‘Hold on,’ said Emma, raising her hands. ‘Are we talking orgasms or oral sex now?’
‘Shh,’ Ellen said. ‘Keep your voice down! I’m talking about the first one,’ she added in a small voice.
Emma’s jaw dropped. ‘Are you saying you never had an org- . . . a Tim Tam with Tim?’
‘Sounds like she had Tim without the Tam,’ Liz chuckled.
Ellen rolled her eyes. ‘No, of course I’ve had Tim Tams, I’ve just always had them first. Sometimes I still had some Tim Tam left to have with my coffee . . .’
‘But you’re saying you never sucked coffee through a Tim Tam, the whole of your marriage?’ said Liz.
‘I really wish you wouldn’t use that analogy,’ Emma muttered in distaste.
‘To answer your question, Liz,’ said Ellen, ‘I could count the times on one hand. And have fingers left over.’
‘Are you serious?’ said Emma.
‘Yes,’ she said weakly. ‘I thought it was a fluke if it happened. But you’re saying not?’
Liz shook her head. ‘I mean, it’s different for different women, and it’s not guaranteed every time, but I’d say more often than not.’ She looked at Emma, who nodded in agreement.
‘Damn!’ said Ellen, dropping down to sit on a box. ‘I feel so ripped off. I mean, now I get what all the fuss is about. I thought my head was going to explode the other day,’ she added glumly.
‘I think Lenny’s found her groove,’ Emma grinned, as she and Liz held their hands up to high-five Ellen, but she just sat there, her chin in her hands.
‘Why are you so miserable?’ Liz said. ‘You’ve opened up Pandora’s box now, honey, there’ll be no stopping you.’
‘You don’t understand,’ Ellen sighed. ‘I don’t think I can keep seeing Finn.’
‘Why not?’ Emma asked.
‘It’s complicated.’
‘How?’
‘Well, you know Tim has a girlfriend?’
‘Tim?’ Liz exclaimed.
‘Has a girlfriend?’ Emma added. ‘I didn’t know. Did you know?’ She glanced at Liz.
Liz shook her head. ‘I didn’t know.’
‘Yeah, well, it only came out last week,’ said Ellen. ‘Anyway, he handled it really badly.’
‘Why does that not surprise me?’ Liz sighed. ‘What did he do?’
‘He told the kids and then he told them not to tell me.’
‘What a blockhead.’
‘Hm, so anyway I had to confront him, and we’ve sorted it out, but the kids are still a bit . . . shell-shocked, I suppose. They’ve both more or less indicated that they’re glad I’m not dating anyone so they don’t have to deal with that as well.’
‘But that’s not fair,’ said Emma.
‘Welcome to my world.’
Liz was thinking. ‘Look, you have every second weekend to yourself, Len, you have opportunity. The kids don’t have to know everything you get up to.’
‘But I promised them there’d be no more secrets. I don’t know if I should do it on the sly.’
‘Sex on the sly could be pretty exciting,’ said Liz.
‘And she’d know,’ Emma nodded.
‘Shut up,’ said Liz. ‘Look, I’m sure Finn would understand why you have to keep it under wraps for a while, give the kids some time.’
‘I don’t know,’ said Ellen. ‘I don’t even know if he wants to take things further. I don’t even know if I do.’
‘Are you kidding?’ said Liz. ‘Why wouldn’t you? When you can have all the Tim Tams you want.’
‘The thing is,’ said Ellen, ‘when I invited him over the other night, I made it very clear that I had no expectations of anything else. I just wanted sex.’
‘Listen to you!’ Liz declared.
‘Did you actually say that to him?’ Emma was shocked.
‘I know it sounds pretty strong,’ Ellen defended herself, ‘but you have to understand the context. He had been flirting with me, and I’d had a few drinks . . . I don’t know, I seized the moment.’
‘My sister the barracuda,’ Liz remarked.
‘Don’t call me that,’ she chided. ‘Look, you’re the ones who kept telling me I had to get out there, and you have no idea how terrifying that is at my age, after so many years. Finn is a good guy, I trust him. It felt like a safer option than picking up someone random.’
