The Traveller

by HJ Bellus

  My other hand wanders down to the hem of her shorts. She reaches down with her hand, letting the button free and the zipper down.

  “Name,” I hiss.

  “Lou.”

  “Lou?” I ask.

  “MaryLou Jean Williams. I go by Lou.”

  “You tell me when to stop, Lou, and I will.” My hand goes down the front of her shorts until my fingers sweep through her folds. “I won’t hurt you.”

  Her dark blue eyes peer up at me. The pain masking them is nearly unbearable. “It’s not possible to destroy me after the life I’ve lived.”

  She doesn’t ask my name, only wants me to make her forget during the lonely hours of the night. I’ve been there so many times, fighting my nightmares, finding solace in whiskey or sex. It’s an empty fix but it numbs the thoughts for a bit.

  Her head tilts to the side when my fingers sink into her heat. The bottle dangling from her fingers sloshes in the quiet room. My dick painfully pushes against my jeans. Without asking, she raises the bottle to my lips offering me another drink. I open up, not missing a beat, and swallow the stinging liquid while pumping my fingers in her.

  Lou moans softly before taking a swallow of the whiskey herself. Her sweet core clenches my fingers, and I know she’s damn close. Three more strokes and she’s falling apart.

  “Your turn.” She hands me the bottle.

  Lou kicks off her cowboy boots then wiggles the rest of the way out of her shorts. The pad of my thumb brushes her bottom lip before I offer her a drink. Her sexy full lips spread. Her pink tongue darts out, licking the rim of the bottle and it’s my turn to groan finally. The things this woman is doing to me.

  I watch her throat bob as she swallows the amber liquid. Lou brushes her mouth with the back of her hand before she sinks to the carpet. I watch in awe as she frees my dick. If the mood weren’t so serious, I’d pop off a joke about handling my weapon with care. Safety first and all that shit. But the intense atmosphere between us bounces off the walls. Two fucked-up people seeking relief for one night is all we are.

  Her tongue strokes my dick like it just did to the bottle then her lips wrap me up tight. The warmth of her mouth nearly makes me shoot my load down her throat. I tip back the bottle taking another drink trying to distract myself.

  Lou’s hands cup my balls as she takes me from base to tip. Each time nearly popping her mouth off. The action causes me to grow frantic, never wanting this little vixen to stop.

  My hand winds in her hair, gripping it tightly. I pop her mouth off my dick then put the bottle to her lips. They’re red and swollen from making love to my cock.

  “Show me,” I growl.

  Lou’s mouth fucks the bottle just like she was doing to my dick. I thought it would ease the need to release. But I’m dead fucking wrong. She takes a small swallow then goes back to working my dick over. I don’t let her remain there long.

  “Gotta have you, babe.”

  Lou protests when I raise her up to her feet but quiets when I toss her on the bed. She doesn’t have to ask me to put on a condom. I have one rolled on and am lowering over her in a matter of seconds.

  Her thighs fill my hands as I squeeze them, dragging her to the bottom of the bed. The back of her legs rest against my chest as I sink into her slowly. Her lips wrapped around my dick diminished the reality of my life, but being balls deep is something else.

  All shreds of self-constraint, tender loving care and gentleman behavior flies right out the fucking window. We ravage each other with each move of our bodies. Lou’s fingernails dig into my flesh sending a piercing pain shooting through my body. Neither of us slows down. Lou spreads wider for me, tilting her hips up in the air, giving me all of her.

  Our dark skies collide together releasing our pain in the unhealthiest way. The bottle of Jack is nearly empty and our bodies exhausted before we both fall into slumber.

  2

  Hart

  The hot water burns away the sin of last night. Jack and sex while I was in that mood probably wasn’t the smartest idea. The pain is fucking real rattling around in my head. I didn’t kick Lou out of bed last night. I simply rolled over and let sleep take over.

