by HJ Bellus
“God, Hart, feels so good.” Her voice light and full of lust. “Move. Please move. Make me feel.”
My elbows drop down to the mattress, framing her perfect face. Our foreheads meet and it takes a few moments for me to catch my breath. Then I move. Each slow and delicious thrust into Vannie has the power to destroy to me.
I'm used to fucking; actually, a goddamn professional at it. It’s all I’ve done. The addiction grew worse after leaving the Army. I’ve never in my life made love to a woman until this moment in time. I don’t want it to end. It’s powerful and almost feels like fiction, but it’s her cries of pleasure that bring me right back to reality.
Vannie’s lips find mine. We kiss, only pausing to moan when the pleasure strikes. The tingle in the base of my spine slowly begins creeping up. I’m so close it’s to the point of pain.
Vannie pulls back from me, bites down on her bottom lip, keeping her moans in and silent.
“Let go, baby.” I cradle her face with my hands. “Let go, Vannie. Come with me. Come undone, honey.”
She moans loudly, no longer able to keep quiet. We both fall over the edge at the same time. It’s a hard fall. The kind you don’t recover from. My body is exhausted, fulfilled, and sated. I never knew I could have so much. It’s an intoxicating feeling.
“You okay?” I murmur into the side of her cheek, nuzzling her tender skin with the tip of my nose.
“I think I will be,” she whispers, wrapping her arms tight around my back and pulling me into her.
“You know I have you, right?”
“I do. It scares me because I’ve never done this.”
“You’re a virgin?” I stumble over my own words as they come out of my mouth.
She shakes her head from side to side. Her invisible wall of defense goes straight back up. My signal to back off.
“I’m going to go clean up. Be right back.”
It takes everything inside of me to push up off the bed, leaving her lying there. When we were connected, it was like the broken girl disappeared for a few beats, but she’s right back. I make quick work of tossing the condom and washing up, not wanting to be away from her. Part of me wonders if she’ll run from what we just did.
She’s in bed when I return with a warm washcloth in hand. After flipping on the lamp on the bedside table, I notice her shirt is still pulled down low to her waist while the rest of her is bared to me. She’s fucking gorgeous.
Vannie doesn’t flinch when I wipe the wet cloth between her legs nor does she shy away from me. That does something very foreign to my chest. That same chest that has endured loss, war, and more hardships than one can count, and this woman lying in front of me is cracking it all wide open.
I toss the cloth in the laundry basket and crawl into bed with Vannie. Pulling her back to my chest, wrapping my arms around her and holding her tight.
“What’s that crinkling sound?” she asks.
“Candy.”
She peers at me over her shoulder. “Candy?”
“In my pants.” I wink at her.
Vannie rolls over until she’s facing me then tentatively reaches down in my pants and pulls out a bag of candy. All of the questions I’m so desperate to find answers to vanish when she pops open the bag of gummy worms. We share the candy, each nibbling on one end until we meet in the middle and share a kiss. Eating candy like this will never get old.
We wake the next morning in a tangled mess of limbs. The feel of holding her makes me smile. I don’t know how long I sit and watch her sleep, studying her peaceful face. The crease in her forehead relaxed with no worry in the world right now. That’s exactly how I want to see her every single day. Just like this. I vow in this moment to make her world right just for her.
My hand has a mind of its own when it wanders down to cup her perfect ass. I palm it wishing she hadn’t put on her tight sleep shorts.
“What are you doing?”
I look down to Vannie who’s covering her mouth. Her eyes still filled with sleep.
“Studying your ass.” I wink at her. “It’s one mighty fine ass. Why are you covering your mouth?”
“Morning breath,” she squeaks out.
I shrug. “It’s sexy and turns me on, give me a smell.”
“You are crazy.” Her words are muffled.
“Now.” I roll her over on her back.
Vannie lets out a light squeal of surprise out when I cover her. She presses her hand to her mouth like she even has a chance to win this fight.