‘I’m not criticising you, Len,’ said Liz. ‘I just never expected it of you.’
‘I never expected it of myself,’ she agreed. ‘But it doesn’t matter anyway, it is what it is. I can’t have any expectations of him. That was the deal.’
‘Don’t be so hasty,’ said Emma. ‘Did he say anything afterwards?’
Ellen nodded. ‘He said I should call him, if I wanted to.’
‘Well there you go!’ said Liz.
‘He was probably only being polite.’
‘Uh-uh,’ Emma shook her head. ‘When they say they’ll call you, that’s when they’re being polite.’
‘She’s right,’ said Liz. ‘He’s leaving it up to you.’
‘Well what’ll I do?’
‘Call him!’ they cried in unison.
Ellen looked at them. ‘I don’t know, I don’t know if I’m ready to start something. Isn’t it too soon?’
‘Not for Tim, obviously,’ Emma pointed out. ‘And if it’s good for the goose . . .’
‘But what if it ends badly?’
‘You’re such a pessimist,’ said Liz.
‘That’s what he says,’ Ellen sighed.
‘Who?’
‘Finn. See, he really has become a friend, and I wouldn’t want to risk losing him as a friend.’ She paused. ‘Not to mention as a mechanic,’ she added. ‘Good mechanics are hard to come by.’
‘Listen, mechanics are easier to come by than Tim Tams,’ said Emma. ‘In this context anyway.’
‘Words of wisdom,’ Liz nodded. ‘Have a bit of fun, Lenny. Don’t you think it’s about time? You’ve been married since you were a child, and only keeping up appearances for half of that. Stop stressing about what might happen and just – how did you put it before? – seize the moment. Think about it, this is your chance to have your Tim Tams –’
‘– and eat them too!’ Emma finished, and then she snorted a laugh. Liz looked at Ellen, and they both started to laugh, and pretty soon all three of them were rolling around in stitches.
‘What’s so funny?’
They all looked around. Evie was standing in the doorway, staring at them.
‘We were just talking about how much we love Tim Tams,’ said Liz.
Evie sighed. ‘I haven’t had a Tim Tam in ages. Truth is, I don’t even like them much any more, they seem a bit sickly.’
The other three glanced at each other and burst into fresh peals of laughter all over again.
‘What is so funny?’ Evie repeated, getting a little frustrated.
‘It’s nothing,’ Ellen assured her, catching her breath. ‘We’re just being very silly. I think this room is making us regress into adolescents again.’
‘Oh, right,’ said Evie in a flat voice.
‘Is everything okay, Evie?’ Ellen asked. ‘You don’t seem like yourself.’
There was a pause before she answered: ‘Everything’s fine,’ she said, mustering a smile. ‘Mum just sent me up to get you, Liz. She’s about to start packing a box to take to Vinnies.’
‘Not if I have anything to say about it,’ said Liz, getting up off the bed.
Evie was running late getting back from her parents’, and Craig was already dressed and raring to go, pacing the floor when she came in through the door. She knew she’d dawdled, finding one excuse after the other to delay leaving, until her mother had said plainly, ‘Evie, aren’t you and Craig going out tonight?’
‘Ooh,’ said Liz. ‘Big night out, is it? Or a romantic dinner for two?’
‘It’s nothing,’ she said. ‘We’re just meeting some friends.’
‘You don’t have to look s
o excited about it,’ Liz said drolly.
‘I don’t even know them all that well,’ Evie said. ‘Craig organised it, it was his idea.’
She wished she could talk to her sisters about what was going on, just blurt it all out. But she couldn’t, she had to sort this out with Craig, one way or another. If she told anyone, they’d never be able to look at him the same way again. It was hard enough for Evie.
So although she was late, she didn’t hurry home; even on the freeway, she drove under the speed limit. She was glad when she came to a red light, annoyed when too many of them stayed stubbornly green as she approached.
‘Evie,’ Craig said when she finally arrived home, ‘do you know what time it is? We’re going to be late.’
‘It’s not like there’s an official starting time,’ she said sullenly.
