’t even mind Stanley’s choice of radio station, its incessant chatter interspersed with music. The DJ has an inoffensive and occasionally witty style. She listens as he chats amiably to a member of the public who has called in to participate in Stanley’s favorite quiz. The DJ plays a song by Ella Fitzgerald. Eudora nods her approval.
“My dad loves PopMaster,” says Rose.
“Good chap,” says Stanley.
“I’ve no idea what you’re talking about,” says Eudora.
“It’s that quiz I’m always telling you about,” explains Stanley.
“You’ll love it, Eudora,” says Rose. “But you have to be very quiet so you can hear the questions.”
“I can’t quite believe you’re telling me to be quiet, Rose.”
“Shhh—it’s starting!” says Rose as the song ends and the DJ addresses the caller.
So, Phil, you have a choice of “Hits of the Sixties” or “Sexy Songs.”
“Good grief,” exclaims Eudora.
“Hits of the Sixties,” please, Ken.
“Hits of the Sixties” it is. Okay. Here we go.
As the quiz begins, Eudora is surprised to notice Stanley’s face grow serious with concentration. What’s more, he seems to know the answer to every question.
And now for the “Hits of the Sixties” question: Lonnie Donegan achieved a 1960s number one with which song about a refuse collector?
“‘My Old Man’s a Dustman’!” chorus Phil and Stanley at the same time.
Correct. In which musical did Elaine Paige and Barbara Dickson’s 1985 chart-topping hit “I Know Him So Well” feature?
“Chess!” both men cry.
“Ada was a big Elaine Paige fan,” confides Stanley with a fond smile.
Eudora glances at Stanley’s animated expression and wishes she could join in. Alas, she has eschewed popular culture over the past forty years. She doesn’t miss it. You can’t miss what you’ve never had, after all. It would just be pleasant to be able to share in his enjoyment.
And now for our final question: What was the title of the Top 10 hit by Laurel and Hardy that was featured in the 1937 movie Way Out West and found its way onto the UK chart in 1976?
“The Trail of the Lonesome Pine,” cries Eudora in tandem with Stanley and Phil.
Stanley laughs. “Well done, Miss Honeysett; six points to you!”
“You’re a dream team!” cries Rose from the back.
Eudora’s initial impression of the group is favorable. She admires the early-twentieth-century manor house where this and a host of other community-based activities are held. She gazes at the fine plastered ceilings and marble fireplaces, inhaling the reassuring aroma of history. A cheerful-looking woman with purple-tipped hair welcomes and directs them to a side room.
It is as Eudora enters this dark wood-paneled space and notices the thirty or so other decrepit individuals who look just like her that her heart sinks. It’s such a nuisance that elderly people have to look so old. This shrunken, prune-like appearance, as if someone is slowly deflating them, is most unprepossessing. Eudora has no great desire to sit with these people, to effectively stare into the mirror at a constant reminder of what she has become. And yet here she is.
“Welcome! Welcome!” cries a small, efficient-looking woman carrying a jug of juice. “My name is Sue. And you are?”
Wishing I were anywhere but here, thinks Eudora.
Rose takes the initiative, and Eudora gives thanks for the impetuosity of ten-year-olds. “I’m Rose. I’m not over sixty-five, but Eudora thought it would be okay if I came along. This is Eudora, by the way, and that’s Stanley. We’re not related—just friends.”
Sue beams. “Well, you are of course all very welcome. Please take a seat wherever you can find space and then you can make your name badges. Don’t be shy. Do please introduce yourselves to others. There are all sorts of puzzles, games, and activities for you to enjoy. Oh, and help yourself to refreshments. We don’t charge—it’s voluntary contributions only. The talk will be starting in about half an hour.”
“Thank you, Sue,” says Stanley, flashing his usual charming smile. Eudora shakes her head when she notices the effect it has on this woman.
“I’ll come and check on you in a bit,” she says.
“Name badges?” mutters Eudora in disgust. “I know people regress as they get older, but really.”
“It’s okay, Eudora,” says Rose. “I’ll make you one. I love being creative. Ooh, glitter pens!”