“Give me a smell, Vannie.”
Her eyes bulge, and she shakes her head frantically. Teasing her may just be my new favorite thing. I pin both of her arms up above her head. Vannie goes to talk, but realizes she’d actually lose the battle if she opens her mouth. She sinks her teeth into her bottom lip cutting me off.
“Playing hardball, eh?” I rub the tip of my nose along hers. “Guess I’ll have to kiss it out of you.”
I lay kisses on each corner of her mouth. It doesn’t take long for her to open her mouth to kiss me back. My morning wood is in full force with this deadly combination. I’m so fucking hard my dick would punch out glass right now.
“Fine. Are you happy?” Vannie asks when I pull away.
“Very much so.” I lean back resting on my knees.
“Nice boner.” Vannie wiggles her eyebrows up and down.
“You naughty girl. I can’t believe that just came out of your mouth.” I peer down at my tented boxers.
She shrugs looking all innocent and cute like. “I’ve been hanging around a bad influence.”
“I think I’ve officially fallen for you, girl.” I pull her up, so we are face to face. “Time to get up for breakfast and I need to help Mom.”
I lean forward and kiss her lips quickly. “And you, my sexy girl, you need to brush your teeth. Your breath smells like an animal died in there.”
I’m up and off the bed before her open palm connects with my bare chest. I leave the room laughing my ass off at her act of being mortified and upset. My laughter echoes down the hallway. I snag a loose pair of workout pants out of the dirty laundry basket and pull them on to conceal my boner a bit. I’m a charmer like that.
“Morning, sexy ladies.”
Peaches glares at me over her cup of coffee. Clearly, the beast hasn’t had enough liquid fuel piping through her bloodstream yet. My mom just beams at me, smiling with endless love.
“See you got my lady up and dressed this morning.” I lean down and kiss the top of Peaches’ head.
It’s a risky move knowing she could more than likely bite my face off. She only growls.
“You look gorgeous this morning, Momma.” I give her a hug and a few more kisses than I did to Peaches. “Ready for breakfast? Have you had your meds?”
“Of course she has had them,” Peaches snaps. “After being kept up all night, we couldn’t sleep in for shit.”
“What do you mean?” I ask, feigning innocence.
“You sounded like two rabbits in there.” Peaches tries to act pissed, but a slight grin creeps out on her face.
“When you’ve got all of this in your bed, what do you expect?” I run my hands down my chest waggling my eyebrows at her.
“Did you at least give her a brown paper bag to put over your head?” Peaches asks.
“A brown paper bag for what?” Vannie appears at the end of the hallway with sleepy eyes and a mane of wild, dark curls spraying out in every direction.
I send Peaches a warning glare to not scare her off. “Peaches is just being her old bitter self this morning.”
“Morning, sweetheart.” Mom pats the table next to her. “Coffee?”
Vannie shakes her head. “No, thank you.”
In three long strides, I’m over to the refrigerator pulling out two cans of Mountain Dew. Another terrible addiction of mine that I’ve shared with Vannie. Her eyes light up when I place it in front of her. I can’t resist my next move and I’m not sure how she’ll react, but I do it anyw
ay.
“Here you go, my love.” I bend down letting my lips linger on hers then kiss the hell out of her.
Peaches clears her throat causing Vannie to blush. It’s the cutest thing I’ve ever seen. If she only knew that just mere moments ago Peaches was teasing me about banging her, even though I’m sure she didn’t hear us.
I force myself to step back from her before the caveman in me comes out to play. I’d love nothing more than throwing her over my shoulder, packing her down the hall, and devouring her entire body this time.
“Get to cooking, Romeo,” Peaches says.
“On it.” I back away from the table pretty confident my boner has joined the party again. “I’d love to cook for my two beauties and she-man.”
Peaches flips me off, causing the other two women to giggle. Since the day I left home so many years ago, I’ve never felt settled. Fuck, calling that place a home is a far cry from reality. But this feels right, really, really good.