  I didn’t have it in my heart to kick her out. The girl is broken. Does it make me a sick bastard that I’m not even interested in knowing her story? It’s not because I’m heartless, but more I have enough skeletons in my own damn closet. The closet that’s been locked for years and the same exact one I’m returning to.

  “Hey.”

  I whip my wet hair out of my eyes to see Lou stepping into the shower naked. I’m now certain she’s precisely the type of girl I could love. Her broken soul weeps from her gorgeous body.

  “Hey.” She looks down shyly, not making eye contact.

  “Morning.” Using my finger, I force her to look up at me.

  She has tears streaming down her face. It shatters me.

  “Take me with you.”

  This time her words are clear and sharp. My knees buckle. I don’t want to take her. I don’t have time for this. There’s no way I can say yes. She must spot the hesitance in my facial features.

  “Just take me with you. Drop me off anywhere far, far, far away from here. I promise I’ll get out of your car and you can dump me off. I need out of this place.”

  I slowly nod digesting her information. “You want out?”

  “Please.”

  Shit, she doesn’t even know my fucking name and she’s ready to hop in a car with me to travel the lonely highway. What has happened to this girl? I guess something dark and horrible if she’s willing to risk her life with me.

  “Please.” Her palms lower down my chest as she sinks to her knees. She has my dick in her mouth working it up and down before I realize what’s going on.

  “No. No. No, Lou.” I pull her up to me, crushing her to my chest. “You don’t have to do that.”

  She wails in my chest. “Please take me away from here.”

  “I’m heading to Nashville, Lou. I’ll take you. You can pick a place on the map between here and there.”

  She melts in to my body. I wait until she’s found her legs before I exit the shower. Toweling off, my heart hurts for the broken woman in the shower. Last night was a huge mistake. I should’ve known better, but I was in full-on selfish prick mode.

  I slip on all my clothes then tie up my damp hair in a man bun. I smile, remembering how Izzy loves trying to braid it. She squeals and then makes me wear it the rest of the day. It typically ends up looking like a rat’s mess on the top of my head. I want that in my life. I’m not sure I’ll make it all the way back to Nashville.

  Lou is the perfect travel partner. She remains quiet on her side of the car. It shocked the hell out of me when she didn’t even want to go home to get a bag or any belongings. She tried to refuse me buying breakfast and lunch, but I didn’t let her. Hell, I have enough cash on me to send her with a handful when she chooses her location.

  “Going to drive through the night.”

  Lou only nods at my response. She still hasn’t asked my first name or why I have to drive through the evening. Peaches called, and my mom has been asking more and more for me. Makes me feel like a guilty dick for stopping one night and picking up Lou. But sometimes life has bigger plans.

  The old rock songs keep going through the night hours. My eyelids never grow heavy as the miles tick by. The anxiety becomes thick nearing the state of Tennessee. The biggest haunting ghost of my past was leaving my mom. It was her one request and the only way I could get her out of the house.

  The sun rising over the horizon blinds me to a point where I can barely keep my eyes open, and it’s not because they’re tired. It’s the light from the sun piercing my eyeballs. Only four hours out from Nashville and my reality creeps in slowly.

  When the car engine shuts off, Lou rustles around in the passenger seat. She wipes the sleep from her eyes staying curled up in a tiny ball. I watch as she slowly stretches out realizing we’re stopped a
t a gas station.

  “Gonna fill up.”

  “Where are we?”

  “About four hours out of Nashville.”

  She nods. Standing up, I stretch out my arms and then my neck before pulling out my wallet. I snag my debit card, toss the wallet on the seat, and then begin to fuel up. My sexy beast was damn near empty sucking up the gasoline.

  “Want anything?” I duck in the car to tuck my debit card back in my wallet.

  She shakes her head side to side. Lou rolled back into her shell the farther we’ve driven from her hometown. I thought it would’ve been the opposite. But what the fuck do I know? I throw my wallet back on the seat. We have enough snacks and travel food to last a whole month. I didn’t know what she’d like, so I pretty much grabbed everything in sight before we hit the road back in her hometown.