‘Well, can you hurry up now?’
She knew she couldn’t get away with dawdling any more, she was only putting off the inevitable. She came down the stairs twenty minutes later. Craig looked at her.
‘You’re wearing that again?’
She had on the same dress she’d worn the previous time. ‘I don’t own many dressy clothes, and nothing much fits me now anyway.’
‘That doesn’t fit you very well either,’ he said with a slight curl of the lip.
It was true: the dress that had once not fitted her at all now fit her like a shirt on a fence, as her mum would put it, whatever that meant. Anyway, it was too big, it hung off her.
‘You could have bought something new,’ said Craig.
‘Well, it’s too late now,’ she returned, picking up her purse and heading for the door. ‘Are you coming?’
Craig rabbited on the whole way there, about his day, how he’d had to get up on a ladder and clean the gutters at his mum’s because his dad was too lazy to do it, how she’d annoyed him with her incessant yabbering, how the boys had been playing up. It seemed as though they turned into the street all too soon. Craig parked on the opposite side to the house, a few doors up.
‘There’s a lot of cars here tonight,’ he remarked, turning off the engine and taking the keys out of the ignition.
Evie didn’t move, didn’t lean down to pick up her purse; she just sat there, absolutely still. This was it. If she got out of the car with him now, she had to go through with it. She couldn’t count on someone nice like Steve bailing her out, she wouldn’t get away with that again anyway. But she finally knew for sure that no matter what it did to their marriage, no matter what Craig decided to do as a consequence, she couldn’t go through with it. She was not going to get out of this car.
‘Ev?’ Craig prompted. ‘Let’s go.’
‘I can’t do it,’ she said.
‘What are you talking about?’
She took a breath. ‘I can’t do it, Craig. And I’m not going to, you can’t make me.’
He sighed. ‘Look, okay, I know you’re nervous, Pud. But let’s just go inside, have a drink. I bought a nice bottle of bubbly for you. Let’s go in, relax, play it by ear.’
‘No,’ she said firmly, raising her voice. ‘I mean it, Craig. I’m not going to do this.’
‘You made an agreement, Evie –’
‘No, I didn’t!’ she retorted angrily, finally turning her head to look at him. ‘I’ve been railroaded into this from the start. I never wanted to do it. It was all your idea, and I’ve tried –’
‘You haven’t tried at all,’ he sneered.
‘I’ve done as much as I can do. I’ve faced it and I can’t go through with it,’ she cried. ‘Don’t you care how I feel?’
‘Oh, that’s rich,’ he said. ‘What about how I feel? This is like some kind of prick-tease, leading me along for weeks now, only to say no right at the last minute. Well, I don’t care, you’re coming,’ he said, opening his door and getting out, slamming it again.
What was he going to do? Evie watched him walk around the front of the car and come around to her side. She flinched as he yanked open her door.
‘I’m giving you one more chance,’ he said. ‘Get out of the car.’
She didn’t move, didn’t speak; she was trembling.
‘Right,’ he said, leaning in over her and releasing her seatbelt. Then he grabbed her by the arm.
‘Craig!’ she cried as he dragged her out onto the footpath. ‘Let go of me,’ she yelled, reefing her arm free. She turned and started to run up the street. He didn’t follow her. Soon she heard the car start up and come after her, pulling in at the kerb where she had slowed to a walk. The window slid down.
‘Get in the car, Evie,’ he said grimly.
‘I’m not going with you.’
‘Look, okay, you won,’ he said. ‘Now get in the car.’
‘No.’
‘You’re being stupid. You’re in the middle of nowhere,’ he said angrily. ‘How are you going to get home?’
She didn’t respond, she just kept walking.
‘Get in the fucking car!’ he shouted.
A porch light came on outside the house she was passing. Evie came to a halt and for a split second she thought about making a run for the house, asking for help. But that was overdoing it. She didn’t need to drag anyone else into this. And she wasn’t actually frightened of Craig; what he’d done just then was completely out of character. She was pretty sure he’d surprised himself as much as her, which was why he hadn’t come after her on foot. Besides, she felt strangely empowered. She had made her stand for tonight, and that was enough.