They find space at a table where another couple is already seated. Rose gets to work immediately, selecting foam letters, glue, and all the glitter pens she can find.
“Good morning,” says Stanley.
“Hello, hello, hello,” says a man who looks about the same age as him. “The name’s James but everyone calls me Jim.”
“Hello, Jim,” says Stanley. “This is Eudora and Rose.”
The woman sitting next to Jim smiles. “Eudora. What an unusual name. I’m Jim’s wife, Audrey. Aren’t you a busy little bee?” she says to Rose.
“I do like to make stuff, Audrey. Can I ask how long you’ve been married, or is that nosy?”
Audrey smiles. “Not at all. It’s been nearly fifty-six years. How about you?” she asks, looking at Eudora, who recoils in horror.
“We’re not married,” says Stanley. “She couldn’t afford me.” Eudora rolls her eyes. “No. We’re friends. And Rose is our minder.” Rose strikes a weight lifter’s pose, kissing each of her biceps in turn.
Audrey laughs. “You’re very lucky to have one another. We hardly ever see our grandchildren,” she adds.
“That is sad,” says Rose. “I could probably come and visit you, if you don’t live too far away.” Audrey looks as if her heart has melted. “Right. Here’s your name badge, Eudora. I tried not to be too over-the-top because I know you don’t really like that.”
Eudora looks at the fluorescent orange badge, purple foam letters, and green glitter decorations. “Good heavens, Rose. If this is subtle, I’d hate to see your extravagant version.”
“Whereas I would like you to go all out with mine, please, Rose,” says Stanley. “Every color of the rainbow and as bright as you can make it.”
“Yessir!”
Stanley turns to Eudora. “Would her majesty like a cup of tea?”
“Are you going to insist on calling me that?”
“Probably.”
“In that case, I would love a cup of tea, please. And an acceptable biscuit, if they have one.”
Stanley clicks his heels to attention. “Very good. I’ll ask the chef if he can rustle up some cucumber sandwiches while I’m at it.” Eudora purses her lips. “Juice for you, Rose?”
“Yes please, Stanley.”
“Can I get anyone else anything?”
“No, thank you,” says Audrey.
“Right-ho. Back in a sec.”
“What a lovely man,” remarks Audrey, watching Stanley go.
“Mmm,” says Eudora.
“It’s important to have friends as you get older, isn’t it? For extra support.”
“I suppose so,” says Eudora. She follows Audrey’s gaze, which lingers on Rose for a moment. The little girl is intent on her badge-making project, spreading glitter as if her life depends on it.
“Toilet, Audrey, please,” says Jim, looking scared.
Audrey’s gaze snaps back to reality. “Of course, my love. Come along,” she says, helping her husband to his feet. “Most of our friends keep their distance these days,” she tells Eudora before leading Jim toward the door. “They don’t know how to deal with Jim.”
“I’m sorry,” says Eudora because she doesn’t know what else to say.
Audrey’s face is weary with resignation. “It’s how life is.”
Yes, but it shouldn’t be. It shouldn’t be like this at all, thinks Eudora. We’re living longer but not better. We’re doing it all wrong.
Eudora casts around the room at the rest of the assembled company. There are people doing jigsaws and others playing dominoes, while some just chat or drink tea. It’s not an unpleasant atmosphere and the people seem friendly enough. She feels sure Stanley will enjoy coming here.
“Here we are,” says Stanley, returning with a tray containing their drinks and a plate of biscuits.
“Ooh, Oreo cookies. I love those,” says Rose, helping herself to one.
“Thank you,” says Eudora, taking a sip of her tea. “Not bad at all.”
“Right. Good afternoon, everyone!” cries Sue. “It’s wonderful to see so many new faces and lots of old friends too; you are all very welcome here. I hope you’ve found some people to chat to and find this group supportive and friendly. As many of you know, it’s one of my personal missions to make sure older people continue to feel empowered.”
Empowered? thinks Eudora. Most days I’m just happy if I can find my glasses. I haven’t got the strength for empowerment.