  I take a quick piss and walk back out to the car. She’s gone. I wait for a few minutes, stretching my legs. When I grow irritated and realize she’s had plenty of time to piss, I crawl back into the car. Maybe she picked this town?

  My heart sinks when I notice my wallet is gone, and so is Lou. The joke is on me.

  “At least she left this.” I pick up my dark colored debit card that blended into my dark leather seats.

  I shift around quickly in my seat to see that my doll—the one Izzy sent with me—is still there.

  “Fuck.” I slam the steering wheel. “Unbelievable.”

  At least she didn’t get away with my one reminder of the only place I’ve ever called home. Everything inside me yearns to turn around and go back to Izzy to play unicorn princess games and forget my past. But I know it’s not even an option at this point.

  I don’t even have it in me to process the whole fucked-up situation with being so near to the one place that holds all my ghosts. My identification was in that wallet, but more importantly, pictures of Izzy. I slam my fist into the steering wheel pissed off at myself. Steal the cash. Fuck, take my debit and credit cards, but leave behind the important shit.

  3

  Hart

  “My baby boy.”

  What’s left of my barely there heart shatters to pieces seeing my mother. I don’t even recognize her voice. Her hair is long gone, frame fragile, and nothing left of her. Not one shred of the woman who raised me.

  She struggles to raise her arms, gesturing for a hug.

  “Mom.” I drop the duffle bag to the floor and stride straight to her.

  Falling to my knees at her side, I can’t help the tears that spill over. It’s a flood of emotions that have been dammed off for years now. The desire to yell at her for not calling sooner is strong, but the need to hold her is more powerful.

  “Don’t cry, baby.” She cups my cheek.

  Fuck a hug. I stand back up and grab her from her chair and then sit down with her in my lap. She’s lighter than Izzy melting in my arms. I hold her tight, kissing her forehead.

  “Your hair, boy.”

  I smile at her through my tears. I went through a stage of life where I wanted long hair in middle school, but my father refused it. And the Army made sure it was shorn slick.

  “You like it?” I wink at her. “All the ladies do.”

  Her smile glows. She always did have a fond place in her heart for her smart-ass boy. Her eyelids grow heavy way too quick. I rock the chair to soothe her soul and heart.

  “You should’ve called sooner, Mom.”

  The vortex of emotions swirling around in me is torrid, drowning me. Scarier than any shit I faced in war. I’ve had brothers die in my arms, witnessed young children blown up by bombs, and none of that compares to holding this woman in my arms.

  Her breathing soon evens out as she sleeps against my chest. I regret the years I’ve been gone. I never should’ve left.

  “Why, Mom?” I whisper.

  “Knock it off, Hart.” Peaches rounds the corner looking exhausted in her work clothes.

  “Peaches.”

  “You better recognize me, ass.” She offers a weak smile.

  It’s one of those smiles you master in situations like these…sometimes it’s the only thing you have to offer.

  “Why did you wait so long?”

  Peaches leans against the wall near the door. “She didn’t even want me to call you.”

  The tears fall faster.

  “She doesn’t want you back here. Your…”

  “Has he been around here?” I go into straight panic mode. “I’ll kill him.”

  Peaches shakes her head with her exhausted face turning sad. “No, he hasn’t been around. I’ve heard he’s too damn drunk and broke to do much of anything. He's really quite a ghost around this city nowadays. She doesn’t want the chance of you running into him.”

  “She’s sacrificed everything.” I lean down and kiss her forehead.

  “The letters you’ve sent and the weekly calls have done more for her than you’ll ever imagine.” Peaches bounces off the wall, grabbing her purse. “Help her to bed. I’ll be home around midnight. Your mom had me make lasagna for her baby.”

  I smile. “Thanks, Peaches. You’ve always been my favorite aunt.”

  “I’m your only aunt, asshole.” She shuts the door quietly behind her.