She leaned down to look at Craig through the window. ‘Don’t you lay another hand on me.’
‘Don’t worry, I have no intention of touching you,’ he said.
She opened the door and got in, and he sped off up the street before she could even do up her seatbelt.
They didn’t say a word for the whole drive home.
A week later
The letter was in the mailbox on Friday afternoon when Ellen arrived home from work. She knew what it was immediately, the school crest gave it away, but she probably would have guessed anyway from the thick, creamy, expensive stationery. She took it inside and slit the envelope open, drawing out the folded sheet. She sat down at the kitchen table. She knew this was going to be a rejection, the school would have phoned otherwise. Maybe she was a glass-half-empty kind of girl, but at least it didn’t set her up for disappointment. She unfolded the single sheet and read.
Dear Ms Cosgrove
Thank you for applying for the position of senior teacher, English and History. While your application was impressive . . .
Ellen didn’t need to read any more. She flicked the letter aside and pushed back her chair. Kicking off her shoes, she stood up and walked to the back window, staring out into the garden. So that was that. Just as well she hadn’t mentioned it to her parents, they would never know she had contemplated becoming a traitor to the cause of public education. She checked her wristwatch, they would be arriving in Lima soon. Ellen and the kids, as well as Liz and Eddie, had gone to see them off at the airport last night. Emma had hoped to get away, but she had been held up on a shoot, and it was too far for Evie to make it on a school night, their parents had insisted. Besides, they were only going to be away for three or four weeks; they’d had longer holidays in the past and no one had made such a fuss. But this was the furthest they’d ever ventured, and it felt more momentous; with the house gone, it was like they were out there, free-falling, without an anchor to bring them home, without a home, in fact. But it didn’t seem to bother them.
As Ellen watched her parents walk through the gate, holding hands, so excited to be heading off together, she’d felt a pang of envy at what they had together. Forty years already racked up, and they still had so much more ahead of them. Ellen would never have that, it was gone forever; in truth it had been gone for a long time. She had lost the chance to grow old with the father of her children.
The shrill ring of the phone shattered the silence, along with her rather melancholy train of th
ought. Which wasn’t a bad thing.
‘Hello Ellen?’ It was Tim, sounding impatient, even a little annoyed. Great.
‘Hi Tim,’ she replied calmly. ‘Is everything all right? Sam got home from training okay?’
‘Yes, yes,’ he dismissed. ‘But everything’s not all right.’
‘What is it? Is Kate okay?’
‘Both the children are fine,’ he said firmly. ‘They’re in the kitchen now, having afternoon tea. They can’t hear me in here.’
‘Oh?’ What was this about?
‘The thing is, Ellen, I have to say I’m very disappointed right now, and I thought it was better to have it out with you. I mean, we are supposed to be amicable, right?’
‘Right,’ she said warily.
‘Good then,’ he said. ‘Well, I just don’t think you’re making any sort of an effort to help the kids feel comfortable about Therése.’
‘Pardon?’
‘Sam is making it pretty clear that he doesn’t want to have anything much to do with her.’
‘And how is that my fault?’
‘I just think if you were more positive it would make a difference.’
‘Positive?’ she said. ‘What are you talking about? Look, Tim, I haven’t said anything negative about her, I don’t even know her.’
‘Maybe that’s the problem, maybe you should meet her.’
‘I’m not interested in meeting her.’
‘See? That’s why Sam isn’t interested in her either. He was always on your side.’
‘Tim, it’s not my job to smooth the way for you and your girlfriend,’ she said angrily. She felt like yelling, I can’t even have a boyfriend because you got in first! ‘Maybe you should try being a little more positive yourself – you were the one who told the kids she wasn’t very attractive.’
‘I didn’t say that.’
‘Yes, you did,’ she insisted. ‘You said it to me as well.’
‘No I didn’t.’
‘You think I’m making this up?’
‘I never said she wasn’t attractive – she’s very attractive – she’s just overweight, that’s all.’
The Right Time Page 28