“There is nothing I detest more,” continues Sue, “than the stripping away of people’s independence so they lose confidence and, ultimately, control over their own lives. And as those of you who are regulars will know, I never shy away from discussing difficult subjects. I was pleased how useful many of you found the recent talk about lasting power of attorney and how to fund care as and when you need it. So today’s topic is something we all need to face . . .” She pauses for effect. “Death.”
“Ooh,” says Rose as the rest of the room seems to hold its breath. Eudora sits up straighter in her chair.
“Now, I don’t want you to worry. This is not going to be depressing because I have a rather wonderful speaker who is going to tell us about what it is to have a good death. I have heard this lady speak before, so I know we are in safe hands. Please give a big Those-Were-the-Days welcome to Hannah Reeve, who is a death doula. Hannah.”
Eudora is astonished by the aura of calm that ripples through the assembled company as Hannah rises to her feet. She casts her eyes over the audience, radiating positivity, her dark curly hair framing her face like a crown. The effect is immediate as the room falls completely silent and still. Even Rose stops fidgeting.
“Thank you, Sue. It’s wonderful to be here. I must reiterate what she has said. You don’t need to worry. This will not be a depressing talk. In fact, my sole aim is to uplift and educate you as to what a death doula does. All you need is an open mind and heart.” Her voice is soothing and gentle and there’s a quiet authority to every word she utters. Eudora finds herself leaning forward, noticing that Rose does the same. “My dearest wish is that people are able to have a good death. I would like us to consider for a moment what that might be. Would anyone like to make a suggestion?”
“Dying at home,” says Stanley. “Like my Ada did.” There are sympathetic murmurs around the room. Eudora notices Rose pat him on the shoulder.
“I am sorry for your loss,” says Hannah, gazing at him kindly. “I very much appreciate you sharing your experience.”
“Surrounded by love,” says Audrey, patting Jim’s hand.
Hannah smiles and nods. “Absolutely. I’m going to write these on my trusty board, if that’s okay?” She fishes a marker pen from her pocket and begins to write on a whiteboard. People are emboldened by the other suggestions, and soon Hannah has a long list, including “no pain,” “without fea
r,” and, on Rose’s suggestion and to everyone’s amusement, “having just eaten a big pizza and drunk a can of cherry Coke.” Hannah turns back to face the room. “These are all wonderful contributions—thank you. I notice that no one considers a good death to be one that takes place in the back of an ambulance following emergency intervention.” The room buzzes with disapproval. “Of course not. No one wants that. And yet, it’s what happens to a large number of people in the UK today.”
“That’s terrible,” says Rose.
“I agree with you, Rose.”
“She knows my name,” whispers Rose to Eudora.
“But I have good news,” continues Hannah, “because if we all do one small thing during our lives we can avoid this ending. Does anyone know what that is?” There are nervous glances around the room. “It’s all right,” says Hannah. “It’s not a test but it is very simple. All you need to do is talk. You need to share your wishes about what kind of death you’d like. Write it down in a living will or on a piece of paper for your loved ones, but above all, tell them what you want.” Eudora inclines her head forward. “Because death is as important as birth. We celebrate one but fear the other. We don’t need to do that anymore. In my job, I have the privilege of walking alongside people and their families as they experience this most significant of moments, and I can tell you that it is a time filled with love, laughter, tears, hope, and joy. There are moments of fear, but I am there to reassure; there may be pain, but I work alongside palliative teams to ensure that it is minimal. Above all, I seek to facilitate a good death and an enduring positive memory for the people who live on without their loved ones. I want to ensure that people leave this world feeling comforted and unafraid. Because death is inevitable, but it needn’t be feared.”
If Eudora were a different woman, she would have leapt to her feet and given Hannah a standing ovation. Instead, her heart beats faster as if applauding the most sensible thing she’s heard for a long time.
Hannah continues. “If we learn to discuss it in a calm and rational way, we can dispel our fears and face death with an open and positive heart.” She smiles at them all. “I hope this has given you a good insight into what I do. I am around for the rest of the afternoon, so please come and ask me any specific questions and I will do my best to answer them. I have some living will forms for anyone who would like one and leaflets about my work. Thank you for listening.”