  My stomach growls loudly with hunger pains, but there’s no other place I’d rather be right now. Not even our famous family recipe could move my body right now. My lids fall heavy holding the love of my life in my arms.

  The weeks flow by like this. I hold her when she sleeps and spend the rest of the days talking and feeding her. Her appetite is nearly non-existent, but it doesn’t stop me from offering her all kinds of food.

  Peaches is only around during the late afternoon. She comes home around three in the morning and doesn’t wake until late afternoon hours. We all keep our distance from the she-devil until she gets a solid amount of caffeine pumping through her cold-hearted veins. It’s then, and only then, when we speak to her.

  I’ll never be able to thank her for taking care of my mother over the last years. It’s clear she kept her safe and going to the doctor. It was a hard pill to swallow knowing there was no treatment left that my mother was willing to endure. I wasn’t one to push it on her even though it’s all I ever wanted to do.

  “One more chapter then dinner.” She pats my stomach.

  “Mom, this is straight out porn.”

  Peaches’ laughter seeps into the room. I look up to see her perched in the doorframe with her mug of coffee to her lips.

  “It’s a romance book, boy,” Mom says with closed lids.

  “Soft porn, mother dear,” I say between a cough.

  I soon learned Peaches read to her before her shift at the bar and their neighbor and childhood friend, Julie, would sit with my mother until Peaches came home. None of that went down when I came back. It was all me and will be. End of.

  “This is porn, mom.”

  “A love story.” Her voice is soft and tender like always.

  “You ladies do know that you could be watching this instead of reading it, right? I mean, there are so many free sites to watch this shit.”

  “Shush, I have to know how it ends.”

  I groan, but read the rest of the chapter as demanded by my mom. Never in my life would I ever think I’d be reading straight-up porn to my mother, but I do because she lives for the wild tales of heartache and romantic stories with lots and lots of throbbing cock. This shit is insane, but I read it to her.

  His throbbing dick touched down on my center. Everything began to spin in my world. He lied, I lied, but I need him.

  “Tristan, now,” I demand.

  My words spur him on, and he sinks into my depths. Balls deep and our worlds connect forever. I’ll never run from him again. His past is dark and mine not so dark, but I’ll be there for him. I just hope he’ll get over my dark secret. I’ll wonder if our love is strong enough to overcome all of it. But then he hits me so deeply I know it will all be okay.

  “Mom, seriously? He’s totally g
oing to know she’s pregnant with his best friend’s baby.”

  “Quit your bitching, Hart. The stories get me by.”

  Peaches helps her up from the bed and into the bathroom. I always let Peaches help her in situations like these. No mother ever wants her own son helping her use the restroom or shower. I have no question. However, I like to avoid her embarrassment if can be. I know it tears her apart, but she never complains. Not even when the pain is overwhelming.

  Once the door to the bathroom off her bedroom clicks shut and the shower fires up, I open her e-reader and read on. I just have to know how Tristan is going to react. Goddammit, I’m hooked on this shit. The man deep inside me is rooting Tristan on to helicopter that dick of his, telling the love of his life to fuck off. This shit is real.

  4

  Hart

  “I’m not leaving you tonight, Mom.” I slide her plate of crusted almond chicken and steamed medley of vegetables her way.

  “You’ve been cooped up in the house with me for over a month. You need to get out tonight.”

  “Eat before I ground your ass, young lady.” I wink at her, spin the chair around backward and perch my elbows on the top.

  She chuckles lightly. Putting that glint of happiness in her sick eyes makes everything right in the world.

  “You need to go try out your dapper moves you’ve learned in all those romance books.” This time it’s her who winks at me.

  “Not happening.”

  She tilts her head to the side. “Why aren’t you eating?”

  “I ate too much shit while cooking.”

  “Crazy boy.”

  I watch her frail hand tremble as she takes tiny bites of the cut up chicken. She rarely eats, and when she does, she usually ends up vomiting. She’s on chemo right now for the mere fact of pain control. I don’t focus long on the disease eating her body alive.