That damn feeling in my chest is threatening to burst. I grab my cowboy hat off the counter and go about my business of cooking. The light conversation between the three women at the table is the best background noise ever. Mom is going off about the book she and Julie finished last night.
As I crack the eggs, it takes me back to last night and Vannie’s admission about reading. It makes me only more curious as to what life this woman has endured. How does she play music and survive in this world?
“Need help?” Arms wrap around my waist; her chest pushes into my back with her wild, curly hair tickling my skin.
“Mmmmm.” I freeze. “Yes, I need help standing. Stay right there.”
“Jackass,” she whispers.
She’s totally coming out of her shell. Slowly, but I see this woman blossoming right in front of me.
“Give me a job,” she pleads at my back.
I slowly turn around and flash a devious grin. “Oh, Vannie, I can think of several things you could do.”
I play around with her, pressing down on her shoulders. She picks up on my hint and swats my chest. I can’t help but lean down and kiss her.
“Thank God you brushed those chompers.”
“Hart!”
I then take it upon myself to announce it to the whole house. “Vannie nearly killed me with her morning breath today.”
“You asked for it.” Vannie then swats me in the back of the head just like Peaches would.
My lips graze the shell of her ear, and I whisper, “Sure did, and hope to ask for it every morning of my life.”
“Here, Vannie.” Peaches pulls her away from me. “You can toast the bread and butter it. At this rate, with dipshit cooking, we will never eat.”
My mother giggles from her seat. I look over to her and smile. “Are you going to let her treat your gorgeous son like that, Mom?”
“Oh, shut up,” Peaches swats the back of my head.
Our morning goes like that, back and forth, with lots of laughs and memories to cherish forever.
13
Savannah Ray
I’ve been on pins and needles since the night of our sleepover. Hart was very open about Blake’s retaliation. I’m not sure what would happen to me if something happened to Hart. The man who’s opened my eyes to love and to life. No one has ever pushed me the way he does, and that’s probably because I’ve remained closed off for so long.
But night after night as the weeks have passed and nothing has happened. I work at The Shade Tree, sing after my shift, and every Saturday night there’s a handsome man tapping his foot to my songs. I’m pretty sure I’m swaying him to love country music. He claims he loves watching me and that’s it. I swear it’s a combination of both.
Blake still arrives on the weekends to watch the talent and even on some weekdays, but his arms have never extended out to hand me another business card. Life is good. Like really, really good. It’s foreign, and an unknown concept, but I’m living it for now.
“Up.” Hart swats my ass.
Slowly, I roll over to see him staring down at me with his hands on his hips, boxers pulled real low, his morning wood saluting me, and that damn ugly cowboy hat on his head.
Another whack to my ass. “Up. We need to hit the grocery store before family dinner and our chick flick intervention.”
“It’s too early.” I roll over onto my back, hold my arms up to him, and beg with my eyes.
“Not happening, you sex temptress sent from Satan. Let’s go.” His palm wraps around my ankle then he begins tugging me to the edge of the bed.
My hands move on instinct, clutching to the hem of my slouchy sweatshirt. I’ve managed a good balance of concealing my torso and not being obvious about it, or Hart just ignores the gestures.
I was standing on the edge of a dangerous and terrifying cliff the other day when he begged me to shower with him. I wanted to more than anything, but that last thread of fear held me back.
“I’ll pleasure you tonight when you watch your first ever chick flick.” He pulls me up to him peppering kisses along my jaw bone.
“Can’t we just crawl back in bed for a bit?”
“Nope. Peaches needs a carton of whipping cream, and if we don’t get it to her, she may Hulk out on us.” Hart reaches down palming my ass letting his morning boner say hello to me.
“Fine.” I kiss him quickly.
Anything else always turns into so much more, even if they’re long, lazy kisses where we take our time exploring each other.
“Lose the hat, John Wayne.” I’m faster than him, reaching up and snatching the hat off his head and tossing it. My hands smooth down the sides of his hair until they meet around back at his ponytail. Never in my life would I imagine that I’d find a man with a ponytail, man bun, etc. the hottest thing on Earth. But I have with Hart.
“Get dressed, Shug.” He slaps my ass one more time for good measure.
He knows I go to the bathroom alone to dress and undress entirely. My legs and ass only for his sight. My fingers tremble as I lock the door. It’s the fear of the unknown striking me again. I want to give him all of me, but how can I when I don’t even have all of myself.
I slip on a skinny pair of jeans, slide on my boots, and then wash my face. It’s in my reflection where I find the most comfort when outside of Hart’s arms. I see the same old girl who has always run from her fears and hidden in dark corners of the world, but there’s a sliver of a reflection of the girl who wants it all.
I do something I’ve never done, not even in the shower. I keep my palm covered with a washcloth when washing. This time it’s bare and unsteady at best. The skin of my palm connects with my abdomen. It grazes the ridges and torn flesh. Bile rises in the back of my throat, the smell of burning flesh floods my senses, and I pull it away quickly as if it was a hot coal burning me.
“I can’t do it. I just can’t do it.”
“You okay in there, Shug,” Hart hollers.
He’s always right there. Just a few footsteps away to catch me. The ring of my new nickname makes me smile, rapidly extinguishing all the bad thoughts and memories.
“Yeah, be ready in a second.”
I hear his forehead drop on the other side of the door. “Can you wear a mini skirt and no panties?”
I whirl away from the mirror, tossing my sweatshirt to the ground and pulling down a black tank top before pulling the door open.
“You seriously need your head checked, baby.”
“That will do.” He scrubs his face. “I mean, that will seriously do.”
Hart’s not shy about studying me from head to toe and then doing it again. I pull my wild curls up in a messy bun, tying them off, then brush my teeth. It’s Hart this time who’s trying to coax me back to bed. He has a theory about skinny jeans and cowboy boots. It’s simple really…they give him a raging boner.
“I’m going to go blind.” He adjusts the crotch of his pants while I lock the door.
“You’ll be just fine. I promise.” I drop my keys and slowly ben
d over to retrieve them.
“God, you’ve hung around me too long,” he groans, then I’m hoisted up in the air and tossed over his shoulder.
He packs me to the car caveman style, and I’m on alert keeping my shirt pulled down. When my boots hit the pavement of the parking lot, I’m swatted a good one for my funny joke. My hands fly to the hem of my shirt.
“Shug.”
“Yeah.” I peer up into his serious face.
“I know there’s something you don’t want me to see and lots you’re not willing to tell. Whatever it is, I’m not running. I’ll wait until you’re ready and I’ll never force your hand.”
I nod my head, fighting back the impending tears.
He cups my cheeks, dips his face low until our foreheads connect. “That’s what you call love. I won’t push you or leave you. I’ll stand by your side holding your hand until you’re ready for all of this.”
“Love,” I whisper.
“Yes, I love you, Shug.”
“You don’t even know all of me.”
“I'll love you until my dying day and if I never know it won’t matter a bit to me.”
“You will.”
My replies are juvenile. The moment so surreal and overpowering that my brain can’t seem to muster up much of an articulate thought.
“I will. Fucking country music and all.”
And he does it, this man makes me laugh, fall in love with life, and fall deeper in love with him.
He steps back to open my car door, but I catch his hand first. “Hey, Cowboy, I love you too, so much that it hurts.”
“I’m pretty much impossible to resist. It’s okay, Shug.”
And just like that the scales of balance called my life are put back into place. Hart knows exactly how far to push me, then crack me up with a cocky joke of his. I have no doubt left that our paths were meant to cross. The torture I endured was shaping me for him. It’s just the part now where I have to dig up the courage to find the strength not to let the secrets control me anymore.